Jenna nodded as her phone buzzed. She showed Clare the two texts with Dylan’s name illuminated over them. The first one read:
Where my bitches at?
The second one read:
That was Alex.
Clare and Jenna chuckled through tears. “They can’t survive without us, huh?” Jenna said.
“They’ll have to,” Clare answered. “Because right now, we’re going to get you a pregnancy test and deal with whatever it brings. Okay?”
Jenna nodded. She stood, rolled her shoulders back, and lifted her chin. After one more swipe of her thumbs under her eyes to wipe away the tears, she said, “Yes. Let’s go.”
Chapter 30
Dylan
On Sunday morning, Alex and Dylan met in the hotel lobby to share a cab to the airport. Alex had booked the earliest flight to New York to join the team upstate for their last game of the away series, and Dylan needed to get back to LA for a meeting with the studio.
“I can’t remember if I said good-bye to Clare last night when the girls got back,” Alex said, rubbing his temples as they stepped into the hot desert air. “Actually, I can’t remember much of anything.”
The sun hit them like a brick wall. Both men hid behind dark glasses, nursing their headaches as they waited for hotel staff to hail them a taxi.
“I remember one thing that happened,” Dylan said. “Jenna and I broke up.”
“What?” Alex said. “Why? What happened? She didn’t call me.”
Dylan shook his head. “I don’t know what happened. I was drunk and confused. She came back to the room last night and said she didn’t want to see me anymore. That this would be the last time I saw her. I told her that wasn’t true. She said she needed to be on her own for a while and figure things out.”
“Figure what out?” Alex pulled his phone from his pocket and tapped a text.
Dylan shrugged. “I don’t know. I hoped it could work, even with the distance and our careers. I thought maybe she’d be willing to try harder or put up a fight for us. But I guess she wasn’t into me. I mean, I have a history of women thinking they want me and then not really being into me…”
“She was into you, I know that for a fact. The distance was a concern, but it’s not like she was looking to get married. Did you do anything to piss her off?” Alex asked as the cab pulled up.
Dylan directed the driver to the airport as he and Alex slid into the taxi. “I don’t think so. I thought we were having fun together.”
“What about Clare? Maybe she knows something?” Alex asked.
“She’s taking a later flight. I’ll try and catch up with her tonight in Cali and ask if Jenna said anything while they were out last night.” He tapped a text to Clare.
Me: Have a safe flight. Can we talk when you get back?
Alex shook his head. “Maybe Jenna got jealous? You and Clare are close.”
Dylan huffed and shifted in his seat. “Jenna knows Clare and I are just friends.”
Alex tilted his head and grimaced. “Yeah, that’s what Clare said too. I hope someday you’ll man up and tell me the truth.”
Dylan pushed his sunglasses to the top of his head and studied Alex. He trusted Alex with his life, always had for as long as he could remember. “Okay,” he said, “well, the truth is…Clare and I…we…kissed. Twice.”
Alex clenched his jaw. “Then I’m glad Jenna dumped you. She deserves someone who isn’t in love with someone else. Jesus, Dylan,” he said, shaking his head.
Dylan rubbed his face. “I’m not in love with Clare. We kissed, that’s all. She’s engaged. The two times we crossed the line, there were extenuating circumstances.”
Alex huffed, obviously not thrilled with his confession. “Right,” he said flatly.
“She has nothing to do with Jenna breaking up with me last night.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure. Even if Clare didn’t say anything to Jenna, any idiot can see you have a connection. You finish each other’s sentences, for Christ’s sake. Jenna probably picked up on that. Who wouldn’t?”
“I—”
“Stop,” Alex said. “You may not realize it, but you’re in love with Clare. She’s the one you want, not Jenna. I told you in Long Island and I’ll tell you again. Don’t fuck with Jenna. Please.”
“I’m not fucking with Jenna. Can you say the same?” Dylan asked.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Alex resumed his jaw-clenching.
“You and Jenna are close, like me and Clare. Should everyone assume you’re in love with her?”
