"Ive got to leave," she said abruptly, rising as she spoke.
Sean looked up in surprise and then pulled herself up from the chair.
"Ill walk you out."
Drew turned to her at the door, scrutinizing her face.
"Youll have a shiner tomorrow," she noted regretfully.
Sean fingered her swollen nose. "I was afraid of that. I wouldnt mind so much, but Ill never be able to hide it from my patients. Some of them are going to be upset."
"Are you a doctor?" Drew asked.
"Im a clinical psychologist. Ellen is my associate. It takes a lot of work sometimes keeping my personal life private. Patients are always curious about their therapists."
"I know what you mean. Students are often the same way with their teachers," Drew mused.
Sean looked uncomfortable. "Has this created a problem for you?" she asked.
Drew smiled at that. The time she had spent with Sean felt more natural and effortless than anything she had done in a long time. "No. Ill see you in class, Sean."
"Good night, Master Clark," Sean said, bowing automatically. Drew returned her bow and descended the wide front stairs into the night.
As Sean closed the door, she thought how that one unguarded smile seemed to lift years from Drews face. She found herself wondering about the woman behind that impenetrable facade.
"She is fascinating," Ellen commented as Sean rejoined them on the terrace. "How much do you know about her, Sean?"
Sean shrugged, wishing she could divert Ellens attention from this subject. She didnt feel comfortable discussing Drewit felt like an invasion of the privacy that Drew guarded so carefully. And Sean found her own curiosity unsettling. Drew intrigued her too. She recalled Drews panic right after Sean was injured, and the image of Drews pale face and haunted eyes lingered.
She did not think the pain she had glimpsed was something Drew would consciously share. Sean was used to hearing the pain of others, allowing it to touch her so that she might help another heal. But this had not been willingly shared, and Sean felt irrationally protective of Drews vulnerability. And considering she knew so little of her, the intensity of her own response disturbed her. She couldnt quite forget the anguish revealed in Drews face, and her own heart ached in sympathy.
"I dont know her, Ellen. I see her four times a week in classthats all."
Ellen didnt comment on the strange hollowness in Seans voice, nor the distant look in her eyes as she spoke.
"Well, Ill let you off the hook for a while. But do try to be a little more curious, wont you?"
Sean didnt want to admit just how curious she was. As she trudged tiredly off to bed, she couldnt get Drew off her mind.
CHAPTER FOUR
Drew was in a long dark alley, and there were menacing shadows on all sides. Fear rose in her throat as she forced herself deeper into the darkness. She knew someone needed hershe had to keep going despite her terror. An arm reached for her, and she thrust the body away with a swift kick. She fought off the hands that clutched her clothes, stumbling as she reeled forward in the near total blackness.
She couldnt get her breathher chest was heavy and tight. Finally she reached the end of the alley. It was a dead-end, and a woman lay crumpled at the foot of a brick wall. She reached a trembling hand down and turned the woman face up. Through the blood and the bruises she could make out Seans distorted features. As she stared in horror, the face changed and it was Dara staring back at her, terrified eyes beseeching her.
"Oh god, no!" she cried as she came awake in the still room. She looked wildly about, gasping, the terror of the dream still fresh. She groaned and dropped her head down on her knees, struggling to contain her sobs.
A soft knock finally penetrated her consciousness.
"Drewit is Janet. Can I help?"
Drew rubbed her face and took a deep breath. "No, pleaseit was just a nightmare. Im okay."
"If you need me, you will tell me, yes?"
"Yes," Drew called, knowing she couldnt share the images of her pain. She had never talked about it to anyoneshe was silenced by the enormity of her guilt.
She lay back, knowing she would not sleep again that night. Seans face rose unbidden, as Drew had first seen her kneeling in the dojang , calm, centereda sculpted face framed by tousled dark hair. And those eyesso green when she opened them, so soothing.
Suddenly the image was replaced by the memory of Sean tonight, lying dazed and bleedingso still she thought for an instant
Drew groaned in frustration and reached for the light. She had to stop the imagesand she especially had to stop thinking about Sean. Sean was more of a threat than the reemergence of her nightmares. At least the nightmares were familiar. She had no reference for the strong reaction she had to Seanshe had felt it that first night during the test. She was captivated by the calm stillness Sean projecteda state that so eluded Drew. Each time she taught, it was the same. Sean seemed to radiate a sense of balance, a self-acceptance that expanded and enfolded those around her. At least, Drew felt that way when she looked at her. Some of Seans peace touched her.
Drew squeezed her eyes shut and then opened them to the harsh light, hoping to banish all thought. She reached for a book from the bedside table and forced herself to read. She would think no more tonight.
In the morning, Janet Cho greeted her warmly. "There is coffee, and Chris has made muffins."
Drew poured a cup and sat at the small kitchen table with her old friend.
"We had an injury last night, Master Cho. Seans nose is broken."
"Ah, is it bad?" Janet asked.
Drew shook her head. "Not so badshell be bruised for a while, but no surgery is needed." She went on to relate the details of the accident and then voiced her uncertainty, "Perhaps I dont know the students well enough to teach them yet."
Janet touched her arm very lightly. "You are an excellent teacher, Drew. Dont doubt yourself. Gail is a good studenta little lazy sometimesbut she is young. She has done that kick many times beforeit is well within her capabilities. She misjudgednot you. I will spend some time with her on control, I think. I would like you to teach Sean her next formthe first black belt form.
