Sophie's Smile: A Novel
Page 14
Pinkie16 (5:56:23 PM): yea, you are probably right…so you’ve never given someone a hickie?
Itchy Bonsai (5:57:13 PM): Nope. Never.
Itchy Bonsai (5:58:17 PM): Actually, I did get a hickie once, when I was like 16. I was SO embarrassed, and I got in trouble from my dad…not good…
Pinkie16 (5:58:27 PM): You got in trouble for it??
Itchy Bonsai (5:58:58 PM): Yeah, I did, because he said I “deceived” him…not my finest hour
Pinkie16 (5:59:04 PM): awww dat sux
Itchy Bonsai (5:59:33 PM): well, luckily I didn’t get in trouble too much because I was a good kid…helps you get away with stuff! (j/k)
Pinkie16 (5:59:51 PM): well, actually it isn’t that good cuz they just get disappointed
Itchy Bonsai (5:59:56 PM): Yeah, you’re right. It’s like once you set the precedent of being “good” (in school, morals, behavior, etc.) they begin to expect a little more…and more…and MORE
Pinkie16 (6:00:05 PM): Yea…I know
Itchy Bonsai (6:00:47 PM): but I think that it’s mostly self-imposed, because good parents will love their kids no matter what. So we’re just hard on ourselves
Pinkie16 (6:00:56 PM): yea of course
Itchy Bonsai (6:01:33 PM): yaaay! I met another “good kid” who felt a lot of pressure during childhood! We’re peas in a pod!
Pinkie16 (6:01:41 PM): u know…my upper lip (left side) is dry because it got irritated by ur stubble :C
Itchy Bonsai (6:02:04 PM): I’m sorry! :C
Pinkie16 (6:02:22 PM): haha dats okay. It’s not bad, just dry
Itchy Bonsai (6:02:41 PM): I guess we’ll have to keep it under 2 hours next time…I used a new razor and everything! Gosh!
Pinkie16 (6:03:02 PM): haha. Maybe you should ask for a refund. Tell them ur gf said it doesn’t work
Itchy Bonsai (6:03:40 PM): haha. C’mon, it’s got like 5 blades, and there is a picture of a jet on the package!
Pinkie16 (6:04:40 PM): Is that supposed to mean something?
Itchy Bonsai (6:05:41 PM): (shrug) I guess I haven’t really had to take into account the delicate, beautiful skin of a woman of your caliber before
Pinkie16 (6:06:15 PM): haha oh jeez
Itchy Bonsai (6:06:55 PM): yeah, take that! Actually though, I’ll try to have a more “kissable” shave in the future (all kidding aside) cause I don’t want to rub your face off or anything
Pinkie16 (6:07:00 PM): haha k
Then on Tuesday, we discussed my tattoo, Sophie’s belly-button piercing, scars, and weight issues:
Pinkie16 (6:30:46 PM): Ugh, Ethan was over and left the toilet seat up again. Why can’t guys just put it back down after they’re done?
Itchy Bonsai (6:31:29 PM): well, around here the seat is always closed when the toilet is not in use. I pride myself on not being one of “those guys” that personifies negative male stereotypes
Pinkie16 (6:31:44 PM): haha we’ll see
Itchy Bonsai (6:31:57 PM): well, now that I said it I’m sure you’ll find something
Pinkie16 (7:56:52 PM): hey I’m curious about ur tattoo…when did you get it?
Itchy Bonsai (8:01:11 PM): oh, I got it about 3 years ago. A friend of mine was training to be a tattoo artist, so it was like a “bonding thing” between us and he worked on me for free. It was scary to trust him, but he was a good artist and I wanted a tattoo
Pinkie16 (8:01:41 PM): hmm. That’s cool
Itchy Bonsai (8:02:06 PM): actually, I want more, but I’m not sure if I’ll get more
Pinkie16 (8:02:16 PM): did it hurt?
Itchy Bonsai (8:03:04 PM): If you tap your inner wrist bone kinda hard with your fingernail…that’s what it feels like… but it bled a LOT
Pinkie16 (8:03:21 PM): yea, I bet. Wut’s it of?
Itchy Bonsai (8:11:07 PM): a dragon, but it’s more like a tribal, I guess. He used to draw dragons on me all the time, so that’s why I picked it. Unfortunately, he went crazy on drugs and I don’t see him anymore. I was kinda like a father to him, as weird as it sounds. He was a foster kid, 3 years younger than me
Pinkie16 (8:11:59 PM): oh so like a “big brother” type…that’s nice
Itchy Bonsai (8:12:14 PM): yeah but I felt really bad when he lost it. He just made a lot of bad decisions and I couldn’t be a part of it anymore.
Pinkie16 (8:12:37 PM): yea, dat’s tough
Pinkie16 (8:13:17 PM): well, I don’t have any tattoos but I got my bellybutton pierced freshman year of high school, but I had to take it out cuz my skin got too thin so you could see the bar and now there’s a scar :C
Itchy Bonsai (8:14:05 PM): really? How did that happen?
