The Secrets That We Keep

by Lucero, Isabel

Julian situates himself in between my legs, which are now parted with my feet firmly on the mattress. He tugs my boy shorts down and I raise my hips to help the process. He pulls my shirt up over my head and throws it on the floor. I’m completely naked for his viewing pleasure and his eyes scan over my body, filled with lust and desire.

  He hovers over me giving me a deep sensual kiss. I go to wrap my arms around his back and he pulls them away, pinning them above my head. It’s obvious he’s going to be in control for a while, but I plan on taking over soon.

  I feel his lips and his tongue making their way along my face down to my chest, the stubble on his face lightly scratching my skin. His mouth slowly makes its way down to my stomach while his hands are exploring my breasts. My body is responding to his every touch, and just like he wanted, I am writhing beneath him.

  His hands drop to my hips and he scoots his body further down, his head between my legs. He starts leaving kisses across my inner thighs, making the slow torturous journey to the place I’m dying for him to be. He looks up at me and I’m biting my lip and trying to move my body closer to his mouth. He smirks at me.

  I finally feel the sensual slide of his tongue run up and down. It isn’t rough, it isn’t needy, it is soft and teasing and completely mind blowing. This is how it always starts, soft, slow and sensual. And we eventually can’t control ourselves any longer and will happily lose control with each other.

  His mouth covers my clit and he sucks slightly.

  “Oh God, Julian. Mmm,” I moan out.

  He has his hands on the underside of my thighs, lifting my legs up and parting me wider. He licks and kisses and sucks and has me gripping the back of his head to bring him closer. I want to feel his tongue inside of me and I am starting to lose control.

  Julian thrusts his tongue in and out, up and down until I am about to come undone.

  “Julian please,” I pant. “I need you, come fuck me, please,” I practically beg.

  Julian lets out a growl, pulls his boxer briefs off and adjusts his body until he is on his knees in between mine.

  “You ready to feel me, baby?” he asks. Like he even needs to.

  “Yes!”

  He crawls on top of me and kisses me while he rubs his hard length against my wetness. I can feel it sliding over me and I am trying to adjust my body to get it to slip in. Julian is still teasing me, making me want him more than I already do. I pull his face closer to mine and suck his tongue into my mouth. He groans and takes my bottom lip in between his teeth.

  He leans back and positions himself at my wet opening, his rough hands grip my thighs and he holds my legs up. Finally, he thrusts himself into me, hard and deep.

  “Oh, yes baby, yes!” I yell out, finally able to relish in the intense pleasure that he has given to me.

  Julian lets out a moan. “Baby, you got me so hard,” he says while still thrusting into me.

  “Ooh, I can feel it baby, you feel so good,” I pant out.

  He puts my legs over his shoulders and if possible, he goes even deeper. I try to reach behind me to grip onto the top of the headboard, but can’t reach so I fist the sheets in my hands while moaning and grunting with pleasure.

  He takes my legs off his shoulders and we roll over, still connected, until I am on top of him. He grasps my hips while I rise up and down on him.

  “Oh yeah, baby. Yes, that feels so good,” Julian grunts. “God, you’re so wet.”

  “Mmm, yeah.” I moan. “You get me this wet.” I start to grind on him, trying to get him deeper inside of me. I lift my legs to where my feet are planted onto the mattress on either side of him. He is able to get deeper this way, and I love the feeling.

  “Oh fuck yeah,” he growls while pushing and pulling my hips back and forth on top of him.

  “Oh my God, Julian!” I scream out. “I’m about to come. God, I’m about to come, it feels so good.”

  “Yes baby, come for me, come all over my dick, I want to feel it.”

  My body tightens, my nails dig into his chest and he keeps the rhythm going. I can no longer move my body by myself. The pleasure is too intense.

  “Yes! Shit. Oh my God,” I cry out and collapse on his hard, sweaty chest.

  Julian has slowed his pace and I try to get my bearings back.

  “I love feeling you come, Annabella. You’re so sexy.”

