Doubt (The Connected Series Book 1)

by KA Hobbs

  “Just go, please….” I whisper walking through the door.

  ***

  DOUG

  Way to go idiot. Did you really expect her to listen to you? What exactly did you think you were going to achieve ambushing her at work?

  I run my hands over my face, this is exhausting. I exit the building and get in my car. Slumping over the steering wheel, I let the tears fall. I don’t care who sees. I’ve just lost the best thing I ever had and it was all down to me. Down to my lying. Down to me jumping in before thinking. I fish my phone out of my pocket and prepare myself to beg.

  ***

  “Who was that?” Abby has raised eyebrows when I step back in.

  “Boyfriend. Well, actually, can he still be classed as my boyfriend if we haven’t been together for weeks?” I try to laugh, if I don’t laugh I’ll cry, and I’m not crying at work.

  “Oh.... It looks like he really wanted to talk to you.” I grab my bag and coat ready to head for lunch.

  “It’s complicated. Way too complicated. Shall we grab some lunch?” I try to steer the conversation away from Doug.

  “Sure, you can tell me why this is so complicated.” Abby smiles, linking her arm in mine. Great.

  Thankfully, Doug doesn’t show up anymore and I manage to get Abby to drop it. It turns out, everyone was really understanding about Doug turning up and I get asked back for another shoot in two weeks.

  “We’ve all been there right?” Joseph the photographer whispers in my ear as we leave, “He looked like he really needed to talk to you though Sophie, whatever he did, give him a chance.”

  His words echo in my head all the way home, but I can’t cool the anger I feel at his actions today. I call Miley, needing her opinion.

  “He turned up at work.” I don’t even say hello when she picks up.

  “I know…“

  “You know? How?” I don’t understand what she is saying.

  “He needs to speak to you. He is desperate. He...”

  “He what?” did I want to know what?

  “He was here, he left about twenty minutes ago.” I’m shocked he would go to Miley. Getting others involved isn’t his style.

  “He is broken Sophie. Will you just phone him and hear him out? I’m not saying you take him back, but he explained it all to me. He really wasn’t trying to hurt you. But its massive what he is trying to deal with, and regardless of how hurt you feel, you have to remember that.” I groan. Maybe phoning Miley wasn’t such a good idea.

  “So you’re on his side now?”

  “I’m not on anyone’s side, Sophie. I understand where you are both coming from. But surely after eighteen months together, you owe it to him, to your relationship to listen. Then you can decide if you leave.” I can’t say anything.

  “You know I’m right sweetheart.” she whispers into the phone.

  “I’m almost home. I’ll speak to you later.”

  I hang up before she has a chance to say anything else. Having a best friend who tells it to you like it is great, but then that best friend tells you that you are wrong, you really must be. I am trying to forget the day by listening to some music, having a glass of wine and painting my nails, pure relaxation for me, when the buzzer goes. Huffing, I walk to see who it is.

  “Hello?” I ask into the receiver.

  “I have a delivery for a Miss Sophie Bennett.”

  “I’m not expecting anything.”

  “Well, it is for you, can I bring it up?” I buzz him in and wait for the knock. He comes around the corner wheeling a huge box.

  “If you could just sign here please?”

  He thrusts one of those annoying electronic signing things in my face, the ones where your signature looks nothing like it does it reality and it could have been signed for by a kitten. Handing his device back to him, I thank him and close the door. Intrigued what it could be, I waste no time in opening it. Inside I find eighteen bottles of Prosecco and a bottle of Italian peach juice - There is a note too.

  We’ve enjoyed many of these together over the last eighteen months. Eighteen bottles to remind you of all the happy times we’ve had, I hope there will be many more to come. All my love. Doug

  My breathing is unsteady and my legs feel like they are about to buckle. I play it safe and sit on the floor. I reread the note, tears fall and I don’t stop them. I miss him so much. My mind swims with memories of times we’ve shared this drink together, our first date, and the first time I stayed at Doug’s and he cooked for me, our one year anniversary six months ago. They were all perfect and magical and so happy. Nothing like how I feel now. I close my eyes and let myself remember our first date; I can remember it so clearly.

  Our First Date

  We have arranged to meet at a hotel for dinner. I am nervous the whole taxi ride over. Even more so as I step into the bar of the hotel and spot him. He doesn’t see me at first; I have the perfect view of him. He’s leaning up against the bar, looking the picture of sophistication. He is wearing a navy suit with a crisp white shirt and purple tie. He is so sexy. He runs his hand through his hair, biting his lip an looking at his watch. He’s nervous. Looking up his eyes meet mine, a slow, sexy smile spreads across his face. He raises one beautiful eyebrow at me and starts towards me.

  “You look gorgeous.” he leans in, brushing his lips softly against mine. My heart rate instantly picks up.

  “You’re not so bad yourself.”

  He holds his hand out to me and I take it, allowing him to lead us to the bar.

