by Yoshiyuki Ly
Raj took her seat. I was about to sit across from her until she said, “Kneel down in front of me.”
I did as I was told, throbbing all the while. I didn’t dare look up at her, or steal a glance of her thighs from this angle. The scarce breaths I took let her hear how terrified I was of her wrath. I breathed in the smell of her, like flying through the winds at full speed; out of the corners of my eye, I saw her want dripping down between her crossed legs. It glistened in the light. I fought my hardest to not reach out and take her in my mouth. She wrung this moment for all it was worth. Raj sipped her wine, staring down at me. She reached down to touch me, smoothing her soft hand along my shoulder, the nape of my neck. I let her hear my reactions. That softness was deceptive, and that was exactly why I loved it. It controlled me; she controlled me without a word.
“You listen to me,” she whispered, leaning closer to my sweating face. “I know you didn’t kill him. You got your hands on him, made him loyal to you. That was damn smart of you—I’ll admit it. But do you know how close you were to fucking up everything down here? Do you?”
“No—I can—can only guess—”
“That’s exactly right! You can only guess because you ain’t from here! You don’t know shit!” Raj grabbed my jaw, forcing me to look up at her. “You may be a paladin. You’ve still got your vices. He messed with your sister. You wanted revenge. You wanted to kill him. I know you did. The second you set foot down here, you signed a contract agreein’ that you’re in my territory. That means you don’t do anything unless I tell you to. You don’t fucking breathe unless I say so! Have I made myself clear?!”
I held my breath. If I kept smelling her arousal, I’d break my self-control and kiss her.
Raj frowned, but she understood my gesture. She sighed and let go of me. “You’re somethin’ else,” she whispered. “I never would’ve suspected you… Just when I think I know a little bit about you, I end up gettin’ thrown for a loop. How am I supposed to trust you, Videl?” I didn’t know how to answer her. She held my face in her hands—gentler, this time. “Breathe.” I filled my air with lungs, with her. My light-headedness quickly burned me warm, blushing from her tone, from the way she touched me. “I told you…I was afraid of the dark. In some ways, I still am. Not literally. You get what I mean?”
“Then you should be afraid of Mistress Fury,” I finally said. Raj stared at me in shock. “All of this is her doing. She picked Luna to be kidnapped. She wanted to lure me down here. I don’t know why. I’m asking for your permission to find out. That is how I can work for you—serve you. That’s how you can trust me. Getting to know me wouldn’t hurt, either.”
Raj seemed to disregard my warning as if it didn’t surprise her. The real surprise must have been that I knew in the first place. “Let me think about it first,” she answered. “You don’t know your way around the shadows down here. I don’t want you to make a wrong turn.”
I could hardly breathe anymore with her looking at me with such longing. “Empress—there’s…something else you need to know,” I tried. “About how I feel. How I want you. The other night—I was sincere. I meant everything I said, the way I touched you, held you as we danced. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since then. I don’t want you to think that my silence means anything more than what it is. I’m afraid of stumbling, of falling, and yet I feel the need to reach out…”
Raj let out a shallow breath, again and again. “Videl,” she said softly. “Your honesty gets to me so damn much. I won’t lie to you. I can’t say anything more—I need to know you first. I have to. I want you to show me everything.”
“But you won’t do the same. Not yet,” I finished for her. Raj looked away. I moved to sit down across from her. “Does that fascinate you, Empress? The thought of me sacrificing and putting myself out there for you to observe? I feel like people wouldn’t normally do that—not for just anyone. They’d be too concerned about what’s in it for them.”
“I’m selfish,” she admitted. “I’ve gotta be upfront with you about this. I can’t mislead you. People get involved with me, thinkin’ that all I want is a fuck. I need so much more than that.” Raj glanced at the box I gave her. “Those tools…if we trusted each other, I’d want to use them on you.”
“And I don’t want you to think I’m a saint. I have plenty of experience with those tools.”
