Heavenly Hijinks

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Heavenly Hijinks Page 13

by Ashley Ladd


  Elizabeth scuttled away, giving wide berth to the long-legged beast. With a worried frown she glanced over her shoulder several times.

  Karly stroked Pamela’s long nose. “Because I need her milk. Don’t you know that camel’s milk is the elixir of youth? When I smooth it on my face, I’ll look thirty years younger.” Karly peered closely at Clestie. “You could use some yourself, sister.”

  Clestie’s hand fisted and ached to repay the compliment. “I’ve never heard of that.” And if it was miraculously true, she didn’t think a mere thirty years would begin to help Karly. “So why bring Pamela here? Why do you want Leo?”

  Karly rolled her heavily lined eyes. “For his blessing, of course. Don’t you know anything?”

  Clestie twisted her lips. “What do I know? I’m just an imperfect mortal.”

  Leo joined her. He whispered in her ear, “Enough of that. We’ll talk in more depth after this is dealt with.” He raised his gaze to Karly’s. “How may I help?”

  Karly bowed low as if worshipping the man in front of her. “Oh, most exalted Leo, please bless me and Pamela, that her milk may restore my youthful beauty.”

  Leo lifted one brow and bent to help the woman up. “Rise, my dear lady. I have not the power you seek.”

  Karly’s jaw dropped and tears welled in her eyes. “But you’re Leo, god of beauty and pride, youth and glory.”

  Leo put gentle hands on Karly’s shoulders and gazed intently into her eyes. “And what makes you think you’re not beautiful? Not worthy?”

  Karly’s eyes widened and her lips parted without sound. After several moments, a tear splashed onto her cheek and she touched her weathered flesh. “All these no-good

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  wrinkles, for one.” Then she underlined her eyes with her fingertip. “And these big puffy bags under my eyes.” Lastly she fingered her hair. “Underneath all this goop and dye is a head full of gray hair. I’m drying up and turning into a pillar of salt. That’s why.”

  Leo released her shoulders and slid a finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him. “You have a grand beauty that comes with wisdom and years of knowing love. Let it shine forth. ‘Tis worth far more than the superficial beauty you seek.”

  Karly blinked rapidly and swiped away the tears hovering on her lashes. “Are you for real?”

  Leo nodded and leaned forward to kiss her cheek. “I never lie. I only say what I mean.”

  Clestie’s heart melted as she watched Leo deal with Karly, and she was ready to forgive him his earlier bossiness. She stepped up and laced her fingers through his and squeezed his hand. She smiled warmly up at him and whispered, “That was wonderful. Thank you.”

  Leo squeezed her hand and kept it tightly inside his own. He rubbed her knuckles with the pad of his thumb. “Let me help you return Pamela to her home.”

  Karly nodded and turned to the camel with new tears brimming in her eyes. “I’m going to miss you, girl. You and me made a powerful connection.”

  The animal blew a gentle breath in Karly’s face and made a soft mewing sound.

  The kids oohed and ahhed and Clestie joined them.

  A commotion broke loose outside and her patrons parted as if they were the Red Sea. The door rattled and the bells tinkled ominously overhead.

  Clestie glanced toward the door and moaned as her hand rose to clutch her throat. “What now?”

  A wild-eyed man in a zookeeper’s uniform rushed in. He whipped out a tranquilizer gun that looked as if it would put an elephant to sleep, and squarely placed Karly in his sights. His spiky hair stood on end and his face glowed a bright scarlet. “Freeze! Put your hands high in the air. You’re all under citizen’s arrest.”

  The martial arts students all raised their hands high in the air. Their eyes widened into round saucers. The littlest boy’s lips trembled and his body shook.

  Clestie’s heart went out to the kids even as she bristled at the nerve of the man. “You’re crazy! They’re just children.”

  The zookeeper swung around so that she was now in his sights. Sweat beaded on his brow. “Be quiet and don’t move or I’ll shoot.”

  Pamela spit and snapped at the zookeeper who cocked his weapon.

