All the Forever Things

by Jolene Perry

  Bryce is now a body. A corpse. A cadaver. The deceased. I can’t sort out my thoughts. Hartman was right—of course people are shocked when someone dies.

  I want this horrible night to be over already. No. I want to erase this night. And maybe a lot of other things as well. I really should have stayed with my friend. Why did I let Hartman pull me away?

  My phone sings in a text, and I immediately read the short note.

  Bree crashing at my place tonight.

  At Jessica’s? I blink, and tears roll down my face. “I guess we found Bree.”

  And she’s found somewhere to be that’s not with me.

  Chapter 26

  The house is quiet once Mom and Dad leave. They’re picking up Bryce’s body.

  I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, the sun on the horizon slowly lightening my room.

  My phone is still clutched in my hand, and my prom dress is slumped over a chair.

  “Uptown Funk” sounds on my phone, and I glance to see a text from Hartman.

  Can’t sleep. You?

  Nope. Bree’s at Jessica’s.

  I’m sorry. You two will work it out.

  Maybe. I can’t even believe that I’m in a position to need to work things out with Bree.

  I’m sorry I asked you to leave with me.

  But the alternative would have been to hear the tragedy from the car and then run inside too late to change anything aside from me being able to be there for Bree. My heart twists so fast and hard that I gasp. But my choice in the moment he asked me to go to the beach was simple—of course I wanted to be away from everyone and to be alone with him.

  Don’t be sorry. I wanted to go.

  I wanted to go with Hartman because I wanted to get to know him better. Because I like how he makes me feel. And we were gone for so long because we got distracted and lost track of time. These are all things Bree has done since Bryce. So, I’m guilty too.

  Is it weird that I miss you?

  Miss you too.

  Text if you connect with her. Are your parents as angry as they seemed?

  Pretty much, yep.

  If you’re on lockdown, you might as well try to sleep.

  I might as well.

  G’night/morning

  G’night/morning

  My body starts to warm up again just thinking about him—how magical is that? I have to focus on this feeling. I’ll be no good to my friend or anyone else if I don’t get any sleep.

  Vibrating on my head makes me blink. Slivers of light flash as I keep blinking. The sun is fully up, and I have no idea what time it is.

  I sit up, and now the vibrating is against my hand.

  My phone.

  Idiot.

  I pick it off my mattress and stare at a text that makes zero sense.

  How’s Bree today? Jessica asks.

  How’s Bree? Bree’s with her. Maybe I somehow input her phone number wrong.

  Is this Jessica? I text.

  Yep

  You said Bree was staying with you

  She told me she couldn’t get into your house, so she was coming to mine, and then she said you came home so she was staying with you

  I’m wide awake. Brain running, spinning, trying to put this together. Why would Bree need us both to think she was with the other?

  Where are you?

  Back at the hospital having breakfast with Jeremy. Theo’s still sleeping after his surgery, but they say he should wake up later today.

  I can’t imagine anything hurting that massive guy, but I guess I’ve seen bodies that were larger. So different when it’s someone I know.

  I shove off my blankets.

  I’m going to head out to find Bree. If you hear anything, please text me.

  She’s not there?

  I haven’t spoken with her since last night at the hospital. When she ran away from me.

  Of course. I’ll help once I’m done here.

  I don’t bother changing out of my pajama shorts, just slip on a bra under my old T-shirt. It’s going to be hot out today anyway. I run downstairs and see Mom sitting at the kitchen table and staring out the window, her mug of coffee to her lips.

  “Mom?”

  She jumps.

  “Bree’s not at Jessica’s. Jessica texted me to see how she is.”

  Mom sets down her coffee and stands, her eyes glassy with tears. “I’m sorry we were so angry last night.”

  “What?”

  “Your dad and I.” Her fingertips turn white as she presses them against the top of the table. “We were so scared, Gabe.”

  I nod. “Well, I’m scared about my friend. I know I’m in trouble, but please—”

  Mom picks the Subaru keys off the hook. “If you miss one call from me, your freedom is done. Understand?”

