Finding Fate (Playing it Safe Series Book 1)

by Lisa Gerkey

  Fuck. She’s trying so fucking hard to get away from me. I watch a car come to a screeching stop to avoid hitting her when she runs across the busy street. Thankfully, the driver has the sense to wait a minute and gives me the time to cross the street after her.

  “Madison! I can run all fucking night if that’s what it takes!”

  Apparently, she knows her way around because she runs this way and that with me not too far behind her. I see her stop when we reach a row of familiar beach houses.

  “Go away, Jensen! I can’t do this. I didn’t come here for…what are you doing here?”

  “Me and the guys decided it was time for a vacation. What about you? Why are you here?”

  “My…uh…my parents thought it would be nice to have some time together before they have to get back to their own lives.”

  Madison looks up from staring down at her feet, and I see the prettiest blush spread across her round cheeks.

  I can’t help the laugh that escapes...It’s déjà vu.

  “Can we talk, Madison? Please.”

  I take a minute to look at her while she seems to ponder it over in her head. She really hasn’t changed since I met her. She’s dressed a little more conservatively, but she’s sexy as fuck in her tight jeans. The black blouse she’s wearing falls off one shoulder, exposing her soft creamy skin to me.

  “What’s there to talk about, Jensen?”

  “Well, if you don’t want to talk about the way I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time I saw you, then maybe we could talk about the daughter you and I share. Don’t you think I need to be a part of her life? Even if you don’t want anything to do with me, doesn’t she deserve to know her dad?”

  “We haven’t had a DNA…”

  “You told me there hasn’t been anyone else…well, up until a few months ago, at least. Are you telling me you lied about that, Madison? How many lies have you told me?”

  “No…I didn’t lie…I’ve never lied to you. I didn’t tell you how old I was back then, but you never asked me my age. I know it was wrong that I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t lie to you.”

  I watch Madison, and I know she’s telling me the truth. She’s right. I didn’t question her age. Even though I hate it, I know if she’d told me how old she was, we wouldn’t be here. She wouldn’t have Jenny. No matter what regrets she might have about her life, I know Jenny isn’t one of her them.

  “I believe you. Can we talk? I just want to…have you told Jenny about me…since, you know?”

  “Not yet. I figured I’d save it until…I’ll tell her, soon. Just give me these few days to enjoy this vacation with her and my parents.”

  “Where are you going to live? Are you staying close to your parents?”

  I’ve already decided if Madison decides to move back to South Carolina with her parents, I’ll sell everything I’ve got and follow her. Hell, I can get a job anywhere with my experience, but I won’t give up being a part of Jenny’s life. I didn’t plan to have a child so soon, but now that I have her, I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to be a part of her life and help raise her.

  “No…I’m staying in Nashville. I like going to school there and working at Betty’s. Jenny loves Ruby, the lady who watches her for me.”

  “Damn. I’ve missed so much. I understand you need time with your family. I’ll leave you alone, but when you get back to Nashville, I expect you to find me. It doesn’t have to be about us…you and me. I want to see Jenny and when that happens, I want her to know I’m her daddy.”

  Madison watches while I dig my wallet out of my back pocket. I take out one of my business cards and hand it to her.

  “This has all of my contact information on it. Day or night, you can find me.”

  Madison takes the card and sticks it in her pocket.

  “There’s a lot to talk about, Jensen. I still don’t understand everything that went on with you and Hayley…I hate that part…you and Hayley.”

  I can’t stand to hear the bitch’s name. If this is hard for me, I can’t imagine what Madison must be going through after having all that shit done to her by her own sister. The last person I want to talk about is Kaitlyn, or Hayley, but I know Madison needs to hear it. It’s the only way we can move past this shit.

  “My beach house is right down there. Can we go there and talk?”

  “I don’t know. I need to get back to Jenny and my parents.”

  “No, you don’t. You were at the club…”

  “It wasn’t my idea. Dad basically ordered me to go out for a while.… Fine. I’ll go with you, and hear what you have to say, but I can’t stay long.”

  We walk in silence. When we get to the house, I unlock the door and turn the lights on. I can tell Madison’s feeling uneasy.

  “Let’s go to the living room.”

  I wait to see where she’s going to sit. She picks one end of the couch, so I take the opposite end. I want to keep enough distance between us so she doesn’t feel the need to run.

  “Did you love her? Hayley?”

  “No. We started spending time together and I got comfortable with her. She was different at first. She was sweet and wanted to spend time with me. We got along well in the beginning. My parents kept hounding me to settle down and get married, and Hayley kept suggesting the same thing, so I gave in. We weren’t married a month before she changed. It happened overnight. She started begging me to take her to sex clubs and do things with her…you probably don’t want to hear all this, Madison.”

  “No, I don’t want to hear it, but I need to know…I can’t get it out of my head that you were with her.”

  “Shit, baby, if I tell you everything, you’ll never get the shit out of your head.”

  We sit in silence for a few minutes. I would give anything to be close to Madison. The distance is killing me, but this is for her. I know if she’s ever going to trust me again, she’s going to make me earn it.

  “Tell me, Jensen. I can handle it. I’ve handled worse.”

