Alpha Me Not

by Jianne Carlo

  “Nothing about yesterday was good.”

  “You’re wrong. Petey was laid to rest. There was closure. Barb finally broke down when you finished that poem.” She paused because her throat had all clogged up. “I’ve never read anything by W. H. Auden, but ‘Funeral Blues’ will be forever etched in my mind. I wish I’d been able to read those words when my grandfather and father died. There is some comfort in knowing the feelings are universal.”

  “I’d never known of it before either. But I never want to go through another day like that ever.”

  He shuttered his eyes and she suspected they glowed, because his voice was coarse and rough.

  “Barb told me she felt so guilty. Because Petey was going to die a horribly slow, painful death. And in some ways this was better, because it wasn’t drawn out over years.” Susie bit her lip. “I think she’s trying to convince herself of it. Joe, you have to make sure she never knows what really happened to her son.”

  “The only people who could tell her besides me and the coroner is Kieran, and he could never do that to Barb. Never. It would be like cutting his soul out with a razor blade.” Joe finally turned to face her. “I can’t thank you enough for yesterday. For being there for Barb. I could tell she was able to grieve openly because she knew she could rely on you.”

  She fell head over heels and then some right there and then. Alpha he was, but that hadn’t stopped him from being gentle, caring, and sensitive. “She has a special place in your heart, doesn’t she?” Susie caressed his cheek.

  “Barb was my ballroom dancing partner. It was kind of amazing as Kieran and I had been friends for so long. But he was at MIT, and she’d always wanted to learn. Once she heard about Coach Tommy’s scheme, she bugged Kieran until he agreed, but only if I was her partner.” He framed her cheeks, and the warmth of his calloused palms proved the ultimate comfort. “Barb and Kieran and Tate were the only family I had. Until you.”

  She melted. Literally.

  Her bones turned to mush, her stomach collapsed, and her eyes puddled.

  Damn it. She hated being teary.

  “I’m not letting you go. You know that, don’t you?” Joe licked her lips.

  “It works both ways.” Her blurted response came as a surprise. Even to her. She yearned to hold him to her heart. Agree to anything he wanted. Babies. Marriage. Alphaness.

  “Oh, babe. You don’t know what those words mean to me.” He kissed her mouth, tongued her whorls, and nibbled her earlobe.

  “Gawd, what you do to me when you pay attention to my ears.” She arched her neck to give him better access.

  “No way, my love. You have to tell me exactly what you want.”

  She cuffed him. “I want you to make love to me. To make me feel whole again. Can you do that?”

  “I can. And I will.” Joe peeled the T-shirt she wore over her head. “You know that your nights of wearing anything to bed are doomed, don’t you?”

  Susie’s face flamed. Joe’s casual approach to total nudity made her uncomfortable at the best of times. While she loved being able to ogle his hard body, when he returned the favor, she wanted to jump under the bedcovers and pull the linen up to her nose.

  He nuzzled her nape. “You smell wonderful here. Soft and fuzzy and innocent.”

  “Innocent? Isn’t that an oxymoron? Now, anyway.” She squirmed sideways to see him.

  “Pure might be the better word.” He cupped her breasts. “You have a purity of spirit. I see nothing in you but good.”

  She shook her head. “I have a bad temper. And I hold grudges.”

  “And you’re unfailingly kind and generous and fiercely protective.” Joe bent his head and kissed one nipple, then the other.

  The contrast of Joe’s onyx curls against the slight walnut color from her daring nude suntanning proved arousing and erotic. She knit one hand in his soft hair, and a wave of tenderness swamped her veins.

  He dropped an openmouthed kiss in the middle of her breastbone and soft nibbles along her décolletage.

  Susie plucked at a curl. “I need you inside me, Joe.”

  Amber-rimmed eyes met hers, and she spiraled into the hypnotic waves of desire blazing from his dilated pupils. He settled between her thighs, his gaze locked onto her, and hooked an arm under each knee. His nostrils flared, and he eased into her, his cock a fat, delicious invader.