Alex flailed his arms and yelled, “Of course I’m in love with her, asshole. She’s a goddamn angel. I’m too fucked up to do anything about it.”
He’s in love with her? Dylan didn’t want to leave things this way with Alex, but Alex had lied to him about his feelings for Jenna. “You know,” Dylan said, “maybe Jenna dumped me because of you.” He pointed at Alex’s chest. “You should have told me how you felt, and I would have never—”
“You didn’t give me a chance! You jumped right into bed with her.”
“Fuck you,” Dylan said. His brain hurt from his hangover and from the conversation.
“Fuck you too.”
They didn’t speak for the rest of the trip to the airport. The cab left the men at the curb, and they stood face to face, glaring at each other. Dylan took a deep breath and loosened his stance. He ran his hand through his hair, knocking his sunglasses to the ground. Alex bent to pick them up and handed them to him.
“I’m sorry,” Alex said. “I should have been more direct with you. I was freaked out when the two of you got together but didn’t have a reason to keep you apart.”
Dylan put his hand on Alex’s shoulder. “It’s okay, man. I’m sorry too. I should have been more sensitive. You said you were only friends—”
“We were. We are, and I never thought we’d take it further, you know? She’d leave me, and I couldn’t handle losing her.”
Dylan shook his head. He remembered when Alex’s mother left him without so much as a good-bye. Dylan did what he could for Alex, but he could never erase Alex’s pain. He wouldn’t even know how to try. “You have to let go, Al. What your mother did was wrong, but you can’t let it keep you closed off from relationships.”
Alex pulled away. “And you have to let go of what Maggie did too. What’s going on with Clare and the boyfriend in Nebraska isn’t the same as what Maggie did to you. Maggie was a serial cheater who didn’t give a shit about your feelings. Clare cares about you. This engagement thing she has going on with the farmer boy? It’s sketchy.”
“I’m trying to straighten it out with her, but she’s blowing me off. Something about me…I don’t know. It never seems to work out. Why does it have to be so gosh-darned difficult?”
At Dylan’s question, Alex stuttered a laugh and broke into a smile. “It is gosh-darned difficult, right?”
Dylan caught his grin and smiled back. “It’s a habit. Clare—”
“I understand,” Alex said. “She’s cute, your Clare. Maybe it’s not as gosh-darned difficult as we think.”
Dylan shook his head. “Are you going to tell Jenna how you feel?”
“Are you going to tell Clare how you feel?” Alex replied.
Neither answered the question. Instead, they embraced. Alex grabbed Dylan’s face and kissed him right on the cheek. “I love you, brother,” he said.
Dylan stood back and grabbed his suitcase. “I love you too, Pops.”
Then they turned their backs to each other and walked to their respective terminals.
***
Clare
As Clare walked into her apartment after her flight home from Vegas, Angelica ran to her feet, meowing furiously. She flipped on the light and almost went into cardiac arrest at the sight of Dylan sleeping on her couch.
She yelled and Dylan jumped. Angelica ran for the bedroom.
“Dylan! What are you doing here?”
He rubbed his eyes and sat up. “I’m wait
ing for you.”
Clare dragged her suitcase and camera case into the living room and joined him on the couch. “Why? You could have called or texted.”
“I wanted to see you. I have something to tell you, and I want to know your honest feelings. Just be direct, okay?” Dylan leaned on his knees and hid his face in his hands. He rubbed his eyes and pushed his hair back.
He must know about Jenna. Clare braced herself for Dylan’s words. Will he marry Jenna? Will he leave California? Will I ever see him again? She felt tears well and stood to pace.
Dylan started by clearing his throat. “Jenna and I broke up.”
Clare froze. She couldn’t have heard that correctly. “What?”
“We broke up.”
Clare glared at him. “You dumped her after she told you?”
Dylan sat up straight. “Told me what?”
Shit. “She didn’t…”
Dylan stood and faced Clare. “She said she needed to figure something out on her own.”
Clare shook her head. “Figure it out on her own?”
“Do you know what she meant?”
