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Love Don't Have to Hurt

Page 12

by Lucinda John


  “You stupid fat cow!” he yelled, smacking me in the face, causing me to stumble backwards.

  “You’re not happy until I put my hands on you, huh?” he said, kicking me in the side.

  “Ahhhhhh!” I screamed out in pain.

  I was on my hands and knees, attempting to crawl away from him, until he kicked me in my back, causing me to fall flat on my face. The impact of the blow caused me to cry out in pain, waking our daughter. Instead of him walking to see if she was ok, he continued to stomp me as if I was an uninvited roach.

  “I told your dumb ass not to wake my daughter,” he said, kicking me in the nose, causing it to split open.

  “Oh God, please stop,” I cried, cupping my hand underneath my nose to catch the blood.

  “Stupid bitch, clean this shit up, and yes I’m on my way to Tinashee to get my dick sucked. Who wants to fuck your nasty ass when all I can feel is your gut? Nasty, out of shape, fat pig. Tinashee had three kids and her body looked as if it was untouched. You have one fucking baby and you’re tainted. I can’t stand the sight of your unattractive ass!” he roared before punching me in the face.

  “I’m taking my daughter with me. I want all this shit cleaned up and back in place before I return,” he said, stepping over me.

  “No,” I cried, trying my best to get up.

  My left eye was swollen shut, my arms were on fire, and it felt as if I had a few cracked ribs. I was unable to move, so I just laid there on the floor and cried. How did I end up here again? I asked myself. I was sure that the couple session we did together, and the ones he did one on one with the psychiatrist, were helping. He had just graduated from his anger management class, and not once did he lay hands on me in a year. How could he admit to cheating, beat me, and leave with our daughter, as if I wasn’t shit?

  The more I thought of MeMe, the more my heart ached. I was raising a woman and I didn’t want her to grow up thinking this was normal. I was nothing like my mother and I would never encourage her to be in an abusive relationship. Gathering all the courage I had, I clenched my jaw at the pain I was feeling, as I crawled over to the bed. I picked up my phone and called the only person that I knew would help me.

  “Hello?” her soft voice sang in my ear.

  I couldn’t bring myself to say anything, so I just cried.

  “Did he beat you?” she asked in a hushed tone.

  Still, I just sat on the phone and allowed my sobs to tell my painful story.

  “Aimee baby, you have to get up. Now that he went back on his word, it will only continue. He’s only going to come back and apologize, but it won’t be long before he puts his hands on you again. It’s time to get out of this situation. If not for you, do it for Aimesha. You don’t want her to go through this when she gets older. You don’t want her to grow up resenting you because you allowed her father to beat you. Be the woman you want your daughter to grow up to be,” Carol said.

  Over the past year, I’ve secretly kept a relationship with Carol. I wanted my daughter to grow up with her big sister, and she understood my situation better than Shanice did. I could confide in her about anything and she wouldn’t judge me. She would just give me a few words of advice and pray for me over the phone. Before we would hang up the phone, she would always say, “You will know when you’re sick and tired, you’ll feel it, then that’s when you’ll decided to leave for good”.

  After hearing her say those words today, I was sure that was something I had to do. For the sake of my daughter, I had to get out of this unhealthy relationship. I grabbed an oversized suitcase and packed as much of our clothes that would fit. I made sure to pack all of our essentials. After doubled checking the bag, making sure I got everything I would need, I used all my force to drag the suitcase to the garage. I popped the trunk of my car and pushed the suitcase inside, hiding it underneath a blanket and a bunch of other papers and miscellaneous items I had in my trunk.

  I walked back in the house and cleaned up the blood stains that splattered all over the walls and dripped to the floor. It felt like déjà vu as I tried my hardest to scrub away every evidence of abuse. Three house later, the house was clean and everything was back in place. My body was burning in pain, so I decided to pop a Percocet and soak my aching muscles in a tub of hot water. With a glass of wine in my hand, I sipped the sweet red liquid while I thought of every punch, slap, and kick that I had to take from Lucas. The thought of finally being free from his evil ass had me feeling good. With the pills and a few glasses of wine in my system, I started to feel high and mellow. I no longer felt the achiness of my wounds; I was floating on cloud nine.

