A Little Harmless Faith

by Melissa Schroeder

  “And you walked away.”

  “I wanted him to get help. I said we would make a joint statement. He refused and said he didn’t have a problem. I gave him an ultimatum, and he told me to go to hell. Those were the last words he said to me.”

  He took her hand and raised it to his lips. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  “I am sure you read the rest…or heard it.

  “I would rather hear it from you.”

  “Oliver was convinced I would out him. I was basically going to call his mother and father, and demand that we have an intervention, but I would have never gone to the tabloids.” She sighed. “He killed himself that night.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said again.

  “It was a long time ago.

  “Nevertheless, it had an impact on your life. Is that why you started working as a sober companion?”

  She nodded. “In a roundabout way. A year after Oliver’s death, my mother made me go to a support group for family and friends of addicts. It was there I realized that much of Oliver’s behavior before the drugs had been borderline abusive. It took me awhile to come to terms with that, but once I did, another member approached me and told me I should think about being a sober companion.”

  “And then a few years later, my mother hired you.”

  She nodded.

  “I truly hate that you went through all of that. It must have been so difficult.”

  “The aftermath was worse. I was the horrible woman who caused all the problems. His parents attacked me in the press. I went from being America’s Sweetheart to the demon woman.”

  “Come on,” he said, as he tugged her off the barstool.

  He took her to his room. She expected some extra special play for the night. Instead, he turned her around and pulled the pins out of her hair.

  “I obsess about your hair. It’s so amazing.”

  Before she could respond, Jensen turned her around again. Still, no orders. He undressed her slowly, lovingly. With each move, she felt cherished. Her heart seemed lodged in her throat. After pulling off her dress, he undid her bra, bending his head to take first one nipple, then the other into his mouth.

  Desire soared as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of her thong. He bent to help her step out of it, then stayed on his knees. He pressed his mouth against her sex, his tongue slipping inside of her over and over. She settled her hands on his shoulders as he teased her clit with the scrape of his teeth. She leaned her head back, closing her eyes. Arousal twisted with a deeper need, one that she didn’t even know she had. To be needed, wanted in this way, to be treated as if she were something precious, all of it entwined with the love she had for him.

  He continued to tease her clit as he slid a finger inside of her. He had given her no orders, so as she felt her orgasm approach, she didn’t even try to fight it. Electricity sparked as she set her hands against the back of his head to urge him on. She was so close, so damned close. She thought she would never make it to the pinnacle as the heat that had built in her stomach dropped lower. Her legs shook, her body bowed against his mouth, and in the next instant, she screamed his name as she tumbled over the edge into bliss. He kept his mouth against her as she rode out her orgasm. By the time he rose to his feet, she was barely able to stand.

  Jensen lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed. He stripped out of his clothes, then joined her, covering her body with his. The kiss he gave her then was filled with tenderness and need. By the time he pulled back, she had to blink tears away. The man was undoing her with every move he made. She was helpless against the flood of emotion that twisted through her. Love and desire intertwined and then surrounded her heart.

  “What?” he asked.

  She shook her head not wanting to burden him. Nicola didn’t want to ruin the moment, not now.

  Jensen rose to his knees, then lifted her up by her hips. In one fast, hard move, he thrust into her. She was wet enough that it didn’t hurt, but she was still sensitive from her release. Even so, she didn’t care. This was what she wanted, what she needed right at that particular moment. He started to move inside of her. She had thought she wouldn’t be able to come again, but he built up her need once again, pushing her to her limits. His moves were lazy at first, but soon, he was moving faster and harder in and out of her. As he coaxed another orgasm from her, her body bowed up off the bed. She seemed to have no control as he kept moving, teasing her, not allowing her to shy away from what he wanted from her. Again, he built her up, using his cock and his hands. Her release was shimmering just out of her reach when he slipped his hand down to her clit. He pressed hard against it, sending her soaring into another release. He followed her in the next moment as he groaned out her name.

  Jensen collapsed on her and she wrapped her arms around him. She loved when he dominated her, but this night would be something she would hold close to her heart forever.

  “Oh, bloody hell,” he said lifting his head.

  “You say the sweetest things to me.”

  “No, we didn’t use a condom.”

  “Oh. Well, I’m on the pill, so no worries there.”

  “I’ve been tested.” She knew he meant for AIDS. He had been a heroin addict, so that made sense.

  “As I have. I don’t think we have anything to worry about.”

  “Okay.” He bent his head and kissed her. It was long, wet, and sweet. “Thank you.”

  “I should be thanking you,” she said, trying her best to keep it light.

  “I…I want you to know that you aren’t that girl.”

  She blinked. “What?”

  “You were never stupid, but you were young and sheltered. He hurt you.”

  “Jensen—”

  “No. I have something to say. I wanted you to know how much I care about you. I wanted you to know just how special you are, that you aren’t someone who should have been treated that way. And to know, coming from an addict, that none of it is your fault.”

  For a long moment, she couldn’t say anything. The lump in her throat made it difficult. In the aftermath of Oliver’s suicide and the end of her career, no one had said that to her. Not even her parents.

