The Secrets That We Keep

by Lucero, Isabel

  With almost no information on Lucas, and more questions about Julian and his secret email address and cryptic emails, I had no idea what to do. I decided I couldn’t do much else and went to sleep, when I had looked at the clock it was 3:10am.

  I guess I was completely knocked out when it was time for Julian to go to work because I don’t recall hearing him moving around the room at all. I usually wake up at least briefly because I hear him going in and out of the bathroom or the closet, but I was completely dead to the world today. I also realized he decided not to wake me up and say goodbye, this is only strange because every morning he leans over me and says bye and that he loves me and gives me a quick kiss. I guess he was mad that I stayed out of the bed all night. Oh well.

  I make the decision that today I will go out and drive around town, maybe go into the city and find something to do like window shop or have lunch. Anything that could possibly lure out my stalkers. I am determined to confront Lucas, it’s time to confront my past.

  ***

  Driving through Highland Park didn’t bring out my stalkers, unfortunately. I drove around town for an hour just acting like I had errands to run but never did I see any suspicious vehicles. At first, I was only looking for dark colored SUV’s but then I figured they might be smart enough to use a different vehicle, but I never noticed any particular vehicle following me. So I decided to drive into Chicago.

  I park my car and start walking along Clark Street, the same street that housed the coffee shop I met Jade at and where I had seen them parked half a block away from me. I know it’s a long shot coming here and hoping they’d be here but, I’m desperate. I need to figure out what the hell is going on.

  I make a stop inside the coffee shop and make sure to sit next to the window so I can keep an eye on any suspicious activity outside. I slowly drink my coffee while I sit there and people watch. I watch couples walking hand in hand, seemingly happy and in love. I remember thinking that Julian and I were one of those blissfully happy couples. I don’t know anymore.

  When I’m done with my coffee, I head outside and take my sunglasses off the top of my head and shield my eyes from the bright sun. I decide to just start walking and see where I end up. Clark is a pretty long street so I’m glad that I wore flats instead of the high heels I usually favor.

  After popping into a few stores to look around, and stopping to grab a bite to eat, I conclude that I’m just not going to get anywhere by aimlessly walking the streets of Chicago. I’m already getting annoyed at the amount of people that are flooding the street. I hate being in large crowds, large groups of people make me nervous and I get antsy, so I can only stand it for so long.

  I turn back around and start heading toward my car thinking I’ll just go home and see if I can do more internet searches for Lucas or perhaps more snooping around for emails and messages that Julian has kept hidden. I hate turning into a crazy, insecure and paranoid wife, but I don’t know how else I am supposed to be with the way Julian has been acting and obviously keeping things from me. I’m not going to lie and say that I never thought he might be cheating on me, it did cross my mind. I mean, Julian is gorgeous and like Michelle said, women would be lined up ready to take him from me. He could have anybody he wanted. I just don’t see Julian doing something like that. I still consider us newlyweds, it’s not like we don’t have sex often because we do, and it’s good sex! I guess that doesn’t matter. If somebody wants to cheat, they’re going to and there’s nothing you can do to prevent that from happening.

  He did tell his mystery friend that I couldn’t find out. Find out what? That could be anything. He also said that he could barely look at me after what they said and what they wanted. Who are they? None of this makes sense. Who would say anything about me to Julian? We don’t have many friends, but the ones we do have are mutual and I don’t think they have anything negative to say about me, at least I’d hope not.

  I’m aimlessly walking down the street, caught up in my own jumbled thoughts when a guy catches my attention. He’s walking into a little bar and grill that’s not too far ahead of where I am and I can only see his profile but he’s tall and has a baseball cap on and when he reaches for the door to open it, I think I see a brightly colored tattoo on his arm. I realize that there are a lot of tall guys who wear baseball caps and have tattoos on their arms, but this one makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I decide to wait a minute or two to make sure he gets settled somewhere, and then I walk in with my heart pounding in my chest.