“I hoped so. When you said you liked the pain from that punishment, my mind wandered…”
There I saw that Raj was just as scared as I was. Neither of us understood any of this. She had to be cautious and get to know me first. I had to be willing to put on a show of my vulnerability before she’d let me anywhere near her. I admired her for being honest with me about this. With every minute that passed, every word of conversation between us, I felt her opening a little more. I wanted more than words with her, but timing was everything. I had to bide my time until she was ripe enough to fully listen to my persuasion. Those prospects washed everything else away in the calm sea of endless possibilities with her.
Chapter Five
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
(Raj)
Silent rage had consumed me for days. I couldn’t keep it quiet anymore. I had to take it out on someone.
At nearly midnight, I found Kurtz sitting alone in a bar in the Negative Rumor. I dragged him out into the night. He hollered and screamed for me to leave him alone. I didn’t give a damn how much Videl had fucked up his face; if he wouldn’t tell me what I wanted to know, I’d mess him up even more. He stumbled to keep up with me as I pulled him by his arm to an obscure alley. I shoved him against the wall. Kurtz slumped to the filthy ground, his head lulling to one side. Broken, defeated, humiliated—whatever he was, I didn’t care. I wanted answers.
“What the fuck’s wrong with you, huh?” I hissed. “Cuttin’ a deal with Mistress Fury behind my back? Have you lost your goddamned mind?!” Kurtz stared at me with hollow eyes. He refused to talk. “Say somethin’ will you? Don’t just look at me! Are you that much of a coward that you’d work with her to take me down? Why did she want Videl down here? Speak up!”
He still wouldn’t budge. I saw how his eyes said the words his mouth wouldn’t: someone had trained him to keep quiet.
“That’s right,” said a female voice, behind me. “He won’t open up for anyone other than me.” Kurtz shut his eyes in fear. I whipped around and came face-to-face with a dark, armor-clad figure. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Empress. They call me Vespair. Videl’s told me that you wished to meet me. Or has that changed?”
“You’re the one who’s trackin’ me?” I asked.
Vespair waved her hand. “Lord, leave this place,” she said, and Kurtz ran for his life. “He doesn’t need to hear our private conversation. You understand, don’t you? He’s suffered enough—for now. And yes, you are my subject. I know quite a great deal about you. It was clever of you to tell Videl that you were afraid of the dark as a child. A fine way to make her sympathize with you.”
The aura about her didn’t sit right with me. “You say that like I’ve got somethin’ to hide,” I told her.
“Will you ever tell Videl how much you loathe change? That the sole reason you are loved by your people is because you adhere to a safe routine here in Elysium? You gather volunteers to plunder from the rich on Wednesdays and Thursdays. You put them into groups on Fridays. You organize meetings with your gang on Saturdays and assure them that you’ll silence anyone who speaks out against you. You give out food, money, and drink every Sunday until ten o’clock at night, and then leave to Slutgarden provided you’ve scheduled a raid to send off your new volunteers to Eden. In between this, you fuck faceless women and tell them that they don’t deserve you, and then you drink yourself into a stupor as you remember the good days you had with Nyte. That sounds dreadfully boring, don’t you think?”
“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” I recited, chilled by how much she knew of me. Vespair shrugged. “What the he
ll does that got to do with anything? I run a tight ship ‘round here. You folks up in Eden got it worse from all the money your nobles throw around! We’re better off down here because of my boring routine, as you call it. Why are you judgin’ me?”
“Videl wants to change Tynan,” answered Vespair. “She is a pure, idealistic spirit who wants to end the city’s suffering. You are a stagnant woman with a lot of power and a pretty face, and she thinks she fancies you. She is the daughter I never had. It’s only natural for me to be…concerned.” She got in my face, her eyes gleaming blood red through her visor. I couldn’t move; couldn’t bite back from the way she gripped my core. “Your disputes with Mistress Fury brought Luna and Videl down here. You’re too weak to punish your rival. I’m well-aware that her whore house generates the raw coin Vassago uses to keep your people fed and watered. If you allow that weakness to hurt Videl, I will show you what I did to make Kurtz loyal to me. Consider this a pleasant warning, Rakshashi Mangala. I’m watching you.”
