Slowly Kate nodded, trying to control the frantic beating of her heart. Alex was here, the first part of her plan had worked and now it was stage two. She looked at Millie sitting on Fiona’s hip and felt a little control flow back. She needed to do this for Millie as much as herself. She needed to re-unite the family Alex had ripped apart.
Another peal of the doorbell erupted into the room and Fiona picked up Kate’s phone and thrust it into her hand.
‘Remember what we said Kate!’ she warned and then made her way to the front door.
‘Hello Alex,’ Kate heard her say, followed by a mumble that she imagined was Alex answering.
Fiona’s voice was pitched loud and clear so Kate could hear everything from the living room.
‘Kate’s on the phone, I’m sure she won’t be a minute.’
For a moment Kate was thankful that she wasn’t the one facing Fiona in the small hallway, her words may have been pleasant enough but the disapproving tone had made Kate wince and she could imagine the look she was casting Alex.
Taking a deep breath Kate clutched the phone to her ear and walked towards the doorway.
‘I’ll have to go,’ she mumbled quietly, too quietly.
She cleared her throat and tried again as she took a step into the hall. ‘I really have to go,’ she said again, this time no tremor in her voice.
She glanced up in time to see Alex turn to look at her, his eyes widening as she stood framed by the light from the living room.
She managed a little giggle, more in response to the appreciation in her husband’s eye than to her acting ability. ‘I’ll see you on Friday,’ she carried on a little breathlessly as she watched Alex’s eyes follow the long slim line of her legs and then zoom back to her face and the cloud of soft waves sliding over her shoulders. She caught Fiona’s eye and added hastily, ’I’m looking forward to it,’ before pressing a few buttons and pretending to finish her call
‘Hello Alex.’
She couldn’t believe how calm her voice was, unlike the mass of hysterical butterflies leaping around in her stomach. She saw Fiona give a slight smile of approval.
‘Hello Kate. You look – well.’
She waited for him to ask who she’d been speaking to but Alex had already turned away and was stroking Millie’s head and cooing.
‘Hello Millie darling. Oh I’ve missed my little girl.’
‘Well whose fault is that,’ snapped Fiona glaring at Alex who withdrew his hand as though stung.
Kate sent her friend an admonishing glance which she deflected with a shrug. It was clear Fiona did not see herself as part of the Alex charm campaign.
‘Ready?’ asked Alex nervously.
Kate inclined her head gracefully, not daring herself to speak and collecting her coat from the kitchen she came back into the hallway to find Alex already in the street and getting into the car in his haste to remove himself from Fiona’s deadly glare.
‘Fee!’ whispered Kate as she stood in the doorway, pulling on her coat and kissing Millie.
‘Look, you be as nice as you need to be Kate, you want him to fall back in love with you. Personally I don’t care what he thinks of me.’
Then in a show of remorse and support she grasped her friend’s hand.
‘Oh Kate, you look stunning, did you see the way he looked at you? Remember everything we said. Go out there and make Alex Patterson fall back in love with you.’
Chapter 16
Kate shivered as she climbed into the car and Alex obligingly turned up the heating.
‘Alfredo’s okay for you?’ he asked.
Kate wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. Alfredo’s was a tiny restaurant only a few minutes away and a regular haunt of Alex and Kate’s over the years.
Was he already reminiscing over the good times they’d had together wondered Kate? Had he been thinking about the nights they’d spent there, hands held across the table as they discussed the day’s events, the weekend to come, the holiday they’d just had, their future. Was it a good sign that he wanted to visit such an important part of their past?
‘It should be quiet and it’s cheap,’ added Alex and Kate bit her lip and stared out of the window.
‘Who were you talking to, on the phone?’
Kate’s heart thudded against her ribcage. ‘Oh er, no-one,’ she offered lamely.
‘No-one?’
Alex laughed, but it wasn’t a very sincere laugh. ‘Do you often speak to no-one on the phone?’