  Leo stepped in front of Clestie, and put out his hand. “What do you think you’re doing?” In an aside to her, Leo muttered, “The longer I’m out of control, the more insane my Leo-born babies are growing.” He cocked his head at the totally out-of-control officer. “Point proven.”

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  “My job. This suspect,” he pointed at Karly, “heisted that camel from the zoo and you’re all accomplices. I’ve called the cops and they’ll be here any moment. I’m putting you under citizen’s arrest.”

  “I was just going to help her return the camel.” Leo puffed out his chest and held Clestie’s hand so tight he almost broke the delicate bones in her fingers.

  In acute pain, Clestie tried to pull away and peep around Leo’s biceps. “She wandered in here about fifteen minutes ago and the kids were just curious. We called the police for help, too, so how are we accomplices?” Behind him she spied the tae kwon do master peering through the window with a huge frown.

  “He just admitted he was going to help her.” The zookeeper held his gun with one hand and pulled out a set of handcuffs with the other. “Hold out your hands—slowly. And no funny business.”

  When Karly and the kids complied shakily the zookeeper cuffed the smallest child first.

  Clestie’s muscles tensed and she spat out in disbelief, “He’s just a kid. You are nuts!”

  Elizabeth drawled laconically, “I betcha anything he’s a Leo.” She smiled prettily at the zookeeper. “When’s your birthday?”

  “Huh?” The man looked at Elizabeth as if she’d grown three heads as he cuffed the camel’s legs to the bar beneath the counter.

  “When were you born?”

  Leo looked the man up and down and with a wince, he said, “He’s one of mine. His birthday is August thirteenth.”

  Clestie stared from Leo to the zookeeper whose jaw dropped wide. Not very long ago, she’d been in denial about Leo, so she sympathized. “How’d you know?”

  Leo glanced down at Clestie and gave her a small, sure smile. “I have my ways.”

  Karly piped up. “He’s Leo. He knows everything.”

  Elizabeth muttered, “Except how to get himself home.”

  Leo shot a surly glare to her cousin.

  Elizabeth shrugged prettily and murmured, “Well, it’s true.”

  Clestie almost swallowed her tongue when the tae kwon do master pushed the door open very slowly, very quietly and slipped inside. She nodded almost imperceptibly when her neighbor put a shushing finger to his lips. Hope warred with dread in her heart. If the crazed zookeeper saw the newcomer first, it could trigger chaos. But if someone didn’t intervene, a massacre could surely ensue.

  Clestie nudged Leo in the ribs and whispered without moving her lips, “Keep him distracted.”

  Leo’s glance slid to the side and he nodded with a friendly, reassuring smile. Then he used his best measured counselor voice, “I have a talent for knowing birthdays. No

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  funny stuff involved.” Leo took a small step forward and held out his hand. “I can feel your pain. Permit me to assist.”

  Clestie’s heart banged against her ribs with fright and she wanted to yell at Leo to stop and to pull him back. But she dare not worsen the volatile situation. She tried not to look in the tae kwon do master’s direction lest she give away his presence, but she couldn’t help but glance with her peripheral vision.

  “You stay away from me. Not another step forward or I’ll shoot. I’m not in pain. I’m just doing my job.”

  “Then release the women and children. They’re no threat to the town or to you.” Leo motioned to the kids decked out in the white tae kwon do uniforms with various colors of belts. “They’re just children.”

  The man looked c
onfused and he started to drop his weapon when the camel spit in his face and tried to rear up. Intense color flooded the zookeeper’s face and he squeezed the trigger. A flash of light and whiff of sulfur exploded from the weapon as a dart whizzed by Clestie’s face.

  Pandemonium broke loose as the camel tried with more fervor to bite the zookeeper, the kids screamed and cried, and the tae kwon do master cartwheeled across the room and kicked the gun from the crazed man’s hands. The weapon exploded a second time knocking into several jars propped against the far wall. The contents spilled out with a smell to rival the camel’s malodorous scent.

  Leo pulled away from Clestie and wrestled the zookeeper to the ground. He straddled him and pinned him to the floor, holding the man’s hands high above his head.