  A muscle in his jaw worked. She traced the sharp ridge of his cheekbone and followed the square line of his chin, relishing the prickliness of his early morning stubble. The poignant intimacy of the moment, face-to-face, his penis stretching her, her vaginal muscles clamping his thickening erection, welled moisture to the corners of her eyes.

  His slow, excruciating entry drove her crazy.

  She cradled his face and ran her tongue over the seam of his mouth, seeking entry.

  He took charge of the kiss, thrusting his tongue in the same maddening cadence of his plunging cock. She bit down on the tip, and he growled; the deep rumble vibrated over her lips, the sensation acute and electrifying. Her pussy throbbed, and her achy clit pulsated.

  Susie massaged his bulging forearms, kneaded his powerful shoulders, and joined in his tongue salsa play.

  Joe clamped his teeth on the crook of her neck. He widened his hold on her knees, drove into her pussy on a powerful stroke, and bit. The quick nip shoved her over the edge. Explosive contractions wracked her vaginal walls. He suckled her stinging skin, licking away the hurt, and pounded into her. She climaxed again, the intensity hurled her into the stratosphere, and she clung to his shoulders, her nails scraping his steel-hard flesh.

  “Look at me, Susie.”

  She opened her eyes immediately at his growled, urgent command.

  “You are my everything.”

  Never, ever would she forget the expression on his face, the stark need in his gruff voice, the small beads of sweat on his forehead. Contrarily her eyes misted and hot tears streamed down her cheeks.

  “This isn’t how it’s supposed to be.” He feathered kisses over her eyebrows, temples, and the corner of her mouth. “You aren’t supposed to cry.”

  “Happy tears.” She swiped at them. “I am so grateful to be alive. To have you.”

  He slipped out of her and rolled them over so she lay sprawled all over him. Susie rose on her elbows. She touched his chin. “You didn’t, um, finish.”

  They stared at each other.

  “Not going to happen this morning.”

  What did he mean? She glanced down at his obvious arousal. “I don’t understand. I mean. You’re, um, ready.”

  He flicked her cheeks. “I’m always ready where you’re concerned. But today, Kieran, Tate, and I start hunting Petey’s killer. Two things I can’t do when I get like this. Come. Relax.”

  “How can I help?” She wanted Petey’s killer caught as much as he did.

  “I need you safe. Gray’s going to be your guard for the next couple of days.”

  “Gray? I thought he was at the cabin.”

  “No, he’s not there. I have a few things to tell you.” He sounded so dire her stomach clenched. “Gray’s been tracking your hooligan-in-training. His name is Eric. He’s a street kid who fell through the foster care system.”

  “Eric.” Her chest ached. Bile rose in her throat. “Do you think he’s still alive?”

  “You’d know that better than me. Is he?”

  She shuddered. “You want me to let him in.”

  “Can you?” His eyes glowed amber.

  “I don’t know. But I can try to stop fighting it.” She had instinctively battled each vision, trying to cling to any semblance of reality.

  The doorbell rang.

  She jumped.

  He crossed his arms over her back and gave her a quick squeeze. “That’s the construction crew I hired to demolish Terri’s foundation.”

  “I thought the fire department said it would take at least another day before the property would be cleared when they interviewed us last night.�
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  It had been a horrible experience. The lead investigator obviously suspected her of the arson, though both of them had been interrogated in separate rooms, and Joe later told her that he was a suspect too.

  Kieran somehow found out that she and Joe had been hauled down to the police station, and he and his father showed up, both spitting nails. In no time at all, the tenor of the questioning had changed, and they were released.

  Joe scrubbed his jaw. “Don’t know what strings or threats Kieran’s father used, but after you fell asleep last night, I got a call from the chief investigator on the case. He gave me the go-ahead, so I e-mailed the foreman of the crew. Figured it would give me something to focus on until one of us finds your Eric.”

  Eric. Was he still alive? She swallowed around the cloying constriction in her throat. For someone who never cried, she sure had sprouted multiple waterworks since Sunday. Joe didn’t need a weeping female, not now. Pasting a smile on her face, Susie rolled away from him, scooted off the bed, and said, in what she hoped emulated a perky tone, “Go. Do what you have to. I’ll make breakfast. I’ve been dying to try out that robo-stove of yours.”

