Healing My Heart: A Second Chance Single Dad Romance (Second Chance Chicago Series Book 4)

by Gina Azzi

  “I signed.” This is what I want, isn’t it? A job in a top NYC design firm, the opportunity to work under talented designers who would challenge and encourage me. All the things I just signed for. The opportunity that seemed too good to be true when it was presented in the form of a job offer after two phone interviews. “I’m going back to New York.”

  Silence stretches between us, and I can tell my best friend has no idea how to react to my lackluster explanation of my dream come true.

  “Congratulations,” she tries, uncertainly.

  I snort, mainly to put her out of her misery. “Thanks. I swear, this is what I want. I mean, it’s what I’ve always wanted so it’s good, right?”

  “Right.”

  “I just, I didn’t expect to be so in my feels,” I admit, hating that I’m so twisted up over Evan, over my ending things with Evan, that my shitty feelings over our non-relationship are overshadowing my happy vibes at landing a sweet job offer. Mitchell and Murphy is a fantastic design agency, moving more in the direction of sustainable design, which I find fascinating. The entry level position I accepted will allow me the chance to work under senior designers with a plethora of skills sets, honing my own skills and interests across the field. This is what I wanted and yet I feel…meh.

  “I’m sorry, babe.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” I open my eyes and stare at my bedroom ceiling.

  “Are you…” Zoe hesitates.

  “What?”

  “Are you sure you can’t work things out with Evan?”

  “Zoe, I told you, he deserves this time to sort things out with Sophie.”

  “But he doesn’t want to sort things out with Sophie,” she quickly points out, stating the obvious.

  “But Ollie wants him to,” I explain, knowing that Ollie’s feelings on this matter trump Evan’s. And mine. I don’t dare mention Frankie’s feelings on the matter because Zoe would lose her cool, and I don’t want to send her into premature labor. Especially not over Frankie Esposito.

  “You don’t have to fall on your sword for this. Evan and Ollie are perfectly capable of figuring things out without you completely removing yourself from their lives.”

  I huff, feigning annoyance, when all I really want to do is give in to the tears welling in my eyes and tell my best friend that I am in love with Evan and heartbroken that I can’t have him. Not at the expense of Ollie’s happiness. Not at the expense of Sophie’s—of any person’s health. At her chance to get out from under Frankie’s thumb. “It is what it is. It never would have worked, anyway. I’m moving, remember?”

  “Yeah. Okay,” Zoe agrees, but I can tell she doesn’t really mean it. I know she wants to say more on the subject, to shake me until I stop sounding so sullen and sad when I chose to be sullen and sad.

  My phone beeps with an incoming FaceTime, and a genuine smile crosses my lips at my mom’s face. “Zo, I gotta go. My mom’s beeping in.”

  “Give my love to Mama Adams and Drew. Call you later,” she says as I click over to my mom.

  “Hi Mom.” I grin as her warm smile fills my screen.

  “Hi Charlie,” Mom says, her voice high-pitched with excitement. Her beaming face falls as she peers at me in concern. “Are you sick?”

  Shit. I forgot that I look like total shit. “I’m fine, Mom. I’m actually really great. I just accepted a job in New York!” I force myself to sit up and smile widely into the camera.

  Mom’s expression doesn’t change. “You’re really going to move there?”

  Ah, I don’t want to do this now. I don’t want to break Mom’s heart that I’m not moving back to Chicago like she prayed a novena I would.

  “Well, Mom, the firm is—”

  “Congratulations, little sister!” My brother grabs the phone from Mom’s hand and grins at me.

  “Drew!” My breath lodges in my throat as I take in my brother’s face. He looks tired and paler than normal. It’s clear that he lost weight and his hair is shaved, a scar across the right side of his scalp, slashing over his forehead and through his eyebrow. “You look—”

  “Only marginally better than you.” My brother chortles, the sound warming me up.

  “Shut it!”

  “Boy trouble?” he accurately guesses.

  “Drew,” Mom exclaims next to him.

  I roll my eyes and flip him off and his laughter grows. “I’ll beat him up, Charlie.”

  “I miss you, Drew. When are you coming home?”

