The Love Square

by Jessica Calla

  She stopped moving. “Can we talk for a minute?”

  “Do we have to?”

  Clare sighed. He knew what she was about to do, but that didn’t make it any easier. “I’m sorry” was all she could muster.

  “Why, Clare?”

  “Because I want to stay in California,” she whispered, then she started to cry. “I don’t want to live in Cliffville anymore.”

  “You don’t want me anymore? Us?”

  “You’re not asking to move to California with me.”

  He ran his rough hands through his dark hair and then reached for her shoulders. “I can’t imagine my life anywhere but here. With you. Don’t do this. You’ll see when you move back.” He rubbed her shoulders with his thumbs as he bent to her eye level. “We’ll get married. I’ll hire more help and we’ll travel. We’ll go wherever you want, see the world. We can do it together, Clare.”

  “You’d be miserable.” Lucas hated traveling. He’d never even been on a plane. He was as rooted in Nebraska as the big tree they’d first kissed under. The stability in his life was one of the reasons she loved him.

  Lucas squeezed her shoulders. “I’ll do it for you, Clare. I want you in my life. You are my life. Don’t do this to us,” he begged.

  “I can’t stay here and you can’t leave. It can’t work. Don’t you see?” Clare pleaded with him to understand as her heart broke into a million pieces. Why am I so awful?

  After she talked to Lucas, she had to face her parents, so she headed to the main house. She opened the front door with a tearstained face to find her mama cleaning up breakfast dishes.

  “Mama?” she said timidly.

  Andrea Davis gasped when she turned and saw her crying daughter. Without question, she bee-lined to Clare and wrapped her arms around her. It was just what Clare needed as she cried and cried in her mother’s arms.

  “Sweetheart, what are you doing here? Why are you crying?” she asked. “Come sit. Let me call your father. You should have told us you were coming. Why are you sad?”

  She sat at the kitchen table. “Because I broke Lucas’s heart.” Clare’s parents treated Lucas as their son, so Clare knew her news would not be welcome.

  “Oh, Clare. What happened?”

  “Nothing happened, Mama. I want to stay in California.”

  “But, honey, I thought you hated it there,” Andrea said.

  “I did, but now I don’t. I want to stay. I know that’s selfish of me, with you and Daddy here at the farm, and Lucas, and my friends. But, Mama, I can’t come back to Cliffville.”

  “But you’re okay? You’re not hurt?”

  “No. I’m fine.”

  Andrea’s demeanor changed. “So let me get this straight,” she said in her stern “mom” voice. “You came to visit us because you think you want to stay in a place you claimed to hate just months ago. The plans we made for you and Lucas and the farm are out the window. You suddenly found yourself out in California, and you aren’t coming home?”

  Clare nodded.

  “That’s the stupidest thing you’ve ever said and done,” Andrea said. “We’ll talk about it when your father gets here. You aren’t staying in California, Clare. No way.” Then she turned her back to Clare and went back to drying her dishes.

  “But, Mama—”

  Clare wanted to yell at her mother that she was twenty-five and she didn’t have to do what her parents said anymore, but she couldn’t get the words to come out.

  Andrea held up a hand. “That’s settled. Would you like me to make you breakfast? You look too skinny.”

  And just like that, Clare was ten years old again.

  ***

  Alex

  Scott, Dom, and Alex left Long Island Saturday afternoon hungover and miserable, each for their own reasons. Penny had given Alex her car keys because she and Steve had decided to shack up for the rest of the weekend, so Alex was stuck driving Scott and Dom, who were fighting, back to Scott’s place in Manhattan. Jenna was nowhere to be found. She and Dylan had missed the brunch plans the group had made.

  Alex regretted offering to hook up Dylan with Jenna the second he’d heard the words fly out of his stupid, drunken mouth and texted her that stupid, drunken text. Of course Dylan was going to say yes. Jenna was fucking gorgeous in a way that rendered those around her speechless. If Dylan was leaving with anyone that night, it would be Jenna. After all these years of hanging out with Dylan, Alex should have known better.