  She raised her hand and skimmed her fingers over his cheek. “Thank you.”

  They stared at each other for a long moment, then he asked, “How about a shower?”

  “Sounds divine.”

  He slipped out of her, then off the mattress. He picked her up again and walked to the bathroom. She had a lot of worries, but right now, none of them seemed to matter.

  After the quick shower, Jensen and Nicola had snuggled together. He knew from her even breathing that she was sleeping within five minutes. It had been a long day, and he had made sure he wore her out when they made love.

  Jensen didn’t know exactly when he decided not to use Domination tonight. It was probably when she had finished her story. He had wanted to do nothing more than to love her. He needed her to know just how special she was.

  He was sure he accomplished that, but now he had another problem to solve: How did he convince her that she should take another chance on an addict?

  16

  The next afternoon, Nicola was sitting on the lanai in the back of Serenity’s house. Waves crashed beyond the trees, and she could hear people chattering.

  “I hate to leave,” she said.

  “Then stay.”

  “I can’t. We’re supposed to get that new contract, and I need to go over it with Jensen.”

  Serenity chuckled. “Sure. Pretend like you aren’t dumping me for a guy.”

  “It’s daytime.”

  “Does that mean you have no feelings during daytime?” Nicola said nothing, so Serenity plowed ahead. “Yesterday you spent all day with him, so don’t tell me that wasn’t during business hours.”

  “Stop,” she said, trying to put enough humor in her voice to deflect Serenity. Her friend was in full-blown ranting mode though, and when Serenity got on a tear, th
ere was no way of stopping her. Nicola didn’t have the emotional stability to fight against Serenity’s hopeful comments. Nicola knew that if she bought into the possibility of having more than just an affair, she would end up hurt in the end.

  “You know, normally I would be okay with your little arrangement if you didn’t feel anything for him. But you do. You love him, Nic.”

  “Serenity—”

  “No. Stop it. You act like that’s all beneath you.”

  “It’s not that.” It wasn’t. It was that she thought she wasn’t good enough for happily ever after.

  “What is it then?”

  She sighed. “I don’t know if I’m made for long-term relationships. I had one and it was fucked up beyond all recognition by the time it ended.”

  Nicola expected sympathy, what she got was a verbal kick to the head. “Oh, get over yourself, woman. Good God, most of us have regrettable relationships from our teens. What you have with Jensen is special.”

  She shook her head. “No, well, maybe for me.”

  “For Jensen too. Remember, he was here the other day and I talked to him. He planned all of your birthday before he had arrived. He only asked me about the music and arranged when you would arrive here.”

  “Come on.”

  “No. He had the whole thing planned. That is not something you do for a friend you’ve had an arrangement with for only a few weeks. That’s a man who is thoroughly smitten.”

  Serenity took off her sunglasses and looked at Nicola.

  “Don’t you dare act like it’s just another relationship. It isn’t. This isn’t one of the Dom toys you keep around the world. This is Jensen. This is a man you will have to see every day after you leave this island. You went into this knowing that it would be difficult once it was done. But you did it anyway.”

  “It is only for our time here. After that, it would be too difficult.”

  “For you…or him?”

  “What do you mean by that?”

  “I mean you keep men at arm’s length. Seriously, I understand. Oliver was a bastard. But this is a chance for something more, and you are going to toss it away like an idiot. You deserve to be happy, Nic. Take a chance on him.”

  “And do what? Tell him I want to make this permanent, and I want to have his babies?” she shouted the question, surprising both her and Serenity. “What happens if he says no? How do we go on from there? I will be out of a job because it would be too awkward to continue.”

  Serenity’s eyes softened. “I have a feeling he wouldn’t say no.”

  Nicola shook her head. “I can’t take that chance. I might love him, but I also love my job.”

  “So, you’re ready to go back to just being his personal assistant? And before you answer me, think about what that means. You’ll make sure he has rides to his favorite BDSM clubs, where he will go play with other women. You can do that now?”

  Damn. She hadn’t even thought about that.

  “I can tell you don’t want to do that. Take a chance on him and you. You are worth it.”

  She sighed. “When did you get so smart?”

  “I have this friend who told me the same thing not that long ago. It all ended well for me.”

  Nicola smiled. “Okay. I’ll think about it, but right now, I need to get back because I still have a job to do.”

  She stood, then helped Serenity up out of her lounge chair. “Pretty soon, getting out of the chair is going to be too hard on me. Oh, hey, what did Jeff want the other day?”

  “Oh, God, I forgot to tell you. He and Ben are looking for a surrogate,” she said as she followed Serenity into the house. She ran into Serenity’s back when she suddenly stopped in her tracks.

  “Oof,” Nicola said and almost fell backward. Serenity grabbed her, then dropped her hands to settle them on her hips.

  “How dare you not tell me about that?”

  “Sorry. I’ve been busy, and Jensen was with me last night. He was not happy when I told him.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He told me he was worried they were trying to steal me away.”

