Past Forgiven

by Jesse Lorenzo

  “Your father is great.”

  Dominick scooted closer to her, so that their bodies touched on one side, and nudged her with his shoulder. “Yeah, he’s something else.” Susan averted her eyes to the fire, feeling anxious at his closeness. Dominick was mesmerized by the shimmering glow the fire cast on Susan’s stunning face. It was getting to the point where it was nearly impossible to keep his hands to himself. The pull to brush his lips over hers was growing with each passing moment.

  Feeling the weight of his stare, she cautiously turned her head in his direction. Her heart fluttered, warming her already heated body at the unmistakably hungry look in Dominick’s gaze. Her pulse quickened, and she bit her lip nervously. “So… what should we do now?”

  The longer his eyes roved over this woman, the stronger his resolve became. He was there to ensure she could be… would be… protected, no matter what the situation. He would see this through, then nothing would stand in Dominick’s way in his pursuit of her.

  Reaching his hand out, he released her bottom lip from the abuse of her teeth, then laced his fingers through hers, coaxing her to stand with him. “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go shooting.”

  Susan’s expression shifted, showing her unease at handling a gun for the first time. She trusted him with her family’s life and her own. So she would trust him with this fear. Tightening her shaking hand in his, she nodded as Dominick helped her to her feet.

  “Don’t be frightened, Susan. Trust me. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  Evangelina Baker

  Saint John The Evangelist

  Syracuse, NY

  Eva sprinted up the ancient stone steps as rain pelted her from above. Shaking the droplets, she removed her coat and hung them on old hooks located in the front entryway. She paused, taking a deep breath before dipping her fingers into the holy water. Marking the sign of the cross and kissing her fingers, Eva bent her right knee to the ground, bowing before the Holy Cross.

  “In the name of the Father, of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

  Eva rose and entered the sanctuary. There were a few people scattered throughout praying silently in their pews, lighting candles, and reading their bibles quietly. The contemplative girl made her way down the thick, carpeted runner in the center aisle to the front. Today, Eva chose the second pew from the front. As Catholic etiquette demanded, she turned to the front, made the sign of the cross, and genuflected before entering her pew.

  She had been coming here a lot more since Giddeon’s sentencing. She prayed for him every day, that God would heal his heart and cleanse his dark spirit. Today, Eva came to pray for his early release. The parole board would gather together tomorrow and evaluate the progress reports from his shrinks and mental health doctors, and the statements both Eva and Detective Antonelli had written on his behalf, vouching that he was ready to re-enter society.

  A decision would be made as to whether or not they would grant him the early release or if Giddeon would remain and serve out the rest of his sentence. The facility was overcrowded, so Eva hoped that would play out in their favor. Her eyes fell in time with her bowing head as she prayed quietly for the tormented soul who’d captured her heart.

  “Saint Michael the Archangel, defend us in our battle. Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil. May God rebuke him, we humbly pray. By the power of God, thrust into hell Satan and all the other evil Spirits who prowl about the world seeking to ruin their souls. Amen.”

  “Sounds like you’ve left out a few words in the middle of that prayer, child.”

  Eva jerked her head up, her solitude broken by an oddly familiar voice. Turning her body, she looked behind her to locate the face that belonged to the voice. A demurely dressed older woman sat clutching her purse with a death grip. It took Eva a moment to recognize this woman, but once it dawned on her, her jaw nearly dropped to the floor.

  It was her mother. And she was sober.

  Her face had aged significantly after years of drug and alcohol abuse. Her eyes were clear and sparkling with unshed tears as she gazed nervously at her daughter.

  “I’m going by a very old memory of my mother reciting the prayer to me before she turned her back and left me to raise myself.” Eva couldn’t help the glare she directed toward her abuser. She knew she should be happy her mother was sober, but all Eva saw when she looked at this woman’s face were years of abuse and neglect, and the hard road to recovery she endured alone at a very young age.