  He glances at mom, his grin growing. “That’s why we’re calling. I’m cleared to fly. I’ll see you this weekend, Charlie.”

  “What?” My jaw drops open as I take in this new piece of information. “But that’s—”

  “Christmas Eve. That’s why Mom and I were calling. We wanted to see your reaction, and I gotta tell you, little sister, you lived up to my expectations.”

  “Are you—are you sure you’re okay to travel?”

  “One-hundred percent. I’m coming home for the holidays. I want to hear all about your life in New York, this new guy who’s got you looking like you want to bawl into your pillow, and everything in between. I’m only home for a few weeks before I jump into my rehab program. I’ll be in great hands, and I want to make sure you will be, too.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m just happy you’re coming home, Drew.” My voice shakes with emotion, and for the first time this week, I feel somewhat hopeful about the future. If not for me, than for Drew.

  “Keep your chin up, kid. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Send me all the travel details.”

  “I will. Love you.”

  “Love you, too. Can’t wait to see your face in real life.”

  Drew grimaces and points to his scar.

  “Chicks dig scars,” I remind him, referencing the Vince McKewin quote my dad would say whenever Drew got into a scrape in high school.

  “And glory lasts forever.” He laughs, finishing the quote and ending the call with a wave.

  I drag myself from my bed. There are good things happening, things to look forward to. I’m moving back to New York. I landed a job. Drew’s coming home, and we’re going to get to spend some much-needed time together.

  Even if my heart feels like it’s crumbling, I steal some strength from the fact that I’m making the right choice for the right reasons. I’m doing what should be done for people I care about.

  I’m doing the right thing.

  I ordered the Vermont maple syrup more than a week ago. At the time, I thought Ollie would laugh when he pulled it out of his Christmas stocking. It’s the perfect pairing for his Sunday waffle obsession and a subtle hint at his desire to embrace Aly’s Pancake House.

  But now, I know I won’t be seeing him on Christmas. Instead, I wrap the maple syrup in colorful Christmas paper and slip it into my purse. Glancing at myself in the mirror, I spend some extra time fiddling with my hair and checking my eyeliner.

  Tonight is Ollie’s Christmas play. I told him I would be there no matter what and I meant it. I’m not sure if he actually wants me there anymore, but I made a commitment, and I’m going to show up for him whether he cares or not.

  Steeling my shoulders, I blow out a breath. Tomorrow, Drew comes home. We celebrate Christmas. I’ll spend a few days getting ready for my move to New York. This may be my last time to say good-bye to Evan and Ollie. To wish them a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and everything else.

  Because I’m not sticking around in Chicago for a day longer than necessary.

  Swiping my phone, I send Trent a message to count me in for his New Year’s plans. Then, I shoulder my coat, grab my purse, and head to Ollie’s Christmas play with a lump of emotion in my throat and an ironclad resolve to do the right thing at all costs.

  Even if it costs me my heart.

  23

  Evan

  “Shoot! I’m sorry,” the voice murmurs as she crashes into my chest. Automatically, my arms wrap around her to steady her, and instinctively I know it’s Charl
ie.

  Glancing down at the golden ribbons of her hair and feeling her petite frame in my arms causes my mouth to dry and my fingers to itch. I wish I could keep her wrapped up and mine forever. Instead, I step back and slide my hands from her arms. “You okay, Charlie?” My eyes bore into hers, searching for the truth. Tell me I didn’t imagine things between us. Tell me you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you.

  Instead, her blue eyes are wary, more grey than blue, and unsteady when they crash into mine. She nods.

  “You sure?” I press, frowning at the silent and uncertain woman before me when I’m used to the witty firecracker.

  “Y-yes,” she stutters, a blush working over her cheeks. She clears her throat, glancing down at her toes. “I’m fine. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

  I take another step back, my throat tightening at her reaction to me. It’s really done this time. She can’t even look at me, doesn’t even want to speak with me. We won’t even be able to salvage a friendship after all of this.