  When I walk in, I’m relieved to see that there are quite a few people in here for me to blend in with. I slink back towards a small table, furthest from the bar, in a corner next to a pool table because I’m pretty positive that Lucas, or the guy I’m hoping is Lucas, will be sitting at the bar. I take a seat and get the attention of the waitress walking by, and ask her for a drink so I won’t just be sitting here staring at some guy at the bar like a weird-o. Even though that’s exactly what I’m doing. Dammit.

  She brings me my drink and gives me a sad smile like she feels sorry for me because I’m in here alone and drinking. Oh well. I pick up my drink, take a sip, and look up at one of the TVs, pretending I’m interested in the game that’s on. I keep my eye on the bar, hoping to get a glimpse of the guy I saw walk in here. After a few minutes, a group of people move from the bar after getting a tray full of shots and I see him, I see Lucas. It’s without a doubt him, and I’m suddenly not sure I can confront him. I don’t even know what I would say first. Oh hey, remember me? The girl you left high and dry after promising me forever? Or maybe, Hey, I know you were following me the other day so I decided to try to lure you out and instead followed you in here, how’s it goin? Ugh, I have no idea what I’m doing.

  I make sure to keep looking around the bar so I’m not so obvious with my stalker eyes stuck on the back of Lucas’s head. I need some time to figure out how I’m going to approach this situation.

  I watch a group of four people play pool, it seems to be girls versus boys and it’s quite obvious that they are on a double date. There’s lots of flirting and laughing. The guys are playfully giving the girls a hard time when they miss a shot, and the girls try to distract the boys by putting their cleavage right by the pocket the guys are trying to sink the ball into. It’s cute and I’m momentarily taken back to a time when Lucas and I were young and in love.

  “There you go baby, you’re getting it,” Lucas said after I threw the bowling ball down the lane and it didn’t go into the gutter right away.

  “Yeah whatever, I only hit one pin. I told you I suck at this,” I said, pouting at him.

  He walked over and wrapped his arms around me. “It’s okay baby, you’ll get better. Just watch.”

  I looked up at his beautiful baby blue eyes and smiled at him. “Yeah, but it might take a year so don’t plan on getting me to join any leagues anytime soon.”

  He laughed and gave me a kiss on the forehead. “Okay, no leagues this year, but next year, I’m holding you to it.” He gave me a wink then walked off to go bowl, and of course bowled a perfect strike. When he turned around, he had a goofy grin on his face and I put my hands on my hips and playfully scowled at him.

  “You could miss sometimes ya know?”

  “I could, but then I wouldn’t be challenging you to be better.”

  “Whatever,” I scoffed and I heard him let out a chuckle. I walked behind us to go try to find another ball. “I think it’s because my ball is too light. If I find one that’s a little heavier, I think I’ll knock more down,” I said to him.

  After retrieving what I thought was a fairly good size ball, I made my way to the lane and sashayed past Lucas and looked at him over my shoulder. “You’re about to see me get a strike, just you see.”

  He smiled and nodded and I tried to line myself up right like I’ve seen Lucas do.

  Right as I was about to start walking to the line on the lane, the bumper rails popped up and I turned to glare at Lucas who was obviou
sly amused with himself because he was curled up in his seat laughing.

  “Very funny, Lucas.”

  “Aww, come on babe, I just wanted you to be able to hit more than one pin,” he said, still laughing.

  I ignored him and rolled my ball down the lane. I started leaning my body over like somehow that was going to make the ball go the same way. When it finally reached the pins, I heard the loud crash, and then I watched them fall. Strike! I turned and walked back towards Lucas and gave him a smug look and said, “See, told ya I’d get a strike.”

  Lucas threw his head back and laughed. “You’re right babe, you did say that. Good job.” Then he pulled me into his body and gave me a long hug and I snuggled into him. “I love you so much, Annabella,” he said above my head.

  “I love you too, Lucas.”