  “I understand.” I snatch the keys and head for the door.

  “I’ll make some calls to see if I can find her from here. Let me know the second you find her, okay?” Mom asks.

  “Yep!” I yell as I run down the steps for the car. I’m not even sure where to start except at her house. I can’t imagine why she’d tell Jessica she was with me, and me she was with Jessica, if she was just going home, but I have to start somewhere.

  The windows in Bree’s grammy’s house are dark instead of having lace-printed curtains, making the place look emptier than usual.

  I knock on the door and wait. And wait. And wait.

  The door opens with a jerk to reveal a man I don’t know. About my dad’s age, only with Bree’s big, brown eyes. “I’m looking for Bree?” I ask.

  “I’m her uncle Greg.” He swipes his brow, and as I glance around him, I see the living room is full of boxes. “We’re in the process of moving my mother to Seattle so she can be closer to me.”

  I knew none of this. “Oh.” But. “Where’s Bree?”

  “She’s staying with a friend until her parents sort out what will happen next.”

  “Which friend?”

  “A”—he scratches his head—“Gabriella?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.” He nods. “My mom said she spends a lot of time over there anyway, so…”

  I think about how I didn’t tell the principal that Bree was drinking that day at school. I knew she would have gotten in trouble, and that would have been awful, but it also might have kept her from prom. I’m not sure what the right thing is here, but with her grammy moving, it’s not like I have anything to lose.

  “I’m Gabriella,” I say. “She’s not with me.”

  The man frowns and sags. “You have any ideas?”

  “When was the last time you talked to her?” I’m breaking every friend code right now by telling someone from her family that she’s disappeared, but what else am I supposed to do? I’m more worried about her safety than I am about how much she likes me after this mess is over.

  He shrugs. “A couple days ago?”

  He doesn’t know.

  Do I tell him? Do I not?

  “Prom was last night. There was an accident. Bree’s okay. She’s just disappeared since then, so…”

  His lips pull into a thin, worried line. “I’ll call her parents, and then probably the police.”

  Police make this real again. Bree’s missing because she wants to be missing.

  He hands me a black marker and rips the corner off a box behind him. “Just write your number so I can call if I find her.”

  I scribble my number. “I’ll call here too.”

  “Thank you, Gabriella,” he says as I turn and start running for my car.

  Bryce texted me all the addresses I might need for my chauffeuring gig, and it’s so weird to pull up something I got from him now that he’s gone, but I’m after Bree. I copy Meghan’s address into my maps from Bryce’s text and let my phone guide me there.

  Another typical California home—stucco sides and tiled roof.

  I park out front, run to the door, and then cringe a little as I look down at my worn-out paj
amas. Oh well. Bree’s important, not my clothes.

  Tapping my feet, I wait for someone to come to the door. And wait. And wait. Finally it opens to reveal who I guess is Meghan’s father—dark circles under his eyes.

  “Sorry.” I fold my arms. “I’m looking for Jessica or Meghan or Bree.”

  “They’re all at the hospital,” he says.

  “Bree too?”

  The man shrugs. “I’d assume so, but I don’t know.”

  “Thanks.” I back up and then turn and jog for the car.

  Once I’m in the driver’s seat, I slide my phone out and type a text to both Jessica and Meghan. Bree isn’t at my house, and she isn’t at home. A guy who I think is her uncle is going to call the cops, so if you know where she is, please tell me.

  OMG!! Meghan texts. I haven’t seen her since she left last night!

  Jessica replies, We’ll watch out for her here.

  This is bigger than Bree getting in trouble. Everyone thinks that Bree is somewhere else. Because she led them each to believe she was somewhere else. Nothing good can come from a person wanting to disappear this way.

  I call Bree’s phone again, but it goes straight to voice mail.

  She won’t answer me. What if it’s for a much bigger reason than her just not wanting to talk?

  Why would she need to disappear?