Yes, Kate wanted to snap. Since you left me alone with our daughter, yes I am left speaking to no-one!
‘It was just my Salsa partner.’
Belatedly she remembered she was meant to smile and look casual so she stretched her mouth into a grin that looked more like a snarl then quickly looked out of the window, relieved it was too dark for Alex to see her face.
He didn’t answer and they pulled up outside Alfredo’s with Kate none the wiser as to whether Alex actually cared what she was doing on a Friday night.
Sitting inside in the warmth, a glass of wine in front of her, Kate tried hard not to dwell on the last time she and Alex had been here. It was a few days before Millie had arrived. Alex had come home and announced that they’d better make the most of their last few days of freedom and why didn’t they share a pizza. Kate’s stomach had been huge and she had loved the attention she’d received the moment she walked through the door. Everyone had asked when their baby was due, asked about names and wished them good luck and Kate had gone home happy in the knowledge that the next time they visited they would have an extra member of the household.
‘Who is it?’
She stared at Alex. She’d been lost in her thoughts. ‘What?’
‘Who is it, your Salsa partner? Olivia mentioned she’d seen you at the dance, just wondered who you were going with?’
Alex was swirling his beer round his glass, looking disinterested and Kate watched him for a moment across the table.
‘Oh, no-one you know,’ she answered eventually.
Was that a little frown between Alex’s eyebrows wondered Kate? A tiny touch of truculence.
‘Right. Just wondered.’
Kate looked at her husband across the table and her heart ached. She had missed him beyond words and after two long weeks he was now so close she could actually feel him. She wanted to reach out and stroke his cheek, run her fingers through his hair, kiss him as she had done a thousand times before. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much she wanted him back. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for anything and everything, if only he would forgive her and come home. Never mind the advice on Google, Kate didn’t want to play games. She simply wanted Alex back.
‘Alex …’ she whispered.
‘How long have you been going to salsa?’
Kate stared at the familiar face. ‘Oh, a couple of weeks. Alex …’
‘Really? I didn’t realise you missed it so much, you must have started going the minute I walked out of the door.’
Kate’s head snapped up. He was still swirling his beer, his eyes sliding between the table and Kate’s face.
‘And what did you expect I would do Alex – when you walked out of the door? Did you actually give a moment’s thought to what I would do, how I would feel?’ she hissed across the table.
Alex’s eyes widened in shock. ‘Well of course I did! I was really worried about you Kate, I was desperately worried …’
‘And that’s why you phoned so often? To make sure I was okay?’
‘Well … we, I mean I didn’t think it would help if I was constantly checking up on you, phoning you. You needed time to get used to me not being there.’
Alex was sweating, his top lip had a tiny bead of moisture sitting on the skin and his eyes were swiveling in the direction of the doorway. Kate reined in her anger. This was not going to plan. It was not going to plan at all. She took a deep breath and a large sip of wine.
Confrontation won’t help, a husban
d needs to feel regret that he has left his wife, not relief that the relationship has ended.
‘Sorry,’ she said lightly.
Alex refused to meet her eyes, his lips were set in a straight line, stubborn and defensive and his shoulders were rigid. Kate watched him for a moment.
‘His name is Josh.’
Alex’s head swiveled in her direction. ‘What?’
‘My salsa partner, the one you seem so interested in. His name is Josh.’
Kate took another sip of wine and realised she had emptied her glass. Fiona had warned her not to drink too much. ‘You’ll get all teary and start saying things you shouldn’t,’ she had advised.
Kate refilled her glass to the brim.
‘Oh, right. Josh.’
His shoulders were still tense but he had shifted slightly in his seat to face Kate and she frowned as she tried to read the expression on his face. Could it be? Was that a tiny hint of jealousy in his eyes, the tiniest touch of disapproval?
Men may leave their wives to start a new relationship but often still feel a sense of ownership towards their spouse.
