The Secrets That We Keep

by Lucero, Isabel

  After a few minutes of them talking, Julian nods his head to the man who I can’t see and then turns and walks back into the dining room. I watch the men behind him because they continue to stand there and talk to each other. The man who was hidden steps out into the doorway and I can see that he’s wearing a nice black button up shirt but has the sleeves pushed up to the middle of his forearm. He drops his arms and puts his hands into his pants pockets and the two men start to walk away. He glances back towards the dining room but doesn’t see me; he seems to just be scanning the room. My breath catches as I see his face and I instantly drop my gaze to his arm and then back up to his face. It’s Lucas. Lucas and Julian know each other? What. The. Fuck

  Chapter Fifteen

  The rest of dinner was excruciatingly uncomfortable to say the least. When Julian returned to the table I asked him who he was talking to. He seemed surprised that I had seen him talking to anybody, and only said it was somebody he’s worked with before but hadn’t seen in a while. I didn’t respond and only continued to eat my food. Once we were done eating, he reached over the table to grab my hand, and I almost pulled it away but didn’t.

  I wanted to ask him how he knew Lucas, and for how long, but it seemed to me that Julian had no idea that Lucas was my ex-boyfriend. I wondered if Lucas knew that Julian was my husband. Then another thought hit me. Wouldn’t Julian recognize Lucas from the photo that I had taken? If he did, he seemed perfectly fine with talking to my stalker, but then again, maybe he just wasn’t able to pinpoint the similarities like I was. I had a hard time believing that, though. It was Julian’s job to notice little details and be completely aware of everything and everybody around him. This just kept getting more and more fucked up and my head was spinning.

  Julian knew I wasn’t feeling well and quickly paid for our meal and we left separately.

  I drive home in utter confusion. I’m confused about what I need and want to do with my relationship with Julian. Of course I want to be with him. I love him more than anything. He has been everything to me these last few years. He’s my rock, my shoulder to cry on, my air to breathe when I feel like I’m drowning, my biggest supporter, my protector, my best friend and my lover. He is my everything, plain and simple. However, can I be with someone who continues to lie to me? I know that I have my own secret that I have kept from him. But I feel like it’s more of an omission, something that happened years before I met him, and something he hasn’t asked me about outright. I just feel like he continues to lie to me every time I ask him something. Can I stay with him knowing he’s lying and not knowing what exactly he’s lying about? What if he’s cheating? What if he has a secret family and secret life I know nothing about? What if he’s planning on leaving me? I have no clue. I don’t know if I can brush that under the rug and pretend like we are still this perfect little couple. I need to make a decision and soon.

  My phone begins ringing and I’m glad that I have my phone synced with my car so I can still talk without having to handle the phone. So with a click of a button on my steering wheel, I answer the phone and the deep, familiar voice drifts through my car speakers.

  “Hello, Annabella.”

  I’m taken by surprise because even though I gave him my number, I never thought he’d call. I wonder briefly if he saw me at the restaurant and that’s why he’s calling.

  “Lucas?” I squeak out.

  I hear him let out a little laugh. “Don’t sound so surprised. You gave me your number remember? What did you expect me to do with it?”

  “Oh, well I guess I just wasn’t expecting to actually hear from you.”

  “I can let you go if you want,” he says genuinely.

  “No!” I yell a little too loudly. “I mean, no, uh, did you have a reason you called?”

  “Actually, yes I did. I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me tomorrow.”

  “Oh, uhh…”

  “So we can talk,” he adds.

  Talk. At least someone was willing to talk to me. If I couldn’t get anything out of Julian, I had to get something out of Lucas. Maybe he was now willing to fill me on some things.

  “Yes, sounds good to me,” I answer a little too excitedly.

  I hear him laugh again. “Good, where would you like to meet?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. You want to meet in the city?”

  “It doesn’t matter Bell, I’ll go wherever you want,” he responds with a softness in his voice.