A black and red vortex appeared underneath her. I listened to the maw devour Vespair whole. As it did, I stared wide-eyed at her dark silhouette until she vanished with the vortex. It took everything in me to not lose my nerve. Some of my bandits were just down the way. I didn’t want them to see me like this. There were only two places I could go where they’d leave me alone—Vassago, or the small church nearby. The church was closer. I needed to have a moment soon—now. I made my way there, holding this in, holding it in—
Then I heard familiar voices across the street. They were on the other side of the apothecary. I stayed out of sight and listened.
“Mistress,” whispered Nyte, “I don’t think this is a good idea. I feel like someone’s watching us.”
Mistress Fury laughed softly. “That is the point, love,” she replied. “Anyone could be watching at any time. Will you choose to pay more attention to ghosts than to me?” I should’ve rounded the corner and ambushed her instead of listening like a coward. I could’ve strangled her to death, using that long hair of hers as rope. But Nyte loved her… “I do enjoy a good mind game. You should know that.”
“You’re a mental creature—I remember…”
“Hm? I hear the doubt in your tone. Do you disapprove of my ways? Be honest with me.”
“No, Mistress. I would never question your authority. I admire how strong you are.”
Mistress Fury laughed again; they kissed for a long moment. “I love that you admire me,” she said. “I don’t seek validation. At times, life can be draining down here. Elysium refuses to change because her Empress has willed it so. You are all I have to look forward to these days.”
“Do you regret that?” asked Nyte.
“Regret what, exactly?”
“That Elysium won’t change.”
I thought I might’ve gotten an actual answer. Instead, Mistress Fury’s ire reared its ugly head. “You’re not allowed to question my political interests,” she answered. So she got defensive. That was just as good as a real answer. “I don’t regret that you are all I have to look forward to. You are my wife as well as my slave. Without you, I know how I would be. Dipping into those habits every now and then is far more preferable to the alternative.”
“…am I not allowed to know what the alternative is?”
“You’ve been asking more questions than usual lately,” observed Mistress Fury. Evasion. “Is there something I need to know?” Answering a question with a question—another sign of guilt.
“No, Mistress—”
“Don’t lie to me, Nyte. If I find out that you’ve been dishonest with me, I’ll keep you in the safe room. I won’t let you out until I’m satisfied. I will slit you open and feed on your fear. I’ll call one of the male workers and let him have his way with you. I know just who would suffice. He’s thickest at the base. You’ll have to tell me the truth after you’ve choked on his cock; after he’s filled you with his seed, thickly, and you can’t bear the shame. Keeping secrets from me isn’t worth getting fucked by a man, is it, love?”
“No, Mistress, it’s not…”
Mistress Fury let out an amused sound. “I’m glad we can agree on that,” she said. “I can’t bear the thought of sharing you with another. But I will do whatever’s necessary to keep you in-line.”
I got away from them as quickly and quietly as I could. My bandits shadowed me the rest of the way to the church. This whole night has been fucked up. First Kurtz wouldn’t talk, then Vespair threatened me to not hurt her precious Videl, and then…this. Nyte was caught in the middle of her wife’s vendetta against me. This must’ve been what she’d wanted to talk about last week. I should’ve listened! I’d been so damn rude to her instead. I couldn’t just go up to her and apologize, because then her wife would know that we talked that night. She needed help. I had to find some way to get the message across to her—that she could tell me what the problem was, and I’d be discreet about it. Even though we had history, I still cared about her as a person. If she was in trouble, I wanted to help before it was too late.
That was all a fine distraction from the one who’d been taking up my thoughts lately. Videl and I talked often. Get-to-know-you chat. We had private dinners on the nights when I could make the time. I loved how much she cared about Tynan, about the world, and about her sister. I wondered how different her life would’ve turned out if she’d gone after that tiny dream she’d had of being a poet. I was fascinated by her knowledge of swords, shields, and armor; of the history of the Excalibur and the Holy Knights Thirteen; of how the architecture in Eden was thought up and every name for every district up there. She moved me so much that I had a whole unit of bandits whose sole mission was to protect her.