  “Hayley liked things in the bedroom I didn’t want any part of. When she saw I wouldn’t give it to her, she started going to sex clubs. At least, that’s where she said she was going. I didn’t know it at the time, but I’ve learned recently most of the time, it was to meet up with Malcolm, to take part in his twisted business. I don’t know why I stayed with her… Actually, I do know. My parents didn’t believe in divorce. They believed it was for better or worse, no matter what. When I couldn’t be a part of her world, I ignored her, and I threw myself into my work. She knew how I felt all along, Madison. She orchestrated the whole fucked up thing. She knew I didn’t love her. She knew where my heart was all along.”

  “Thank you for telling me. I need to go.”

  I thought after I told her what she wanted to hear, she’d be more open to spending some time with me. I’m not ready to let her go yet.

  “Please, Madison. Give me a chance here.”

  “I’ll talk to you when I get back home in Tennessee.”

  I watch her get up and walk out the door.

  It’s fucking hard not to go after her, but I’m not going to chase after her if this is how she wants to leave things. The ball’s in her court now. I have no doubt she’ll do the right thing by Jenny and let me be a part of her life, but I’m not sure she’s ever going to let me be a part of hers. I’m not sure she’ll ever be able to see far enough past Hayley to let it happen.

  Chapter Thirty

  “Madison”

  “You have a customer, Maddy.”

  “Thanks, Betty!”

  I’ve hustled around all morning trying to stay caught up. It’s my first day back at work since everything happened. The week at the beach was good for me. I enjoyed quality time with my little girl and spending time with my parents.

  I approach the tall attractive man. He’s dressed in a business suit. He looks important and kind of familiar.

  “I’m Madison. Can I help you?”

  The stranger�
�s large size hovers over me. I look around the busy diner and see several people are watching us. Betty looks a little concerned but minds her own business behind the counter.

  “Ms. Parker, I’m sure you don’t recognize me, but we’ve met before. My name is Grant Masters.” He extends his large hand. “I’m a friend of Jensen’s.”

  Jensen. Just hearing his name sets something off inside me. I look closely at him and try to remember where I might have crossed paths with him before.

  “You seem familiar, Mr. Masters. Have we met before?”

  “You have met me before, actually. I work with Jensen at Master’s Security. My brother, Jonathon owns and leads the operation. We were all heavily involved in taking Malcolm Phoenix down.”

  I take a step or two back. With that bit of information and sizing him up, it all falls into place.

  “Oh, my god. You…”

  “Look, I know you’ve probably got a ton of questions. Jensen can answer them all if you give him a chance. I know you’ve been through hell and back, but you need to know it hasn’t gone any easier for him. Here, take this.” He hands me an elegant blue envelope with my name neatly scribed across the front. “It’s an invitation to my club. You’ll find all the instructions and information you’ll need inside.”

  Grant doesn’t give me a chance to say a word before he’s gone out the door. I tuck the envelope inside my apron. I’ll definitely want to be alone when I see what’s inside.

  I take a deep breath and pull open the heavy door.

  I come face to face with a massive dude. He’s wearing a name tag that says, Troy.

  “Hi, I’m Madison. I have an invitation.”

  I pass Troy the card Grant gave me a few days ago. I’ve already emailed a ton of paperwork I had to fill out just to get in, along with agreeing to a background check. I’ve never been inside of a place like this, but from everything I’ve read online, clubs such as this aren’t places just anyone can find.

  I’m nervous to go in, but I’m more nervous I’m going to face Jensen again. At least there’s an NDA, so whatever people see, they aren’t allowed to talk about it once they leave here.

  For all I know, he’s moved on with his life by now. Any time he’s tried to reach out to me, I’ve pushed him away. I’m scared. I’m not afraid of Jensen. I know he was only trying to help me when I was inside Malcolm’s mansion.

  I’m scared, because I’ve carried around a fantasy for so long, that Jensen and I would one day find our way back to each other. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it if he decides to move on without me. I know he wants to be a part of Jenny’s life, and I’m grateful for that, but I want him to be a part of my life too. I just don’t know how to admit it out loud.

  “This is the main room. Since you’re a guest, this is the only area you’ll have access to, unless a member decides to show you to another area.”

  I look around the large room. Several people are scattered all around, but no one seems to notice I’ve walked in. It makes me uneasy at first. I have to remind myself that everyone is here of their own free will.

  My face is probably bright red from some of the things I’m witnessing. A beautiful woman with long auburn hair is kneeling in front of an attractive man. She’s naked except for lacy black panties. Her hands are bound behind her back by a pair of leather cuffs. I watch another woman kneel next to her. She starts massaging the auburn haired woman’s breasts and playing with her nipples. The man in front unzips his dress trousers and pulls himself free.

  I feel like I’m intruding on a private moment, so I quickly look away from the trio. I trail my eyes around the rest of the room, until they land on him. I feel hot tears prickle my eyes, though I have no right. I haven’t made any kind of claim on him. Hell, for all he knows, I hate him. I tried. I really tried to hate him, forget all about him.