  “Ma’am? Can I get you anything else?” The waitress asks me, bringing me back to the present.

  “Oh, no thank you, I’m good,” I say, wondering how long I had been reminiscing for. I look towards the bar and I no longer see Lucas sitting there.

  “Shit!” I say, not meaning to say it as loud as I did. The guy next to me looks at me like I’m crazy. I give him a fake smile and start looking around the bar hoping he’ll still be in here somewhere. I don’t see him anywhere so I get up and walk towards the other part of the bar where the bathrooms are. I get to the little hallway where there are four doors; men’s bathroom, women’s bathroom, employees only and an exit. I hang around the entry to the hall, trying to keep myself pressed against the wall in the shadows in case he does come out. I figure I’ll follow him outside and then confront him then.

  After about five minutes I give up and decide to just go use the bathroom, coming to terms with the fact that I missed my opportunity. God, I’m so stupid. Why was I even daydreaming about him anyway? I need to cut that shit out. After using the bathroom and washing my hands, I touch up my makeup a little bit and walk into the hallway.

  I turn to my right to make my way into the bar when I feel a strong arm wrap around my chest, pinning my arms to my side and pull me back further into the hallway. I gasp and am about to scream when his other hand covers my mouth.

  “Don’t you fucking think about it,” the gravelly voice grumbles into my ear.

  I instantly clam up and continue being pulled towards the exit. My assailant is behind me and I’m being drug backwards down the hall. I’m silently pleading for someone to come into the hall and notice us, but nobody does.

  We reach the exit door and he flings it open, stepping outside and pulling me along with him. He leans down and puts his mouth by my ear.

  “I’m gonna remove my hand, but you better not make a fucking peep, you hear me? Keep quiet or I promise you’ll regret it.”

  I nod frantically and he releases me and pushes me forward. I stumble a little bit but I’m too afraid to turn around. I don’t want to see him. I’ve seen too many stories about how when you see your attacker, they are more likely to kill you so you won’t be able to identify them to the cops. I try to look at my surroundings. We are obviously behind the bar, and this is where the employees come to have smoke breaks because the ground is littered with cigarette butts. There are a couple big dumpsters, but that’s about it, and there are no people around. My heart drops.

  “Turn around, Annabella,” the deep voice says from behind me. I panic. How does he know my name?

  “I don’t want to,” I manage to choke out.

  “Do it!” he bellows and I hear the gravel crunch beneath his feet as he takes a couple of steps towards me. I shake my head vehemently and close my eyes.

  I hear him sigh from behind me, his footsteps make their way in front of me. I try to close my eyes even tighter. I feel his rough hands on my upper arms and he gives me a quick shake.

  “Open your fucking eyes and look at me!”

  I wait a few seconds before succumbing to his anger. I slowly let my eyes open and take in the man before me. I draw in a deep breath and my eyes go wide.

  “Lucas.”

  “Hello, Annabella. Surprised to see me?”

  Chapter Thirteen

  I stand there, gaping in disbelief that the man towering over me with a devious look on his face is Lucas. I mean, I knew he was here, I followed him in and had every intention of confronting him, but what I didn’t expect was for him to grab me in a hallway and drag my body from the building with such force. What the hell did I ever do to him?

  He stands there waiting for me to open my mouth and say something, but I don’t know what to say. He looks strikingly different than the younger man that walked out of my life six years ago. The smooth baby face he once had is now covered with a beard and mustache, and it looks quite well on him. It’s not too long, well groomed and makes him look older. His eyes reflect a hard life, he looks overworked and tense. He isn’t wearing his baseball cap anymore and I can see that he no longer has those soft blond locks of hair. It’s now cut really close to his head and a few scars are visible along his hair line. There’s also a scar under his chin and around his eye. Not big, dark, terrible looking scars, but light pink marks that prove that he’s been in some accidents and been hurt. The muscles along his chest and arms are more pronounced and the black T-shirt that he’s wearing is stretched tautly across his upper body.

