Thirst

by Mia Ford

  I had another choice of going to the bar that Valentina works out and seeing if she’s still there. I was kind of curious about whether she got the role or not? She was talking about an audition she had; maybe she got the role. I went past the bar a couple of times, but like a coward I never went in. Especially when it seems like the bartender has a thing for us. That guy must work every fucking day of the week. He’s always there.

  “You’re twenty-three, when are you going to grow up? I stood by you when no one else wanted to work with you. I mean did you think that no one would find out?”

  I shake my head, as she adjusts her pink wig and sighs as she takes the flask out of my hand.

  “You can’t think that you’re a golden star and jump ship when it suits you.”

  “It wasn’t like that. Acting’s fucking painful at times. Sometimes it works, and other times it’s hard to connect especially when the scripts so fucking shit.”

  “Eric, that’s not your fucking problem. Your only concern is to star in the role. No fucking around and coming out with some lie. You’ll get caught. Get it!”

  She’s pointing her finger at me, making it known that she’s not messing with me this time. She’s said that she’ll dump me before, but back then the money was so good that I knew that she'd stay with me. Right now, I know that she’ll leave. And if she does that then no one will work with me. That part I know for sure.

  “It was stupid and the arrogant Eric, the one that thought he could do whatever he wanted is a thing of the past.”

  I try and reassure her, tell her that I’ve learned my lesson. Having your cars seized, cards canceled and the possibility of a notice on your house puts everything into perspective, and I’m not going to let her down. Not again. She nods as her dark eyes look at me, “Look I get it. Since you were five, you were in the spotlight. Everyone wanted to work with you. It must be hard for you to be…”

  I know she was trying to give me a pep talk. The one that my mom would give me if she were still around.

  “Ever since your mom died…”

  I hold out my hand, “Don’t go there. I just need this one break; it’ll work out.”

  I feel as if they’re false words. I’m so fucking nervous as if my lifeline’s riding on this job and I’m suffocating at the idea that it’ll either completely break me or make me. I should go and just ask for Valentina. No one has made me feel that in tune with myself ever since that night. Just one night and fucking morning, yet I still can’t get her off my mind.

  “Eric, you know if there’s anything that you need then don’t hesitate to ask. I’m here for you. Okay?”

  I nod my head, “Sure.”

  She waves the flask in front of me and says, “I told you if you’re nervous on a flight. Just sleep,” then takes my flask as she starts strutting back through my bedroom door.I know that she’s right, but I hate flying, and I need it. Like a newborn baby needs a bottle of milk. I want to go into the living room and get a bottle from behind the bar. But, no doubt she’s already made sure that there are no goodies behind there.

  I get up from the chair at my dresser thinking that I’ll just keep my fucking shades on. They’ll hide the bags under my eyes. Last night after our celebrations at getting the job. Thank you, Chris Hemsworth, for getting injured while training out a little too much. If it weren't for him, then I wouldn’t be in this job.

  I’ve spent four weeks on the sideline. I’ve done two readings in the space of the last couple of months. How things change in such a short space of time. Last year, they were all knocking at my door. Begging me to play a part in their movie. Not just any part, but the leading role.

  One wannabe star was telling me that we should get away from it all. She led me astray, and I had a warning back then. She got me in trouble, and I’ve been on the sideline since then even though I had years of being on top. I won’t make that mistake again, no leading lady’s getting me in trouble. Especially the new ones. The ones that are just starting out.

  Every time I look on the Net or step out on the street, I see her fucking name in lights. Where my name used to be. I’m not making that mistake again. Never.

  Not if my fucking life depends on it. And it does at this rate, because if this movie doesn’t work out, then I know that I’ll be out of a job. Not only will I be out of work, but I’ll be kicked out of my house and broke, just like my parents used to be before I got into the movie business.

  That ain’t fucking happening.

  Never again.

  Chapter Twelve

  Valentina

  I’ve been in Hollywood for over a year, and so far I’m living the dream. The one that everyone back home told me that I wouldn’t be able to do. They said that I was too short, too thin, too pale. There was nothing about me that was special, and girls like me only had one fate. There was only one thing that could make us special, and it had nothing to do with our talent on the screen.

  I went to high school to get a diploma and then I set my eyes on the big screen. I’ve always wanted to be an actress ever since I had my first solo in the production of Beauty and the Beast. There was something about being the star on the stage that started hunger deep down inside of me. I had to get out of my small town. If I didn’t then, I would end up like every girl there and I wanted more than that. I deserve it. Everyone deserves a second chance in life, and I knew that from the moment I left home.

  My mom shouted, “Once you leave Valentina don’t come back.”

  I slammed the door shut knowing that I had no choice, she wouldn’t let me go back home. I had to know what it was like outside of Minnesota. I’d never been on a bus, let alone a plane and I needed to see what was out there. My dad didn’t even bother to say goodbye. He’d called me a disgrace and a whore the moment I told them that I wanted to be an actress.