  I kiss his neck and slowly get off of him, my legs quivering.

  He quickly turns my body over and has me lying on my stomach. His hands lift my hips to where my ass is in the air. He enters me from behind and we both cry out in pleasure.

  “Shit. This feels so good,” he bellows. Julian keeps thrusting in and out, hard and deep. His hands are on my hips and he pulls me into him with each thrust.

  My hands have a tight grip on the sheets and I’m pretty sure I’m biting them too. He is so big and hard and in this position, it only seems bigger and harder. His hand reaches around and rubs circles over my clit.

  “Ooh, yeah,” I grunt out.

  He keeps his steady pace then pulls his hand back and smacks me across the ass.

  “God! Yeah!” I yell out.

  Julian is groaning and grunting and I know he is getting close. I slam my ass back and start grinding on his dick.

  “Fuck! I’m gonna come,” he growls.

  I stop grinding and let him thrust into me.

  “Yeah, come for me baby, let me feel it,” I say to him, spurring him on. After a few more thrusts, his body stiffens and he yells out. His body collapses on mine for a little bit while he gets his breath back, and then he slowly pulls out and falls on his back next to me.

  I roll over onto my back and lock my hand around a couple of his fingers. We are too hot and sweaty to be trying to cuddle. My thought process is, if you’re able to snuggle up all close together after sex, then you must not be doing it right. I need time to catch my breath and cool down before cuddling.

  “God, you’re amazing,” I say to him.

  He looks over at me and smiles. “Nah, we’re amazing.”

  “You’re right, we have some amazing sex.” I smile at him. “People would be jealous of our sex life if they knew how great we were,” I say with a laugh.

  Julian laughs with me. “Yep, and that wasn’t even half of what we do,” he says with a wicked smile.

  He’s right. We can get pretty kinky. We are perfect for each other.

  Julian looks over at the clock. “Damn, I gotta get to work.”

  We take turns going to the bathroom and cleaning ourselves up. I go back to the bed and let my body drop down. I don’t even want to think about getting up yet. My body is exhausted and I want to sleep.

  Fortunately for me, I can go back to sleep for a little while. I do have to go out and photograph some people today but that isn’t until one this afternoon. Julian, unfortunately, has to go to work soon.

  Julian comes walking out of the bathroom, still naked, and slightly hard still. He sure is nice to look at. I can’t help but stare down at his defined abs that lead to that incredible V.

  “You better put some clothes on, or we’re going to have to have another romp in the sack,” I say to him.

  “Romp in the sack?” he laughs.

  “Oh fine, another fuck session. Is that better?” I ask jokingly.

  He puts his underwear on and then crawls onto the bed and over in my direction. He gives me a couple quick kisses and says, “We can call it whatever you want, baby.”

  I smile at him and he gets off the bed to go finish getting dressed.

  “So, what do you have going on today?” he asks me.

  “Well, I’m meeting the Johnson’s today at one to take their family pictures. Their baby is six months old and he’s so cute!” I exclaim. “We’re going to do an outdoor session since the weather is supposed to be nice.”

  I love taking pictures. I take pictures of scenic landscapes, flowers, fields, trees, sunsets, sunrises, and anything that catches my eye. I love taking pictures of people
as well though, both indoors and outdoors. Sometimes it can be difficult, depending on if they have kids or not. Some kids will cooperate, others will not. Babies are a whole different situation. We have to work around feeding schedules, naptimes, diaper changes, spit up or projectile throw up issues. I’ve had a baby naked in his mother’s hands when he decided it was the perfect time to let loose. I mean, really loose. Yellow, mustardy, runny poop went into her hands and overflowed onto the ground. I had a black backdrop running from behind them to the floor so it caught a lot of it. The mother had poop all over her hands and socks and pants. It was one of those situations where all you could do was laugh. The father seemed especially happy that he had just handed the baby over and wasn’t the one to get shitted on. I don’t blame him.