  “Okay, well can I call you early tomorrow and let you know? I have no clue right now.”

  “That’s fine, I’ll be waiting.”

  “Okay, good.”

  “Are you sure your husband is going to be okay with this?” he asks with humor in his voice.

  “He’ll be fine,” I respond, sharply. Not telling him it was because I didn’t plan on telling Julian about it.

  “Uh oh, trouble in paradise?” he asks with a laugh. I instantly remember he saw Julian earlier in the night and wondered if he knew I was married to him.

  “Everything’s fine. So hey, what have you been up to tonight?”

  “Well that was a quick subject change. I haven’t been up to a whole lot. I was hanging out with a friend of mine earlier and that’s about it.”

  “What did you guys do?” I ask, and know I sound too eager for information. “I mean, you out looking for some ladies?” I finish with an awkward laugh. Ugh, I am terrible with trying to get information.

  He lets out a deep laugh. “Why, would you be jealous?”

  “What? No! Of course not, I’m married, Lucas.”

  “Right, married,” he says, sounding a bit dejected. “Anyway, no, we weren’t looking for ladies. It was all business.”

  “Business huh? What kind of business are you in?” I ask, knowing I probably sound really nosey but unable to keep all my questions in.

  “Why don’t we talk more tomorrow?” he says.

  I let out a loud sigh. “Okay, tomorrow. I’ll call you in the morning and let you know where to meet me, your number should been on my phone.”

  “Alright, Annabella, I look forward to seeing you again. Good night and drive safe.”

  “Thanks, good night,” I say before ending the call. Wait, did he say drive safe? How did he know I was driving? I look in the rearview mirror and notice several cars behind me. Is he one of those drivers? I guess that will be something I’ll ask him tomorrow.

  When I finally pull into my driveway I see Julian still sitting in his car and he’s on the phone. Of fucking course he is. I grab my purse and make my way to the front door without even looking his way. When I get inside, I immediately go upstairs into our room and drop my belongings onto the bed. I grab some pajamas out of my nightstand and lock myself in the bathroom.

  I decide on taking a nice long, hot bubble bath, hoping that will ease some of the tension in my body. I don’t know how long I stay in there but I know by the time I get out, my skin has already started to wrinkle. After I’m done drying off, combing my hair, moisturizing my body and getting dressed, I leave the bathroom and walk into my bedroom to see a half dressed Julian passed out on top of the covers. He’s only wearing his “wife beater” undershirt and his suit pants. I walk over and push him over onto his back and pull his pants off of him and then cover him up with the blankets. I climb into my side of the bed and fall asleep almost instantly.

  ***

  Grateful that today is finally Friday. I wake up in a good mood and determined to put everything behind me. At least for today. I am looking forward to going out with my friends and having a good time with no confusing men around. Julian is already gone and things are still pretty strained and uncomfortable between us.

  While I’m downstairs making myself some breakfast and drinking my coffee I get a call from Michelle.

  “Hey girl! Are you ready for tonight or what?” Michelle yells, barely containing her excitement.

  “You have no idea. I still have to figure out what I’m going to wear tonight.”


  “Me too. I’m thinking about wearing that royal blue dress with those new blue leopard print shoes I just bought.”

  “Ooh, that would be cute!” I exclaim. “I have that black and red tube top dress that has the belt that goes with it, and I can pair it with those black leggings that are all lace in the back.”

  “You should totally wear that! And wear those shoes that are part black but have the see through part on top of your foot with the black flower design. It will go with the lace on the leggings.”

  “Settled! Thanks Chelle,” I say with a laugh.

  “You got it lady. So what time do you want to meet up? I know the club isn’t going to fill up until like 10:30 but I wanna go have a couple drinks at a bar before then. You know that club overcharges for those weak ass drinks.”

  “I know! Those bastards! It’s like they put a half a shot of alcohol and fill up the rest of the glass with juice and shit.”

