by Diane Adams
"How's Clark?"
"A little freaked out, but he's all right. Stevie okay?" Alex stole Jared's mug.
Laughing, Jared shook his head and got up to fix a new breakfast. "Yeah, she said it was time to come home." He shrugged, dropping a tea bag into a mug.
He poured water from the still steaming kettle over it and dropped a couple of pieces of bread into the toaster. "We talked a little while, but she's exhausted. I changed the sheets and put her to bed. She wants to start school. It's late enough that getting her registered is going to be interesting, but even if she can't get all her classes it should be okay. She's coming back to work Monday."
"In the nick of time." Alex pulled Jared's plate over and started in on the rest of the toast. "Considering I'm leaving in a week."
Jared glanced at him before refocusing on buttering his toast. "Considering."
"I don't want to go. I proved I can work for you without a stupid degree."
Sighing, Jared laid his butter knife on the edge of his plate. "Come with me, please."
Alex followed Jared into the garage-turned-office, licking butter and crumbs off his fingers. "What?"
Jared led him into the corner Alex had claimed, complete with drafting table. Over the summer, Alex had done a few simple designs for Jared and more than adequately managed the office in Stevie's absence. Jared pulled a stack of papers, the top page covered in doodles of his name and hearts, from the bottom shelf of the cluttered bookcase next to the table.
"Hey, what are you doing with those?" Alex made a grab for them but Jared dexterously moved them aside.
Jared poked the doodles. "I worry about you sometimes." Alex blushed. Jared turned the page. "And then I see something like this."
The new page was covered with a drawing of a skyscraper. Detailed and beautiful, it captured the eye with the elegance of its design. Jared moved the picture to expose another one, and another, and yet another. "You don't want to go, Alex. Do you think you'll be satisfied designing cabinet space for old women? Do you honestly think I'd let you settle for so little when you have so much promise?"
"I was just screwing around. Do you know what it takes to learn to design something like that? I'm not that guy, Jared. I want to be with you. That's the guy I am." This time when Alex tried to take the papers Jared let him, watching in silence as Alex restacked them, doodle on top.
"I know exactly what it takes, Alex. MIT. And you're going. I don't know why we're even having this conversation."
Alex's jaw tightened. Jared thought he always knew best, about everything, but he didn't. College didn't have to translate into MIT. They had a perfectly good college right at home, one with a good architect program. Skyscrapers were fun fuel for his imagination but his hopes for the future were much simpler. Alex pulled out a blueprint and spread it out over the table top. "I designed this. For us. This is what I want, Jared. This is my dream."
Jared studied the house design and Alex was grateful he didn't point out the mistakes, or all the ways it wasn't up to code. Instead, Jared touched the drawing in a way that made Alex feel as if the fingers were on his skin. Jared looked up and met his eyes.
His strong hand cupped Alex's face; the expression on his face unreadable. "Take this with you, finish it and when you graduate, I'll build it for you. For us."
The reassurance of Jared's promise was staggering in its simplicity. No words of undying love or flowery pledges to wait, nothing a guy might expect from the lover he was getting ready to leave behind. Instead, Jared gave him the promise of heart, home, and future, all contained in a single honest statement.
Alex stepped closer, crowding into Jared's space. "I hate you."
"I know." Jared's mouth took Alex's mouth in a kiss holding as much promise as his words.
* * * *
"Alex and Jared making out in the office makes it official. I'm home." The gentle teasing from the doorway of the office ended the kiss, but didn't break them apart.
"Stevie." Alex grinned over at her the same time Jared frowned.
"Why are you up?"
Stevie laughed, her eyes sparkling. "I'm not an invalid. I'm all healed and ready to get on with my life. If a late night is going to get me down, I better skip college." She joined them beside the drafting table, her hands wrapped around a steaming cup. The scent of hot tea filled the room and Jared glowered at her.
"I'll never get breakfast again with both of you here."