  Alex had called and texted Jenna when he lost track of her and Dylan. She hadn’t been in touch, besides a text around three a.m. that said:

  Fine, at Dylan’s hotel.

  He trusted Dylan and knew she was okay, so he didn’t have a legitimate reason for obsessing. Except that he loved her and wanted her full attention.

  On the ride back to Manhattan, Scott and Dom barely talked. Alex figured from snippets of insults shooting back and forth every few miles or so that Dom was extremely possessive and Scott was a flirt. Bad combination, Alex thought but didn’t say.

  About halfway to Midtown, Scott’s phone buzzed. “It’s Jenna,” he said. “‘Not going to make rehearsal this weekend. See you at brunch tomorrow. Call you later.’” Scott threw the phone onto the dashboard. “I’m really happy Jenna’s getting some, God knows she needs it, but it’s not exactly the most convenient time,” he complained. “We only have four weeks until Vegas.”

  “Scott,” Dom whined. “It’s Dylan Barnes. Sunrise, Sunset? You wouldn’t want to leave the bed, either.”

  Alex winced and snapped at Dom, “What’s the fucking obsession with Dylan?”

  “Calm down, Alex,” Scott said. “Dom’s just excited. Dylan’s a big deal.”

  Alex directed his words to Scott. “Dom’s been talking about Dylan nonstop.”

  “You’re just jealous. You could have been hitting that,” Dom murmured from the backseat. “I tried to stop you from pushing them together.”

  “Shut up, Dominic,” Scott said. “You of all people shouldn’t criticize Alex for being jealous.”

  “I’m not jealous,” Alex said.

  “You are,” Dom said. “But maybe this isn’t the time to discuss.”

  Alex shook his head. “No. You two want to talk about Dylan, fine. He’s fucking dreamy. Go ahead, say it. I’ve only been hearing it for twenty years. I can’t even hate the son of a bitch because he’s so damn nice. Want to talk about that?” Alex slammed his hands down on the steering wheel.

  Dom and Scott didn’t say a word the rest of the ride back.

  By the time Alex got to the field Saturday night, he was so riled up he couldn’t concentrate. Pete sat with him in the dugout, talked to him, calmed him down, and told him to focus his energy. At his next at bat, Alex hit the ball out of the park. He ran the bases like a madman, and when he returned to the dugout, he threw his helmet at the bench and stormed into the locker room.

  The next morning, Alex knew Jenna wouldn’t be in her apartment, so he didn’t bother stopping at the sixth floor on his way out for his morning run. He ran their usual route, came home, and jumped into the shower. Brunch was planned for eleven at Steve’s favorite place in Manhattan. Alex almost declined, except he’d promised to pick up Dom and Scott in Penny’s car and drive them.

  They sat at a large, round table outside the restaurant under an umbrella. Penny and Steve sat practically on top of each other. Scott and Dom had made up and were engrossed in each other too. By the time the third happy couple arrived, Alex wanted to vomit. Dylan sat next to Alex, and Jenna next to Dylan. They both looked so happy and smug that Alex wanted to scream. Jenna’s hand rested on Dylan’s thigh under the table.

  Of course, post-sex euphoria radiated from the group. The beautiful couple filled them in on the details of the movie premiere. They’d had a great time. Jenna met celebrities. Blah, blah, blah. Alex concentrated on eating. He couldn’t wait to say good-bye and leave this scene.

  The only thing that got Alex through the brunch from he
ll was knowing that everything would be back to normal when Dylan left for Cali that night.

  Chapter 12

  Clare

  Clare woke Sunday morning on Cindy’s couch, once again hungover. She had done nothing but drink and upset people for two days. Time for a detox. She stretched and walked into the kitchen and saw the note.

  Coffee in pot. Me at church. Don’t leave without saying good-bye.

  Church. Ugh. Clare hadn’t been to church since moving away from Nebraska. She made a mental note to find a church in Los Angeles.

  She dragged herself to the bathroom, washed up, and found Cindy’s Motrin. She took them with her coffee and rummaged through Cindy’s cabinets for food. She fixed herself a bowl of cereal while she checked her phone.

