As it was, the cotton wool itched where Cousin Snot had glued it on all over his body, before gluing more onto herself, then onto Auntie Chook.
And Auntie Chook had been right, he realised, when she said that chickens weren’t good at flying!
The cloud lurched across the bright blue sky. It was probably the lumpiest cloud the sky had ever seen, decided Drackie. He just hoped no one noticed that all the other clouds were heading the other way.
‘Oops!’ said Auntie Chook, flapping valiantly. ‘Sorry, pigeon!’
‘Gloop,’ said the pigeon, who hadn’t been expecting a cloud to be so solid. A few grey feathers fluttered
to the ground with some pretty pink ones from Auntie Chook.
‘Hey, look out!’ yelled Drackie.
Whump!
Leaves scattered everywhere.
‘Almost missed it!’ said Auntie Chook happily, as the cloud flapped even harder to get out of the top branches of the tree.
Drackie hoped no one would notice that the lumpy cloud now had green leaves sticking to its bottom. And pigeon droppings dripping from its side…
‘Which way now?’ called Auntie Chook.
The part of the cloud that was Cousin Snot pulled the map out of her pocket. She checked it, then peered down below. ‘There’s the old lighthouse,’ she pointed. ‘Hey, and those must be the caves! This is easy!’
Huh, thought Drackie, kicking away a seagull before it tried to fly through his tummy. But Auntie Chook and Cousin Snot were being so kind, helping to rescue Fang. What could he say?
Down below, the sea lapped against the rocks. The cliffs were high here. There was no beach to tempt swimmers, or for kids to make sandcastles—just the sea and the rock.
‘Going down!’ yelled Auntie Chook, as the cloud began to flap down towards the caves.
Thud!
‘Ooops, sorry about that,’ said the cloud, as Cousin Snot and Drackie picked themselves up off the damp rocks. ‘Not used to making a landing with passengers.’
The cloud pulled the cotton wool away from its face and turned into Auntie Chook in her chicken form again.
‘Eeerk,’ said Auntie Chook, pulling at more cotton wool. ‘It’s good to get rid of this stuff. I don’t know how clouds stand it!’
‘Shouldn’t we stayed disguised?’ said Cousin Snot. ‘I mean, this way we can sneak into the caves without them guessing who we are!’
‘Um,’ said Drackie, ‘don’t you think the International Society of Toad Thieves might wonder why three clouds are sneaking into their cave?’
‘We could be low-flying clouds,’ said Cousin Snot. ‘Or sea mist.’
Drackie thought that the toad thieves might be surprised by a clump of sea mist walking on two legs, especially if one bit of the mist had pink wings and fangs. But he just said, ‘It’s starting to fall off anyway.’ He glanced at the cave.
Now they were close it looked bigger, and darker too. The waves rolled almost up to the rocky entrance, then slid away.
‘I bet this cave is cut off at high tide,’ he said thoughtfully. ‘See…look at that line of seaweed up there. I think the tide is coming in, too!’
Auntie Chook flapped her pink wings, sending scraps of cotton wool rolling across the rocky shore. ‘We’d better get in there while we still can,’ she said.
‘But what if the sea fills the cave after we go inside?’ asked Drackie.
‘That’s easy!’ said Cousin Snot airily. ‘We’ll just climb higher up the cave! But it must be perfectly safe or the members of the International Society of Toad Thieves would be drowned too.’
If we’ve got the right cave, thought Drackie. And if the guy in the rose bush had been telling the truth. And how had the rose bush man got the address of the toad thieves anyway? But there was no point saying that aloud. What other chance did they have to rescue Fang?
‘What’s our plan?’ Drackie asked instead.
‘Plan? We don’t need a plan!’ said Cousin Snot. ‘It’s simple! We just walk in and grab Fang!’
‘But what if they try to stop us?’
‘Then we vampirise them!’ said Cousin Snot.
‘But vampires don’t do that stuff any more!’ protested Drackie.
‘Yes, but they don’t know that, remember?’ said Cousin Snot. ‘Anyhow, have you got a better idea?’
‘No,’ said Drackie.
‘Right then,’ said Auntie Chook, stripping the last of her cotton wool disguise from her feathers. ‘Let’s go!’