Videl was such a wonderful person and I was afraid of making her jaded, cynical. Vespair’s little warning didn’t help—I knew enough about what she’d done to Kurtz. I couldn’t let that stop me from getting to know Videl more. It kept things in perspective for me. Rushing this would’ve been the end of me.
When I arrived to the church lit by candlelight, it was empty, save for one person praying at the altar. I gestured for my bandits to wait outside. The smell of old wood from the benches and floorboards mixed in with the heated wax from the candles everywhere; hot asphalt blew in from the doors as they closed behind me. Videl had on that all-black outfit I liked. She was knelt there at the end of my path, whispering her prayers. I kept my footsteps silent as I walked over to her. I was never one for religion. I’d clawed my way up to where I was with Satya right at my side. I didn’t have a reason to ask God for nothing. I respected Videl’s piety. It was something else about her that made her stand out—and it opened up my mind, my horizons just a little more.
“God, you’ve sent me to a soul who is lost,” said Videl. “I worry for her. She seems lonely on her throne, as if her reign is incomplete. Her passions well within without a way to let them out. I’ve allowed her to watch me while I hold back. I want to protect her, to thank her some way, but she won’t let me. I did a terrible thing to Kurtz, and now he suffers for me. I have to learn the power of forgiveness…”
I didn’t mean to say the words out loud: “You have a beautiful soul, Videl.”
“Empress!” she said, bolting to her feet. She bowed to me. “I didn’t know you were here…”
“Take it easy,” I replied, smiling. “I had a terrible night up until I found you. You’ve got this habit of makin’ my days brighter. I’ve gotta wonder…have you really been holdin’ back?”
Videl stared at me with that controlled, focused want. “There is so much I’d like to do for you,” she answered. “But I feel like I can’t. The voices in the shadows taunt you. They have your attention most of the time. I can’t compete with them. I’m trying to be patient about this.”
“Voices in the shadows… That got somethin’ to do with me bein’ lost?”
“I think you’re haunted by your enemies,” she said, moving closer to me. “You don’t want me to know this much
about your affairs. Anyone else would be oblivious to them. But I know, Empress.” Heat rushed to my face and neck; my head pounded in-time with my stresses, my wants. I knew she’d find some way to make me let go, whether I was ready for it or not. Videl held my hands in hers—gentle touch and gentler intentions. “You won’t let me find out more about your rival, will you? I feel like you made that decision days ago.”
Was I that easy to read? “I don’t want you gettin’ hurt on account of me,” I admitted. “You know how to look out for yourself. I get that. She likes her mind games, Videl. This ain’t somethin’ your sword can keep you safe from. You’ve gotta trust me on this.”
Videl didn’t hide her disappointment. “I understand,” she replied. “I just wish I could help you…”
“I’ve got it covered, Videl. You don’t need to worry about me. I’ll handle it.”
“And I believe you, Empress. There is still a part of me that longs to know you more. I feel like I’m not welcome in your world yet—only at this distance. It isn’t like me to rush in where I’m not invited. I’ll…keep being patient if that’s what you prefer.”
I let my attention move down to her lips. I saw all the possibilities there: falling into her purity and losing myself there. That was all it would take for her to disarm me—if she kissed me, and if I let her in, I wouldn’t be the same. I wouldn’t know what to do about my problems. I wouldn’t be able to keep my head on to make the right decisions. I imagined every day, every night, what it would be like to let this happen. The temptation was powerful, and it wasn’t at the same time. I messed with my own mind, telling myself that it might not have been that big of a deal if I did this. Maybe she was a bad kisser. Maybe she didn’t know how to handle me. Maybe she couldn’t really feel me and know my wants without a word. I stalled. I waited. I made up stories about her in my head. I liked the good ones because they were different and I loved the bad ones because they were the same. Sometimes I fooled myself into thinking she was nothing special; nothing different from the women I’d had over the years. That should’ve been enough for me to keep her away. But there was that light of truth: my hope that she was different, as much as I didn’t want change in my life. She had given me every reason to think that she was everything I wanted—sickeningly—down to how naïve she was.
