Dylan wasn’t Alex. No matter how many times Alex tried to push her away, her heart was tethered to him. For right or for wrong, she couldn’t shake him. She couldn’t shake that knot in her stomach that reminded her of Alex whenever she tried to imagine a life with somebody else. The knot that begged her not to give up on him, and that made her remember the way he kissed her the night after his major league debut. The knot that made her heart flutter every time he showed her that he loved her, even if he couldn’t tell her.
Love wasn’t the problem between Jenna and Alex. When she saw Clare’s photo of Alex watching her dance, the softness of his eyes, the beaming grin on his face, the nervous way he held his hands, she knew he loved her more than the friend he claimed to be.
But what good was having his love if he didn’t trust her enough to share it with her? Like keeping your shiny new Porsche locked up in a garage for fear of crashing it, Alex’s love was a perfect gift that stayed wrapped up in a box she couldn’t open.
He just doesn’t want you, and neither does Dylan. She stepped off the train at the wrong stop and walked aimlessly through the streets.
When she finally arrived in Brooklyn, she realized she’d forgotten her folder and called the clinic. She ignored the calls and texts from Dylan and Clare but called Alex, knowing he was away with the team. She left him a message asking for a ride to the clinic the next day.
Chapter 32
Alex
As Alex sat on the team bus next to Pete on his way home from their away series, all he wanted to do was sleep. But his phone chimed and buzzed and annoyed the crap out of him until he finally picked it up.
Seven texts, five calls, four voice mails—Dylan in a panic asking about Jenna, Clare asking for Alex to call her back, and finally, Jenna. She needed a ride to a doctor’s office the next day. Sure, he texted back, glad she was taking care of herself now that nationals were over. Can’t wait to see you.
He’d gone over the script he planned to recite to Jenna a million times since he left Vegas. How he’d tell her that he loved her and how sorry he was for all the times he was afraid. He’d wait to make sure she wasn’t heartbroken over Dylan, then he’d finally…finally…do it right with Jenna.
Next Alex called Dylan, and his plans changed in a flash.
“Pregnant? Are you sure?” Alex asked. Pregnant? The word played on repeat as Dylan barked orders in his ear. Instead of the conversation he imagined having with Jenna when he next saw her, an entirely new conversation started to form.
Pete’s eyes popped next to him. “Who’s pregnant?” he whispered.
Alex waved his arms at Pete and focused on the call.
Dylan sounded frantic. “Clare told me. I’m trying to reach her, but she won’t take my calls. Have you heard from her?”
“She asked me to bring her to a clinic tomorrow. Wait. She texted me the address. I’ll forward it to you.” He put Dylan on hold and copied the text from Jenna into a text to Dylan. “Do you think it’s about the pregnancy?”
Dylan looked up the clinic while Alex waited. After a few seconds, he said, “You can’t take her to this appointment tomorrow. Not until I see her.”
“Where are you?”
“I’m on a plane on my way to Miami. When I get there, I’ll tell the studio I have an emergency, and I’ll be in New York tomorrow, before this appointment.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Find her. Talk to her. Make sure she’s okay. I know this is her choice, but try to convince her to wait for me.”
He sounded panicked. “All right. Try to relax, okay? We’ll figure it out.”
Dylan thanked him and hung up.
Jenna was pregnant.
He wanted the baby to be his. He wanted to raise the baby in Jenna’s apartment in Brooklyn and teach him or her how to play ball. He wanted to help Jenna through the next nine months and then the next eighteen years raising the little one. He wanted to spend his life with her and the baby.
But it wasn’t his baby. Fucking Barnes.
The bus to the stadium couldn’t move fast enough. Alex told Pete what was happening, and Pete offered him a ride. He took it and flew up the stairs to Jenna’s apartment.
She opened the door in her pajamas. Her hair sat on her head in a knot, and her eyes were puffy and red. “Don’t you have your key?” she asked as she yawned and stretched.