CHAPTER 15
Into the Cave
It was as dark as a dark and stormy night in the cave. The crash of the waves behind them sounded familiar, like a storm lashing their cosy old castle back on Vampire Island.
‘We should have brought a torch,’ whispered Cousin Snot.
‘We’re vampires!’ Drackie whispered back. ‘We can see in the dark!’
‘Well, yes,’ admitted Cousin Snot. ‘But kids in adventure books always have torches when they explore dark caves.’
‘Yeah, and the bad guys see their torchlight and grab them!’ said Drackie.
‘Speaking of bad guys,’ hissed Auntie Chook, ‘shhh! They might hear you!’
Drackie concentrated on the way ahead. Even for a vampire it was dark and hard to make out details: dark rock walls and a dark rock floor. The sound of the sea became louder and louder behind them.
‘The tide must be coming in fast,’ he whispered at last. ‘I bet we’re trapped in here now!’
‘Until the tide goes back down…’ agreed Auntie Chook.
‘How long does that take?’ asked Cousin Snot.
Drackie felt, rather than saw, Auntie Chook shrug her wings. ‘Maybe six hours,’ she said.
‘Arrk!’ Drackie bit back a shout. Something had touched his foot! Something cold and wet and…
‘A wave!’ he breathed. He turned, just as another wave splashed around his ankles.
Even in the dim light he could now see that the cave behind them was awash.
‘Faster!’ said Auntie Chook urgently.
Drackie broke into a stumbling run, with Auntie Chook flapping at his side. Cousin Snot panted behind them.
‘The floor’s too level!’ gasped Cousin Snot. ‘That’s why the sea is coming in so far! The cave needs to go upwards!’
‘We need to go upwards!’ puffed Drackie, as a wave washed around his knees. ‘Can chickens swim?’ he asked Auntie Chook.
‘I’m afraid not,’ said Auntie Chook grimly. ‘Swimming is not what chickens are best known for. Can you swim?’
Drackie shook his head.
‘It can’t be all that difficult though!’ gasped Cousin Snot. ‘I mean fish can do it and they have no brains at all! All you do is wave your arms and legs about. I’m sure we could work it out!’
Yeah, in a dark cold cave with rocks all around us, thought Drackie. But there was no point saying anything. He saved his breath for running.
Suddenly the rock beneath his feet changed to sand. Wet squishy sand. The waves surged and sucked about his legs and his feet sank into the sand with every step. It was even harder to run now. Each wave crashed higher up his legs and each time the waves retreated, it was harder and harder not to be sucked back with the water into the cold dark sea. ‘Hold hands!’ gasped Auntie Chook.
Drackie grabbed a wing. He’d just grasped Cousin Snot’s hand when he felt her stumble as the waves dragged her back. He hauled her up, frantically pitching his strength against the waves, and felt Auntie Chook support him in turn.
Onwards into the blackness…further…further.
Then suddenly it was easier. The sand was firmer. The waves were back to his knees again, Drackie realised, and then to his ankles.
The water was getting shallower…and shallower still…
They were heading uphill, realised Drackie. The bottom of the cave grew steeper and steeper, and the water shallower, the higher they climbed…Cousin Snot made a small sound, half crying, half relief. Auntie Chook panted b
eside them.
Then all at once the waves were behind and below them. The sand under their feet was dry…They were safe!
And ahead of them a small yellow light glowed in the darkness.
It was almost like a dark and stormy night at home, thought Drackie—the smell of the sea and the dampness too, and the pale yellow light, like candlelight or flickering torches. But there was no nice storm in this dark still cave.
But this was lantern light, over a small green and white sign.
Cousin Snot leaned closer. ‘Headquarters of the International Society of Toad Thieves,’ she read out. ‘Please ring bell for attention. Also the Head Office of the Cow Duffers Club, the Union of Horse Rustlers and the United Puppy Snatchers.’
Diiiing, dinnng, dinng! The bell echoed through the cave.
‘Why did you do that?’ hissed Drackie.
‘Why not?’ said Cousin Snot, surprised. ‘That’s what they said to do. We came here to find them, remember!’
Something clunked in the distance, almost too faint to hear, like a door opening and shutting.
‘But now they’ll know we’re here!’ Drackie tried to listen and talk at the same time. There was a swishing sound coming down the cave towards them now, like cloth rubbing together.