“I have…I don’t…she didn’t tell you anything else?” Like that she’s carrying your child?
Dylan shrugged. “No, Clare. What’s going on?”
“I…”
“Is this about us?”
“Us?”
“Alex thinks maybe Jenna picked up a vibe or something from us.”
“A vibe? Do we have a vibe?” Clare paced frantically. She hated Jenna for putting her in this position. How could she be the one to tell Dylan?
“We have a vibe, Clare, and Alex thinks Jenna figured out that…”
“That what?”
“That I’m in love with you,” he said in a shaky voice.
Clare raised her eyebrows. What the heck? Dylan Barnes? In love with Clare Davis from Nebraska? It was only a kiss. Or two.
“Me?” she asked, pointing to her chest. “You’re in love with me?”
Dylan shrugged. “Why do you sound so surprised?”
“Because you can’t be in love with me, Dylan. Not now. Not ever. You go back to Jenna and you beg her forgiveness for whatever you did to create some vibe that doesn’t exist. You go fix this.”
Dylan stood and moved toward her. “But Clare, I love you. I have since the day I met you.”
Clare shook her head and backed away, holding her hand out to stop his words. “No. You can’t, Dylan.”
“When we kissed—”
“It was only a kiss! You can’t love me. I…I’m engaged!” Clare waved her arms, hoping to wipe away the entire conversation.
A month ago, a week ago, she’d ached to hear those words from Dylan. Now they seemed like a big tease. Jenna hadn’t told him about the baby. If she had, he wouldn’t be in her apartment declaring his love.
“Clare! Calm down. I’m trying to tell you how I feel here.”
She put her hands over her ears, scrunching her shoulders up. “I don’t want to hear.”
Dylan’s shoulders sagged and he gasped. “What the fuck is going on? First Jenna pushes me away, now you? I thought maybe you felt the same. That we could build a life together. I’m here to ask you to break it off with Lucas, to convince you that we are so much better together. You and I, we’re the real deal.”
Clare dropped her head. “You’re just saying that because you’re emotional about Jenna. You didn’t think that a week ago.”
“I did think it a week ago.” He looked into her eyes. “I’ve loved you since the day you crashed your big, stupid truck into my brand-new Beemer.”
Clare exhaled, and a tear fell down her cheek.
“Being with you makes me smile. You’re the only person I feel truly comfortable around. Because of you, I learned I still had a heart even when I thought Maggie had slaughtered it to pieces.”
Clare stared at him, listening but trying not to. Hoping, but hoping not.
“I know it sounds disingenuous after Vegas, but even when I was with Jenna, I found myself thinking about you. Worrying about you. Wondering what you were doing. If you were thinking about me too.”
Clare wiped away a tear. “I was.” She noticed Dylan smile just for a second. “But,” she continued, holding up her hand again and taking a step back, “I know how you felt about Jenna. You two have to work it out.” She wiped another tear away and watched him nervously push his hair out of his face.
“When you were in Nebraska, I called you. Lucas answered your phone, and it was clear you were in bed together. I heard him call you ‘sugar,’ and I gave up. I threw in the towel and thought I could let you go. Then I met Jenna.”
Clare paced again. This is not happening. Not now.
“But remember the alley?” he asked.
“Of course I do, but—”
“There was no way I was going back to New York after that kiss. Kissing you was my dream come true, and as soon as we left the gallery, I was going to kiss you again and hope to God you kissed me back. But—”
“Lucas knocked on the door.”
“Lucas,” Dylan said. He stood and followed her around the room.
“Even after Jenna, even with Lucas, I couldn’t let you go. I don’t want to.” He reached out and took her arm, stopping her movement.
She looked him in the eye. For a brief second, she let herself imagine a life with him, then she remembered Jenna. “You have to let me go, Dylan. I need to go back to Lucas, and you need to go back to Jenna. She’s the one you should be with.”
“Do you know what I thought that first night I saw Jenna?” She tried to move again, but he blocked her path. “I saw a beautiful woman I wanted to spend the night with.”