Alex slowed down at the sight of her. He dropped his bags in the doorway and closed the door. “I’m sorry I woke you. Are you okay?”
Jenna lumbered to her bedroom, Alex on her tail. “Tired,” she murmured and fell into the bed.
Alex wanted her to tell him her news, but she closed her eyes. He pulled the blanket to her shoulders. “Sweet Jenna,” he whispered. “Sleep.” Then he bent down and kissed her forehead.
***
The next morning when Alex returned to Jenna’s apartment, he expected her to blurt out that she was pregnant. He expected her to cry, to ask him to hold her, to seek his advice. She didn’t do any of that, though. She woke and brewed two cups of coffee, like she did every other day. It freaked him out.
“Jen?”
She shuffled her feet, moving slowly, like a zombie. “Yep?”
“Do you want to talk about anything?” he asked carefully.
She shook her head. “Are you able to take me to the doctor later?”
“Of course, sweetheart. Are you sick?” Tell me, tell me.
“I just need to have a procedure. It’s a female problem, and they make you have a ride home. I can take a cab—”
“No. You have me,” Alex said. A female problem? She wasn’t going to tell him. Why not? Maybe she’s scared of my reaction?
Dylan texted Alex that he was on the way and would meet them at the doctor appointment. He asked that Alex not let Jenna see a doctor until he arrived. Alex texted back that he would try, but Jenna was a big girl who made her own decisions. He would support her in whatever way she needed.
A few hours later, Alex snuck a peek at Jenna’s belly as he opened the passenger door for her and she slid into his car. He couldn’t believe she still hadn’t talked to him about her plans. They drove in silence to the Upper East Side clinic, finagled a parking spot in a lot nearby, and held hands as they walked to the medical center.
Alex wasn’t sure if Dylan had told Jenna he would be there, but there was no sign of him. He followed Jenna inside and watched her sign in. When she sat to fill out paperwork, he asked the receptionist for some time to talk with her.
“Of course, honey,” the receptionist said in a thick, misplaced Southern accent. “You take all the time you need. You just give me a wink or something when you’re ready.”
“Thank you,” he said.
When Jenna handed in her paperwork, the receptionist told her it would be some time and suggested a walk in the park.
Jenna gave her the death stare, but Alex shrugged and held his hand out. “Shall we?”
She rolled her eyes but took his hand. He led her outside and headed toward the park. The summer heat had eased, and the breeze kept them cool as they strolled the path toward the lake.
“Jen?” Alex asked.
“Hmm?”
“I know things went south with Dylan, and I’m sorry that’s caused you pain. I know there are things you aren’t sharing with me.”
“Alex…” She sighed.
“But there’s also something I haven’t shared with you, and I want to share everything with you.”
“You do share everything with me,” Jenna said casually as she looked around the park.
“I know you’ve given me chance after chance to love you,” he said. “And chance after chance, I blew it. Not the loving you part—that’s easy.”
He dropped his chin and peeked at her through his lashes. Her eyes looked tired, her expression confused.
“Loving you is like breathing for me. But like you told me in the bar, it’s the something more, the way I can feel you on the inside
, that I was afraid of.”
Jenna had a lot on her plate today, but he wanted to make his point before her appointment. “I always resisted you as more than a friend, I mean physically, because I thought I’d do something stupid, and then you’d leave me and I’d lose you forever.”
She pulled back. “Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow.”
“No. I can’t wait until tomorrow.” Alex put his hands around her waist to pull her to him. “I’m fumbling on the words, Jenna. I’m trying to say that I want to be with you. Always. I’m yours. I’ve been yours since Uncle Nino’s. I was yours when you fell in love with Dylan. I was yours when I was sleeping around with other women. Me, inside, I’ve always been yours. I’m in love with you. Completely. Not just love, but ‘in love.’”
Jenna flashed Alex her exasperated look—a look he knew too well.