Stevie looked at the Alex's house design. Her eyes were soft when she turned back to the men, no longer embracing but standing shoulder to shoulder, fingers entwined. "This is why I came back. They did what they could for me and I had the time I needed to get my thoughts together and talk things out with people I didn't know. I could talk to you guys, to Clark, but the words hurt you. There were things they could do for me I couldn't get here, but it wasn't home. This is home. Right here, with all the love and goodness between you guys." She touched their hands. "You have no idea."
Alex pulled her into a hard hug. "I missed you, and if you're ready to be home I'm so glad you're back. I hate paperwork."
Stevie pressed a kiss to his cheek. "I'm more than ready to be back. I've had nightmares about you screwing up my stuff."
"I did not! Tell her, Jared. I did a good job."
"He did a good job." Jared smirked and Alex rolled his eyes.
"Oh, an unbiased endorsement. Good." Stevie went to her desk and touched the keyboard. "I missed a computer, how stupid is that?"
"Pretty stupid if you ask me."
Clark's voice made Stevie catch her breath. The biggest reason she hadn't been able to stay away stood just a few feet away and it took every bit of courage she had to turn around and face him.
Heart pounding, she met his eyes. "I didn't ask you." Stevie tried not to stare and failed miserably.
Clark had cut his hair. Instead of flopping over his forehead, he wore it trimmed close and it seemed blonder than ever. Tan, buff, and blue-eyed, he'd exited his awkward years, having attained true hunk status. None of those things were what made Stevie's heart catch in her throat. Her reaction stemmed from the look in his eyes, the way Clark always looked at her. She'd been terrified to come home. So afraid that look would have changed. It hadn't. Trust Clark to remain the same, as solid and unchangeable as a rock.
He loved her. Unconditionally, unquestioningly and without demand. She needed that now. She needed to see Alex and Jared together, to know that love was real. They'd helped her at Haven Home, taught her coping and rebuilding. The women at the refuge cared. They loved her but… not like here… at Jared's she was surrounded by unconditional love. Stevie didn't know who moved first but within seconds Clark scooped her into his arms. He held her close. His heart beat against hers, his lips in her hair. Stevie closed her eyes and clung to him. Home.
What she'd seen pass between Jared and Alex—Jared's hand on Alex's face, the way they looked at each other before they kissed—she could have that. She could be loved in the same way. She'd known it since she was old enough to understand the difference between 'like' and 'love'. Clark loved her with every fiber of his being. She could have so much if she was brave enough. If she could let him in.
Stevie trembled in Clark's arms and he held her tighter. "I missed you." She whispered the words against his neck and began to cry.
Let me See Your Scars
"Holy crap, I made her cry." Clark fell back onto his bed his arm covering his face. His mother had come in to see what he wanted for dinner and found him mid-crisis. She took a cautious seat on the edge of his bed. Conversations with Clark had turned into a minefield since the incident with Stevie, and having the summer away didn't seem to make much difference in his emotional distress. Lydia didn't care what people said, boys were much harder.
"Who was crying, dear?" She patted Clark's leg gently.
His jeans were really filthy. She hoped he didn't wear them to work more than once before he put them in the laundry and tried to remember how man
y pairs had been in the last load. It didn't seem like enough.
"Stevie."
"You made Stevie cry?" Lydia didn't know whether to be shocked that he'd hurt Stevie's feelings or that the girl was back. Her poor baby, Lydia wanted to gather him into her arms and protect him from the world. Sometimes she wished he could just find a nice man like Jared and settled down. Girls were so hard on a boy.
Clark sat up, looking horrified. "No. Yes. Oh God, Mom, I don't know. Jared said it's a good sign. But she was crying. How can that be good?"
"I didn't know Stevie was coming home." Lydia brushed his hair off his forehead in a familiar caress as she tried to sort through everything she was feeling.
"Neither did we, but she's here and when she saw me I hugged her. It was just a hug, I swear. I missed her so much. Then she just started crying and ran off."