  Michelle laughs. “For real! But they play the best music and it’s not all cramped in there.”

  “True. Well, I can be at your place by 9:00, what do you think?”

  “Works for me! I’ll see ya later. Eeek, so excited!” she squeals.

  I let out a laugh. “Me too! Talk to you soon.”

  I put my phone down on the counter and continue making my breakfast. I glance at the clock and let out a groan when I see that it’s only nine.

  “Oh shit!” I cry. I totally forgot I was supposed to call Lucas and meet him for lunch. At least I’ll have something to do to pass this afternoon.

  I run to my phone and scroll through my recent calls and see the number that he called me from last night. I click send and wait for him to answer.

  “Hello Annabella,” he answers in a husky voice.

  “Hi,” I squeak out.

  Lucas laughs at my short response. “Are you calling to cancel on me?”

  “Oh, no! I just kind of forgot. I still need to get ready so I was thinking we could meet here and not in the city.”

  “At your house?” he asks incredulously.

  “What? No! I meant here in Highland Park. There’s this little place called Norton’s. We can meet there.”

  “Oh, okay. What time?”

  “They don’t open until 11:30, let’s say noon?”

  “Noon it is. See you then.”

  “I take it you don’t need directions. Considering you’ve been here and all,” I say, still fishing for an admission of his stalker tendencies.

  He lets out a low growl. “Annabella, if I need directions, I have a GPS, so no worries. See you soon.” And then he hangs up the phone.

  I take my time and eat the egg, ham and cheese sandwich I made and then run upstairs to get ready. I decide on wearing a pair of skinny jeans, a loose white top and some beige peep toe heels. I throw on a long gold necklace, a pair of white and gold earrings and several gold bangle bracelets because I always have to have some sort of accessories on or I feel naked. I leave my hair down because for once, it seems I’m having a pretty good hair day.

  After I’m finally done getting ready, it’s 11:15 but I feel so antsy I decide to leave the house and start driving towards the restaurant now. When I arrive at the restaurant, it’s just opening so I take a seat at one of the outdoor tables and pull out my phone and begin reading on my kindle app. It’s about fifteen minutes later when Lucas arrives.

  “You’re here awfully early. Anxious to see me?”

  I look up and the sun is shining brightly behind him so I end up squinting and putting a hand over my eyes to try to block the sun. He notices my problem and takes a seat in front of me at the table.

  “No, just wanted to enjoy the nice weather,” I say nonchalantly and look back down at my phone.

  “Ouch,” he says with a small laugh.

  I look back up at him to see him smiling at me, and I can’t help but smile back. I put my phone in my purse that’s sitting on the ground next to my feet and then cross my arms on the table in front of me and look back at him. He’s wearing a pair of jeans and a white button up shirt with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows and a pair of white Nike’s.

  “You look nice,” I say before I can even think about it.

  He raises an eyebrow at me in surprise and gives me a crooked grin. “Thank you. You look gorgeous, as always.”

  “Thank you,” I reply and turn my gaze away from him.

  The waitress comes out to take our order and is unabashedly flirting with Lucas. Apparently, I don’t exist. She never looks my way. She just keeps flipping her hair, and jutting out her hip while telling him the specials. She actually giggles and bites her lip when he gives her his order. It wasn’t even funny. I roll my eyes when he looks over at me and he just laughs.

  “Ahem,” I say and she turns to look at me like I haven’t been here the whole time. She gives me a once over like she’s trying to see if I’m good enough to be out here with him.

  “What can I get for you?” she asks with an attitude.

  “Uh, you can get me this chicken salad and you can get me a lemonade too,” I reply sharply, knowing it’ll piss her off.

  She scoffs and turns to walk away.

  “Aww, what’s the matter Bell? Did you get mad because she was flirting with me?” Lucas says, laughing.

  “I’m not mad that she was flirting with you, even though she should have assumed we were on a date or something. But that’s neither here nor there. She was rude and so I decided to give her a taste of her medicine,” I say with a smile.

