All I Want for Christmas is You

by Lisa Mondello

  She shook the thought aside. As abrasive as the thought was, it wasn't any of her concern, she told herself. Why should she care how many women had hung their panties on Kyle Preston's bedpost?

  "There's really not much to tell," she murmured, nervously brushing her hand up against her other arm. The words of untruth left a bitter taste in her mouth. There was a whole lot to tell, she just didn't know if she could do it without breaking down for the umpteenth time.

  "If that were the case, you wouldn't be avoiding it."

  "I'm not avoiding anything, Kyle," she countered. "I just don't see any point in rehashing something that can't be changed. It's not worth it."

  She heard him draw a deep breath. "It's at least worth a try."

  Squeezing her eyes shut, she fought the threat of burning tears and desperately tried to keep her breathing even. "You don't understand."

  "But I want to," he said softly. The deep timbre of his voice felt like gentle fingers caressing her soul.

  She swung around to meet his gaze and found nothing but warmth and compassion. "I upset the apple cart by marring their perfect family image."

  He made no move to come closer to her. The distance felt safe. But at the same time, it also felt lonely. So many times she had cried without any arms to hold her. The idea of Kyle's arms wrapped tight around her now seemed comforting, inviting.

  He said nothing, but sat straddling a kitchen chair, resting his arms over the back.

  She drew in a deep breath for courage, for strength, but could find none. "They had very high expectations for me. So did I."

  "Most parents do."

  "My parents aren't most parents." She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear and fiddled with its end, twisting it nervously between her thumb and her index finger. "I was going to be an architect."

  He nodded his head. "I remember seeing a copy of Architectural Digest in your apartment the other night."

  She gave a weak smile. "Well, maybe someday. Anyway, I was the kind of kid who did everything that was expected of me because it was expected. You know, the perfect Honor Society student, the devoted and obedient daughter. I was so predictable. My parents are psychologists, very well respected members of the community."

  "Sounds like something to be proud of."

  "Yes, it is, until your only daughter suddenly becomes unpredictable and starts dating a boy you don't approve of, someone who is nothing but trouble. Except I didn't see Jimmy as trouble then. I saw him as the Prince Charming who finally noticed the mousy, shy me that none of the other boys noticed."

  He gave a lopsided grin. "I doubt that."

  "You didn't know me back then. I admit I was taken with the attention Jimmy showered on me. I ignored all the things people told me about how he was no good, that he'd never change." She saw him flinch, and her heart sank. Would he judge her for her past? "But it was all true, only the truth came too late for me."

  "I can see how a parent would have a problem with their daughter dating someone who was trouble," he said in a low voice. "But that's no reason to break all ties with your family."

  "You don't know the half of it." She bit her bottom lip before going on. "I don't know what they were more upset about, my jeopardizing a promising future by getting pregnant or having everyone in the community watch their pregnant daughter hobble across a stage to collect her High School diploma." Sadly, she always believed it was the latter. How else could it explain her father's reaction when she told him she wanted to keep her baby? How else would it explain the tension that continued to keep them apart now?

  That day. That God awful morning she sat waiting in her hospital room, just two days after Kristen was born.

  Waiting for her parents to come and take her home. Waiting for the nightmare to finally be over. The nurse came into her room repeatedly and asked her if she wanted anything for the pain. But she just said no. Nothing she could give her would make the pain in her empty arms go away. She wasn't allowed to be in the maternity ward. It was better that way, easier for everyone involved, she was told.

  Easier for who? Lauren cried. Certainly not her. But everyone decided it was best to give the baby up for adoption. Lauren would go away to college, just as planned.

  When she graduated and became a successful architect, her parents would eventually get over the "scandal" and everything would get back to normal.

  Except nothing was normal. After tossing in bed for hours the night before, she did the unspeakable. She crept up to the maternity ward in the middle of the night and peeked through the wide glass window of the nursery to see the baby, her baby, wailing at the top of her lungs.

  Her daughter was alone, all alone in a bassinet in the middle of the room with no one to comfort her. What was wrong with them? Why wasn't anyone taking care of her child? Lauren fumed. Why didn't anyone tell me my baby needed me?

  Acting on pure instinct, she stormed into the nursery and scooped the baby into her arms. Kristen, so soft and warm, calmed down immediately and peered up at her mother with wonder shining in her wide eyes. It was then that Lauren understood the true meaning of unconditional love. But then the head nurse snatched Kristen from her arms and ordered her to leave. Another nurse called a security guard and Lauren was hauled away in tears. She tried to tell them it was her baby, but they wouldn't listen. She couldn't see her baby. It was not allowed. She thought she'd died that night.

  When her parents finally arrived with a lawyer to have her sign the adoption papers, she couldn't tell them what she'd done. They said they'd stand by her no matter what, and they had. They supported her when she decided against having an abortion and when Jimmy disappeared from her life. They endured the pain with her when people stared and snickered about how their perfect family wasn't so perfect anymore. Surely they wouldn't desert her if she told them she couldn't give her baby away to strangers.