  “That is exactly why I’m here. I’ve been searching for you for a while now…” The old woman hesitated, wringing the strap to her purse in her hands.

  “I owe you an apology…” Shaking her head in disgust, the woman sighed heavily. Interrupting herself, she whispered, “Hell, I owe you a lot more than that, and there aren’t enough years left in this body to make up for all I’ve done to you.”

  Eva nodded silently, letting her mother get out what she wanted to say so she could once again focus on Giddeon and never think about this woman again.

  “Evangelina, honey, I wanted to come to you and beg your forgiveness long ago. But, it wouldn’t have been genuine or even close to truthful had I not done so completely clean and sober. I wandered into that same place you told me about a few years back when you fed me breakfast… the last time I ever saw you. You must’ve made some impression there because they all remembered you. I didn’t doubt that one bit. You always were the most intellectually driven and brave young woman I’d ever been blessed to know.

  “My addiction… my weakness made me very jealous of you. I want you to know how proud of you I am. You’re the very best thing that’s ever happened to my life. I was never there to witness you growing up to be the strong, successful woman you’ve become. That’s my biggest regret, and I have to live with it for the rest of my life. Now that I can’t numb my pain, or drown out my memories, I suffer with that agonizing thought every single day.

  “None of it was your fault, honey. None of it.”

  Eva’s tears had collected to the brim and were spilling over, running down her flushed cheeks. It felt so good to hear her say this as a sober woman. Her pain and sorrow tore at Eva’s heart.

  “If you’re up for it, maybe we could sit down for a cup of coffee sometime and get reacquainted as the people we have become… If that is okay with you. If not, well, I understand and I wish you all the best in your very bright future.”

  The burning anger that she’d been burying all these years rose from out of the depths of their hiding place and broke through the surface. Without thinking, Eva lashed out.

  “Who the hell do you think you are? You come in here while I’m at peace, praying for the one I love who needs my help, so you can dredge up and unload years’ worth of hurtful, agonizing memories I’ve tried so hard to move past and forget. Then, in the next instance, ask if I’d like to hang out and have coffee… with you?”

  Eva turned her back on the woman who she used to call Mommy and gripped the pew in front of her. She ground her teeth together with punishing force to stop her mouth from spewing out any more hate. Did she honestly think I’d want to be around the source of all the abuse I suffered growing up under her roof?

  “I never expected you to embrace me like that, child. But it’s something I had to get off my chest all the same. It was something that had to be said before it was too late. May God continue to bless you, Evangelina. I am very proud of you, that wasn’t a lie. No matter what you may think of me, I love you… so much. Always have, always will. If you want to talk, I am staying at the half-way house on North Salina Street. Goodbye.”

  Her too skinny, rigidly angular frame pattered away, down the aisle, and out of the church doors. Her silent retreat thundered louder than any noise she’d ever heard. It clattered around in Eva’s brain like a jar of coins.

  Eva clenched her water-logged eyes shut. Fuming, the girl fought to pull air into her lungs, still seething in righteous anger. Eva rose on unsteady leg
s, making her way up to the front of the sanctuary. Attempting to refocus her attention on Giddeon, Eva sought to light a candle for him before heading home to await the news.

  Trembling hands made it difficult for Eva to light the wick on the prayer candles. She fought with her own mind, her own bitter feelings, and seething anger that burned so bright inside of her toward her mother. Blowing out a breath of pent up frustration, she cast her eyes up to the religious figures that towered over her. Their ancient eyes seemed to follow her, scolding her with an all-knowing reprimand. All at once, she felt that everyone and everything inside the cathedral were admonishing her for the harsh way she’d spoken to her mother.

  How could Eva possibly ask for help… for guidance… or mercy for Giddeon’s sake, when she couldn’t find it in her heart to forgive her own flesh and blood? Eva lowered her head in shame, struggling to push aside those personal feelings and see her mother as a counselor would a recovering addict.