  “He does know they are just gay, right?”

  “Yes. At first, he thought they were trying to hire me to handle the production company business.”

  “You would be good at it,” Serenity said. Nicola shook her head. “You know you would be.”

  “Yes, but Jeff and I would be at each other’s throats. He doesn’t take direction well.”

  Serenity chuckled.

  “What?” she asked.

  “I just realized you’re the Domme during the day and Jensen’s the Dom at night.”

  Nicola rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I’m calling them tomorrow to tell them no.”

  “Why didn’t you tell them that right away?”

  “First, because they would not take no for an answer unless I thought it over.”

  “And second?”

  “Okay, I don’t want to do it with them, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized how much I wanted a baby.”

  “That makes sense. Of course, you’ve always said you might want a child.”

  “No, not in some abstract way. In a like right now, or in the very near future kind of way. But I didn’t want in vitro with a couple of my gay friends. I wanted to have a baby with a man.”

  “With Jensen,” Serenity said quietly. “Talk to him, Nic. You two need to have a long discussion about the future. You know I’m right.”

  “Fine, you are, but it doesn’t mean that I can do it today. I’ll get us through the whole stupid contract crap. Then I’ll deal with it.”

  “Just make sure you do, or you might really regret it.”

  Nicola was still thinking about what Serenity had said as she drove home that afternoon. She knew her friend was right. She needed to have a talk with Jensen, but Nicola knew it would have to wait. This deal was important to the family, especially Lillian. Bringing their personal issues out today would be bad.

  Still, she kept remembering the night before, the way he had made love to her had left her feeling out of sorts. She could usually read a Dom, but last night had not been about Domination or even kinky sex. It had been more about showing her he cared about her. The soft touch of his hands and mouth, the way he had sounded when he said her name…

  She blinked when she realized she was daydreaming driving on a twisty road near a cliff. Granted, she was on the inside lane, but there was a lot of traffic. Early afternoon brought out the tourists, who loved to stop at all the scenic viewing spots.

  Thankfully, she made it to one of the parts of the drive that didn’t have a cliff on her left-hand side for a little while. The traffic light ahead at Kealahou Street turned yellow, and knowing she didn’t have time to speed through, she hit her brakes.

  Nothing happened. She kept moving forward. Again and again she pressed down on the brake pedal, but still, nothing happened. She was barreling toward the intersection as the light turned red. The other cars started to move through, and she tried her best to swerve to miss them. One hit her back end, sending her spinning. Nicola tried her best to straighten the car out, but in the end, she slammed into the traffic light pole on the opposite side of the street. The barrier didn’t hold her, and she rolled down the short incline to the beach.

  When the car seemed to settle, she sat there, unsure of what to do. Her head was spinning, and she was shaking. She heard people shouting, then banging on her window. She glanced up and found an older Asian man asking her if she was all right.

  She nodded and immediately regretted it. Her brain throbbed.

  “Let me help you out of there,” he said. He opened her door and held out his hand. “I’m sorry I hit you.”

  She blinked as she grabbed her purse, then took his hand. “It wasn’t your fault. My brakes went out. I kept hitting them and nothing happened. The fault was mine.”

  “We called 911,” he said as he helped her around to the back end of her car. “Are you sure you’re
okay?”

  “My head is a little rattled, but other than that, I’m fine. You said you called 911?”

  He nodded.

  “I need to call my boss to let him know. Did you see my purse?”

  “You’re holding it,” he said, frowning at her.

  She shook her head. “No worries. I’m just a little shaken up.”

  It was then she saw his car sitting on the side of the road.

  “I am so sorry about this,” she said. “I will make sure everything is taken care of. You won’t have to pay a dime.”

  He nodded. “I’m going to go keep a look out for the cops. Are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine, thank you.”

  As he walked up the sandy hill, she hit Jensen’s number and hoped he didn’t freak out too much.

  Jensen’s heart was still in his throat as he arrived at the accident site. The cops had arrived and were directing traffic, but the moment he saw the ambulance, he almost lost all calm. He drove past the accident, then parked off the side of the road. He waited to let a couple of cars drive past him, then he got out of the car and walked to the scene. He saw her then, sitting in the back of the ambulance. She had an EMT jacket on for some reason, as one of them was patching her up.

  “Sir, only cops are allowed past here,” a young uniformed cop said.

  “That’s my girlfriend,” he said pointing toward the ambulance. “I want to see her.”

  The younger man nodded and let him past. As he walked toward her, he realized what he had just said. His girlfriend. She wasn’t that. She worked for him. He didn’t want a girlfriend, especially not her. If he was going to keep her beyond her job, he would definitely marry her.

  He stopped walking and tried to gather his thoughts. He wanted to marry her, and he wanted her in his life. Forever. And not just for work or for sex. He didn’t want something temporary.

  He’d had those thoughts before, but not until he thought he might have lost her did Jensen realize that it wasn’t a fantasy. Now, he wanted it to be his reality. Just like last night, he knew it would take a lot of convincing.