“I know my timing sucks, and I don’t expect you to say anything today with everything you’re dealing with. But before you go into your appointment, I want you to know that I am here for you. Whatever you decide. If you’ll have me, I’ll never leave you. I’d be honored to take care of you in whatever ways you need.” Alex took a deep breath, scared but relieved to be saying the difficult, unfamiliar words. He was completely off script. He wished he wasn’t so unsure of what she would say next.
Jenna smiled her tired smile and wrapped her arms around him. “I love you too, but you don’t know—”
“I do know,” he said, squeezing her to him. Her body sagged into his arms, and her tears soaked his shirt. “I know and I don’t care. You don’t have to do this alone.”
She pulled away and wiped her eyes. “It’s too complicated.”
Alex shook his head and managed a smile as he pushed her hair behind her ears. “It’s not complicated at all, Stecs. For the first time, it’s simple. I love you. Let me love you.”
Jenna cupped his face in her hands, and he moved his chin to nuzzle her. Please say yes, please say yes, he repeated in his mind. “Give me another chance?” he whispered.
The universe must have heard his pleas, because she leaned in and kissed him, gently at first. When he responded, she moved her arms around his back and kissed him crazy, just as he’d imagined she would when their time came.
Their time was now. Now, when she was pregnant with another man’s baby. Now, when she was a block away from ending that pregnancy. He kissed her back and everything disappeared. It was simple. It was love.
“I love you,” Jenna whispered. “‘In love,’ love.”
They held each other until a hand on Alex’s back startled them.
“Oh, thank God.” Dylan. He bent at the waist, his hands on his knees as he caught his breath. “Am I too late?”
Alex shook his head. Jenna let go of him and walked to Dylan, then threw herself in his arms. “I’m sorry,” she said as the tears streamed down her face.
He rubbed the back of her head and looked at Alex over her shoulder. “There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Dylan said. “Can we go home and talk?”
Jenna nodded, then reached back for Alex’s hand.
Chapter 33
Clare
When Clare told Cindy what had happened with Dylan, Cindy hopped on the next flight to Los Angeles. “I’m your best friend, and you need me,” she said. “Besides, I’ve always wanted to see California.”
That night, they sat on Clare’s couch in their pajamas with a bowl of popcorn and a bottle of wine. Cindy’s strawberry-blonde hair sat in a ball directly on top of her head, and Clare’s hair was finally long enough for a ponytail. They weren’t beauties that night, but neither cared, happy to have each other.
Cindy dipped her popcorn in her wine and popped it in her mouth.
“Gross!” Clare giggled.
“You fancy Cali people don’t dip your popcorn? You don’t know what you’re missing.”
Clare fake barfed and smacked Cindy on the arm. “Us fancy people in California smother everything in avocado.”
“What’s an ay-voy-caydo?” she joked.
Clare laughed. “You can take the girl out of Omaha, dot, dot, dot…”
“So, are you going to show me the sites tomorrow, or do you want to wallow more?”
“I’m sorry I’m such a wallower. Everything feels different now.”
“Are you going to come back?” Cindy asked. “You could move to Omaha with me. I know it’s not a big city like LA, but we have cool stuff there too, like the art museum, Old Market…”
“I love Omaha, Cin, but I just took the GM job here. I’ve grown fond of the beach too.”
At the mention of the beach, Cindy’s eyes lit up. “The beach! Take me tomorrow?”
“But we were going to wallow,” Clare whined.
“We can wallow at the beach! It’s called multitasking, oh general manager.”
Clare huffed. “Okay. The beach it is. But you cannot wear your hair like that. And you can’t make fun of my slutty bikini.”
Cindy gasped. “I want a slutty bikini too!”
Clare looked her over. “You’re flat as a board, Cin. But we can get you a padded slutty bikini if you want.”
Cindy put her arm around Clare. “See, Clare Bear. Slutty-bikini shopping. That’s what friends are for.”
***
The next day, after slutty-bikini shopping, Clare and Cindy took the truck to the beach. Her beach. The beach she shared with Dylan. They marched through the sand to Clare’s usual spot and spread their blanket, stripped down to their bathing suits, and basked in the sun.