  I clutch my phone and call Hartman. “I’m freaking out,” I say as he answers.

  I give him the rundown of where I’ve been and what people have said. By the time I’m done, my hands tremble. “I can’t lose my friend. Why would she lie to everyone?”

  She wants to run away.

  She hates us all.

  She doesn’t want to live anymore.

  I sniff as my nose starts to drip. “I don’t know what to do.”

  “Do you want to come here for a minute and regroup?” he asks. “Or do you want me to come with you?”

  Am I just going to screw up by going to Hartman’s? I don’t know. “Yeah.”

  “I’ll text the address to your phone, okay?”

  And in about two minutes, I’m following my phone’s directions to Hartman’s house. I’m trying to make a mental list of all the places I should stop to try to find Bree. The diner near my house. Audrey’s. The beach. The school. Am I screwing up by taking the time to pick Hartman up?

  I’m at his house in only a couple minutes, and he jumps in as I pull to a stop.

  “Where to first?” he asks.

  “Audrey’s?” It seems like a good place to start.

  Chapter 27

  I’m one of the unsafe drivers.

  My eyes can’t focus. I want to drive a hundred miles an hour to every stop on my list. A million horrible scenarios race through my mind.

  Every light stops me. Every stop sign has a person waiting to cross. I itch and tick and bounce in my seat as I drive.

  “It’s okay,” Hartman says.

  I shake my head. “It’s not okay. I didn’t take the time to understand what Bryce did for her, and now I do, but she’s taken off, and I can’t even think about why she’d need to disappear.”

  My phone vibrates, and I hand it to Hartman so he can read the text.

  “Your mom,” he says. “She talked to Bree’s mom, and her mom has no ideas.”

  “Is her mom coming up?”

  Hartman reads the text. Of course her mom doesn’t say.

  We go to Audrey’s with no luck.

  Bree’s not at school.

  Not at her favorite places to eat.

  Not at the beach.

  Not at the doughnut shop.

  Bree is nowhere.

  We stop in the parking lot in front of my house, and I’m so weak that I’m not sure how to keep moving forward.

  “Hey…” Hartman whispers as he slides his fingers over my cheek, wiping my tears away. “We’ll find her.”

  But she doesn’t want to be found. People who don’t want to be found are incredibly hard to locate. I sniff. “Maybe.”

  Mom jogs down the steps of the house entrance and to the driver’s side of the car. I roll down the window, not quite ready to move.

  “No luck?” she asks.

  I shake my head.

  How is this happening?

  Mom glances at Hartman. I’m waiting for her to say something about how I should be on lockdown and for sure shouldn’t be running around with a guy, but she says nothing.

  “I can’t lose my friend, Mom. I can’t…” I suck in a ragged breath.

  “Breathe,” Mom whispers.

  “I should have stuck closer.” I sniff again. “Should have known she was…I don’t know! I should have not cared that she was mad and made her be close to me, or something. Anything.”

  “Why don’t you two get out. We can sit on the back porch for a few minutes and regroup.”

  Hartman jumps out of the car and starts for my side, but Mom already has the door open. We walk to the back patio and sit on the faded furniture with the cemetery spread out in front of us.

  “How are you?” Mom asks Hartman.

  “I’ve been better,” he says. “I wasn’t close with Bryce, but I’ve known him since I was a kid, on and off.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I’m so horrible. I haven’t even thought about Hartman. I reach out and take his hand. His fingers slip through mine.

  Matthew pushes out the back door, sunglasses on his tanned face and wearing surfing shorts. “Hey.” He pauses. “How you holding up?”

  “We spoke,” Mom says with a tone that I recognize well. She and Matthew have discussed something that probably has to do with Bryce.

  He comes up the few steps from the lower door and flops in a chair, studying me too closely. “You look like hell.”

  “Rough night.”

  “Wasn’t aware you were so close with Bryce,” Matthew says.

  “It’s not that.” I stare out at the cemetery. “Bree’s missing.”

  Matthew shifts. “What?”