Pinkie16 (8:15:00 PM): my skin just didn’t accept it. But it’s okay, it was a little annoying when I had it…always getting caught on my shirt or jeans or something
Itchy Bonsai (8:15:52 PM): oh, why did you get it?
Pinkie16 (8:16:02 PM): because I thought it was pretty
Itchy Bonsai (8:16:31 PM): it just gave you an excuse to wear bare midriff shirts all the time, haha
Pinkie16 (8:17:02 PM): haha no, the rings are really pretty, and I wanted to look like Britney Spears!
Itchy Bonsai (8:18:03 PM): haha. Ugh, not Britney! Well, it probably didn’t add much to the pre-existing beauty of your belly-button. Your body just knew it was pretty enough, that’s why it rejected it
Pinkie16 (8:20:20 PM): awww well u reallie knoe the right things to say, don’t u?!
Itchy Bonsai (8:20:50 PM): oh, I’m full of ‘em (haha)…did it leave a big scar, or just a little one?
Pinkie16 (8:21:04 PM): I think it’s a big one
Itchy Bonsai (8:21:15 PM): well, I’ll show you my tattoo, then you show me your scar, and we’ll call it even
Pinkie16 (8:21:23 PM): well…okay
Itchy Bonsai (8:21:51 PM): you’re like “o-kay, whatever THAT means…”
Pinkie16 (8:22:17 PM): haha no…actually, it’s just I don’t really like my stomach…
Itchy Bonsai (8:22:57 PM): oh, okay, if it makes you uncomfortable, but you have no reason not to like it…you really have no reason to dislike anything about yourself (I won’t rant or anything) but I find you strikingly beautiful in all ways
Pinkie16 (8:23:09 PM): well dat’s always nice to hear. Thank you.
Itchy Bonsai (8:23:16 PM): you’re welcome and it’s the truth
Pinkie16 (8:36:47 PM): I guess it’s cuz I had a problem with weight since seventh grade. My hormones went all outta wack and I’ve always been self-conscious of the way I look in that aspect…and plus my mom always nags me about it
Itchy Bonsai (8:37:01 PM): gaag! Why does she do that?
Pinkie16 (8:37:38 PM): cuz she’s my mom, she loves me, and well, most Korean moms do the same thing
Itchy Bonsai (8:38:29 PM): well, maybe it’s different for you and your mom because you can picture yourself in the past, while the only image I have is of you now
Itchy Bonsai (8:38:58 PM): I was a pretty chubby kid. I used to get picked on in Middle School, for being the “fat kid”
Pinkie16 (8:39:00 PM): awww, that’s sad. I got picked on too.
Itchy Bonsai (8:39:17 PM): kids can be so cruel. Well, you don’t ever have to feel self-conscious around me when it comes to your body…you know how I feel
Itchy Bonsai (8:39:40 PM): Have you noticed a scar on my forehead?
Pinkie16 (8:39:54 PM): no?
Itchy Bonsai (8:40:23 PM): yeah, it used to be a big gash…it made me look like Frankenstein and I used to be really embarrassed by it, but now it’s pretty light
Pinkie16 (8:40:56 PM): hmmm, no wonder I haven’t noticed it…how did you get it?
Itchy Bonsai (8:42:10 PM): I was 4 and playing under a teeter-totter…it came down on my head…actually, it was my fault, I was pushing on it. My sister laughed at me, can you believe it? Haha. It bled a lot, and the funny thing is I didn’t start crying until I saw blood
Pinkie16 (8:42:19 PM): awww, that sux
Wednesday came around, and we started
talking about illnesses:
Itchy Bonsai (5:00:19 PM): So tell me more about your VSD. Does it affect you much?
Pinkie16 (5:01:47 PM): No, I just have to take antibacterial medication when I see the dentist…it’s really tiny but it’s easy to hear with a stethoscope
Itchy Bonsai (5:02:28 PM): wow. I don’t really know much about them…does it mean your heartbeat is irregular
Pinkie16 (5:02:59 PM): Yea, the second beat isn’t there…it’s more like a whoosh
Itchy Bonsai (5:03:07 PM): does that mean your diastolic pressure is low?
Pinkie16 (5:03:50 PM): (shrug) All I knoe is that I get tired easily when I do any kind of cardio
Itchy Bonsai (5:05:17 PM): that makes sense
Pinkie16 (5:05:24 PM): yea
Itchy Bonsai (5:07:26 PM): I don’t really know of anything like that with me, other than I had jaundice when I was born and I almost died at childbirth…but nothing ongoing that I know of
Pinkie16 (5:07:48 PM): OMG!!!
Itchy Bonsai (5:10:14 PM): the umbilical cord was wrapped around my chest, so I couldn’t breathe. I almost suffocated, I guess
Pinkie16 (5:10:22 PM): oh geez…well, I’m glad u made it
Itchy Bonsai (5:10:49 PM): yeah…oh! What time is your presentation on Thurs?
Pinkie16 (5:11:44 PM): umm 3:45p why?
Itchy Bonsai (5:12:50 PM): I just wanted to know, so I can send you happy thoughts. I’ll be thinking of you then!