  The tae kwon do master grabbed the keeper’s keys and uncuffed his student. Then he cuffed the zookeeper and released the camel. “Take this poor animal outside away from the crowd. Try to find it some water,” he said to Karly as he handed the reins to her. Then he turned to a couple of his second-degree black belt students. “Take the younger students back to the studio and ask Mrs. Chang to call their parents to come pick them up.”

  The boy and girl bowed slightly and chimed in unison, “Yes, Mr. Chang.”

  Elizabeth picked herself up from the floor where she had flattened herself. She stared uncertainly at the zookeeper. “Should I call the police again to come and get this guy? I wonder why they’re taking so long?”

  Mr. Chang shook his head. “No. It will be safer if I take him to the station. According to the radio, the whole city’s going nuts. They have their hands full.”

  “They’ll lock you up and throw away the key,” the zookeeper screamed, writhing, trying to pull out of the cuffs.

  “I’ll come with you,” Leo said as he helped haul the man to his feet and propel him to the door. “We need to get that camel back to the zoo.”

  Mr. Chang nodded. “We’d better do that first.”

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  “Guess I’ll clean up the mess.” Bile bubbled in Clestie’s throat as she gazed at the gooey puddles on the floor.

  “I’ll help,” Elizabeth said as she grabbed the broom.

  Clestie turned to the rest of her customers and with an apologetic look announced, “Sorry, but we’re closing for the day.”

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  Chapter Eight

  “I’ll say it again, you’re a very strange and wonderful man,” Clestie murmured against Leo’s chest as she snuggled up to him later that night after they were finally alone.

  Leo laughed and rolled to his side, gathering her closer against his heart. He lifted her face so that he gazed deeply down into her eyes. He dropped a kiss on her lips as he murmured, “I’m not the strange one. ‘Tis your clients, indeed your so-called modern civilization, that is strange.”

  Delightful quivers running rampant through her, she tapped his chin, wondering why she never saw a five o’clock shadow, why there wasn’t a hint of stubble. “Is it true that you always tell the truth? Like Superman?”

  “Who is this Superman?”

  Clestie blinked and propped herself up on her elbow. “How can you not know about Superman or Bewitched? Have you been living in a cave?”

  Leo tugged gently at her ear. “Have you not been listening?” He pointed at the ceiling. “I’m from up there. This is the first time I’ve been down here since—”

  “Hercules and the Trojan Horse.” Clestie fell onto her back with a plop. She turned her head against the fluffy pillow. “I believe you and yet it seems so…so surreal.”

  “If I had grown up in your circumstances, I feel sure I would feel the same.” Love gleamed in his eyes.

  Shivering, she smoothed a strand of his glorious silky mane between her fingers. She rolled over and wrapped herself in his waves. Her breasts tingled when she molded herself to his furry chest. But she sucked in a breath and forced herself to ask the question nagging her mind. “I got a call from Richard’s sister yesterday. He’s been missing for over two weeks. You and I are supposedly the last people who saw him.” She squinted at him. “You wouldn’t know where he is, would you?”

  Taken aback by the unexpected question, Leo narrowed his eyes and tried to pull back but was trapped by his own hair. “Why are you still concerned with him? I thought he was ancient history. You’re with me now.”

  She frowned. Was that an answer? “Just because I’m here with you now, doesn’t mean I’m not concerned. His family’s ready to file a missing person’s report.”

  Leo remained silent and stoic too long.

  Clestie untangled herself from his golden mane and sat up. She turned around and shot him a piercing gaze. “So? Do you know what happened to Richard? You do, don’t you?”

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  Finally, Leo sighed and bolstered himself up on both elbows. He looked her square in the eyes. “I do.”

  Clestie was ready to scream in frustration at having to pull the words from his mouth. “So tell me where he is! What’s happened to him?” she roared, ready to pummel the truth from him.

  “Aphrodite turned him into an alligator.”

  Clestie froze. Then she burst out laughing and rolled around the bed in her merriment, kicking her feet, mussing the covers. After the joke wore off, she wiped the tears from her eyes and whacked Leo’s upper arm. “Good one. Now, tell the truth. Where is he?”