  With that perspective, she knew how hard it was for her to get sober, to stay sober, and the painful memories of past mistakes that haunted her every single day… all day long. Eva knew how difficult it was for her to approach the daughter she’d abused, neglected, and discarded all those years ago and ask for forgiveness.

  Eva shook her head as it finally struck her.

  Muttering to herself, “All right. I hear you loud and clear. Forgive so that you’re forgiven,” she bowed her head. Eva made the sign of the cross and bolted down the aisle to catch up to her mother. Bursting through the cathedral doors, Eva sprinted down the steps, into the dark and drizzling rain that awaited her.

  Glancing up and down both sides of the street, squinting as the rain pelted her, Eva sought to catch a glimpse of the older woman. Nothing. Pinching her eyes closed, she tried to recall what she’d said, hoping for a clue as to where she was headed.

  The half-way house!

  Okay, the closest one she knew of was on North Salina, to the left. Eva sprinted in the direction as an overwhelming eerie feeling crept up inside of her, twisting her stomach into knots. She had to catch up to her and tell her she was forgiven. It couldn’t wait. Eva passed three abandoned and decrepit buildings in the worst part of the city. Her feet pounded on the pavement, splashing in the puddles lining the street.

  The rush of adrenaline and terrible conditions outside left her short of breath, slowing her pace to a brisk walk. Geez, Eva, you’re really out of shape.

  Squinting through the rain, Eva swore she caught a glimpse of her mother just up ahead with a polka dotted umbrella, taking care as she navigated down the cracked sidewalk. Fighting against her panting breath and pounding pulse, Eva drew in ragged gulps of air, getting ready to shout out for her to wait up.

  Out of the dark, a lone figure lunged from the alley. His large, damp palm slapped over her mouth as his other arm snaked its way around her neck and squeezed. His rancid breath made its way into her flaring nostrils, hissing, “I’ve got you now, counselor.”

  Eva fought against her attacker, but each intended blow or kick was easily thwarted by the much larger man. He cinched his tight hold, cutting off her air intake. Panic rose up inside the frightened girl as her vision grew splotchy with the lack of oxygen to her brain. Like a snake, he coiled and pinched his choke tighter and tighter, pushing her into unconsciousness.

  Before the darkness claimed her, Eva heard him snickering, “I’ve got something you want, bitch.” Her attacker plunged a syringe deep into the skin of her neck and unloaded its contents with stinging pressure. The poison he’d injected quickly took effect, burning a path inside her veins as it spread throughout her body, throwing her into the dark abyss.

  A black, sludgy void blanketed over her, numbing her body, her inhibitions, her emotions, and her ability to fight the monster back. As the darkness pulled her into oblivion, Eva heard through the fuzzy haze that imprisoned her, “When you overdose, it’ll kill Giddeon for me…”

  Eva fought against her own mind to stay awake, to stay alert. The man was right; if she overdosed and died, it’d kill Giddeon. Would he ever find out that she was attacked? That she hadn’t abandoned him when he needed her most? That she would never quit on him?

  God, save me.

  The evil man dropped her onto the filthy alley’s ground, right there in the rain by a foul smelling dumpster, and strolled off without a care in the world.

  Dominick and Susan

  Antonelli Firing Range

  Susan watched as Dominick set up the standing targets at varying distances. Once satisfied, he made his way back over to the aging wooden pavilion that housed all the guns, ammunition, and a trembling Susan. The intimidated girl stood behind a makeshift counter that held an array of weapons to choose from, along with the ammunition that went with it.

  After a moment, Susan felt his eyes on her, as if they’d called out to capture her attention. Lifting her gaze, she relaxed a tiny fraction once she saw the confidence he exuded. You can do this.

  “Come over here, Suzie Q. I won’t bite ya.” His smirk brought a broad smile to her frowning face. Without hesitation, Susan complied, wishing to herself that he would bite. Now that would definitely make things more interesting. Sidling up next to her very own bodyguard, she tried to hide her nerves with humor.

  “All right, Professor Antonelli, I’m ready for your enthralling instruction.”