  I work based on word of mouth. I have some business cards in a few shops and I rely on clients to be happy with my work and suggest me to friends and coworkers. I don’t have to work; I do it because I love it. I also sell some of my scenic photos online. People seem to especially love the black and white photos and I’d have to agree, black and white pictures are my favorites. I also love pictures of sunsets though, especially if you’re lucky enough to capture it when the sky turns that pink orange color. It’s gorgeous!

  When my family died, I got their insurance money. I have enough to where I don’t have to work right now, but I wish I didn’t have the money at all. It just makes me feel even guiltier and it makes me sad, like I profited from their deaths. I don’t want people to think I’m happy to have this money. I use the money for bills and necessities and things, but it’s not like I try to live some super lavish lifestyle and go on shopping sprees and buy crap I don’t really need but get it anyway just because I can. I’d rather go back in time and change things, change the way that night turned out, than to have this money.

  “Annabella? Annabella?” Julian pulls me back into the conversation. I shake off the memories and look up and smile at him. “Are you okay?” he asks, concern in his face.

  “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I zoned out for a little bit.” I give him a forced smile. He continues to watch me with his brows furrowed. I know he’s wondering where I went. He knows about my family. I mean, he knows they died and that I don’t have anybody else. I told him pretty much everything about what happened the night they died and some of what followed, but not everything.

  “Okay,” he says hesitantly. “So you’ll be out with the Johnsons then for a couple hours I take it?”

  “Yeah, probably. You can never put a time on these things,” I reply. “You gonna be home for dinner tonight?” I ask him with high hopes.

  He turns and looks at me and gives me an apologetic look for not being here yesterday. “Yes, I should be here.”

  “Okay, what do you want for dinner?” I ask him. I always ask him what he wants and usually he says it doesn’t matter.

  “Umm, how about chicken fried steak?” he asks with a smile. I know it’s his favorite. It’s one of mine too.

  “Oh I guess,” I tease. “I’ll have mashed potatoes with white gravy, Velveeta shells and cheese, and some green beans to go with it too.”

  “Oh, I’ll definitely be home for that,” he says as he rushes over to say goodbye. He gives me a kiss and I pull him to my body.

  “I’ll miss you. Have a good day, and be safe out there,” I say to him, like I do every day.

  “I’m always safe, I told you that. Nobody would dare mess with me,” he says with a little laugh but he also has a serious look in his eyes. I believe him. Anybody would be dumb to mess with Julian. He’s big and muscular and if he isn’t smiling, he tends to look pissed off. He’s got that intense look in his eye all the time. He’s always on the alert, always aware of his surroundings. I love being around him because I know he’ll keep me safe. “You have a good day too,” he says as he kisses my forehead and then walks out of the room.

  I snuggle down into the bed, curl up onto my side and bring the covers to my chin and fall back to sleep for a while.

  Chapter Seven

  I sit straight up in bed with a jolt. I’m sweating and my heart is racing. It takes me a couple minutes to calm down and realize it was just a dream, though a nightmare would be a more accurate description. But in reality, it was a memory. A memory that has haunted me for the past several years.

  The nightmare is always a bit different than what actually happened. It started off with me seeing my family. Dead. I’m in shock as I look at their unmoving, lifeless bodies. I am quiet at first, in a daze, then I let out a blood curdling scream when it finally hits me what has happened, and I drop to me knees and sob.

  My dream shifts from that scene to a scene that happened after the trial. I’m walking out of the courthouse in a trance. I am in disbelief as to what happened, or didn’t for that matter. No guilty verdict. How could that be? I was sure there would be one. Manslaughter perhaps, but no, no verdict at all. The word lucky came to mind. I really couldn’t wrap my head around what was happening.

  Dream shifts again. I’m at home drinking my father’s whiskey straight out of the bottle. I want to die, I want to be dead and be with my family again. I want to forget everything that has happened in the last six months.

  I remember thinking about my beautiful sister Eva. How she will never be able to get married and have kids. How she had her future at her fingertips and it was taken away from her in a matter of minutes. My parents, my wonderful parents who were so in love and so happy, and who only wanted to see their kids grow up and be happy and start families. They wanted ten grandchildren. Something my sister and I told them would never happen. Their lives cut short too. My only solace was that they were together. At least they had each other.