  In the last second, when the lawyer put the adoption papers in front of her and asked her to sign her rights away, Lauren defied them. Twisting the pen between her fingers, she stared at the blank line marked with an X for what seemed an eternity. In the end, she knew there was no easy way to tell them that all she wanted to do was hold her baby.

  "Everyone makes mistakes, Lauren. It was a long time ago," Kyle said.

  "Yes, it was. And I don't regret any of the mistakes I've made because, if I did, it would mean that Kristen wouldn't be in my life. And I can't imagine that. But it doesn't change anything. I disappointed them and they've never forgiven me for it."

  "How do you know that? Have you tried to contact them?"

  "Yes. I send them birthday cards and Christmas cards and anniversary cards. I call them every year during the holidays, hoping they’ll want to see me. But it’s always so awful. Dad won’t come to the phone, and Mom rushes me off because we don’t know what to say to each other. They know where I am. But they've never made any move to contact me on their own.” She swallowed hard, but the lump in her throat would not ease. “They've never seen Kristen. They left the hospital without even looking at her. They told me they wouldn't support me and they meant it."

  "What did you do? Where did you go?"

  She shrugged. "I managed. I had some money saved for college, so I bundled Kristen up and got on a bus. I knew the money wouldn't last, but I stretched it out long enough to move here and get a job waitressing at a good restaurant. I did that until this past September when Kristen started school. Part of me hoped that I'd be able take some classes and get my degree."

  He smiled. "I'm sure you will someday."

  She tried to smile, but the muscles in her face wouldn't cooperate. All her childhood dreams seemed a million miles away. "I barely have time to brush my teeth, Kyle. Did you forget I have a six year old?"

  He lifted himself from the chair and dragged it to the table before absorbing the distance between them. Though they weren't touching, she could feel his warmth. "Things change, Lauren. People can change."

  She laughed sardonically. "You really
believe that?"

  Nodding his head, he said, "You should, too."

  She shook her head. "It's a nice fairy tale."

  "Give them a chance. Tell them you want to see them," Kyle urged.

  She sighed as she walked over to the table and picked up her coat. "It must be time for dinner," she said, moving toward the door.

  "You need to try again. You owe it to yourself and-"

  She cut him off before he could finish. "We'd better get back to the house. Kristen will wonder where I am."

  * * *

  Kyle pushed his plate away and stared at Lauren sitting across from him at the antique table. Although she smiled pleasantly and engaged in small talk with his family, he knew it was just a front. All during dinner, he watched as she picked at her food and twisted her fork without so much as taking a bite.

  "Did you see my new earring, Kyle? This makes ten," Zoey said, pulling at her gold clad earlobe.

  Groaning, Kyle inspected the stud his sister had added to her collection. "At least it goes with all the colors of your hair, Zoe."

  She waved him off and huffed. "I should have known you'd have no taste in fashion. You like it Lauren, don't you?"

  "Uh, sure. Very nice," Lauren complimented. She looked at Kyle and shrugged.

  Turning her attention to Judy, Zoey added with excitement, "Bruce says he's gonna get me one for my nose and my belly button for Christmas."

  Kyle darted a glance over at his father, who sat at the head of the mahogany table with his arms knotted across his chest and his eyebrows raised as high as his skin could stretch. Patience and tolerance were Will Preston's strong suits, but Kyle could tell his father was just about ready to blow his gourd.

  "How, ah, nice, Bruce," Judy replied with forced graciousness. "Very...thoughtful."

  Zoey smiled at Kyle, then leaned into her boyfriend, who had yet to crack a smile or say one word during dinner, and snaked her arm around his waist.

  It made Bruce blush.

  It made Kyle nauseous.

  "How wonderful. And this you do...why?" Kyle finally asked because no one else dared.

  "Oh, I can't talk to you, Kyle." Zoey stood up and started to clear the dirty dishes from the table. "Mom, is it okay if me and Bruce skip dessert? We're gonna catch an early movie."

  "Sure, just be home by nine."

  "How about eleven," Zoey bargained. "The movie gets out at nine and we thought we'd get a pizza or something-"

  "You've got school tomorrow," Will said firmly. "Be home by nine-thirty."

  "Awe, Dad. Ten-thirty."

  "You're sixteen years old, young lady. The curfew still stands."

  "Me and Max will hunt you down," Kyle cut in teasingly. Although he smiled, he kept his eyes fixed on Bruce. What his sister ever saw in this guy, or the portfolio of tattoos he displayed, was beyond him. The best thing he could say about them dating was that their hair colors matched.

  "Stay out of this, Kyle," Zoey shot back.

  Being the peacemaker of the family, Judy clapped her hands together and cut in with her usual flair, before WW3 erupted.

  "I have a cheesecake for dessert. I hope everyone left room for some," she said. Lauren stood up and started helping, but Judy held up her hand. "No, no. You just sit here and relax. I can take care of it. Zoey, will you help me with the coffee before you leave?"