  “Good girl. That’s what I like to hear.” Dominick left her side for a second to retrieve a weapon from the counter. Choosing a smaller sized 40 Glock, he loaded it with expert quickness and made his way back to his pupil.

  “Let’s start with this. It should fit nicely in your small hands. Once you get the hang of it, we’ll go bigger, okay.” Susan nodded as Dominick strolled up behind her.

  Once his front brushed up against her back, she found it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything but the feel of his body. She could feel the heat rolling off of him in waves as if they were melting into one another. The authoritative man bent low, tickling her ear with his breath.

  “You’ve got to adjust your stance, sweetheart. Like this.”

  Susan closed her eyes, silently begging her racing heart to slow down as Dominick ran his strong hands down the length of her arms until they reached her sides. Gripping her hips, he tightened his hold with just enough pressure to stir up all the pent-up desire she’d been trying so hard to keep locked away.

  “Tilt your hips in the forward position so that your body is facing your target…” Dominick pressed into her, forcing her hips to pivot where he wanted them.

  “Yes, like that. Now, your feet should stay shoulder width apart.” Enjoying the hands-on demonstration, Dominick confidently took his time as he ran his hands down her thighs at an agonizingly slow pace.

  She felt her knees buckle as he slid his hands between her thighs and took his time pushing them farther apart. Susan was putty in the detective’s hands. His deliberate touch was driving her completely mad. Each and every calculated move felt so erotic, almost dirty in a way. The over-stimulated girl found it difficult to breathe with his hands so close to the desperate ache she felt between her thighs.

  Satisfied with the distance, Dominick cooed in her ear, “Good girl, just like that.” Adjusting his hands once more, one hand found its way back to her hip while the second rested on the small of her back.

  “Keep your knees slightly bent and lean forward just a little. You want to remain balanced, taking into consideration the weight of the weapon you’re holding and the force behind it.” Dominick gently pushed her forward a bit, and it was all she could do to get her mind out of the gutter when she felt his hips brush against her backside and his hand gripping her hip in such an arousing way.

  Removing his hand from the small of her back, Dominick brought it up alongside the hand that held the gun and wrapped his fingers around the outside. Grasping a firm hold of her trembling hand, Dominick raised their arms up. “Your dominant arm must be in line with the handgun and pointed at
your target… Breathe, Suzie Q.”

  Now that she was completely enveloped within his protective body, his close proximity had her nearly panting, to her utter embarrassment. Forcing deep breaths, Susan focused on the target in front of her. Once he felt her relax her stance a bit, Dominick pointed to the two raised metal pieces on the handgun.

  “These are your front and rear sights. They need to be aligned to ensure a clean shot. When aiming at your target, make sure the top of the front sight is level with the top of the rear sight… like this.”

  With his hands over hers, Dominick raised the muzzle slightly so that both sights were perfectly aligned. “You’re doing great.” His compliment raised a noticeable blush on her cheeks. Seeing this, he took a moment to run his nose down the side of her flushed skin, producing goosebumps in response.

  “The common misconception when firing at a threat is to aim for the head. This is a difficult shot, especially if the target is moving. Instead, you’ll want to aim for the chest area. It is wider and an easier target to hit. Keep your finger on the side of the muzzle until you’re absolutely sure you want to fire your weapon. Only then do you place your finger on the trigger.”

  Following his instructions step-by-step, Susan mentally stored away all the information, trying to memorize everything he’d said without being distracted by the heat of his body pressing against hers.

  “You’re doing great, Susan. When you’re ready to take your shot, flip the safety off… here.” Dominick dragged her thumb over the raised slide at the side of the gun. Brushing over the cold steel, she flicked it up. “When the safety is off, you’ll know because it shows red underneath as a warning, all right?” The hyper-focused girl kept her eyes locked on the target, nodding her head in understanding.

  “All right, right before you fire your weapon, make sure you control your breathing. Keep your body as calm and in control as possible at all times. Take a deep breath and hold it.”