  I’d been brought up in a strict Catholic household; my parents had already decided who I was going to marry from the time I hit fifteen.

  The wedding was planned for my twenty-first birthday. A surprise my dad liked to call it. He had no idea that he was the one that was going to get the surprise when I decided to call off the wedding. I went to see Ross. He was pretty much like me. He’d been brought up to take over the family car showroom business. I would be his wife, and our lives were pretty much planned by everyone, but not us.

  There was no love between us; mom had reassured me that it would take time. I knew that if I’d gone down the aisle, I’d regret it for the rest of my life. I went to see Ross, I told him that I had dreams, ‘You’re a fool, Valentina White. Not worthy of being my wife.’

  With those words, I knew that I had to get out of there. I had a little money from the odd jobs that I’d done at some of the neighbor's houses. Such as babysitting, baking and even cleaning at times. I never told my parents that sometimes the neighbors gave me money. That was my little secret. I knew that the time would come when the money would come in handy, and it did the moment I walked through the door.

  I look in the mirror one more time before I go downstairs to get in the car that the agency said would pick me up to take me to the airport. I can’t believe that my dream’s finally coming true. I didn’t think that it would do because everyone in Hollywood wants to be a star. It’s so disheartening to find out that what I thought would be so easy, is turning out to be a lot harder than I expected it would be. I shake my head at my father’s words as I left the house, “All those women are whores, do you think that they get the jobs based on their talent?”

  I knew what he was referring to, sleeping with producers. I’m a good girl; I have no intention of getting fame and fortune just to forsake the one thing that I’ve been holding on to so dearly. The car comes to pick me up to go to the airport. I know very little about who I’m staring with in the movie seeing as I have the leading role. I still can't believe that I've not only got a part, but the leading one. I just hope that he’s not too big a star and can support me as much as possible.

  No min
d turns to Eric. The one that spent the whole night and morning with me and then treated me as if I was an inconvenience to him. I know that our paths will cross again. Maybe I’m getting ahead of myself, but if this movie’s going to be as big as they say that it’s going to be then, I’ll see him.

  Maybe, I’ll be the one calling him a taxi at the end of the night. If he did ask me to fuck him again. Would I say no?

  Never.

  Because, as much as I try and think of him as being a jerk. I’ve been in love with him for too long as his number one fan. Maybe Harper’s right and I need to get rid of my infatuation. The problem is as much as I try and dismiss it, I’ve had it for most of my life, and that’s not something that you get over in a heartbeat.

  “Ms. White?”

  The driver asks as he steps out of the limo. I’ve been sitting outside a different apartment building for the last ten minutes. I felt too embarrassed to have him come inside, and I certainly didn’t want him to know where I lived, not that it would make a different to him. This part could be the start of change. Something new. Something good.

  I nod, “Yes. I’m Valentina White. Please call me, Valentina. Ms. White reminds me of my mom,” I smile at him, but he doesn’t realize that it’s a really bad thing to be thought of us her. The one that slapped me and called me a whore when I said that I didn’t want to marry Ross. She told me not to come back; she’ll see that I’m a star and what’s she got to say about it then?

  Nothing.

  He smiles as he takes off his hat and bows, I notice that he’s a lot younger than I expected him to be. I just think of drivers as being old men, maybe I’ve watched one too many movies.

  “Is that it?”

  He points to my small case. I’m going to be onset for four weeks, but I came to the city with dresses like the one that I’m wearing now. I can’t afford anything else in the city. Everything’s too expensive. I have a couple of jeans and a few shirts that’ll have to do while I’m on location. I only have one set of boots, and that prompted my first question about going away for a while. I was relieved when I was told that my wardrobe would be provided for the set. I gathered that it would work out that way, but apart from the big script that I have to study and only came to the bar yesterday. I don’t know how this thing works. I know that I just have to be patient.

  I lost my job at the bar. As soon as I told Janice that I’d be gone for four weeks, she said coldly, “You’ll be replaced you know that. And when you come back. Because you will come back and I won’t be able to help you.”

  Harper said that she would help me. She was so damn proud, just as I am right now going on this trip. My first time on a plane. This whole journey’s going to be wild. I wonder if I should have gone to Eric’s house and asked him for some tips.

  I need to get over Eric.

  He made it clear that he wanted me out of his life, I just need to get him out of my head and then I can move on. It’s just so hard when every night I think about that night. The one where he took me all night long.

  The one that I can’t get out of my mind.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Eric

  “Shut your mouth Eric; it doesn’t suit you!”

  Florence barks at me as I’m watching my leading lady walk towards me. Fuck it’s Valentina, she’s wearing a dress that belongs in a convent and her dark hair’s loose, but her blue eyes are unmistakable. Everything about her is, especially the way that she tastes.

  “What Ms. Nightingale, you going to make sure that I don’t touch my leading lady.”

  Too late for that, fuck why didn’t I click that it was her? There are not many women in LA with the same name. The one that I fucked in every part of my house is going to be my leading lady and the way that I treated her when she was

  She shakes her head, “I’ll do better than that. If you do. Then not only will you find yourself out of a job, but I’ll fucking quit.”