"Oh. Did she hug you back?" Lydia knew how Clark felt about Stevie and suspected Stevie returned those feelings, and so his answer didn't surprise her.
"Yes, she did." Pain, hope and pleasure flickered over Clark's face, revealing his confusion.
Clark flirted with and joked about other girls constantly. His love for a good set of 'boobs' famous among his family and friends, but he lacked practical experience with the opposite sex. Lydia sighed, her son could read Alex and Jared like a book, but had no idea how to deal with the girl he loved.
"She hugged me, and kinda held on. I hoped… but then she started crying and ran away. I don't want to hurt her mom. How can I prove how much I love her if just seeing me makes her cry?"
Lydia's heart eased just a bit. Stevie hugged him back. Stevie might be damaged, but she'd never been a liar. Straightforward, after having boys for her best friends most of her life was more Stevie's style. If she hugged Clark, she meant it.
"Clark, baby, if she hugged you back, Jared's right and everything's fine. Sometimes girls cry when they're happy."
He fell back onto the bed once more, this time his hands behind his head, his focus on the ceiling. "No offense mom, but that's stupid." He turned to look at her. "You're sure?"
Amused, she kept her laugh internal. Lydia didn't know exactly how she'd ended up with her hetero son so wise about gay love and so ignorant of women, but maybe this was a chance for them to get a little closer. Clark wasn't standoffish with her, but being all boy, he had little interest in sharing the details of his life with her. When she asked, he was 'fine', work was 'great', Alex and Jared were doing "awesome."
She smiled. "I'm sure. If she hugged you back and held on, she's happy to see you. If she cried, she's super extra happy."
"In love happy?"
His whisper tore her heart and Lydia struggled so her son didn't see that girls also cried when someone they loved hurt. "I can't answer that for her. Someone Stevie should have been able to trust hurt her. I know her relationship with her mother wasn't good, but inside everyone is the need to believe that our mothers love us. Even the bad ones. What happened to Stevie shouldn't happen to a child. Ever. But it did and she has to live with that, deal with it every day. Love and trust are not going to be easy for her."
Clark looked back up at the ceiling. "You don't want me to be with her?"
"I don't want you to get hurt."
"I know that, Mom. I love you, too. But I have to try." He turned to her, his eyes pleading for her to understand. A single tear tracked his cheek. "No matter if it hurts, I have to try."
His mother took his hand and held it tight. "I know. You wouldn't be my son if you didn't."
Getting Going
Stevie stood outside the front door for several minutes. She breathed deeply, calming down. Jared was home and bound to be full of questions. Registering had been more stressful than she had anticipated. Maybe insisting on going alone had been a mistake. Alex claimed he only had a few more things to do before he left for college. He would have come with her and stood between her and all those people. Trembling, she wanted to cry just thinking about it. She registered late, but kids were everywhere trying to change classes, figuring out where stuff was and buying books.
It didn't make sense that an attack on her by her mother in the privacy of their home had made her afraid of people, but if anyone got too close, she flinched away. Anonymous bodies brushing against her in a crowd made her stomach churn. The assault had been awful, but it had been personal, not random. No one was going to pop out from behind a tree to attack her. Well, probably not, best to remember things like that did happen, but it wasn't normal to stay on the edge of freak-out all the time. Stevie sighed and turned away from the door. She settled into the swing hanging from the roof of the porch, her purse falling to the seat beside her. She kept her feet on the floor, pushing the swing back and letting it rock forward again.
Maybe coming home had been a mistake. She thought everything would be fine when she got back. Alex and Jared were so happy, open and loving each other, giving the house a true feeling of home. Even Alex's impending departure did nothing to dim the joy they found being together.
And Clark… the thought of him brought a smile. He still kept to the background, even after almost a week, but he stayed, watching through careful eyes, trying to weigh for himself how she was. He frustrated her; she wanted something more than his hand on her hair and a tender smile. Her inability to find the courage to show him what she wanted irritated her.
