by Yoshiyuki Ly
Videl’s patience was a thin mask of acceptance. I saw her feelings for me welling up behind her façade of calm understanding. I watched them simmer, and burn, and grow, all in silence, for me, because that was what I’d willed. When would her mask crumble to pieces? When would she finally show me the end of her inhibitions? That got me off; I sighed with my mental release. I didn’t let Videl ask what was on my mind. I linked my arm with hers and walked with her back to Vassago. I looked forward to when we would part in the hallway; when she would tell me good night in that dusky tone of hers, and bend down to kiss my hand, leaving me breathless and wanting—again, as I’d willed.
***
As the week passed by, I appreciated the dangers in thinning Videl’s discipline. Her eyes stayed fixated on me whenever I was around. She let me see her frustrations building behind that controlled stare. I didn’t know if all of those frustrations were good or not. Whenever we spoke, I kept things casual. I was terrible and I knew it. She knew it but she didn’t call me out on it. I liked to think that a masochistic part of her enjoyed this—that she knew I wanted to see how long she could go without pushing me up against the nearest wall and fucking me with everything she had. Oh, instead, Videl was so very chivalrous and charming with me. Always remembering to stand when I entered a room. Always remembering to bow as she greeted me and when we parted ways. I’d made a habit of licking my lips whenever she could see. I knew hers would feel divine pressed against mine. I noticed my thoughts trailing off toward those desires when I should’ve been working. I took longer than necessary to figure out a way to contact Nyte, telling her to find me at Slutgarden in a few days. Kurtz would be there to distract her wife for a little while. Once that plan was settled, I had room to go back to my daydreaming.
Everyone had their limits. I didn’t want Videl to think that all I wanted was this mind fuck. That would’ve turned her off, no doubt. I asked her to come with me to Elysium’s annual fire show festival. We prided ourselves on the heat down here. The warmth was part of the community. Eden was fucking cold in comparison. So our magicians and pyros put on their shows for the audiences packed in the streets, and our merchants were happy to sell their special wares for stupid prices for the occasion.
As for me, I was happy for any kind of distraction. I couldn’t sleep. Any time I tried, I saw Vespair come back out of that vortex and cut me down with her huge greatsword. I felt like she’d do it in real life if I told Videl about this. Like I was supposed to cower alone. Even though I’d gotten over my fear of the dark, Vespair fooled me into thinking that I hadn’t, somehow. She represented that for me; I didn’t want her to; she did it that much more, fucking my mind to hell, right along with Nyte’s wife. I swore I saw her Nirvana whores staring at me more than usual that night at the festival.
Liking Videl should have only been a passing fancy compared to the rest of the shit that went on. It was so much more than that. Now wasn’t a good time to tell her. As she walked with Satya and me through the streets lit by the blazes, she didn’t seem interested in anything that went on. I’d asked her earlier if she wanted Luna to come with us so she’d have someone else to chat with. She’d said no, insisting that she wanted her sister safe in Vassago at this time of night. Every now and then, she pulled out a small, blue notebook and read through it.
Satya finally said something about it. “What are you reading, Videl?” she asked, all smiles.
Videl cringed in embarrassment. “Nothing,” she lied. “Just…a relic from before I joined the Excalibur. That was a long time ago. I had this idea for a screenplay…”
“Could I see it? I love stories, poetry—any kind of writing, really!”
To my surprise, Videl handed it over to her. Satya’s smile changed to a curious one. I studied Videl’s shyness, the way she wouldn’t look at either of us; how she suddenly decided that now the fire shows around us were interesting. It was downright adorable, really. I grinned to myself about it, wishing I could tease her, but I had no idea how she’d react to that. I held her hand instead. She tried so hard to play it off, like it didn’t surprise her. These silent bits of understanding I had with her made up for everything else.
“Oh, this is so good!” exclaimed Satya. “It sounds like such a classic story—the Holy Knight from Eden finding the Queen of Beggars from Elysium, bringing the two parts together as a whole Tynan. But your idea seems unfinished… Do they work together to unify the city? Or do they run off into the sunset together and leave it behind?”
Videl glanced at me. “I haven’t decided yet,” she said. Such a small thing elated and unnerved me.
“I’d love it if we could adapt this into a screenplay! We could call it The Knight’s Honor to Her Heart—or The Scorpion’s Queen. My troupe is dying to do something new. We’ve been doing the same plays and songs for ages. This could be a new project for us—maybe Luna could help!”
“If you want.”
Satya frowned sadly. “Don’t you want to help write it?” she asked. “It’s your idea.”
“I’ll think about it… Writing isn’t exactly my thing anymore.”
Right when Satya was about to try convincing her, I said, “Hey, squirt—the crows are here. Go find Finn and snuff ‘em out.” She gave me a thumbs-up and skipped off in a hurry.
“The crows are here?” echoed Videl. “What does that mean?”
“Mistress Fury’s watchin’ us from ‘round the corner,” I clarified. Videl stiffened again. “Nothin’ to worry about.” I spotted one of my favorite restaurants nearby—it was still open during the festival. “Hey, why don’t we sit down and have dinner together? I’d love to actually go out with you and eat. No one’ll bother us in there.”