‘That’s the whole idea! Stop worrying!’ said Cousin Snot briskly. She seemed quite recovered from the terror of the moment before. ‘They’ll come down here and we’ll demand they give us Fang or else. Then we’ll take Fang and go home—easy!’
The swishing sound was even louder now. ‘After all, we’re the vampires here,’ added Auntie Chook.
Drackie shook his head. ‘It’s all too easy!’ he said ‘What sort of toad thieves are brave enough to go to an island of vampires to steal a pet toad? What sort of toad thieves let someone sneak out with directions to their headquarters? What sort of toad thieves put up a sign telling people to ring the bell!’
‘Can…I…help…you?’ said a strange voice.
Drackie screamed.
CHAPTER 16
The Mystery of the Sea Cave
It was the sort of scream that needed a dark and stormy night to give it a proper background. But here there was only the sound of the waves behind them, and a drip, drip, drip from the ceiling…
‘I…am…sorry!’ said the voice. ‘Did…I…startle…you?’
‘Er…yes!’ said Drackie, embarrassed.
‘I…am…sorry!’ said the voice again. ‘Ha…ha! It…was…an…accident!’
Drackie peered into the darkness with his vampire vision.
The newcomer was a man. He was as tall as Dad, dressed in a tracksuit with the hood up. He wore gloves and runners too, so all Drackie could really see was the wide smile in his shadowed face.
‘I…was…going…for…a…walk,’ said the man in his flat but friendly voice. ‘And…I…saw…you…two…out…walking…with…your…little…pet…chicken…too. Are…you…lost? Can…I…help…you?’
‘Cluck!’ said Auntie Chook in a warning tone.
‘How can you help us?’ asked Drackie. Why didn’t Auntie Cook change back into human form, he wondered. Then he realised—there was no way she could change into human form now without the man seeing.
‘Oh, yes, please! Of course you can help us!’ Cousin Snot was saying eagerly to the man. ‘We’re trying to rescue Drackie’s toad! He’s been stolen by the International Society of Toad Thieves!’
‘And…I…see…this…is…the…toad…thieves’…headquarters!’ said the man, leaning forward to read the sign. ‘How…very…fortunate! I…will…accompany…you…further…into…their…headquarters. Just…in…case…you…get…into…any…trouble!’
‘Will you? Thank you!’ cried Cousin Snot. ‘I mean I’m sure we can handle them by ourselves, but it would be great if you’d help us too! Wouldn’t it, Drackie?’
‘Huh? Oh, yes,’ said Drackie. His mind was racing. He’d never heard anyone speak quite like that before. But maybe people did talk like that sometimes on the mainland!
And what was he doing, taking a walk in a dark cave? ‘What were you doing taking a walk in a dark cave?’ Drackie’s mouth seemed to ask the question before he could stop it.
‘Oh. Yes. Ha…ha,’ said the man. ‘I…was…taking…my…dog…for…a…walk.’
Drackie looked around. ‘Where’s your dog now?’
‘He…ran…off,’ said the man. ‘So…I…came…into…the…cave…to…look…for…him.’
‘Cluck,’ said Auntie Chook suspiciously.
‘Maybe the toad thieves have nabbed your dog too!’ said Cousin Snot.
‘Oh…dear…yes,’ said the man. But his smile still stayed fixed to his face. ‘Maybe…my…poor…little…dog…has…been…stolen…as…well. We…will…search…for…our…pets…together! This…way!’
The man began to walk into the darkness.
‘Cluck, cluck, cluck!’ said Auntie Chook in an agitated manner. She flapped her wings.
‘Yes, I know,’ whispered Drackie. ‘I think he’s strange too! But there’s nothing else we can do! We can’t go back! The tide has cut us off. We have to follow him!’
‘Cluck,’ said Auntie Chook unhappily.
‘What are you whispering about!’ called Cousin Snot. ‘Come on!’
‘Coming!’ Drackie hurried after her.
CHAPTER 17
Down in the Caves
‘I…bet…you…wish…it…was…a…dark…and…stormy…night,’ said the man, striding ahead of them along the sandy tunnel. His walk was funny too, thought Drackie. Sort of jerky, but almost gliding too.
‘Um, why do you think that?’ asked Drackie, hurrying to keep up.
