The Cowgirl Rides Away (Bluebonnet Texas Book 1)

by Stuart, Amie

  "I know."

  "Did my mom—" it seemed so weird being able to ask someone about her. I'd spent my whole life wondering and now I had my own personal source to fill me in about her right here next me to and I wasn't sure what to ask, "—did she have brothers and sisters?"

  "Three younger sisters. One died of breast cancer but the other two are still alive."

  I nodded slowly and took another sip of my soda. "What are their names?"

  "Jacinda and Julia?"

  I snorted then coughed then laughed out loud. "Geez, Jessica, Josephine, Jacinda, Julia, John and Jessalyn. Do we have enough J names?"

  "Jacinda and Julia were raised by Granny after your grandmother died. I guess you would have been about five or six. Jacinda is my mom."

  "And my dad? Does he know Granny Jo died?"

  "Hell no!"

  Shortly after our conversation my phone buzzed. I checked my messages, fully aware of Kane watching me out of the corner of his eye, but he didn't ask.

  Zack: Where are you? Where did you go?

  Me: Home. I'm going home.

  Our love affair or whatever it had been was over. I suppose if I had to give my virginity to anyone and then get my heart broken I'd rather it have been someone like Zack.

  Kane and I barely spoke again until I took over driving in Amarillo and then it was just the bare necessities. I had no trouble staying silent, though I couldn't say my own thoughts were very good company. We stopped a couple hours outside of Pueblo, Colorado, for gas and Kane insisted on taking over even though he hadn't slept that long.

  Then he started talking again.

  "There was some to-do after your mama died. Granny Jo didn't go into specifics, but apparently your father refused to let her or your aunts raise you. Refused to even bring you to visit. He wouldn't even answer their letters, so I just kept my mouth shut like she asked and did as I was told."

  "I'm sorry Kane, but all the explanations in the world won't make it okay. You could have at least told me when she died."

  "You were doing your rehab."

  He had me there. I hadn't been in a position to travel or a good place mentally.

  ***

  It'd been a long drive and a long night with us talking intermittently, broken up by me asking questions or pouting or sleeping. I'd taken over again after a quick breakfast, and for me anyway, a quick change into warmer clothes, then driven the rest of the way. At the sight of the city limits sign, I slowed, then pulled off the road, camera in hand so I could take a couple photos. I might not know where I was going or what I was doing or what my future held, but I had a feeling it'd be a very long time before I passed this way again.

  WELCOME TO HORSESHOE BEND, MONTANA

  HOME OF PRA WORLD SADDLE BRONC CHAMPION, JESSALYN STRATTON

  Above it, rising in the distance, were mountain peaks still covered in winter snow. It was a pretty decent shot; one I thought Zack would have appreciated. I sighed, camera in hand, wishing I could call him. Instead, I pulled out my cell phone, took another photo of the sign and texted him.

  Me: Made it safe. Enjoy the view.

  For once, that sign didn't make me cringe with embarrassment. If anything, I now felt even angrier at Kane for lying to me and at Dad who had kept me around for reasons I couldn't even begin to understand.

  As much as I wanted to blame my father for so many things, I also realized that I could have quit the rodeo at any time. That was on me. I'd just been too young and too dumb to realize it. I'm not sure how. It was the only thing I'd ever done that had gotten my father's attention, and whether it had been a conscious choice or not, I'd made the decision to not quit. A decision that had nearly cost me my life. As much as I'd come home to confront my father, to get some long-overdue answers and yeah, to confront Kane, I'd also come to say goodbye.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat and sucked in a deep breath of chilly air, feeling scared, sad and a little bit crazy, and for one brief, sad moment, I wished Zack was there with me.

  I skirted downtown, stopping to take a few more photographs of the high school, and of the little rodeo arena I'd first competed at. I sent the photo of the arena to Zack also.

  That one got me a response: Check your email.

  I quickly texted him back: Kane's waiting. Might be tonight but I will. Promise

  On the northwestern edge of town I pushed my foot down on the accelerator and rolled down the windows, smiling as the wind picked up, whipping my hair into tangles. I turned the volume back up on the radio and sang along with Pam Tillis the last few miles, unable to wipe the grin off my face while Kane grumbled and stretched beside me.