Pinkie16 (5:13:04 PM): awww thanks u’r too sweet
Itchy Bonsai (5:14:17 PM): you make it easy to be…Sophie, I’m really happy to be with you…I can’t remember a time I’ve smiled so much
Pinkie16 (5:14:33 PM): awww, I’m happy too
Then on Thursday, I decided to tell Sophie about my anxiety; it seemed like she had something more to tell me about hers, but she stopped herself:
Itchy Bonsai (6:15:56 PM): I’ve had some pretty bad anxiety attacks in my day…but luckily I haven’t had any lately (like for 6-8 months)…after I was terminated from UCSD, I became pretty depressed, so my family convinced me to start seeing a psychologist. There they tried to put me on all sorts of medication. I took this one anti-depressant for a while, but it’s horrible so I stopped that…but for the last year or so I’ve been feeling great
Pinkie16 (6:17:51 PM): dats good
Itchy Bonsai (6:18:03 PM): I think everyone hits a rough spot in their lives. I’ve learned that how you handle those troubles is the key (I learned the hard way)
Pinkie16 (6:19:34 PM): I understand…I’ve had a lot of anxiety too, especially surrounding school.
Itchy Bonsai (6:19:55 PM): well, I admire that you have stuck with your school. It shows that you are a strong person
Pinkie16 (6:20:09 PM): I guess…
Itchy Bonsai (6:22:16 PM): I wish I wouldn’t have fallen off the turnip truck for 3 years, but at least I gained a lot better understanding of myself and my goals.
Pinkie16 (6:24:32 PM): well I think it’s great that you came back and you have a goal and know what you want to do, and you’re working to reach your goal, because a lot of people have no clue.
Itchy Bonsai (6:24:59 PM): thank you for saying that
33
Finally, it was Friday. I was lucky enough to see Sophie between her BioChem lab and my Chem lecture. We decided to meet on one of the large, concrete blocks along library walk. I bought two small coffees at one of the carts before heading over.
It was easy to spot her. Even though there are a lot of Asian girls at this school, I could always single out her shining smile and watchful eyes in a crowd—masked by a pair of black-framed sunglasses, those eyes seemed to be always fixed on something. You could always count on her brain to be in the “on” position, always turning, thinking, contemplating.
I reached her now. Her sparkling almond eyes met mine, and light creases marked her delicate face around the eyes and lips; bubbling joy filled my soul and lit a fire in my step. The moment we hugged and enveloped each other in a soft embrace, all I saw, all I felt, all I cared about, was Sophie—my Sophie.
Climbing onto one of the cement blocks, she tucked her legs under her chin and nursed her coffee as we began to discuss the day.
She sighed, “I’m not sure what I’m going to do next year after I graduate. Everyone is applying for grad school and worrying about acceptance letters, tests, and essays. It gets me thinking you know…about the future.”
She let out a soft laugh, trying to hide her nerves. She was deep in thought.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about it now, especially if you’re not planning to go to graduate school next year. You can take next year to think about it more once school is over.”
“Yea,” she mused, “Do you have any plans once you graduate?”
“Well, that won’t be for a while.” I hated feeling behind and incompetent.
“Yea, I know…but you’re planning to go to graduate school after, right?”
I contemplated this briefly, “Yes,” I said carefully, “But, I’m not sure if I’ll go directly once I finish here, or where that would be…right now it can only be hypothetical.”
She quietly sipped her coffee as she brooded over my vague answer. “I was just thinking, you know, hypothetically, if we were still together in three years or so after you graduate, what we would do if you got in somewhere far away.”
Her statement surprised me. “Oh, well if that was the case, I don’t expect you to follow me or anything. We would just have to see what happens, I guess.”
“Yea.” She was quiet again. Unfortunately, time ran out and I had to get to my next class.
“I’ll see you later tonight, okay?”
“Yes. I’m looking forward to it.”
Sophie smiled now, a smile more forced then sincere. We would have to talk more about her questions later. But at the moment, I had to direct my attention toward my Chemistry professor; I can’t mess up my chances the second time around.
34
Sophie seemed more at ease tonight. I decided to treat her to some Indian cuisine at the Star of India. I’d been making it my quest to take her to different and interesting places, and to shower her with new and pleasant experiences. Partly to show her what she’d been missing, and partly to show her how much I could offer and provide.
I felt pleased as I watched her carefully examine the vibrant and gaudy room, take in the spicy fragrances, and exasperatingly look over the foreign menu—sending me pleading looks for guidance and suggestion. She sure tickled me.
“Do you like curry?”
“Well, I like Korean curry.” Smiling, she continued, “I would like to taste the curry here, though,” she said with a slight hesitation.
“How spicy do you want it?”
“Medium?”
“That’s probably smart. We can share one if you’d like, the portions are usually large and if you decide you don’t like it we can always go somewhere else. We should also get an order of garlic naan. Naan is really good. It’s kind of like the Indian version of pita bread”
“Mmm. Okay. That sounds yummy.”
Enjoying our savory meal of Bengan Bhartha (eggplant curry) and a side of warm, pillowy garlic naan, we continued the conversation we had on campus.
I took a sip of my lemon water, cleared my throat, and casually steered the conversation back to our discussion at the blocks.