  Getting out of the tub, I dried my body off and slipped a night dress over my head. My body started to go numb, so I laid on my back and allowed the high feeling to consume me. I had no idea the alcohol and the pills would have me feeling this calm and collected. This feeling was one I wished I would have discovered during the time Lucas was beating me. As much as I wanted to hold on to this feeling, I knew this would be my last time doing it, for the sake of my daughter. Until then, I would just lay back and enjoy everything.

  The next morning, I woke up to the cries of my baby. My head was pounding as I rose from the bed to follow where the noise was coming from. From the banister, I spotted Lucas in the kitchen, trying to console Aimesha while shaking up her bottle at the same time. I watched in awe as he fed her, while babbling baby sounds to her. It pained me to have to leave him, but it was for the best. I couldn’t be a role model for my daughter in my current situation.

  “Are you going to stand there like you dumb, or are you going to cook me something to eat?” he spat, never taking his eyes away from our daughter.

  Instead of objecting, I walked into the bathroom to clean myself up. Still in pain, I did my best to wash up so that I could look more presentable. “Oh shit,” I cringed at the pain in my side as I tried to brush my hair into a ponytail. The burning sensation from the bruised rib I was sure I had was so unbearable that I had no choice but to take another Percocet to get through the day.

  Lucas and the baby were now sitting on the coffee brown sectional in the living room, watching cartoons, while I prepared breakfast. With my escape plan heavy on my mind, I made bacon, eggs, grits and toast. I thought about putting rat poisoning in one of Lucas’ meal, but the thought of being placed behind bars, away from Aimesha, caused me to reconsider.

  “Breakfast is done,” I announced, making sure his glass was filled with orange juice.

  “Come here,” he said, placing the baby down in her swinger.

  My heart began beating loudly, out of my chest, with every step I took. My body didn’t even fully recover from last night’s beating, so I was nowhere near ready for another. My eyes quickly scanned the room, making sure everything was clean and in place. When I noticed a few letters I was supposed to give to the mailman on the coffee table, my heart sank to the pit of my stomach. Yesterday morning, he reminded me to give the mailman some important documents, due to the ass whooping he landed on me, it slipped my mind.

  WHAM!

  He slapped me back into reality, causing my head to snap back.

  “You’re not happy unless I’m slapping you around, huh?” he said, punching me in the jaw.

  Blood poured out of my mouth like water from a waterfall. The saltiness of the blood filled my mouth, but I knew better than to spit it out. Lucas would only beat me until I was unconscious, if I ever did such a thing. I thought about swallowing the bitter blood, but my stomach started to turn at the thought of that. Sealing my lips together, I made sure to hold the metal tasting blood in my mouth until the assault was over.

  Before his boot could come crashing down on me, the sound of Aimesha’s cries, saved me. Her wails caused him to give me a disgusted look, before walking off to pick her up. I knew better than to get up unless I was told to, so I laid there with a mouth filled with blood, with pleas for God to stop this pain running through my head.

  “Clean this shit up and re
-cook my eggs, now!” he yelled, causing me to flinch.

  I got up slowly, then made my way to the bathroom. Spitting out the blood, I noticed that he knocked out two of my teeth. My once pretty smooth skin was now dark, with bruises all over. My tears mixed with warm water ran down my face as I did my best to do away the pain. Taking another Percocet, which wasn’t recommended since enough time hadn’t passed since I took the first one, I made my way downstairs to re-cook Lucas’ breakfast.

  The effect of the drug started to take a hold of me as I did everything in slow motion. My vision was blurred, but the pain was gone. The high my body felt was something I anticipated. I was starting to get addicted to the pills. I needed them in order to survive this terrible thing called life. As much as I wanted to stop myself, I couldn’t; the path to destruction was only a few feet away from me.