  Considering I was about to do the hardest thing I'd ever done—harder than riding any bronc—I sure was in a good mood. Like I said, just a little bit crazy.

  My smile turned into a near hysterical fit of the giggles as the truck's tires bounced gently on the cattle guard as I passed under the sign that told anyone who drove by this was the Diamond S—Stratton land. And had been for over seventy-five years.

  I turned down the stereo and eased to a stop, raking my fingers through my hair and taking a good look around, camera clutched in sweaty palms. It seemed as if a lot more than six or seven months had gone by since I'd been home.

  Seemed more like a lifetime. How cliché.

  Then again, maybe not. For the last eight years or so, most of my visits had been deliberately brief. The shorter the better.

  From behind me a horn blew, snapping me back to the present. I turned and waved at Jace, giggling again at the shocked expression on his face as he patiently sat waiting on me to finish taking pictures. I drove the rest of the way to the house, pulling past the house and parking in front of the old ranch foreman's cabin where Kane and I would sleep.

  With a sigh, I killed the engine, shot Kane a look that said, "here we go," and then climbed out, barely able to catch my breath as Jace grabbed me up in a big bear hug.

  "What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were off...doing whatever?"

  First thing's first.

  "I was," I said, returning his hug. I pushed him away, ran my fingers through my knotted, windblown hair and propped my sunglasses on my head so I could get a good look at him. God he looked like Daddy. All tall and lanky and tan. He was even starting to get little laugh lines at the corners of his eyes just like Dad. I rubbed his wiry, tightly muscled arms and blinked back the hot prick of tears. No sissy stuff. "You sure are handsome."

  He frowned and paused to look me over. "What do you want?"

  "Nothing." I apologized with a laugh. "I'm sorry for being such a bratty little shit to you. You didn't deserve it, Jace, and I owe you a huge apology. You mean the world to me. You always have."

  "You were pretty awful, but I think you could make it up to me by giving me your truck." His expression was deadpan serious as Kane burst out laughing behind us. Then Jace's lips started to twitch and mine did, too. He'd been after my truck for years.

  "Done!"

  With a surprised chuckle, he gave me another hug. "Yeah, right. You look good. I guess Texas was alright then?"

  "Aw well, now. Isn't this sweet," Colby called out from halfway down the drive.

  I will not let him rile me. I will not let him rile me. I will not let him rile me. Every time I said my youngest brother's name, shades of Wisconsin Cheese commercials flashed through my head. I gave Jace a pat on the back and pushed him away. I could handle my baby brother. "Colby."

  He joined us, standing with his bad arm resting on the hood of Jace's truck, the other propped on his hip, looking as cocky as a twenty-one-year-old bull rider could look. To my surprise, it suddenly struck me how much he looked like Daddy, too. Despite having Marlene's dishwater blond hair. He had the same square jaw and lean build, the same sharp cheekbones, but his mouth was his mother's and almost too pretty to belong to a man.

  "Where is everyone?"

  "Mom and Caron are in town. They had to have her wedding dress let out—aga
in." Colby smirked.

  Well, at least I wouldn't have to deal with Marlene yet. "Daddy?"

  "Hiding in the barn as usual," he said with a roll of his eyes.

  That earned Colby a frown. It was one thing to treat me like shit, but being disrespectful to Daddy was another matter.

  "I'll go tell him you're here," Jace muttered, walking away.

  I slung my purse over my shoulder and made to follow Jace.

  "How's that knee?" Colby asked as I walked past him.

  I glanced over my shoulder, giving in to the urge to wipe the perpetual, knowing smirk off his face. "You know it's a wonder you can ride bulls at all with your Mama's teat stuck in your mouth."

  From a few steps ahead of me Jace busted out laughing. He laughed all the way to the house, while a chuckling Kane unloaded our gear. Colby disappeared after Jace.