  Very sober and somber, Leo repeated, “He’s an alligator.”

  Clestie tilted her head. “An alligator alligator?” She held her arms out before her and opened and closed them like an alligator’s maw. “An alligator alligator alligator?”

  Leo crossed his heart, pursed his lips, and nodded. “Yes.”

  “Aphrodite turned him into an…alligator.” She felt like she was speaking to a naughty child caught in a lie. Only the naked hottie in her bed looked nothing like a child in any way, shape, or form.

  “Yes. Right before your eyes.”

  Her head pounded. Perplexed, she gazed at Leo. “Then why don’t I remember that? It’s not as if it’s something I see every day. Why?”

  “Because I asked her to. The way he struck you was unconscionable and she was also aghast. You don’t remember the grievous occasion because she made you forget.”

  The way the gods played with lives worried her. Like they were just dolls.

  Leo shifted and slanted his gaze. “’Tis my family’s way. They’re not happy unless they’re in the midst of everything, making decisions for their subjects.”

  “And you, too?” She held her breath for the extremely important reply.

  A crooked smile lit Leo’s face. “I’m only half a god. Besides, dealing with all my Leos is more than enough to keep me busy—usually.” He grimaced and pushed his hair behind his shoulder. Then he gazed deeply into her eyes. “Do you still love Richard?”

  Her forehead furrowed as another headache began to pound. “How can you ask that? I’m in bed with you. Naked.” She crawled on all fours and draped herself over him, heart to heart. She ground her pussy against his groin, trapped his burgeoning cock between her legs and squeezed until he moaned.

  “This only proves you’re in lust with me.”

  She swept her tongue languorously down the sensual column of his throat to his chest. Then she dipped her head and nibbled on his peaked nipple. “Then you don’t know me very well.”

  Leo lifted her up and sat her astraddle him as he sat up. “So, does this mean you love me?”

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  Clestie gulped, not ready to confess such feelings to someone who professed to be deserting her any day. She countered, “Do you love me? Aren’t you planning to go back to where you came from at the earliest opportunity?”

  Leo cupped her face between his large hands and kissed her tenderly. “I have to go back. However, the longer I’m here, the less I wish to return.”

  Her heart skipped several beats and she could hardly breathe. Di
d that mean? Could it mean? “You love me?”

  “More than my Leos. More than the stars in the heavens.”

  Melting inside, she hugged him fiercely.

  * * * * *

  Frantic screaming chilled Clestie to the bone. Primitive grunts iced over her blood. She dropped the star chart she was working on and dashed to the door.

  A man decked out in a purple velvet Robin Hood outfit, traipsed backward toward her shop. He dangled a fishing pole baited with raw meat before a long orderly line of snapping alligators.

  Her customers scattered, stumbling over one another. Mr. Borsh scrabbled into an alley on his hands and knees. Karly hopped away like a chicken on hot coals. Deborah kicked off her Italian high heels and sprinted away in her stockinged feet.

  Clestie gasped and jumped back. She tried to slam the door and bolt it but the pied piper of alligators shoved her rudely out of the way. She stumbled back and hit her head on the counter. Blood trickled from her temple. “You can’t bring those monsters in here!”

  Wild-eyed, the pied piper looked around and scowled. “Where’s Leo? Get Leo out here.”

  “He’s making a house call.” Clestie flipped open her cell phone and speed-dialed Mr. Chang at the tae kwon do studio. But the line just rang and rang. She cursed the sun just rising to the noon hour. The tae kwon do studio wasn’t open yet. No Leo, no Chang, not even a mini green belt in sight.

  “Call him back, now. Or I’ll loose my army and that won’t be a pretty sight.” The crazy man jerked his bait toward her.

  The movement drew her gaze to the front alligator—the one wearing a paisley ascot.

  Ascot?

  She gulped and stared at it, her mouth going bone dry. That wasn’t just any ascot. That looked just like the birthday present she’d given to—

  “Richard!”

  Her heart skipped several beats and her gaze locked with the alligator’s.

 

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