  “Bree’s gone.”

  He looks over his sunglasses now that he’s under one of the umbrellas. “She, um…couldn’t get in to your house…so she came to my house…She’s crashed in the guest room…”

  “Wait.” I sit up. “Bree’s at your house?”

  “Yeah.” He looks at each of us. “She, um, didn’t say?”

  With all the pauses and “ums,” I’m wondering if there’s more to his story than he’s letting on, but I don’t care.

  I have no idea how many wires had to cross for me to not know this. It doesn’t even feel possible. “What? Bree’s at your house. Right now?”

  “I don’t think she slept all that well, but she was still in the room when I left about an hour ago.”

  My chair topples to the ground as I stand. I run across the grass, pushing as hard as my tired legs will carry me between the grave markers. When I get to Matthew’s house, I don’t pause, just run inside and head up the stairs to the bedrooms.

  “Bree?” I ask.

  “Hmm?” Her voice is sleepy, scratchy, and mumbly.

  I pause in the doorway to see her blinking my direction. I fall against the doorjamb and just stare. More tears. More water. More sorrow and worry and shame and wishes fall down my face.

  She’s here.

  She’s safe.

  “You scared the crap out of me,” I whisper.

  “What?” She sits up, blinking.

  “I thought you were at Jessica’s. Jessica thought you were at my house…” I thought you’d tried to disappear.

  “I couldn’t stay at the hospital, Gabe. I couldn’t…” Her voice turns high pitched, and she sniffs before tears start spilling over her dirty cheeks. “I was mad at you, but I know you. I just…This is…where I ended up.”

  I move across the room and sit next to her. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I left the warehouse. I’m sorry I didn’t get home sooner. That I didn’t know where you were.”

  Bree’s fingers fumble over one a
nother as she stares down at her lap. “I don’t know what to do. It’s like I forgot how to function. Like everything hurts, and I can’t deal with the hurt. I can’t.”

  Grabbing Bree from the side, I hold her against me until her body relaxes. Voices carry from downstairs so I’m guessing Mom and Hartman are here.

  “I get why you wanted to be with him,” I say. “With Bryce.” My ribs smash together as grief begins to suffocate me. “I get it.” My voice is tight, spoken through a swollen throat. “I’m so sorry.”

  She tugs me closer, and we sit together, each clutching the other. Her body shakes against mine as she cries, and the same ripping pain spreads through my chest again. How much crying alone did she do last night? If I’d said the right thing at the hospital, she wouldn’t have had to be alone.

  “I’m so, so sorry,” I whimper.

  “This is what I need from you, Gabe.” Bree’s voice sounds stretched and soft.

  Her arms slowly loosen, so I loosen mine too. Slowly. Bree slips her arm under my elbow and rests her head on my shoulder. Instead of saying something stupid, I sit silent. I’m here. I hurt. I hope that’s enough.

  “You don’t get what he did for me, Gabe. And you were my voice of reason when I didn’t want one. I didn’t want to be smart or sensible or any of the things you are. I’m sorry too.”

  Hartman’s low voice carries up the stairs. “Can I…”

  “Go ahead,” Mom says.

  And then he appears in the doorway, a slight frown on his face.

  Bree’s breath hitches a few times, and her head comes up a little. “Hey,” she says quietly, tugging the down blanket more tightly around her. “Did you two have fun?”

  There’s no malice or frustration or anything.

  A corner of Hartman’s mouth kicks up.

  “Never mind,” Bree says as she swipes at her eyes. “I’m glad.”

  “I should go.” Hartman gestures with his head back down the hall.

  I’m not letting go of Bree again. “Yeah. Okay.”

  “Your mom said she’d give me a ride. Or your dad. My mom said she could come. So I’m totally covered there.”

  Bree sniffs a few times. “You go say good-bye for real, okay?” And then gives me a shove off the bed.

  I nearly slip to the floor but push myself up and step into the hallway with Hartman. My bones feel as if someone’s put them together all wrong.