‘Did you meet him at salsa?’
Kate raised an eyebrow and Alex continued. ‘I mean did you already know him, is he a friend or did you meet there or …’
A few weeks ago Kate would have laughed and said that Alex would know if she had a friend called Josh, he knew every friend she had. But then a few weeks ago Kate believed she knew all Alex’s friends.
‘I met him there,’ answered Kate casually.
‘Right. Just wondered.’ Alex shrugged, still swirling his beer.
They sat in silence for a moment.
‘But we’re not here to talk about my salsa class Alex.’
More silence. More wine.
The husband must take responsibility for his actions, he has to accept what he has done and what the repercussions may be.
‘Alex.’
He looked up, meeting her eyes and her breath caught. Oh how she loved him! Even after the last two weeks she still loved him with all her heart. She took a deep breath.
‘Alex, please tell me why you left,’ she said softly.
There was a long pause and she watched as her husband struggled to find an answer.
‘I just need to know why,’ Kate pleaded. ‘why did you stop loving me, why did you decide to leave me and Millie?’
Her voice was uneven, catching as she spoke and she clenched her fists in an effort to stop herself from holding out her hand, reaching out to him.
‘Kate, I … I …’
‘I know about you and Sandra, I don’t need a confession Alex. I know you had an affair, are having an affair. But why Alex, why?’
The room seemed to go quiet, the steady background chatter dropped for a moment and Kate felt as though she were suspended in time. She stared at the table behind Alex, a young couple leaning across to hold hands between the salt and pepper and the small vase of flowers that blocked their way. Young, in love, happy.
There was a resigned expression on Alex’s face and the faintest suggestion of a sigh as though he had been hoping they could have a conversation about him leaving without actually discussing why he had left.
‘I wasn’t happy Kate,’ he said bluntly as his eyes came back to hers. ‘It just wasn’t working anymore.’
‘It? You mean me, our marriage?’
‘Yes.’ He fiddled with the salt and pepper pot.
‘I thought it was working. I love you. You loved me – or I thought you still loved me,’ she took a short, sharp breath quelling the tears.
‘I suppose what I mean is, well things had changed. I – I felt our marriage had reached the end of the line.’
Kate had often wondered at the term a broken heart, she thought it would be better explained as an aching heart. But in the seconds after Alex spoke she agreed that a broken heart was indeed very apt. Her own had just broken, she’d heard it crack as it fell apart.
‘In what way?’ she asked in a shaky voice.
‘It’s hard to say exactly. We’d just grown apart I suppose. We used to be such a great team, always together, having fun, sharing our lives, me and you, you and me.’
‘And now?’
Alex had the grace to look a little apologetic as he watched his wife struggle for control.
‘Well there is no us anymore. There’s a Kate and an Alex but it’s as though you have your own life now and I’m not really a part of it anymore. The fun had gone, everything had gone. Now it’s all about Millie and the house and things we need to do, not necessarily about things we want to do.’
‘Millie?’
Alex shifted in his seat. ‘Well I’m not saying it’s Millie’s fault,’ he said.
Kate lifted an eyebrow. ‘I should hope not!’
‘No! Of course not,’ he agreed. ‘It’s just that it made it all a little worse. Brought it all home so to speak.’
‘Made it worse?’ echoed Kate.
‘Well what I mean is, well you don’t really seem to need me anymore Kate. I feel as though I’m at the end of a long line of things that need your attention, I think you’d stopped actually seeing me as someone who was important in your life and our marriage was – empty.’
Kate looked down at her fingers.
Men often begin an affair in an attempt to boost their self- esteem. They feel unhappy, they feel unappreciated, they turn to someone else.
‘And you felt – left out?’ she suggested.
Alex nodded eagerly, glad she understood. ‘Yes!’
Kate looked up. ‘And you don’t think that’s a little immature?’
She could see Alex bristling. ‘No!’