  “Have I actually hooked up with a cook?” He snagged her as she walked by him. “Bacon, eggs, the works?”

  “No way. This is a virgin stove. I’m thinking vanilla French toast, capped with a strawberry cream sauce.”

  He tweaked her nose. “Works for me. Just make a ton. Kieran, Gray, and Tate will be here soon.”

  “Got it handled, big boy.” She set her mouth to his and suckled his juicy bottom lip for a lingering moment.

  “Hold that thought, gypsy.” He knuckled her cheek and hopped off the bed.

  She’d never seen such powerful thighs and flanks. Yet though heavily muscled, he moved with a lupine grace and beauty that was sheer pleasure to her eyes.

  She ambled into the bathroom after Joe dressed and left.

  Melanie had called late last night and yelled at her for being so uncommunicative, so before anything else, Susie texted a quick update to her sister. Then she shed her clothes, turned on the water, and adjusted the temperature.

  What had Joe meant about her letting Eric in? Was the vision thing something she could control? While showering and shampooing, she tried to remember exactly what had happened the first time.

  The headache. The bitter taste in her mouth. The weird dizziness. The first time she’d felt like that was on the run she’d taken the day of moving into Terri’s house. When she’d raced past the ravine.

  Dressed in jeans and a red sweatshirt, she wandered into the kitchen and checked the contents of the fridge. One lone carton of milk, a stick of butter with a greenish tinge, and a loaf of pumpernickel. Really, did the man ever visit a grocery store? And how in heck could he even talk about eggs and bacon?

  She drew the curtains above the sink back and glimpsed Joe and a bunch of helmet-clad men in what was left of Terri’s backyard. He and the leader of the group were touring the perimeter of the slab of concrete.

  The gas station store just down the road would have everything she needed for breakfast. Heck, it was at most a fifteen-minute trip there and back. Decision made. Susie grabbed her jacket and purse and headed out the door.

  It seemed God hadn’t made up his mind about the weather for the day. Clouds of every hue of gray battled a dozen blue patches of sky for prevalence. She glimpsed a crack of sunlight shining a silver beam on a charcoal swath shaped eerily like a large machete. A stiff breeze tossed her hair every which way when she turned the corner.

  Crowds of parents and children filled Treehouse Park.

  At least three soccer games were in full play, but her attention was captured by the youngest children playing in the field closest to the sidewalk. Three- and four-year-olds yelled and screeched and kicked and fell like bowling pins tumbling into each other with great delight. Susie paused to watch the adorable toddlers. When would Melanie introduce Jackie to the game? Her fireball of a niece would stand for no other position than captain. At the tender age of only one, Jackie had an amazingly bossy streak already.

  What kind of baby would she and Joe have?

  Susie halted in midstep literally, so shocked to the core she actually fell off the curb, managed through a flailing of arms to regain her balance, and then checked to see if anyone had noticed her sudden clumsiness. Nope. She rolled up her collar and marched to the gas station, head down, her gut rioting. Could she really give up all her plans just to be with Joe? Wasn’t it better to stick to her goals?

  Alpha me not.

  Right.

  Remember that.

  She trudged into the store and grabbed a basket.

  “Susie. How’ve you been?” The last person she’d expected to see was Gemma Arnold. “I am so sorry about the fire.”

  How was she to respond to that? “Thank you. I’m coping.”

  “I heard you’re now living with Joe Huroq?”

  Well, that certainly spelled everything out in capital letters. “Yes. How’s your father doing?”

  “He’s on the mend. It was rather trying to have to stay in a hotel until they gave us the all clear. Did you hear about the Lees?”

  “The Lees? That’s the young couple in the first house? The ones with the two kids?” Susie had never met the family, but she had seen them in the park on her first run in the neighborhood. She shook her head. “No, I didn’t hear about them. Is something wrong?”

  “Wrong? No.” Gemma snorted. “They won the lottery. Bought the ticket right here.”

  “No kidding. That’s terrific.” Susie strolled to the refrigerated area. “Nice to see you again, Gemma. I don’t mean to be rude, but I’m in a bit of a rush.”