  I chose to follow Kane, and leaned against the porch railing with a chuckle. I'd gotten him good, obvious by his lack of response, and we all knew it. Kane gave me a high five then paused to rest his head on his knee. With a sigh I took in the nearby two-story rock and cedar house I'd grown up in, the nearby corral and barn, the cattle pens and the pastures dotted with snow. Everything looked the same...but different. It was a view that quickly sobered me. Maybe it was the thought of never seeing it again.

  I sank down on the steps and Kane joined me after tossing our bags inside. "I'm gonna miss this."

  He slung an arm around my shoulder. "Then don't go."

  A lovely but unfortunately impractical sentiment. "You know it's not that easy". Using his knee as leverage, I stood. Hands in my pockets, I strolled down the road and across the muddy yard, which had never in all my years sported a spring of grass, to the corral where a half dozen ponies were penned up. Tails twitched and ears flickered as I climbed the bottom rung and stood watching them. One in particular seemed restless, a little brown spotted one. She was at least half paint. She was small but sturdy and watched me with an intelligent set of eyes as she restlessly moved around the pen. The barn door opened and Jace and Daddy came out to join me.

  "What'cha thinking?" Jace asked with a nudge.

  "Been a long time since I just...went for a ride." My ride with Zack's dad aside, but Jace didn't need to know about that.

  "You seem…more relaxed," he said softly as Daddy propped a foot on the bottom fence.

  "Not a one of 'ems broken in yet," Dad said, coming to lean on the fence on my other side. He hadn't even bothered with hello but that was his way.

  "Maybe Jessy-lyn could give it a whirl," Colby quipped, appearing at Dad's other side. Apparently, he hadn't caught the hint.

  Still riding a high from my earlier jab at Colby, I ignored him, instead gently nudging Jace in the side. "How about a ride, Bub?"

  Dad spoke up before Jace could. "Your mother's given your old room to Cutter's mom, so you'll have to stay up at the cabin with Kane."

  I gave Dad a freebie, letting the 'your mother' slide. My cheeks ached but the smile on my face never wavered as I turned to face Dad. "I was planning to anyway." Guess I'd have to figure out how to settle my differences with him sooner rather than later. "When's Glenna get here?"

  Cutter's mother, Glenna, was a widow, a rancher in her own right with fifteen hundred acres outside of El Paso and a first class flirt.

  "Tomorrow. Colby, you'll need to go pick her up from the airport." Dad's smile bordered on a smirk. Karma was a beautiful thing.

  "There is no way I'm gonna be stuck in a truck for an hour and a half with that woman."

  Glenna was a first-class flirt who made passes at anything that moved—anything with the right equipment, that is.

  "I can go," I offered, though I didn't really mean it.

  "No, Colby can go," Daddy said.

  Turning back to Jace, I asked, "How about that ride?"

  ***

  An hour later Jace and I pulled our mounts to a stop in the northern pastures after a game of horse tag that had left us muddy. Kane and Cutter had joined us briefly then left us behind.

  I leaned over, whispering in Sampson's ear, telling him how much I'd missed him. I was out of breath, my cheeks chaffed from the brisk spring breeze. I hadn't even bothered with a hat, just a ballcap and sunglasses, jeans and a thick flannel shirt under my old Carhartt, my hair pulled back into a ponytail. Honestly, my good mood had even surprised me; the ride had definitely helped shake my melancholy.

  I took a few more photos, including one of me and Jace with the mountains behind us. "For our grandkids."

  "Who are you and what have you done with my sister?" Jace asked.

  "What do you mean?" I countered, even though I had a pretty good idea what he meant.

  "You're…different." He nudged his horse forward at a brisk walk and I followed suit. "You don't seem as restless, or edgy."

  "You know I love you." I couldn't hold back a sad, watery smile. "No matter what. I got a lot on my mind, and a lot to settle before I leave here. Stuff that's…needed to be settled for a long time. And then, I have to do my thing," I said, my conviction growing with every word. "Right now, that means I need to find me some ranch land, then come back for my horses. And you have to do your thing; right now that means you rodeo."

  "You're kind of scaring me, sis."

  "I don't mean to, but I can't stay here. We both know that. I haven't decided anything but it's time for a change of pace is all."