Accept what your husband is trying to say, you may need to compromise to get him back but this should not be viewed as a defeat
Kate held up her hand. ‘No, I’m sorry, it’s the way you feel.’
She twisted her fingers together, choosing her words carefully.
‘Life does change you know Alex. We have a baby in the house, we can’t be impulsive and carefree any more. Going out takes time and planning.’
‘I know that. But Millie does seem to come first, all the time.’
Kate stared at him in disbelief. ‘Of course she comes first! She’s a baby!’
His lips tightened at the criticism. ‘You didn’t even come to the Christmas party,’ he accused.
‘Millie was unwell and I was so tired …’
‘But that sums it up Kate. You didn’t want to go with me to my Christmas party.’
‘So you decided to teach me a lesson and sleep with Sandra Maddison?’ snapped Kate, her eyes flashing.
Alex stopped. ‘No of course not, ‘he answered hastily. ‘That just - happened.’
Kate took her hand away from her glass in case she succumbed to the temptation to throw it.
‘You left me because I wouldn’t go to the Christmas Party?’
‘Of course not!’ Alex shifted in his seat. ‘Look I knew you wouldn’t understand, that’s why it was so hard to explain things before I left. I knew you’d be like this!’
Like what wondered Kate, upset because her husband had walked out on his wife and baby daughter over a Christmas party?
‘Of course I didn’t leave over the party. But it was the final straw. It just made it clear that it was over between you and me, that you didn’t have anything left to give me. But I knew you wouldn’t understand.’
Reconciliation is only possible if you accept he believed he was left with no choice but to leave and that part of the fault was your own.
‘No -I’m sorry, of course I understand,’ said Kate with a calmness she didn’t feel. She tried a smile but it didn’t quite work.
Alex looked at her suspiciously. ‘You do?’
No, thought Kate. Not in the slightest. She gritted her teeth to stop herself telling him he was behaving like a spoiled child. ‘I understand that you were feeling – neglected since Millie arrived and wanted us to have more of a
social life, spend more time together.’
Alex nodded. ‘Yes! That’s just how I felt Kate. Like I didn’t need to be there anymore because I wasn’t part of your life, or at least an important part of your life.’
Kate finished the wine in her glass and looked over at the young couple in the restaurant. Less than a year ago she and Alex had sat there, full of hope and love.
‘You think I’m being selfish don’t you?’
Alex’s face had closed again, his lips tightening as he waited for Kate to reply.
Kate held up her hand. ‘No, I understand. Really, I do.’
They sat for a moment, both looking anywhere but at each other.
‘Alex, are you in love with Sandra?’
He could have no idea how much effort that question had cost her and although it appeared that Kate was leaving him time to answer, she was in fact desperately trying to control her emotions. Asking your husband if he was in love with another woman must be one of the hardest questions that could occur within a marriage she thought struggling not to cry.
‘Well,’ he blustered, ‘well I think it’s a bit early to say that I love her.’
‘But you left me to be with her, surely that was because you loved her? More than you loved me.’
Alex was sweating again. ‘I just needed something more Kate,’ he said defensively. ‘I felt like our marriage was over and I needed more.’
‘The more being Sandra?’
‘No, well yes, I suppose so.’
Kate frowned. ‘So you had an affair and left me but not because you fell in love with Sandra, just because you felt – fed up.’
‘It was more than being fed up Kate! You’re not the person I married, I was unhappy and I met someone who made me feel better, much better.’
Kate pressed a hand to her chest, wondering if there was an actual knife piercing her heart the pain was so great.
‘Right, sorry. But what I mean Alex, what I suppose I’m asking is are you with Sandra now? You and Sandra, is this a permanent arrangement? Is our marriage over?’
It was the longest ten seconds of Kate’s life. She sat and watched the emotions drifting across the face of the man she loved. She sat, holding her breath, waiting for the answer on which her entire future rested.
Google Your Husband Back Page 13