  Nothing from Lucas. Nothing from her mother. Nothing from Dylan. She would see each of them soon enough, she guessed—Lucas and her mother when she went to officially say good-bye, and Dylan later at the airport. She finished her cereal, washed out the bowl, and plopped down on the couch.

  Cindy was back within minutes. “You could have woken me for church,” Clare said. “I would have gone.”

  “I tried. You weren’t ready to get up. How you doing?” Cindy asked, throwing her keys on her counter.

  “I feel like shit. Physically, emotionally. I’m never drinking again. I feel like I’ve destroyed lives this weekend. I miss Lucas already.” She pouted at Cindy. “Shitty. I’m doing shitty.”

  “Clare,” Cindy said, sitting next to her on the couch and folding her legs under her. “It’s okay. It’s change. Change is good. It’s not easy, though. I know this seems like the hardest thing in the world right now, but everyone will get over it and move on. Lucas, your parents, you. There’s nothing wrong with making a decision for yourself, for what’s right for you.”

  “But I’m so unsure,” Clare said. “How do I know I’m doing the right thing? Maybe I would be happier staying here, living on the farm with Lucas. How do I know?”

  “You don’t. You can only follow your heart and do what you think is best. If it turns out to be a wrong choice, you make a new plan. It’s life, Clare. There’s no crystal ball.”

  Clare rubbed her forehead and wanted to cry. “I suck.”

  “You don’t suck,” Cindy told her. “You’re being honest, that’s all. You want to know what life has to offer outside Cliffville. It’s not sucky for you to feel like that. It’s risky. You risk losing your comfort zone here, but you’ll be fine. And you always, always have me if you need me.”

  Clare hugged Cindy. “I love you,” she said. “I miss you so much.”

  “I miss you too. How about I come visit you in California this fall?”

  “I would love that.”

  Clare mentally planned an itinerary for Cindy’s visit and started to feel better. In a few hours she’d be back in California, and an hour after that she’d be with Dylan again.

  She packed her bag and kissed Cindy good-bye, then drove to her parents’ farm. Her mother was inside cooking dinner while her dad read the paper at the kitchen table. She’d walked into this same scene almost every day of her childhood.

  “Hi,” she said quietly.

  “Hi, Pumpkin,” Robert Davis said. “You sleep okay at Cindy’s?”

  “Yeah. Did Lucas come home?”

  “No,” Robert said. “He called and said he was staying at his mother’s in Omaha.”

  Clare winced from the pain she caused Lucas. She looked to her mom. Clare knew that look of disappointment all too well, and her eyes swelled with tears. “Are you still angry with me, Mama?”

  “I’m not angry,” Andrea said as she flipped a pancake. “Maybe I was last night, and I’m sorry for that. But mostly, I’m only sad. For me, for you, for Lucas.”

  “You don’t have to be sad for me. Lucas will be okay. He has the two of you.”

  “He knows we’ll do whatever we can for him. But when you get to be my age, it’s hard to watch young ones like you make wrong decisions.”

  “But, Mama—”

  “Your dad says I have to let you make mistakes. But I know. I know this isn’t the right thing, Clare.”

  “How? Because it wouldn’t be right for you? You’re not inside my mind. You don’t know how I feel.”

  “Oh, sweetie. Do you think I never wanted to run away from this town? Don’t you think there are times when Lucas wants to run away? Or Cindy? We aren’t stupid. We know there’s a world out there. But we don’t run away. Do you know why?”

  “Why?”

  “Because we love each other here. We stay for each other, because we know that even though we don’t have Hollywood, or Disney, or beaches, we have something more here, and that something more is what matters. And it makes me sad you won’t understand until it’s too late.”

  “You’re wrong, Mama. There is love and life everywhere. I wouldn’t be happy here. I wasn’t happy here. I know you all love me, and I love you all so much. But if you love me, can’t you see that I can’t stay? This isn’t an ending. It’s a beginning. A new beginning for me, and I’d like to have your support.”

  “Come here,” she said.

  Clare walked to her mama and let her hug her while she cried. “I’m so sorry to disappoint you. I know this isn’t what you dreamed for me.”