  “Come with me!” She points her finger and then leads me into the departure lounge. I assume so that Little Boo Peep, doesn’t hear what she has to say about her. Or rather what she has in mind to tell me to do. Keep as far as fucking away from her as possible.She closes the door behind me and then the light comes on. Then she starts to pace up and down, while I see a chair near the window with only a view of the airport and decide to slump in it. It’s as far away from her as possible.

  Florence paces up and down while I wait for her to spit it out. We both know where this conversation’s heading. Part of me feels as if it’s pointless. She’ll tell me to behave, I’ll say I’ll try, and then the next thing we’ll be back to having this same conversation all over again.

  Florence’s been in the industry a long time. She’s getting into her fifties. But still, tells people that she’s forty something. That something has been a line that she’s been using for years. The problem in Hollywood, as I found out from a tender age, is that you’re never forgiven for your bad behavior. Everyone gets to know about you, even people you’ve never worked with and the problem started when I began to get a reputation and unfortunately that passed on to Florence and in tail everyone that she was working with. They were dropping her like a bad habit. She’s lost a lot because of me, and I should be trying to behave myself, but it’s so fucking hard.

  The last stint I did was a movie that went straight to pay-per-view. Those are the lowest of the lows. One minute, life is good, and you’re being called to work with everyone and anyone, on movies left, right, and fucking center. The next, no one wants to know you.

  I found my comfort, coke. It suddenly became my best friend, and I was shooting up like there was no tomorrow. I went to rehab and got cleaned up, and for some reason going out drinking once in a while seemed like a better alternative. Besides alcohol’s a lot cheaper than coke.

  “Eric,” she smiles, but I can see the rage forming behind her dark eyes.

  “You want this job? Don’t you?”

  She’s crossing her arms over her overbearing chest asking me a question that she knows the answer too.

  “Sure.”

  Then I cross my legs and start to think about the way things used to be. Her sitting me down and telling me about all the offers on the table. I look at the large conference table in front of me. No papers.

  No offers.

  No contracts.

  I need to get Valentina act as if we’ve never met each other before. That’s the only way that this thing is going to work. She acts as if she doesn’t know me and vice-versa.

  “Well, don’t even think about looking at her like that unless it’s on set. Don’t even think about touching her unless you hear the words Action. She’s innocent. Just started out and you need to be a good boy. Do you think that you can do that?”

  I look up as I see images of Valentina’s pussy in front of me. Fuck, I need to get it together. Florence will know something’s wrong if I don’t do it and I’ll be out of the business for good. I’m too young for to retire.

  “Don’t fucking think. Just do as I say. You got it?”

  I nod my head, like a fucking choir boy.

  “You’ve got no money. No options and you’re not bringing me down again.”

  She shakes her head as she jumps off the table and nearly sprains her ankle doing it.

  “I’m not going down with you. If you even touch her and this job doesn’t go well. You’re on your own. I’m not having you do this to me again.”

  “I know Florence I…”

  “I said, don’t think Eric. Just do, and I mean it.”

  Then she walks out of the door, hobbling which means that she did hurt herself jumping off the table. I need to stop being a selfish prick. My dad ran off with mom’s insurance money, which was fine at the time because the money was rolling in. As soon as the money dried up and my reputation turned to mud, my so-called friends were no longer interested in hanging out with me. It was as if they thought that by hanging out with me, they would lose their jobs too. This industr
y’s crazy. Hanging out with successful people is key, and losers are not even an option if you want to survive. Florence has stuck by me, even when I became a junkie. I need to remind myself that every time I become an arrogant prick.

  “Are you coming, Eric?”

  I shake my head as a chill runs down my fucking spine. It’s the same one when Florence found me overdosed on the ground and with only a few minutes to live. She’s the one that brought me back to life. Right now, I don’t know what I’ll do without her. It’s as if she’s the mom that I’ve never had, and right now she wants to turn her back on me.

  Fuck it!

  I need to grow-up and stop acting like a dick. There’s only one problem. I don’t fucking know how.

  She whispers, “Just get your head out of the gutter for both our sakes. We need this to finish with no issues. Then you’ll be back on top. I promise you. I know you can do it. I have faith in you. Even if you don’t have faith in yourself.”

  Then with those words, the door slams shut and I’m alone with my thoughts, and that is my worst enemy. Thoughts and I don’t go together it always lands me in big fucking trouble.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Valentina

  I don’t know what to do; I feel completely lost as I came to the departure lounge and the agent and Eric just moved out of the way. I can’t lose this job, and I had nothing else to wear. I didn’t know whether to come casual in a pair of jeans and a shirt or wear a dress.

  Wearing the only decent dress from back home, maybe wasn’t the best choice. It’s long, floral and extremely old-fashioned, but then before I came to the Big Apple, it was a nice dress. Something that I would often go out and feel nice. I needed something to calm down me down before getting here.