  “What would you like to drink?” I take a moment to calm my heartbeat.

  “A Peach Bellini, please.”

  “Make that two.” Doug smiles at me.

  “Your drink is a Bellini?” I ask, surprised.

  “Not normally, but if you like it, it must be good.”

  The waiter makes a show of making our drinks, taking the time to form a spring out of the peel of lemon which he places around a very small straw.

  “Thank you.” I smile, taking my drink.

  “Let’s go sit.”

  He places a hand on the small of my back, guiding me to a booth, the heat from his hand coming though the thin fabric of my dress. I have to focus on walking, the heels and the effect of Doug being so close making me wobble. I slide into the booth; Doug slides smoothly in after me. The close proximity takes me by surprise; I can smell him so clearly. Fresh, clean and Doug. He places a hand on the table in front of us, palm up, looking expectantly at me; he brings his other hand to reach for mine and places it in his.

  “That’s better.” he smiles, “You’re shaking.” he furrows his brow, “Are you nervous?”

  “Yes.” I nod my head and whisper back.

  “Me too.” he whispers back.

  That is all it takes to relax us, admitting to each other we were both nervous. We spend the evening talking, laughing, it is wonderful. We laugh about the fact that our best friends have been a couple for a few months now. Yet we hadn’t met until Miley’s birthday party a few days ago.

  “I know, Miley kept talking about this Doug guy, I assumed he was someone Jonathan worked with. I pictured an old greying man...” I teased, sipping my drink.

  “Because of the name? You’re not the first to comment.” he laughs .

  “It is an older person’s name, not a name I would associate with the sex God in front of me.”

  Oh god, I’ve had more to drink than I thought. His eyebrows raise and he gives me a slow, cocky smile

  “Sex god huh? Now, how would a nice girl like you know anything about that?”

  “I’m not a girl, I’m a woman.” I pout. “And I can assure you, I know a thing or two about... that.”

  “And what, Sophie, is it that you know about sex?” He leans in so he is almost touching, but not quite.

  My head is swimming, from the alcohol, from being this close to Doug, from having been aroused since the moment I got here. I lean forward, resting my lips against his.

  “I know...�
�� I murmur against his soft lips. “How to tease you until you’re begging me to let you take me.” I kiss him, softly.

  “I know that right now, you’re hard in your suit trousers and can’t picture anything other than exactly that…” I kiss him again then pull back, looking into his hooded eyes then flicking my gaze to his trousers, smiling when I see the telltale signs of his straining erection.

  “I’m right, I see…”

  I look back up to meet his eyes. Pulling my head to his he kisses me, not softly like before, hard, passionately. Heat and need flood me and I fist my hands in his hair, forgetting where we are.

  “I want you.” he pants against my lips, “Let’s go.”

  He summons a waiter and pays the bill. Grasping my hand he leads me to the reception before reaching into his pocket for his keys. He takes my elbow, leading me out the door and into the night.

  “Did you drive?” he asks, pulling me into his side.

  “No, I got a taxi, I knew I would be drinking.” He smiles, and nods his head to a black Bentley Continental GT on the opposite side of the street.

  “I’m over there.” As he goes to step into the road, my mind suddenly clears a little and I pull him back.

  “Wait, Doug.” he looks at me, desire in his eyes.

  “I can’t.” I grab his tie, pulling him to me so I could kiss him, desire, need, want all spilling out of me and into this kiss.

  “Don’t go home tonight.” he murmurs against my lips, “Stay with me.”

  “Doug, I can’t, not tonight.” It kills me to tell him no, but this is our first official date and I’m not about to sleep with him. I’m not that girl.

  “Stay the night, it doesn’t have to mean sex, I’m just not ready to say goodbye to you yet.” He presses his forehead to mine, letting out a shaky breath.

  “I don’t want to either, but this isn’t how this is going to be Doug, we’re doing this properly, slowly.” he closes his eyes, breathing deeply.

  “I have to go.” I press my lips to his, savouring the feeling. “I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”

  And so I left him. Standing there alone. I jumped into a taxi and headed home. I could feel his lips on mine the whole ride there. I could feel the heat of his pushed up against me. I can almost feel it now. I hug myself, trying to keep all the broken pieces of my together. I need to work this out and fast. I need to be whole again, even if that means life without Doug.

  The thought causes physical pain and I fold in on myself, making myself as small as I can. In the hope that is will ease the pain. It doesn’t. I fall asleep where I am, on the cold floor, and wake up much the same way. Aching from laying on the hard floor for so long, I get up and head to my bedroom. Climbing under the covers, I fall into a fitful sleep, filled with memories of Doug.