Videl smiled at me. “I’d like that too,” she said.
We went in the restaurant and got seated right away. The inside of this place reminded me of an exotic temple with the arched walls of warm rosewood, the dimmed torch lights, and the high ceiling. Heated smells of food and calm conversation surrounded us as Videl and I sat in our booth together. I sat close to Videl, speaking quietly with her over our meals, our wine. I loved leaning on her like this, seeing her smile. But there was something about her that I’d noticed. She was androgynous—and I loved it—yet I started wondering about the possible story behind it all. I caught myself wanting her in ways that I wasn’t sure were safe. Out of curiosity, I leaned over her, taking my time as I stared at her hot body. The energy shifted: she wouldn’t let me admire her, and instead took to admiring me with the same vibes as the first night we met. It was such a small thing. Maybe I was paranoid, but it was very telling.
My words came out on their own: “I’ve always been in control in my relationships, you know.” Videl’s gaze steeled, but she didn’t look away. She wanted to hear the rest of what I had to say. “With you, the lines are blurred. I wanna be in control but I don’t wanna force you into somethin’ you don’t wanna do… How far are you willin’ to go with me?”
“I want whatever you want.”
I was intrigued as hell by that. Videl’s lips were right next to mine. They held the sheen from the light in the building; they were thick enough to entrance me, shaped by her curiosities, her willingness to be with me. She held my face in her hands, trying to tell me something. When she finally looked away, that was all the confirmation I needed that she had her reservations. Hers brought mine back up to the surface—how terrified I was of change. I’d spent six years keeping everything in Elysium the same for my own sake. I’d dealt with too much instability when I was younger. Having my feet firmly on the ground was all I could do to keep my head on right. And Vespair, all the bullshit she’d talked about: I had the worst image of her appearing out of nowhere and gutting me if I dared to give into this.
Videl pulled out her journal again. “Here,” she said, offering it to me. “The last few pages—I wrote something for you.” I smiled a silly smile and accepted it, savoring her hands so close to mine as she turned it to the right page
for me. Eden’s coldness and Videl’s life were both mysteries to me. I felt them in my hold through the slight tears and scratches through the leather, lessening that obscurity a little. “It’s been difficult to really talk to you lately. I can reach out to you this way.” With the brightness of the burning as our background, I marveled her poetry splayed across the pages. She saw how excited I was; Videl moved closer, whispering along my jaw: “This is in free verse. I thought about writing in iambic pentameter since it’s a strict form. I like to think that you have a free spirit, so I went with that instead…”
Sleep has become a wrong sustenance—raw and engaging, time for me to spend:
My time has warped itself around you: the Empress of my instinct
To live without fear:
Burning out like a dying star, I see glimpses of truth in you as
Shared passions and truth, fearlessness in love and submission to your every desire:
They radiate within me, shining so bright
That they burn me hot, sweating, restless;
I’m unable to be if it isn’t for you to smile at.
I learned too well of the subtle deceits and surreptitious ways of others:
I know the pains of trying to love the viper who wishes only to coil itself around my selflessness,
And so my affections retreated for her—
They burn a negative image of black over the shattered glass.
I stare through those transparent knives whenever I think on my weaknesses:
That I would have let her wield a shard and wave it over her head as a prize for me to pry
From her lithe fingers—what suicide.
And you, Empress? You hold all the potential.
I see the same game spread out before me and I walk toward it, drawn to the dangers
Of your abuse, of your fears ruling you, as they do now, silently;
And silently I pray, hoping not to double the experience
Though, this time, I’m afraid I wouldn’t mind your snide rides over my pride all the way down to my side, where I tried to turn away and cry, only for you to turn me back around and smile.
I haven’t properly kissed you, and these ties between us remain severed…
But you move me. You hold the repeats of my past and the new twists of hope.
“No one’s written poetry for me before,” I said in quiet awe. “If they had, it wouldn’t have been half as good as yours. There’s a real story here…” Softness of her face against my lips; I was weak; I tasted a little, at a time, teasing and torturing myself. Femininity in her skin, in the gentle sinew there from her years of scowling, I mapped, learned, and lost myself in. “This is fucking gorgeous…as are you. Thank you.”
Everyone’s eyes were on us. I didn’t care. Everyone saw what I’d become in her hold. I had Videl leave with me, thinking we’d have more privacy outside. With the festival still going on, most people were distracted by the spectacles instead of worrying about us.
“I can write more for you if you’d like,” said Videl, softly. “I’ll gladly go after any chance for you to be entranced by me.”
“Think you can make up another one on the spot?” I asked, teasing. “I’d be damn impressed if you did.”
“I’d rather make you feel one without words—let the metaphor around us speak for me.”
Her verses about burning out like a dying star, and the literal flames around us painted the picture. Videl made me the centerpiece: she gripped my hips and scratched up my back, locking me against her. I shut my eyes, suddenly seized by everything—how oblivious she was, how deceitful I was, unintentionally. Videl was smarter than that; more intuitive than that. She knew. Videl walked boldly forward past the burning barriers I’d kept up for so long. Heat of her breath against mine, replacing mine, tasting of every charming word she held back in her uncertainty; hammering, full-beating heart-shaped lips of hers grazing mine, taking shape along mine where she belonged. Her light clawing along my back trembled in her sudden nerves—evocative, unexpected. All else drifted out and away—the crowd around us, their closeness, their rudeness and whispers, all gone in the wake of Videl’s sensuality. My troubles rose up and floated away with the rest of the steam.