  After what seems like several minutes, he finally breaks the silence.

  “Are you really surprised to see me? I know you were watching me inside the bar there,” he says, gesturing towards the building. “You think I didn’t see you? Did you really think I wouldn’t notice you?” he drawls, while putting his finger under my chin and raising my face to meet his gaze.

  I don’t know how to respond so I shake my head. He drops his hand and continues to watch me.

  “Why are you following me?” I blurt out.

  He laughs and gives me an amused grin. “I’m pretty sure you were following me, Annabella.”

  “I don’t mean today. I know you and somebody else were following me yesterday, I saw you!”

  He looks startled and leans back and his eyes burn into me. “I haven’t been following you. You must be mistaken.” The way he says it doesn’t convince me that he’s telling the truth.

  “Oh really? So somebody else out there has the same tattoo on their arm as you do?” I ask, pointing towards his arm. “I know it was you, Lucas. I saw you in the town I live in and you also followed me into the city, so just admit it and tell me what the hell you want!”

  His face darkens and he steps towards me. “I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, Annabella and I feel inclined to tell you that you better watch who you point fingers at and accuse of such things. It may not end well for you.”

  I let out a startled gasp, surprised he’d talk to me in such a way. “Excuse me? What do you mean it may not end well for me? Are you really threating me?”

  He lets out an annoyed sigh and runs his hand over his face. “Look, you need to stop following me around and just stay at home or something. Quit looking for trouble.”

  “I don’t know what you mean, looking for trouble. I’m not! I haven’t done anything, and I’m not following you around, you are the one who was following me.”

  “Really Annabella? You haven’t done anything? You gonna stick to that?” he asks with a clipped laugh. “And for the last time, I was not following you!”

  “I…I haven’t done anything,” I say, trying to sound confident. I’m not sure what he was trying to allude to.

  He narrows his eyes and stares at me for a few long seconds. “Oh, how I wish that were true,” he whispers sadly.

  I clear my throat and try to stand up tall and confident. “Look Lucas, I don’t know what’s going on here. You obviously aren’t going to admit to following me around, even though I have pictures of you. I haven’t seen you not one time in the last six years, and all of a sudden you are in my town, near my home and then again in the city, watching me as I walk towards the coffee shop. I kno
w it was you, so deny it all you want, but I know the truth.”

  His eyebrows furrow and his jaw clenches. “What do you mean you have pictures of me?” he asks angrily.

  “You were in the background of some of the pictures I was taking that day. I zoomed in on them and saw you. I recognized the tattoo. So are you going to admit to it?”

  “Have you shown these supposed pictures of me to anyone?” he asks, getting more and more agitated.

  I’m suddenly nervous to tell him that I did in fact show them to someone, and that someone is not only my husband, but works for the FBI.

  “Uhh, my husband has seen them,” I answer honestly.

  “And what exactly did he have to say about that?”

  “He said he would look into it and make sure I was safe. He doesn’t know that it was you.”

  “That’s because it wasn’t,” he says, giving me a pointed look.

  I let out a defeated sigh. “Lucas, I just want to know if anything is going on. My husband has been acting very strange lately, and then I have two people following me around and taking my picture. He has these secret cases and emails and visitors and I just know something is going on and I can’t help but think I’m involved somehow. I overheard his conversation last night about how I couldn’t find out about something and it’s all just bothering me. So please, if you know anything, please just tell me. I need to know.”

  He’s quiet for a minute before responding. “What do you mean secret cases? Is he a cop?”

  “Um, no, he’s not a cop,”

  “Well, what is he?”

  “It doesn’t matter! What matters is that I’m freaking out! So can you tell me anything? Please just tell me why you were following me. I know it was you Lucas, I know you have a reason. Please just be honest with me, for once in your life.”

  Lucas grimaces when I’m done speaking but doesn’t say anything.

  “Fine! I’m leaving. Have a good life, Lucas,” I spit out and turn to walk away.