  Chapter Seventeen

  The weeks go by in a blur. Doug continues to send me gifts, but he doesn’t call. He doesn’t text. One morning at work, a delivery guy brings me a box full of Cornish Fairings. The note that comes with it reads:

  Because they remind you of your family. And because they remind me of you. And you always tell me, nothing beats tea and Fairings. Doug X

  After bursting into tears in the bathroom, I have to fein illness and go home. And that is pretty much where I have been for the last three days.I am becoming a zombie. I don’t really sleep. Doug must know I am at the flat because the presents start arriving there. First, a beautiful bottle of Jo Malone Orange Blossom bath oil with a note that reads:

  I love nothing more than seeing you relaxed and in my bathtub. I hope you will use this at mine one day soon. My tub is lonely without you too. Doug X

  Which is shortly followed by a box full of paperbacks he knew I wanted to read

  I’m lonely so I guess you are too. I hope these will keep you company until I can, Doug X

  Miley keeps phoning me, trying to get me to phone Doug, to get this sorted. But its no good. Deciding I need some fresh air, I put on my coat and go for a walk. I don’t know how long I’ve been walking, but when I look up, I look up and into the face of the most cherubic face; a little blonde angel, wrapped up in a wooly hat and gloves running towards me laughing, being chased by her dad.

  “Daddy, you never catch me!”

  The little girl is running as fast as her legs can possibly take her and looking back at her daddy with the biggest smile on her face, I have to jump to the side so we don’t collide. With a squeal, she runs past me, closely followed by her dad.

  “I’m sorry, she is a little over excited.” He smiles as he too runs past.

  I can’t help but smile, the delight on the little girls face is contagious. I’m standing in the middle of the path, and I realise tears are falling down my face and I can’t stop them. It suddenly hits me. I’m being selfish. Doug didn’t ask for this to happen, he didn’t ask not to be told he was going to be a father, not only not to be told, but to be lied to. And Abigail certainly didn’t ask to be conceived and raised the way she has been. Not knowing her father, and now, not having a mother. She is a helpless, innocent little girl and she needs and deserves to have her father in her life, she deserves what that little girl has.

  Deep down, I know my worries are more about how I am going to deal with this. I worry if I will be able to love another woman’s child. Will I be a good step-mother to Doug’s daughter? And the biggest heartbreak is knowing, I won’t be person to give Doug his first child and the pain I feel every time I think of that, is so great I can feel it inside of me, inside of my heart. Sometimes life isn’t what you think it will be. Sometimes, we have to take a different path than we thought we would, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be what you want it to be. The pain of the last few weeks has been all consuming, but Doug has never left my mind. Surely that means something. I know it does. I love Doug beyond measure, he was, is, my happy ever after and I owe it to him to stand by him through this, help him, love him. He was who I was supposed to spend my life with

  There were so many things that were uncertain, but through all the uncertainty, there was one thing I was sure of, he was it for me. I know how selfish I have been, blocking him out, refusing to even talk to him and I regret my decision more than I regret anything. But when you are faced with something so huge, you don’t think clearly and you don’t make rational decisions. I hope he will understand that and that he still wants to be with me as much as I know, and have always known, I want to be with him.

  Wiping away the tears, I pull out my phone. Taking a deep breath I swipe my finger along the bottom of the screen unlocking it. The brush my fingers over the photo that is my background, Doug and I are smiling at the camera, his arms are wrapped around me from behind and the lights from the Christmas tree behind us are giving a golden glow. I press the phone symbol at the bottom of the screen and press Doug’s name. The call connects and I hold my breath. It rings, once.. twice and then he picks up.

  “Sophie?” he whispers.

  “Doug.” is all I can manage to say. I hear him suck in a breath.

  “Oh god Sophie, I’ve missed you so much.”

  “I know… I’ve missed you.”

  “You have?” he sounds surprised.

  “Of course I have. Doug.....” my voice trails off.“I need to see you.”

  “Just tell me when and where, I’ll be there.”

  I tell him to meet me in the Starbucks at Jubilee Place in an hour. Before I put the phone down, he breathes into my ear.

  “You wont ever know how much I have missed you.” tears well up in my eyes

  “I think I have an idea... See you in an hour Doug.”

  ***

  I arrive before Doug and get a table by the window so I can see him come in. After waiting a few minutes, I see him, he looks terrible, yet still gorgeous. I feel a wave of guilt rushes over me, I’m the cause of his pain. He spots me straight away and walks over to me. He is dressed in his black wool coat. He looks so breathtakingly beautiful, my heart rate picks up and my mouth
goes dry. He reaches me and I go to get up. I stand before him, not sure how I should act after all this time. He decides for me, reaching out and pulling me to him, holding the back of my head to his chest, and placing a long, sweet kiss to the top of my head. He is trembling.

  “I’m sorry, I’m so very sorry.”

  He kisses the top of my head again and pulls me a little closer to him. There is nothing sexual about this embrace, this is pure comfort. For both of us. After what feel likes hours, he pulls away, looking into my eyes. His pained expression overwhelms me and I can feel my heart breaking a little more, I didn’t even think that was possible. He raises his hand and sweeps his thumbs under my eyes, capturing the tears I didn’t even realise were falling.