  My whole day went by in a blur. Since Lucas decided to stay home, I spent the day secretly popping pills, so I couldn’t feel the pain of my injuries, and catering to him. He even forced me into giving him head, knowing that the lining of my jaw looked a little off. I wanted to complain and beg to go to the hospital, but instead, I just popped a pill and got on my knees. It was funny how one second I had my getaway plan together, and now I was so strung out on pills that I really didn’t care.

  The next day Lucas woke me up with yellow roses. He even had a doctor come out to the house and tend to my injuries. Just as I suspected, I had a few bruised ribs and a mild fracture in my jaw. I was even able to slip him some money behind Lucas’ back for more Percocets.

  “Baby, I want you to relax in bed and get better. I’ll bring Aimesha to my mother’s so you can heal without interruptions,” he had the nerve to say.

  Because I was so doped up, I didn’t give a fuck. I just rolled over and closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. I counted his footsteps until I heard the door open and close, followed by the purring of his truck’s engine. When I was sure he was gone, I picked up the phone and called Carol.

  “I’m ready,” I cried as soon as I heard her soft voice.

  “Everything is already set in motion, the only thing that’s missing is you and baby girl,” she said.

  “Thank you.”

  “Anytime, love. Be careful.”

  “I will.”

  After hanging up, I made sure to delete any traces of me contacting her out of my phone, just in case Lucas wanted to perform a random search on my phone. He would do shit like that from time to time, just to make sure I wasn’t still talking to Shanice or anyone else. The thought of Shanice made me want to call her. I wanted to tell her I was finally getting it together and freeing myself, but I knew she wouldn’t believe me. In her eyes, I was like the little boy that cried wolf. It would take me actually leaving Lucas for her to believe that we were over and done.

  ****

  (One Week Later)

  “Today is the day,” I sung to myself. Lucas was out of town on a very important business meeting. I was healed and looking lovely, and ready to leave once and for all. Just as Carol did, I emptied all of Lucas’ safes, and filled a couple duffle bags with money. I was finally leaving everything behind, except my pill habit. Over the week, to cope with the depression I had suddenly sunk in, I became heavily addicted to Percocets. With the help of Lucas’ in house doctor, I had a connect to get me the fix I needed. Leaving Lucas was the best decision I made, but it did hurt. Underneath all the ugly, was the man I fell deeply in love with. Despite his vicious ways, he still held my heart. We shared a child and so much history together that it pained me to leave.

  To erase the doubt from my head, and the pain in my heart, I took another pill. I double checked with Carol and made sure everything was in place, before leaving the house. Lucas had no idea I was on my way to pick up Aimesha from his parents. She had been with them since the incident a week ago and I was told to leave her until he came home and picked her up. By the time Lucas’ mother would have called him, we would have already been long gone. Carol had a SUV waiting for me at a Walmart that was down the street from his parents’ house, so the only thing I would have to do was switch cars, making sure I left everything that could have a tracking device behind. Lucas was a smart man and I knew leaving with my phone or car would be like setting myself up.

  When I walked out of the house, I felt like every chain that had been holding me back was broken. The sun kissed me on the cheeks, assuring me that everything was going to be ok. With my big face Gucci shades pulled over my perfectly ‘beat’ face, courtesy of MAC, I made my way to my car with an extra strut in my walk. The highness from the pills definitely had me feeling myself.

  Beyoncé’s, “7-11”, blasted through my speakers as I made my way to Lucas’ mother’s house. I was bobbing my head so hard that one would have thought it was going to roll off my shoulders. When I completed the long drive to Lucas’ parents’ house, I started to become nervous. I wanted to pop another pill, but because of my daughter being in my care, I needed to be alert. No matter how dependent I become on the pills, I would never risk my daughter’s life by operating a vehicle while soaring sky high.

  “Oh Aimee, I wasn’t expecting you,” Lucas’ mother said once she answered the door.

  “Yeah, I just came to pick up Aimesha.”

  “Are you ok?” she asked, causing my heart to race.

  “Yes, I’m fine,” I smiled.