Fear. It ruled her life. Fear that what she'd gone through had changed her into someone she'd never understand. She loved Clark. And sometimes she dared to hope for so much, but other times the reality of everything she couldn't change made her doubt she'd ever be good enough for him. Clark he deserved more than a damaged woman. Stevie sighed and closed her eyes. She must have been a serial killer or something in a past life for karma to be such a bitch to her in this one.
Stevie lost herself to the movement of the swing, picturing Clark, his blue eyes dancing with laughter, his once shaggy blond hair close-cropped in a way that focused attention on his high cheekbones and strong jaw. She loved how it looked, and felt a little prickly under her hand the few times she'd rubbed her hand over it teasing him. He had a perfect body—broad shoulders, narrow waist and big hands, rough from work. He was gorgeous, and she didn't have any right to want him. Still, the idea of those hands against her skin, of his finely molded lips brushing hers, filled her thoughts.
"What are you doing out here?"
Absorbed in her fantasy, Stevie hadn't heard him walk up. Startled, her eyes flew open to find Clark standing there, looking as if he'd stepped out of her imagination. His t-shirt stretched tightly over his shoulders, tucked into a pair of worn jeans. The wide leather belt accentuated his narrow hips and Stevie caught herself staring at a most inappropriate area. Blushing furiously, she lifted her gaze to meet his sky-blue eyes.
Thinking about kissing you. She wished she had the nerve to say it, but found her composure by focusing on a safer topic. "I just got home. I registered today."
Clark grinned, dropping down into the empty place next to her on the swing. "That's great. What did you decide to major in?"
"Business admin. I don't think Jared plans to ever let me go." She laughed lightly.
Jared's plans and hopes for his burgeoning construction company had become her dream, too. Alex and Clark wanted to continue working for Jared after college, and Jared intended to put their talents to good use.
Stevie worried about Jared sometimes. He loved carpentry more than anything, but the money was in construction. He enjoyed it and had time to indulge his need for woodworking, but if he expanded the business the way he intended she didn't know if he'd still be happy. Alex and Clark both dreamed of commercial building and Stevie wondered if Jared's plans were more focused on those needs than his own. She tried not to obsess over the idea since there was nothing she could do about it. If Jared wanted her to manage his business, Stevie planned to be there.
"Jared knows a keeper when he sees one," Clark teased. "Registration go all right? I know y
ou're kind of late."
"It was fine. Your dad helped a lot, thanks for talking to him. I couldn't get all my classes but I picked up a couple of electives and I can catch up over the summer."
"Summer school?" Clark sounded so appalled that Stevie burst out laughing.
"Summer school no one is making me do!"
"Are you sure you're mentally stable?" Clark asked with narrowed eyes.
Stevie knew he was kidding, that he didn't mean anything by the question, but it took her by surprise and her initial reaction showed in her expression before she could control it. Considering the state of her mother, mental stability was one of Stevie's biggest worries. She could be crazy, too.
Clark looked horrified by what he'd said. "No, I didn't mean—it's just a joke, Stevie. Sane people don't go to school in the summer. I mean—" He stopped talking. "Damn."
Stevie couldn't hold back her laughter. "It's fine, Clark. I know what you meant." She got up from the swing and looked down at him expectantly. "I have to get inside. Coming?"
He stood with little of his usual grace, still blushing bright red. Stevie opened the door and Clark moved to follow her. "Yeah, I have to tell Jared there's a problem with the job."
Jared looked up, frowning, as they came in, marking his place in the book he was reading with his finger. "What problem?"
"Basement flooded again."
"It barely rained." Jared looked annoyed and thoughtful.
"I know. It's like every bit of water on that piece of property funnels right into the basement. I don't know what the fuck that original contractor did, but that stuff is messed up. We're going to have to hire someone to figure the drainage. I already made all the changes you suggested. Nothing worked." Clark sat on the arm of the couch. Stevie stood beside him waiting to hear what Jared wanted to do.