  The little ones excused themselves and scooted into the family room to watch a video.

  Bruce bounded from the table and exited the room with Zoey. Both Kyle and Will dropped their heads forward in disgust.

  "I don't know what the heck I'm going to do with that one." Will rubbed his face with both his hands and looked up at the ceiling. "Please, Lord, tell me she'll outgrow him."

  Zoey swung through the doorway, her Army coat draped over one hand, a tray with plates topped with cheesecake in the other. She deposited the tray on the center of the table and rushed to kiss Will on the cheek. "See you, Dad."

  "Remember what I said. Nine-thirty on the nose." She rushed out of the dining room and he added under his breath, "Or I'll take Max and hunt you down."

  Kyle chuckled and looked across the table at Lauren. She shifted nervously in her seat, seemingly uncomfortable with the conversation. He wondered if she was thinking of herself at that age. Of her own parents' disapproval. Hard as he tried, he couldn't imagine her dating someone even remotely like Bruce.

  A scuffling noise erupted from the kitchen that sounded like scratching paws on the tile floor. He heard the familiar bark. "Oh, no," Kyle groaned as he bolted to a stand.

  "Whoa! Incoming!" Zoey called from the other room.

  "Kyle Preston!" Judy screamed.

  As if on cue, Will dove to the center of the table and grabbed the cheesecake tray just as Max pounced into the dining room. Kyle chased the dog around the table unsuccessfully until the animal lunged on top of the table, sniffing and slobbering for tidbits. Lauren jumped from her seat and stepped away from the table, her hand to her chest.

  "I got him, Ma," Kyle said to Judy when she appeared in the doorway, hands on hips and scowling. To Lauren he said, "In case you were still wondering, this is what happened on Thanksgiving."

  Judy's lips were tight. "Except that time this...this..."

  "Max," Kyle offered.

  "This animal got away with the turkey and dragged it through my house." Her nostrils flared with anger.

  Will cleared his throat and eyed Kyle in a message that said he'd better take care of Max before the woman of the house blew her lid.

  "Come on, boy." Kyle clutched the dog by the chewed leash and yanked, while Max continued to sniff for leftovers on the floor. When he got to the doorway, Judy glared at him and stepped back to let them pass. Kyle shrugged and said quietly, "Sorry, Ma."

  "Oh, go. I swear, Kyle Preston, you get worse as you get older. You don't have to take in every stray that wags its tail on your doorstep," he heard his mother say as the kitchen door slammed shut.

  As he crossed the driveway, he saw the red taillights of a car exiting the driveway. "I hope she knows what she is doing, Max," he said to the dog. Max whined, pulling away until Kyle ground his feet in to keep standing.

  He let the dog pull him to the back of the carriage house and noticed the frayed end of the leash where Max had broken free. "Looks like I'm going shopping first thing in the morning for a strong chain," he muttered to himself.

  He deposited the dog in his apartment, saying a silent prayer that his home would remain in relative order while he was gone.

  Pushing the kitchen door of his parents' home closed, he heard the sound of laughter spilling from the dining-room. Lauren's laughter. God, what a beautiful sound. "He was a lot of trouble? I can't imagine it." Lauren's wide eyes twinkled with delight as she watched him sink into the dining room chair.

  "Don't let him fool you. Kyle wrote the book on trouble." Judy handed him a plate full of cheesecake. But given the current topic of conversation, he didn't feel much like eating. "Kyle and Chas, I should say. The two of them were notorious for getting into everything."

  "Really?" Lauren stared at Kyle in disbelief. Well, he never meant to paint himself as anything other than what he was, but he didn't go broadcasting his youthful indiscretions.

  "There was the time you and Chas rolled that gigantic tractor tire down Main Street and wedged it in front of the Town Hall doors. I still can't believe no one saw you two do that," Will said, shaking his head.

  "Or," Judy eyed Kyle, this time with affection, "the time you two borrowed Mr. Marsh's horse and strung it up on the water tower for the whole town to see."

  Lauren's eyes flew open. "You put a horse on a tower?" she gasped.

  Kyle shrugged uneasily. "It was a life-size plastic horse from the dairy over on Mill Brook Road. You know the one displayed at the front gate?"

  Lauren nodded. "Oh, my word. How did you get that thing up the tower?"

  "He used the Romex wire from my van." Will chuckled. "I got to Mrs. McAffree's
house bright and early the next morning to re-wire her house with no wire for the job. And of course, there was the time-"

  Kyle cleared his throat and extended his cup. "How about some coffee, Ma?" he asked as Judy refilled Lauren's cup. She turned and filled the cup he held out to her.

  "Speaking of Chas, he called earlier today when you were out," Judy said. "Seems he and Kim are coming back to Palmer. Things didn't work out like he'd planned in New Jersey so they decided to come back here before Kim has the baby."