  “No problem. I need to get going too.”

  Flashing a quick smile, Susie turned into the other aisle, grabbed a tray of eggs, one carton each of milk and juice, found a bottle of vanilla essence, a packet of bacon, and a small bottle of maple syrup. A thorough search unearthed a thickly sliced country loaf and an exorbitantly priced packet of frozen strawberries. She grumbled at the cost but paid the price and gathered her parcels together.

  She exited the gas station to find Joe standing there, arms folded, wearing a glower of magnificent proportions.

  Guilt rocked through her.

  “Never. Ever. Leave. Without speaking to me first. I need to know where you are. At all times.”

  Why should she feel guilty? He didn’t own her. “Honestly, Joe. It was a ten-minute trip. What could go wrong in that time?”

  “It’s a minimum of a fifteen-minute trip, and you know it. Petey was in the middle of a five-minute walk to his home when he vanished. Someone blew up the house you lived in. Deliberately.” He took the two bags from her. “There is an arsonist on the loose.”

  She should have told him where she was going. “I’m sorry. I was wrong to leave without telling you.”

  “Yes, you were. And there will be a penalty.”

  She squinted at him. “I am not a child, Joe Huroq. So don’t treat me like one.”

  Black brows slashed into a thick line. A muscle in his cheek spasmed. “When you act like a child, you’re punished like a child. I am your mate. Your alpha. And there is nothing more important to me than your safety. Get used to it.”

  She fisted her hands. “Or what?”

  “Don’t. Don’t tempt me.” He jutted his chin. “March.”

  She stomped down the sidewalk.

  He followed in her wake, and his eyes burned a hole in her back or so it seemed. She pretended an interest in the park and was almost run over when three little girls raced past her to Joe.

  “Joe!”

  “I saw him first.”

  “I’m the eldest.”

  The giggling girls wrapped themselves around Joe’s legs. He crouched down to their height. “My three favorite princesses in the entire universe.”

  Two of the girls were arrayed in soccer uniforms and wore yellow-and-white-striped shirts. She gue
ssed their ages at seven and nine. The youngest, dressed in shorts and a cropped T-shirt, sported a sparkling silver tiara in her dark curls.

  “I scored a goal.” The tallest one stuck out her chest proudly.

  The middle girl hung her head. “I did too, but it was on the wrong side.”

  Joe tweaked her nose. “Any goal’s a good goal.”

  The youngest tot removed her thumb from her mouth and offered it to Joe. “Vanilla.”

  He sniffed the digit and shook his head. “I only suck chocolate thumbs.”

  She grinned and waved the pink thumb. “Chocolate.”

  “No fooling me, young lady. That’s a vanilla thumb.” He set the bags down and picked up the little girl. “Susie, I’d like you to meet Wania. She’s three. And these are her two older sisters, Zaara and Irsa.”

  Wania cuddled closer to Joe and studied Susie.

  Zaara cocked her head to one side. “Are you going to marry Joe?”

  When had hello been replaced by the big M question? She glanced to Joe for guidance.

  He shrugged.

  “He hasn’t asked me. So I guess the answer is no.” Susie crossed her arms.

  “I heard Gray say Joe’d better make an honest woman out of you before the week’s out. I like Gray. He’s your brother, right?”

  “Yes. Gray’s my brother.” Were these girls born interrogators or what?

  The middle girl jumped in. “Zaara tried to help him get in the house, but then she gave Tate a black eye instead. Is it all purple?”

  “No. He’s fine. It isn’t even swollen anymore.”

  “I think your coach wants you two back in the game.” Joe stooped and settled Wania on her feet. “Where are your mom and dad?”

  “Dad’s gone to get the snacks Mom forgot. Mom’s over there talking to Mrs. Lee.” Irsa pointed at the park and then caught Wania’s hand. “We got a new puppy, Joe. His name’s Rex. It means king.”

  “I’ll come over and meet him on the weekend. I expect at least one more goal from each of you. Give me five.”

  Each of the three girls high-fived Joe, and then they all raced back to the park.

  “Those are the Hassani girls?”