  Jace nodded as Cutter and Kane finally rejoined us. Enough with the chit-chat. I circled back around to Cutter and Jace, slapped Cutter's arm and kicked my mount, shouting, "You're it!"

  ***

  Dear Jessa…I guess you know about Delaney—my new sister—and I guess this is me saying you were right. Some secrets just shouldn't stay secret. I bet you gloated all the way back to Montana. FWIW, Mom and Dad know about Travis.

  I miss you. Come home soon.

  Love Zack.

  Dear Zack…

  "Come home soon," kept echoing through my head as I stared at the blinking cursor, trying to figure out what to say. I'd showered after my ride, then booted up my laptop, hoping for a minute to read his email. The clock was ticking; soon Kane would be pounding on my bedroom door.

  Dear Zack,

  Trust me. No gloating here. Not even a little. I don't even know where to begin, but I wanted to let you know I'm okay. Angry, but okay. I think I owe you some sort of explanation.

  By the time I finished what was probably the longest email I'd ever written, my anger at Kane had dissipated even more. I could almost hear Zack in my head imparting some artistic bit of wisdom.

  And dinner, well, dinner was…tense. But that was to be expected. My presence was unannounced and unwelcome by my step-mother and Caron, who kept Cutter pinned to her side once we got back from our ride. My little sister had a lot of growing up to do and Cutter was just the man to make it happen.

  "Jessa, how long are you planning on staying?" Marlene asked.

  "Just through the wedding." I winked at Jace across the table from me.

  "Then what?" Daddy asked from the other end of the table.

  The flip, happy, over-confident side of me wanted to say move to Texas and buy a ranch, but the truth was I had no definite plans and I wasn't about to put all my cards out on the table in front of Marlene so that she could pick me apart. "Sell my condo. Settle down somewhere. Maybe down in Texas."

  "The Gulf is nice," Kane murmured from beside me. I didn't miss the slight tinge of laughter in his voice either. Kane had no love for Marlene, same as me; he'd only come because he was Cutter's best man.

  "You and Kane finally going to settle down?" Marlene asked.

  For the briefest moment you could have heard a pin drop, then I laughed at the irony and stupidity of it all. All these years and they had no idea who Kane really was and I wasn't about to tell them. Not yet. I ignored her question. "I suppose I could get a job on one of those fishing boats if the horse breeding thing doesn't take."

  "God, not that
one we went out on year before last. When was that, Thanksgiving?"

  "Haaaaaa, yes. I thought for sure that old thing was gonna come apart on us but it didn't. And you caught that dang shark, too." I smiled over at Daddy and said, "We had shark for Thanksgiving, no chestnuts, no cornbread stuffing." The memory, a good one, made me smile. We'd had a great Thanksgiving. The realization that we could have gone to Louisiana and been with family sobered me and my smile faded.

  Dad looked positively grim, almost as if he'd read my mind, and then he said, "That's an awful long way from home."

  "Yup." My anger at two of the most important men in my life simmered below the surface. "You sound surprised."

  Daddy slowly lowered his eyes to his plate and resumed eating his pot roast.

  "Maybe this year we can spend the holiday in Louisiana with your family," I said to Kane.

  He flinched, then turned his attention to his plate. "If you want."

  "Oh my God," Marlene muttered. "You two are settling down then."

  "I never said that."

  "Then what are you saying, Jessalyn?" Dad sighed and sat back in his chair. "I thought you'd come home and help run the ranch."

  "You know better than that, Dad. We both do."

  "Happy trails, sis," Colby said.

  "Grow up, Colby and stop being such a jealous little baby." Ignoring the slightly panicked vibes I was picking up from Jace, I returned my attention to my dinner.

  "I'll thank you to remember whose table you're sitting at, young lady." Marlene's voice could have fractured ice cubes.

  "Yes, ma'am, I surely do. It's Dad's table and Dad's land. And before that, it was my granddaddy's land. Shall I continue?"

  "Don't smart-mouth your mother," Daddy growled, his eyes still downcast.

  I'd given him one but giving him two was impossible. Under the table I felt Kane's hand gently squeezing my knee. I jerked my leg away.