  I watch Jensen smile down at the gorgeous dark-haired woman. She’s sitting on a barstool in front of the bar and he’s standing beside her.

  For a second, I think Grant, who’s behind the bar, sees me, but he turns to mix a drink and then slides it across the bar to the woman. I watch her take a sip and then she places her hand on Jensen’s chest and leans in to say something. Jensen throws his head back and laughs, obviously happy and enjoying himself.

  Grant calls out to Jensen and points to where I’m standing. My body tingles from head to toe when our eyes meet. Please, don’t let it be too late for us, I think to myself.

  Chapter Thirty One

  “Jensen”

  “Excuse me,” I say to Grant and his sister, Emily.

  Before I approach her, I watch Madison for a minute. I can tell she’s nervous. I imagine this is taking her back to another time and place. There are couples engaged in various sexual acts. I don’t want her to be scared, or uncertain, but I want her to understand the difference between what happened with her and when people are doing it because they choose it for their pleasure.

  Everything is consensual. If someone is being bossed around or humiliated it’s because it’s all been negotiated and talked about beforehand. At any time, anyone can use the safe word that Grant has designated for the entire club. If someone says the word “red”, someone will intervene and take care of the situation immediately. If Madison read through the paperwork Grant required her to sign, she knows all of this.

  I haven’t had a single drop of alcohol tonight. When Grant told me his plans to get Madison to come to me, I knew I had to have a clear head on my shoulders. Before she leaves here tonight, she’s going to know how I feel about everything, her and our daughter.

  I watch her stand alone and look the room around until I can’t handle seeing her discomfort any longer.

  “You’re here.” I fight the urge to pull her into my arms and kiss the shit out of her, but I need to make her work for it.

  I think she knows where I stand. She knows damn well I want to pursue things between us. It’s not just because we share a daughter, but because I’ve loved Madison for a long damn time. I haven’t always admitted it, even to myself.

  I need to find out how she feels. I know with everything she’s been through, her feelings are probably all over the place, but if I can get her to admit she’s ever felt anything for me, we can work on everything else. I don’t care how slow we have to take it. I just want to mend everything between us. I want to get to know Madison.

  “I’m not sure how I feel about being here. It’s…” She looks around the room. I watch every expression cross her beautiful face. Some things she sees shocks her. They all embarrass her. But, when she watches a couple a few seconds longer than all the rest, I can tell a few things have a different effect on her.

  “Jensen… I don’t belong in a place like this.”

  “There are private rooms. Can I take you there? Are you finally ready to hear what I have to say?”

  “Okay.”

  I feel that familiar spark when I take her soft hand in mine to lead her through the hallway.

  When we’re inside the room, I watch Madison as she takes everything in.

  “Don’t freak out, Madison. You know what kind of place this is. I promise we’re not going anywhere near the bed.”

  I watch the blush cover her exposed skin. She can argue all she wants, but I can tell she still feels something when she’s with me.

  “What’s behind the curtain?”

  “There’s a window that lets you see into the room next door. If someone in there doesn’t want to be seen they have that choice, same with this room. If I push this button,” I point to a control panel beside the window, “it makes a light turn green in the other room, and that lets them know they are free to watch the scene being played out in here. The light there is green, so if I open the curtain we would be able to watch them as well.”

  “Oh…”

  I watch her reaction closely when I open the curtain. I remember how turned on Madison was when she saw that couple before…yeah, now’s not the time to bring that shit
up.

  In the other room, a pretty woman with dark hair is blindfolded and tied to a bed. Her body makes a big X, with her arms and legs bound to each corner. A man has a riding crop in one hand while he stands over her and rubs his other hand over her body. There’s no sound, so we can only see what’s taking place in the next room.

  Instead of watching them, I don’t take my eyes off Madison.

  “She looks…they look…”

  My cock thickens, reminding me how long it’s been since I’ve been inside Madison’s tight body. I doubt she even realizes it, but she hitches her breath when the man puts his fingers between the woman’s legs.

  “How does she look, baby?”

  “Happy. She looks happy. She’s smiling when he talks. Even though I can’t hear what he’s saying, I can tell she loves every word.”

  “Or, maybe it’s just his touch she likes.”

  “Maybe she loves everything about him. Maybe she knows he’s not perfect, but she also knows she isn’t either. Maybe she loves how they can both put things from their pasts behind them, and overlook one another’s flaws.”

  Madison nearly causes me to crash to the floor when I listen to the words flow from her pretty mouth. Is this what she thinks about the couple in the next room, or is she talking about something much more personal?

  “Do you think people can really do that, baby? Do you think they can put the past behind them and focus on the present, their future?”

  “I want to believe that.”

  “Me too, pretty girl. Me too.”

  There’s too much space between us, so I step closer to Madison’s back. I watch the goosebumps rise on her smooth skin when she feels my breath on the side of her neck. I can’t resist putting my lips there and giving her a light kiss.

  “Please don’t tease me. I came here to talk. I can’t concentrate with you standing this close to me…” She steps back from the window, abruptly. “I think I’m ready to leave. I don’t think I fit in here with these people. I could never do…”

  “Baby, the way you react, the way your body reacts, I can tell you’re interested.”