  The next scene takes place on a dark street. I’ve been drinking and I’m sitting in my car. I’m crying as I watch people across the street laughing, smiling, and having a good time. My eyes focus on a particular group of people standing outside of a bar. They seem to have been out celebrating something, they are hugging, shaking hands, giving each other smacks on the back. They look like they could be family, or at least really close friends. I can’t help but be jealous and angry. How dare they be so happy? How dare they not have to suffer? I know it’s unreasonable. I know not everybody is going through what I’m going through. I just don’t want to be alone in my suffering. Somebody else needs to suffer too.

  I continue watching them for a while; I also continue drinking from the whiskey bottle I brought with me. I know it’s wrong, I know I shouldn’t be out here. I shouldn’t be thinking what I’m thinking but I am. I just don’t care anymore.

  I spot somebody in the group of people that I recognize. My ex-boyfriend Lucas. I wondered how he knew those other guys. He wasn’t related to them, I knew that much. He was in on the celebration though. He was obviously drunk, talking loudly and gesturing wildly. I found that unusual because he never drank that much before when we were together. Then again, maybe he did, turns out I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. He was an asshole and I didn’t know till the end of our relationship. Love is blind and all that bullshit. I hate him. He wasn’t there for me when I didn’t have my family around. He promised he would be, it would be me and him against the world, but he left me.

  My anger was rising and I needed to leave before I did anything stupid. The group of people was breaking up and going off in their own directions, probably finding a cab, walking to their cars or maybe walking home if they lived close enough. I took one more swig of my drink, put my car in drive and pulled away. I needed to make a right turn on an upcoming street but by now everything was blurry or doubled. I was lucky there weren’t more cars out on the road. I started feeling dizzy and tired. I needed to get home fast. I made the turn and heard a terrible noise and felt my car jerk a little. “Shit!” I’m sure I just hit that fuckin’ car that was parked on the corner. I kept driving not the least bit concerned. My only thought was they shouldn’t have parked there. Yeah, it was a fucked up thoug
ht, but I was fucked up. I looked in my rearview to make sure nobody was outside and had seen me. That’s the last thing I needed, the cops coming to my house. Again.

  I squinted my eyes trying to see clearly. There was one streetlight back there shining a little light around the corner I had just turned. I thought I saw something in the road. I slowed down a little and turned my body to look out the back windshield. I couldn’t tell what it was. I reversed a little bit and looked at the road again.

  “What is that?” I slurred to myself. I was really fucked up. I couldn’t see straight. I decided to get out and walk back there to make sure I hadn’t ran over somebody’s dog or something, or to make sure it wasn’t a piece of my car that might have come off when I hit the other car. It looked like it was moving though, so maybe it was a dog. Damn it.

  I stumbled my way down to the car which was just several feet away from my own. When I got there, I looked down and I had to focus my eyes to be sure I was looking at what I thought I was looking at. Again shock, staring, and then a scream.

  That’s when I woke up.

  I have to force myself out of bed. I need coffee and some Excedrin. I sit there and try to shake the nightmare from my mind. I don’t want to think about that night. I don’t want to remember. This is why I would drink before, so I would constantly be able to forget. Luckily I was able to get my drinking under control. I didn’t want to be an alcoholic, I was just grieving. I have to live with the memories now. Something I’d just have to deal with.

  I slide out of bed and shuffle to the bathroom. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I head downstairs to make something to eat and start my coffee. While the coffee is brewing, I take out some eggs and break them in a pan to scramble, put some bacon in another pan and then take a tortilla out of the fridge to warm up. After they are all cooked, I wrap my eggs and bacon in the tortilla for a quick, homemade burrito. Yumm! I pull out some orange juice because I can’t eat and drink coffee at the same time. Call me a weirdo, but coffee is too hot to drink while eating. I want to be able to take big gulps of my drink without burning my tongue off.