  “Maybe I should ask her for her number,” he says, turning his head to look for her before looking back at me with a smirk.

  “Please, she’s like twelve.”

  Lucas laughs and leans back in his chair. “I just wanted to see how you would react is all.”

  “Whatever Lucas, let’s just get down to it. You said we were going to meet up so we can talk, so let’s talk. And not about twelve year old, bitchy waitresses either.”

  He leans forward and his face is suddenly serious. “Ask me whatever you want, Annabella.”

  “Okay. Where have you been all these years?”

  “I’ve been in the city mostly. Just working.”

  “Why did you leave me without giving me a reason why, without ever checking up on me?” I know asking these questions aren’t real important to what was going on in my life. I’ve just always wanted to know, and if he’s willing to answer, you better believe I’m gonna ask.

  He sighs and looks down at the table before meeting my gaze again. “I told you. It was what was best.”

  “Best for who? You? It wasn’t what I would have chosen to happen. We were happy and you couldn’t have picked a worse time, you know?”

  “I know and I’m sorry. I just…it was what needed to happen. That’s all,” he says somberly.

  “Yeah, that doesn’t help, so thanks for nothing. Anyway, do you know my husband?”

  He sits back, obviously shocked I had asked that question. “No. How would I know your husband?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, just thought I’d ask. So you have no idea what he looks like? I mean, if you follow me around, maybe you’ve seen him too.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “Stop saying that. I’m not some crazy stalker following you around all the time. And no, I’ve never seen your husband and I’d prefer to keep it that way.”

  I didn’t question why he didn’t want to see him, but I had a feeling he wasn’t lying to me. If he knows Julian, he doesn’t know him as my husband.

  “What kind of work do you do?”

  “I guess you could say I’m in the security business.”

  “Security? What kind of security?”

  “Oh, you know, just making sure everybody is nice and safe. Security.” He shrugs his shoulders like I was just supposed to know.

  “Okaaaay,” I drag out and look at him skeptically.

  “My turn,” he says with a smile on his face.

  “Uh,
I didn’t know this was a quid pro quo kind of deal.”

  “Well, it is. So now it’s your turn to be interrogated.”

  “Fine,” I huff.

  “How long have you been married?”

  “Three years.”

  “Are you happy?”

  “What kind of question is that?” I cry out a little too loudly.

  “An easy one,” he says with a lift of his right shoulder.

  “Yes. Yes, of course I’m happy.”

  He observes me for a little while before he continues with his barrage of questions.

  “Do you have any kids?”

  “No.”

  “Do you want them?”

  “Maybe.”

  Luckily, right as I’m getting too uncomfortable with the line of questioning, the waitress comes out with our food. She doesn’t say anything to me or to Lucas this time.

  “I think you scared her,” he says with laugh.

  I just shrugged and dug into my food. We sat in silence for several minutes before he spoke up again.

  “So, do you still suck at bowling?”

  I look up from my plate to see him looking at me, trying and failing to hide his smile.

  “I’ll have you know that I have graduated from the bumpers and can bowl up to a hundred now.”

  He lets out a deep laugh that causes everybody around us to turn and look. “Well, at least you don’t use the bumpers anymore.”

  We continue to eat and make small conversation about things that aren’t really important. It feels nice to talk to someone who knows so much about me. It’s nice to reminisce.

  The afternoon went by pretty fast and before I knew it, it was already three o’clock.

  “Well, as much as I enjoyed the conversation and the food, this lunch was supposed to be about me getting some answers, and you didn’t help me with those at all,” I say to him.

  “What do you mean? I answered your questions.”

  “Well, you don’t admit to following me. I still don’t know what it is you do for a living really. You could be a bouncer, or you could sell security alarms. I don’t know why you dumped me all those years ago except that it was what was “best” and I don’t know. I just still feel confused.”