When Cindy decided to explore, Clare shut her eyes. She concentrated and almost sensed Dylan, hearing his breathing like she did when he’d fall asleep next to her and she’d feel the heat from his body. She had loved their afternoons together lying in that very spot, with the sound of the waves and the smell of the sea. She could feel his hands rubbing lotion on her back. Oh, the lotion. How she missed the lotion! She squirmed on the blanket as her body tingled with sensations conjured from her memory of the man she couldn’t have.
When she thought she heard his voice, she froze. I can even hear him. Gosh, she missed him.
“You’re getting red, Nebraska.”
There it is again! Dylan’s voice sounded like a song. She willed herself to hear it again.
“I had a feeling you’d be here,” the voice said.
Her eyes tried to open, but she worked to keep them shut, not wanting to wake from the dream. Keep talking to me, Lusty, she told herself.
When she felt the coldness on her arm, she jerked awake. “Ah!” she yelled. Someone was touching her hot skin with a cold water bottle. She followed the hand that held the bottle up the arm, over the fitted T-shirt, across the shoulder, to the flecky, gold eyes.
He grinned, and her heart skipped a beat.
“You’re really here?” she asked.
“What were you dreaming about? You were all fidgety.”
Clare searched the blanket for her T-shirt and held it to her chest. “I was not ‘fidgety.’ You don’t belong here.” Instantly annoyed, she rubbed her head to fluff her beach hair. Of course I look like crap. “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be on a movie tour or having a baby or something?”
“I came for you.” Four words Clare would never forget.
She pulled her shirt over her head while Dylan lounged on the blanket watching, stretched out in jeans and bare feet, looking like another magazine ad. Clare caught a glimpse of bare skin over his waistband and sighed. “Don’t get comfortable. You’re not staying.”
“It’s a free country. I can stay.”
She huffed. “What do you want, Dylan?”
“You.”
They held each other’s stare, and then Cindy returned, breaking the tension. She dropped onto the blanket in front of Dylan.
“My God. Dylan fucking Barnes.” She looked from his head to his toes. “Maxwell Policastro. Gladiators. Billboards. You are one handsome son of a bitch.”
Clar
e tsked while Dylan smiled. “You must be Cindy,” he said. “Clare talks about you all the time.”
Clare glared at Dylan as he charmed her best friend. When he noticed Clare’s aggravation, he flashed even more of those white perfect teeth. Bastard!
Cindy caught the exchange and crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh wait! I’m supposed to hate you,” she said. “I don’t know why, but I do. You…you’re a jerk! You hurt Clare, so you suck.” Cindy looked at Clare and nodded sternly.
Clare fake smiled at her. “Thanks, hon. I appreciate the effort, but go ahead and swoon. I’m used to it. Then maybe you can get rid of him.” Clare stood and pulled her shirt down over her hips, scanning the beach for her quickest escape route.
Cindy raised her eyebrows at Dylan. “Yikes.”
“Right?” Dylan said to Cindy, shrugging. Then he stood and faced Clare. “Would you excuse us, Cindy? I have to talk to Clare.”
“Go right ahead,” Cindy said. “I’ll disappear.”
Clare grimaced at her friend. “Thanks a lot.”
“He’s right,” she said. “You need to talk.”
Dylan smiled at Cindy. “I like you.”
When Cindy beamed at his words and winked at him, Clare growled and stomped down the beach. She spun around when she reached a semiprivate area out of Cindy’s range and caught Dylan’s eyes darting upward. “Were you looking at my ass?”
He smirked. “How could I not?”
She squinted at him. “You are having a baby with another woman. You have a movie coming out next weekend. You should not be here…looking at my ass.”
“It’s exactly where I want to be. With you and your amazing ass.”
Clare shook her head. “When are you going to get the hint? We don’t belong together. We’re too different. You’re all…” She waved her arms around, unable to find a word. “You. And I’m just—”
The Love Square Page 27