‘Oh…for…no…reason. Somehow…the…idea…just…came…to…me. Wouldn’t…a…dark…and…stormy…night…be…nice…now?’ said the man. He turned round and aimed his fixed smile at Drackie for a moment. ‘Do…not…worry…small…person. I…am…sure…we…will…find…your…little…toad…soon!’
‘How did you know he was little?’ said Drackie.
‘Ha…ha,’ said the man. ‘I…guessed.’
The cave floor grew steeper, and steeper still. The passage grew narrower too, the damp walls twisting and turning. They walked in single file now, with the man in front, then Drackie and Cousin Snot, with Auntie Chook in her chicken shape, strutting along behind them.
Where was the man’s dog, Drackie wondered. And why wasn’t he calling out to him? Fang came when Dackie called. But maybe dogs weren’t as clever as vampire toads.
‘This is a great hide-out for toad thieves! No one would come right in here by accident! I wonder how far we have to go,’ panted Cousin Snot.
‘Not…far…now,’ said the man. ‘Ha…ha. I…mean…I…guess…it…is…not…far…now!’
They turned another corner. The floor began to slope downwards all at once. The ceiling felt higher and dripped with moisture. The sand under their feet was soggy again.
Squelch…squelch…squelch.
‘I bet we’re under the sea,’ whispered Drackie. He wasn’t sure why he whispered. But it seemed right, here in the damp darkness in the rock.
‘I…believe…you…are…right,’ said the man. ‘Yes…up…there…above…our…heads…is…the…big…wet…ocean!’
‘Cluck, cluck, cluck!’ said Auntie Chook.
The man glanced back at her. ‘Your…chicken…does…not…sound…happy,’ he said. ‘Maybe…we…are…going…too…fast…for…her!’ He brushed past Drackie and Cousin Snot and bent down as though to pick Auntie Chook up.
‘Cluck, cluck, cawark!’ squawked Auntie Chook. She flapped her wings and backed away.
‘I don’t think she wants to be picked up,’ said Drackie.
‘Cluck!’ said Auntie Chook warningly to Drackie. ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck!’
Drackie peered at her. ‘Yes,’ he said slowly. ‘I…I think you’re right.’
‘Who…is…right?’ asked the man.
‘Er…no one,�
�� said Drackie. ‘I just think…I think maybe we should go back to the entrance.’
‘What!’ cried Cousin Snot. ‘But we have to find Fang!’
‘Cluck!’ said Auntie Chook.
‘I just think we need to go,’ said Drackie. ‘Um…because we’ll be late for dinner. Or breakfast,’ he added, wondering exactly when humans had their meals. ‘Thank you very much, Mr…um, thank you. But we’ll look for Fang another day. Come on Cousin Snot! Now!’
‘But…Oh, alright,’ grumbled Cousin Snot. ‘I don’t know what the hurry is.’
‘Do…not…go,’ said the man.
‘Sorry,’ said Drackie quickly. ‘I just remembered I, um, forgot something too. Something really urgent. Run!’ he hissed to Cousin Snot. ‘Try to find somewhere we can hide on the way out!’
‘Cluck!’ urged Auntie Chook, vanishing back into the darkness in a small cloud of pink feathers. Drackie was hot on her heels.
‘What? Well, alright.’ Suddenly Drackie heard Cousin Snot give a yell of alarm. ‘Hey! What are you doing? Let me go!’
‘No,’ said the man.
Drackie stopped and ran back, just in time to see Cousin Snot lifted high in the man’s arms.
‘Let me go or I’ll vampirise you!’ yelled Cousin Snot.
‘Ha…ha…just…try…it!’ said the man.
Cousin Snot stared him. ‘You…you want me to vampirise you?’
‘That…is…right!’ said the man. ‘Vampirise…me! Ha…ha! Go…on…small…girl! I…want…to…be…vampirised!’
‘Well, alright,’ said Cousin Snot uncertainly. Drackie could hear her muttering to herself. ‘It’s easy! It has to be easy! Just stick in the fangs then suck…’
‘Cluck,’ said the chicken warningly. ‘Cluck, cluck, cluck!’
Cousin Snot leaned forward. Her mouth opened.
‘Don’t!’ screamed Drackie. ‘Cousin Snot, don’t try to vampirise him!’
But it was too late.
CHAPTER 18
Wonderfully Wacky Families Page 16