  Robert joined them and they group-hugged. “You have to follow your own dreams, Clare, not ours. We love you, no matter what.”

  When they all calmed down, Clare and her dad went to the stables and saddled their horses. As they rode to the meadow as they’d done so many times before, Clare added to her mental notes to find a horse farm in California. A church and a horse farm.

  When she dismounted from Mallory, she gave her sweet horse a hug and told her she loved her. She asked Mallory to take care of Lucas.

  That afternoon, Clare said good-bye to Cliffville. She went to her favorite places with her camera and took photo after photo. Although she was sad, she couldn’t hold down that little bolt of anticipation sitting in the bottom of her belly. The excitement of starting a new life on her own. Maybe even with Dylan.

  Clare packed her rental car and drove herself to Omaha to the airport. She stopped along the way whenever she saw a great shot, and couldn’t wait to print out her pictures. She heard a plane overhead and wondered if Dylan was in the air. She called the automated number to check his flight and learned he was on his way.

  Soon she was too. She slept on the plane and tried to read. Cried a little and smiled a little. Finally, she landed.

  In the airport, she spent time in the bathroom doing her hair and makeup. She listened to her iPod. The hour was the slowest hour she’d ever experienced.

  When it was about the right time, Clare checked the boards and saw Dylan’s flight had landed. She made her way to his gate and watched as droves of people walked out of the gangway into the airport.

  No Dylan.

  Maybe he missed his flight? She dug out her phone and tried to call him. After four rings, she got his voice mail. “Hey, Lusty. Where are you? I think I have the wrong flight information. Call me if you can, but don’t crash the plane. I can’t wait to see you.”

  Clare sat in the airport and waited. Another hour passed, and when the airline refused to tell her if Dylan had boarded a plane or not, Clare tried calling again.

  Voice mail. “Dylan? Where are you? I’m going to leave. Did you miss your flight? Call me, text me, anything. I’m getting worried.”

  Clare had just made it to her truck in long-term parking when her cell phone flashed Dylan’s face. She leaned against the truck and took the call.

  “Dylan! Oh my gosh, are you okay? Where are you?”

  “Hey, Nebraska,” he said, and Clare exhaled at the sound of his voice.

  The sadness she’d felt earlier dissipated, and the butterflies returned to her gut. She wanted to find Dylan to throw her arms around him. She rambled excitedly, “I missed you so much. I have so many things to talk to you about. I made a w
hole new life plan. Gosh, Nebraska was a disaster. How was New York? Tell me everything. Where are you? I’m in long-term parking. Come find me—”

  “Clare,” Dylan said. “I’m still in New York.”

  New York? “What? Why? Is everything all right?”

  “Yeah, everything is perfect. I decided to stay a few extra nights. I’m coming back on Wednesday.”

  Wednesday? That seemed like forever away. “How am I going to wait until Wednesday to talk to you? I miss you. You could have called, you know. I’ve been sitting here for hours.”

  “I’m so sorry. It was kind of last minute.”

  “Is it the studio? You have Lusty stuff?” Clare shut her eyes and leaned her face up to the sun. She’d missed the aggressive California sun.

  “Oh, um, no. I met someone.”

  Clare froze. Did she hear that correctly? “What?” she asked, plugging her free ear with her knuckle.

  “I met someone,” Dylan shouted. “She’s great. You’re going to love her. Her name’s Jenna.”

  Jenna? He’s staying in New York for “Jenna”?

  “Clare? You there?”

  Clare had a split second to decide what to do. She thought about hopping right back on a plane to Omaha, smashing her phone into the pavement, or declaring undying love to Dylan. Instead, she said, “Yep. Sorry. It’s noisy here.” She bit her lower lip. “That’s great. I can’t wait to hear all about it.” Yeah, right. “Oh, I have to work Wednesday, so I won’t be able to get you.”

  “I’ll take a cab. What day are you off this week? Maybe we can hang out and you can tell me about your trip.”

  “I’ll have to check my schedule when I go to the store tomorrow.” When her voice started to shake, she said, “Listen, you’re going in and out. I think we’re losing the connection. I’ll talk to you when you get back. Enjoy New York.”