  “Charlie…” I release a shaky breath. “Can we grab a coffee or drink? Can we talk?” I reach out to run my finger over her hand and she flinches. “Please.” I hate the pleading tone of my voice as it breaks on the word, but right now I’m desperate. I don’t want to let this woman go, not again. I’ll do anything in my power to keep her connected to me. Even beg her to grab a coffee at my son’s Christmas pageant.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she mutters, stepping back. Her eyes dart to mine, and she’s got this wild look in her eyes.

  “Okay. Well, thank you for coming tonight. It means a lot to Ollie.”

  Tears prick the corners of her eyes.

  Why the hell is she so upset if she’s the one who’s pulling away? Why did she come tonight if she was going to be uncomfortable and stressed at the idea of interacting with me?

  The side of her mouth tips, and she dips her head again. “Of course. I’m going to grab a seat.” She scurries away before I can stop her.

  Jesus. I breathe out and pinch the bridge of my nose.

  “Oh, Mr. Holt, thank you so much for bringing the brownies again. We all want to know where you get them from. They are seriously to die for!” A woman in pressed slacks and a bob haircut, Sandi or Mandi from the PTA, appears at my side.

  I stifle a groan. The last thing I need is the swarm of class moms that always seem to appear in a half-moon around me at these events. Apparently, I’m Bryn Madison’s most eligible dad bachelor. Trust me, that’s a moniker no one wants. Three more women appear, popping up like freaking Whack-A-Moles.

  I force a smile and glance around for my brother. I spot him, Zoe, Maddie, and Charlie across the hallway, snickering at me. Thanks a lot, Eli. But when I see the softness in Charlie’s face, the amusement in her eyes, some of the ice in my veins melts, and I don’t mind Sandi/Mandi. I offer her a genuine smile, which she returns for one second before tilting her head toward the auditorium and escaping there.

  “And you got some with walnuts this time. What a risky move. You know we’re nut free, right?” Another woman laughs, swatting my arm. Her fingers linger on my bicep, and Eli covers up his laughter by coughing into his elbow as I shoot him a pleading look.

  Luckily, he sends Maddie in for backup.

  “Hey Uncle Ev, we need to find our seats.” My sweet little niece shuffles from one foot to the other, twirling a curl around her finger coyly. Damn, this girl gets her acting genes from her dad.

  I beam at her, bending down to scoop her into my arms. “You’re right, sweet pea. We do! Ladies, please excuse us. Enjoy the brownies,” I call over my shoulder as I march Maddie toward the auditorium, Eli’s snicker floating behind me.

  “Charlie saved some seats up front.” Zoe bumps my shoulder and points to where Charlie sits, the seats beside her wrapped in a scarf.

  The seats are up front and center and will provide a perfect view of Ollie’s performance.

  “That was really nice of her,” I say, shifting Maddie to my other side.

  Zoe rolls her eyes but doesn’t say anything else, and we file into the row, with Charlie as far from me as she can get.

  I try to catch her eye several times, but she keeps her eyes focused on the empty stage, as if she’s willing herself not to make eye contact with me. Sighing, I lean back in my seat as the lights dim. As soon as the curtains open, it’s easy to ignore everyone around me as I zero in on Ollie.

  For this year’s Christmas pageant, Ollie’s school performs A Christmas Carol. Ollie plays the role of Christmas Present and appears calm and confident as he transforms into his character. I watch him in awe, holding my breath partly in nerves for him, and partly in admiration for the teenager he’s on the brink of becoming. Next to me, Zoe grips my arm, and I can tell she’s equally as proud. It’s the type of moment, the kind of performance, that any child would want their mother at. While Zoe has filled in that role as best as she could, it’s not the same, and suddenly I wish Sophie wasn’t in rehab but that she was here. I wish that she could be well enough to attend these events and cheer Ollie on and support him the way a mother should.

  Out of my peripheral vision, I see Charlie lean forward. She’s completely enthralled with the performance, her gaze zeroed in on Ollie. Her attention warms my heart and makes me wish again that she would give us—Ollie and me both—another chance.

  When the curtain closes, the applause of the crowd is wild. Of course the auditorium is filled with doting parents and loving family members, but there is an energy among the rows, one that goes beyond obligation and recognizes that these kids put on one hell of a performance. Pride for Ollie swells in my chest as I stand and clap, grinning at Eli’s whistles.