  “Hmm, I thought she was staying until Lucas came back. He told me you were home sick with the flu.”

  “Well, I’m all better now. Plus, I’m missing her something terrible,” I replied, rolling my eyes underneath the dark shades. Leave it to Lucas to bullshit his mother on why Aimesha was really there. His mother was used to abuse, so he could have come right out and told her how he beat my ass, making me unable to care for my daughter.

  “Ok, let me go grab her. You’re more than welcome to come in and have some tea; I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  “No, I have to go. You know how Lucas hates for me to be out too late,” I replied.

  “Yup, just like his father,” she said before disappearing into the house.

  A few minutes later, she reappeared with Aimesha covered in blankets in her car seat. Thanking his mother and making false promises to see her later, I quickly walked to my car. I fumbled with the latches on her car seat before I finally had her securely in. My heart was racing faster than a bunch of race horses, so I had to stop and take a deep breath, just to get myself together.

  When I made it to the Walmart, I quickly transferred everything to the Dodge Durango Carol had waiting for me. I made sure to leave my ring, phone, and the car right there in the parking lot, along with my past. When I got on I-95, I picked up the phone Carol purchased and called her.

  “Hey boo!” she beamed.

  “Hey love, I’m heading there now.”

  “Great, I’ll see you in the morning, and remember, stay strong.”

  “I will,” I replied, taking a deep breath.

  “Call me when you get there, they’re expecting you.”

  “Ok, talk to you later.”

  After hanging up the phone, I headed to Roger’s grandparents’ house in Daytona. I was going to stay there until Roger filed the necessary paperwork for my divorce and custody of Aimesha. Once all of that got situated, I would then fly out to Dallas, Texas where Aimesha and I would start our life all over.

  It felt good finally escaping my abuser, but it pained me at the same time. The thought of walking away from the love of my life was scary. Just like me, Aimesha would have to grow up in a single parent home. I had enough money in my secret account and these duffle bags to set us up with a great start. With Lucas being a multimillionaire, I was sure to collect a nice alimony and child support check for him. Aimesha would be well taken care of, and that’s all I ever wanted. I wanted to save her from men like Lucas who thought just because you came from nothing, it was ok to treat you like shit.

  When I made it to Roger’s grandparents beautiful be
ach home, I was tired. They had a guest house set up in the back where they allowed Aimesha and I to stay. After feeding Aimesha, I gave her a bath and put her to sleep. After soaking in a nice tub of hot bubbles, I sipped my wine. I tried to fight the urge to reach in my purse and grab the pill bottle, but I couldn’t. Since the baby was sleep, I didn’t see any harm in taking just one pill.

  Washing the pill down with the rest of my wine, I dried my body off and slipped a night dress over my head. I laid back on the king sized canopy bed and allowed the drug to take control of my body. I was rolling hard and it felt so good. In my mind, as long as I didn’t take any pills while my daughter was alert, there wasn’t any harm being done. I didn’t entertain the thought of having an addiction; I had the will power to stop whenever I wanted to, so I thought.

  Chapter 23

  Lucas

  I thought Aimee and I were making great progress until she developed a habit of being sneaky. Since I ran across Carol’s number on one of our cell phone bill statements, I started keeping an eye on her. Part of the reason of me lashing out on her was because she was deceiving me by keeping in contact with the enemy. With Carol in Aimee’s ear, I knew no good would come out of that.

  “Mr. Stinger, your mother is on the phone,” April said, walking in on my presentation.

  “Tell her I’m in a meeting,” I tried to wave her off.

  “She said it’s an emergency,” she pleaded.

  “Put her through.”

  Excusing myself, I walked to the hallway and took the call on my business cell phone.

  “Mother,” I spoke into the phone.

  “Aimee just left with the baby,” she said.

  “How long ago?”

  “A few hours ago. I’ve been trying to get in contact with you, but that April girl kept saying you were in a meeting. Are you and Aimee ok?”

  “Yes, why do you ask?”

  “Instead of heading home, she drove the opposite way.”

 

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