Videl whispered along my mouth, words quivering as her words took aim, “I want to be so many things for you, Empress… You want it your way, but you want to be seduced and flattered—that’s a dream for me.” She dragged the arrows of her fingertips higher, up to my neck, through my hair, massaging my scalp on purpose, not on purpose. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and held on to her. “Let go with me, Empress. Tear me apart and put me back together again. Don’t keep me in this vicious cycle…”
She eased me through the crowd, to an alleyway far removed from the festival. Videl pushed me up against the side of the building. When she lifted my legs, I automatically locked them around her waist. I assumed her movements would be thoughtless, instinctive; as if she wanted to reach between me and fuck me as a finally; as if she couldn’t hold back her physicality. I felt her silent strength surround my body, from the shaped sinew in her arms to the contained suggestions of her hips against me. She used her lips to tell my body a smooth tale of her susurrating self-possession. Videl moved against me, grinding with such a deliberate pace. The true shape of her movements came from the small of her back: she rippled her gentle aggression from her shoulder blades, shaping it down her spine and giving it to me in this constant motion. I lightly scratched down her shirt, sighing into her mouth over mine. Videl gave me the fullest sensation of moving as a single tide in the ocean of her depths. She held me with such affection, such authority. “I want to be more for you, Empress,” she growled over my lips. “So much more.” Hearing her voice like this simmered my ardor for her. I stopped thinking, feeling her completely instead. “I want to know you. I want to be inside of you…once I’ve earned it.”
I trembled and moaned at the thought of Videl inside of me, letting her body speak to me, through me. Gentle flight lifted my mind another plane without my notice. One hand she moved down between my legs, caressing and holding in the same touch, reaching up between me with steadily more pressure. I ached for more, through my throbbing clit soaking against my shorts underneath my sari. Videl let me slip my shorts off and settled her body between me again. Down she knelt, propping me up over her shoulders. She kissed my thighs, fully, hot breath feeling as wet mist over my skin. We were obscured in these shadows from the people passing by in the near distance; their presence alone excited me just as much as her tongue. Agonizingly she followed the trail of me, soaked for her, licking up, thicker and thicker as she neared my want. Once she breathed right between me, tasting me, learning me, I felt a sudden spike of emotion. The tip of her long tongue she pressed over me, steadily searching my sensitivities. Videl took her time, again, making a map of me in her mouth, remembering every hitched breath or whimper I gave; remembering where she’d gotten each reaction from me. I pulled her harder against me, holding her head right where I needed her to be. Her groans vibrated against my skin, so hard, like she got off to my sounds. Videl breathed through her watering mouth instead of her nose. Hearing the sounds of her lapping me up made my whole body tremble. Here, Videl paused, experimenting—wondering if this spot her tongue was on made me do this, or if it was something else. She held her breath; I stopped shaking. Videl exhaled against me and I lost control of my body again for her to hear. She knew how to get to me now. She flattened her tongue, licking intently, taking care to put more pressure down over my clit. Tensing her tongue for more pressure, more intensity, relentlessly, breathing harshly against me, spurred by my screams of her name, louder and louder until I came open in her mouth. My perception blacked out for a few seconds that somehow lasted longer. There was only Videl, and her soaked kisses along my trembling legs. She pressed her wet face over my skin and licked the mess away, swallowing.
Sometime after, I couldn’t remember when, I had all of my clothes on and I was o
n my feet again. Videl had me in her arms, whispering sweet words to me I couldn’t quite hear. As a dark silhouette over the building in front of me, I saw Vespair’s form. I stared at her, terrified of what she’d do. The longer she stayed in place doing nothing, the more I worried. She hadn’t been messing around earlier with those threats.
“Empress,” said Videl. “What’s the matter…?”
Where the hell could I start? The fucking civil war in my heart and in the shadows over her?
“…I feel like I shouldn’t have—we shouldn’t have done that,” she continued. “You’re pulling me in two different directions. Mixed signals. I’m trying to be patient, but this is reminding me why I stayed with one person for so long. I’m not good at reading you from this distance you keep me at.”
“Why did you stay with one person?” I asked, masking my guilt.
“Out of obligation,” she answered. “My Mistress opened a lot of doors for me. Without her, my father’s debt collectors would have killed me a long time ago. I was relieved when we called things off. I couldn’t be a paladin and a sex slave at the same time—not openly.”
Did I hear that right? “You were what?”
“A sex slave for my Mistress, Miranda Florence. Those toys I gave you from Kurtz’s room—”
“—yeah I know you said you knew what they were, but…”
Videl rolled her eyes. “What did you think I meant?” she asked.
“I don’t know! You’re so damn holy and pure—I would’ve never guessed that you were into that.”
“Just like you thought I’d wait patiently for you without saying a word?”