  “You sure you can’t stay?” Zoe bends toward Charlie.

  Whipping my head toward their exchange, I blatantly eavesdrop. She’s leaving already?

  “No, I’m so sorry. I need to prepare a few things before Drew arrives,” Charlie responds.

  Her brother is coming home? Why didn’t she tell me?

  “Of course. Oh God, Charlie, I’m so glad he’s coming home,” Zoe gushes, kissing Charlie’s cheek.

  Charlie’s face opens up, like pure sunshine after being blotted out by a raincloud, and she looks gorgeous. My breath catches in my throat as I stare at her, remembering when my presence caused her to brighten. “Me too. I can’t wait to see him.”

  “Of course. Go!” Zoe shuffles, so Charlie can make her way out of the row.

  “Will you give this to Ollie?” she asks, pressing a small box wrapped in gift paper in Zoe’s hands.

  “I’ll see he gets it,” Zoe agrees, slipping the gift into her purse.

  Charlie drops a kiss to Maddie’s head, waves to Eli, and is suddenly squeezing past me, offering a half-hearted apology and farewell.

  “I’ll walk you out.” I surprise both of us by blurting it out. Before she can say anything, I grip her elbow and steer her through the throngs of people crowding the aisle and the hallway, waiting for our performers to join us, before we press out into the cold night.

  Charlie shivers, pulling her coat tight around her. “You didn’t have to walk me to my car. I’m sure I’m safe here.” She gestures to the immaculate campus grounds.

  “I’m happy to hear Drew’s coming home.”

  “It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” She peers up at me, her cheeks red from the cold. God, she looks beautiful. And yet, untouchable. “He surprised me with the news at the last minute.”

  “Of course. It will be nice to spend Christmas with your family. Although, Ollie and I will miss you.”

  She dips her head, and I can’t tell if she’s blushing or not. “Are you still going to Zoe’s and Eli’s for Christmas Eve?” she asks hesitantly, stopping next to the passenger door of her mom’s car.

  “For Christmas Eve,” I confirm. Now I hesitate, wondering if I should tell her our plans for after Christmas. Screw it, this is what she wanted, right? For Ollie to have the famil
y he used to have? “Once we get the okay from Sophie’s counselor, I’m taking Ollie to visit her. Her counselor hopes by next week we’ll be able to go for an hour or so.”

  Charlie bites her lower lip as she looks at my neck, not daring to meet my eyes. I hate that she won’t look at me. I hate that I can’t read any of the thoughts flickering through her mind. Is she happy? Angry? Upset? “That’s good,” she says finally, her tone flat.

  “I’m sure Ollie would love to get together for—”

  “I’m leaving.” She finally looks up.

  “What?”

  “I accepted a job in New York. I leave next week. I start January 2. I’m planning to spend a few days with Mom and Drew and then start the new year fresh. New job, new apartment…”

  Her words leave me reeling. I feel the punch of her absence even though she’s standing right in front of me. This is what she said she wanted. This is what she said would happen.

  None of this is new and yet…she’s really leaving. I work a swallow, my mind spinning. “Where?”

  “Mitchell and Murphy.”

  “Congratulations, Charlie. That’s…well, that’s amazing. I’m proud of you.”

  She shrugs at my praise, but I know she hears the sincerity of my words because emotion ripples across her face before she conceals it again with the mask she’s been wearing all night. “Thank you.”

  We stand in the cold, the Chicago wind whipping around us. Time seems to stand still, suspending us between this moment and a future that suddenly seems so uncertain, so shaky and bleak, I don’t want to step into it.

  “Charlie—”

  “Thank you for a great holiday season, Evan,” she cuts me off, offering a sad smile. “I enjoyed spending time with you. And with Ollie. I truly hope everything works out for your family.”

  “Thank you,” I murmur, frowning at the formality of her tone.

  She opens the driver’s side door. “Merry Christmas, Evan.”

  “Merry Christmas, Charlie,” I manage to say before the door slams closed.