“Great,” Clare said sarcastically. She tried to step around him, but he held her arm.
“Do you know what I think when I see you? Every single time?” he asked softly.
“What?” she whispered, knowing she shouldn’t ask. It doesn’t matter.
“I see a beautiful woman who I want to spend my life with.”
Clare’s shoulders sagged. She tried not to listen but couldn’t help herself.
Dylan’s face blurred through her tears. “I see kids, and farms, and Paris for our tenth anniversary. I wonder if you’ll want to live in California, or Nebraska, or wherever. I don’t care. I see you at our wedding, with flowers in your hair and green grass behind you, and in my mind, the grass matches the color of your eyes. I see us dancing at our daughter’s wedding—”
“Our daughter?” Clare asked.
“Our daughter,” Dylan said. “I thought we could name her Callie.”
“You named our kids?”
He shrugged and nodded, and Clare sighed through her tears. “Dylan…your words are beautiful. But it will never work for us. It’s not our dream.”
“But why not? I love you, Clare. Can you try to love me? Can you give me a chance?” Dylan’s voice shook with emotion Clare didn’t want to hear.
A tear fell onto his cheek, and she wiped it away. “It’s not about love.”
Dylan took her hands. “It is. That’s all it has to be about. If we love each other, we could get through anything.”
Clare couldn’t stop his words—his lovely words that filled her heart with joy and sadness. She longed to jump into his arms, to kiss him, to tell him that she loved him and they could have a beautiful life together. But she didn’t.
“Jenna’s pregnant,” she said.
Chapter 31
Jenna
On the day she arrived home from Vegas, Jenna took the train from the airport to her gynecologist’s office and demanded an appointment with Dr. Kira, Scott’s sister and Jenna’s longtime doctor.
Dr. Kira squeezed her into the schedule and ran tests, leaving Jenna in a hospital gown sitting on paper that crinkled whenever she moved. But when Dr. Kira held the picture from the sonogram out for her to take, Jenna froze so still that the paper made no noise.
“You’re about six weeks,
Jen,” Dr. Kira said. “Unplanned?”
Jenna nodded and reached for the picture. The sonogram printout showed swirls of black-and-white blurriness. A line pointed to a bright spot that said, “heart.” Although it was impossible to tell from the picture, Jenna thought the baby looked like a boy.
“I’m going to write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. It’s important you start taking them today if you decide to have the baby.”
Jenna tore her gaze from the printout and looked at Dr. Kira. “What do you mean?”
“You are still early enough that you have options. Do you want to discuss them?”
Jenna sat silently, then nodded. Dr. Kira explained the “options,” none of which seemed ideal. Then she handed Jenna a folder full of information and phone numbers.
“It’s going to be okay,” she said. “I promise. Bring your folder to the check-out nurse, and she’ll give you the script.” Jenna didn’t answer.
The click of the door shutting behind Dr. Kira jolted Jenna from her trance. The paper crinkled again as she scooted off the table. In a haze, she dressed, thinking about her time with Dylan. They were careful. Every time. She put the sonogram picture in her bag.
There’s a baby growing inside my body. She touched her belly. Can I still dance? Run? What about coffee? Aren’t pregnant women supposed to stay away from fish? Where would I put a crib? All these thoughts ran through her head as Jenna left the examination room without her folder.
She ignored the staff and exited into the hot day, walking slowly to the train as commuters pushed by her in a rush, oblivious to her new condition. She took the last available seat.
How was she going to have a baby? She had no family support, except for Alex, Scott, and Penny, but they were so busy with their own lives. They wouldn’t want to be hassled with Jenna and her baby. She had no mom to help her. No sister. No husband. Would Dylan want to marry her? Could she marry him for the sake of her baby?
Her baby.
Jenna touched her stomach. Dylan would be a great father. Even Clare thought so. They really could make this work if they tried, and Jenna could have a happy life with Dylan and the little guy. Except when she pictured her future husband, a pair of teal eyes stared back.
The Love Square Page 26