Drew hid her reluctance. She wanted to stay away from Seanthe woman had already intruded into her dreams. "Yes, of course. As soon as she comes back."
"Oh, Sean will be there tonight," Janet Cho said with certainty.
~
As Drew and Janet approached the door to the dojang an hour and a half before class, they discovered Sean stretching in the hall outside. Drew couldnt hide her surprise.
"Shouldnt you be resting?"
Sean grinned. "Im fine, maam."
Drew shook her head as she stepped aside. "Well, come on in then."
Sean stopped at the doorway to bow before she entered and then bowed in turn to Master Cho and Master Clark. "Good evening," she said formally.
Both women bowed to her and returned her greeting.
"Seanstretch nowI want you to work on forms tonight with Master Clark."
"Yes, maam."
"And, Master Clarkyou and I will do some weapons work before class, yes? I want to see what you taught the army."
Drew bowed formally. "Yes, Master Cho. Knife or jo stick?
"The jo ," Janet replied, referring to the five foot staff. It could be used as a thrusting weapon, like a spear, or swung like a baseball bat. It was excellent practice against the sort of weapon that could be picked up off the street.
"I will attack," Janet stated.
Sean watched from the corner of the room where she was performing her pre-workout stretching routine.
Drew turned into a sideways defensive posture, one leg back, both hands upthe forward hand extended, the rear hand guarding her chest. Her stance, however, was less rigid than the classical karate stanceshe looked relaxed but wary. Sean flinched when Master Cho attacked with a flurry of swinging blows directed at Drews head and chest. Drew deflected them with her forearm, circling Master Cho,
looking for a chance to launch her own attack.
Then, with a feinting movement to the left that distracted her opponent, Drew dropped to the floor and swung her foot behind Master Chos knee. The leg sweep brought the woman down, and only Drews hold on Janets uniform jacket prevented her from landing heavily on her back.
Sean was breathless over the display of skill and power she had witnessedDrew moved with such speed! There was such intensity in her face as she met each strike with her own force. The blows must have hurt, but there was no sign of it in her reactionsshe bided her time and then counterattacked without hesitation. Sean had never seen anything like it. Drew was magnificent!
"Oh, that was a good movethank you for breaking my fall," Janet Cho said as she rose. "Now the knife."
Drew nodded, once again waiting, her eyes on the steel weapon in Janets hand. As the thrust came at her midsection, she side-stepped, blocking the knife arm with her own arm, then trapping it against her side. With the weapon arm immobilized, she was able to raise a vicious snap kick to the midsection followed by an elbow strike to the back of the neck. As Janet anticipated each strike, she allowed her body to absorb the blows until at last she was lying on her back with Drew poised above her, the knife now in Drews hand. The face that looked down at her was fierce with concentration, the blue eyes cold. Drew plunged the knife down with a piercing cry. The point hovered millimeters above Janet Chos throat.
"I think I see your Aikido in that move, Master Clark," Janet Cho said calmly. Drew leaned back on her heels and smiled.
"Yes, maam. But on the street, we must use all our weapons"
Both women stood and bowed to one another.
"Thank you, Drew."
"Thank you, Master Cho," Drew responded. As she turned away, she caught Sean staring at her. Sean blushed and ducked her head when Drews eyes met hers. Drew wondered briefly just what Sean had seen during those moments when Drew was too occupied to keep all her shields in place.
"Are you sure youre ready to work out tonight?" Drew asked as she approached. Her voice was soft with a concern she couldnt hide. She remembered Seans dazed and bloody face from the previous night.
Sean met Drews gaze and noted for the first time how blond her eyelashes were, and how fine the lines at the corner of her eyes. She knew they would deepen when Drew bestowed one of her rare smiles. She had noted that last night when she stood with Drew at the front door of her home. She remembered she had had to tilt her head up just a little to see Drews face. That was when Drew had smiledthat smile that was like the sun breaking through the clouds.
"Sean?" Drew queried, concerned by her silence.
"Yes, maam. I feel fine."
"I expect you to tell me if you have problems during the workoutunderstood?"
Sean nodded.
Drew looked at her quizzically, prompting her reply.
"Yes, maam!" Sean shouted, blushing faintly at her own consternation.
After the class had assembled, Drew took Sean aside and spent the entire hour and a half teaching Sean new moves and reviewing her previous forms. As always, Seans technique was excellent, and she worked hard. Drew attributed her uncharacteristic lapses in concentration to the effects of her injury.
Sean wasnt sure what was bothering her, she just felt unaccountably agitated. Shed find herself staring at Master Clarks hands, noting the strength in the broad palms and long tapering fingers. Then she would realize she had missed a command and find herself blushing again. Nevertheless, she was pleased when Master Clark commented that she had done good work. The words felt like a gift.
~
"Howd it go?" Susan asked as she joined Sean on the terrace late that evening.
"Huh? What?" Sean asked. She had been watching a few clouds in the moonlit sky float by, relishing the faint breeze on her skin. For some reason, all her senses seemed heightened, more alive. She was surprised to register a tingle of arousalit was such a rare occurrence, she barely recognized it at first. But there was no mistaking the faint aching pressure between her legs and the heaviness in her loins.
"Earth to Sean! Come in, please!"
Sean started guiltily. "Oh, class you mean? It was fine."
"Your nose okay?"
"My nose? Oh, my nose! Yes, no problem."
Susan peered at her sister carefully in the half-light shining out from the house. Her normally grounded, matter-of-fact twin had a slightly dreamy, almost vacant, look on her face.
"Sean, youre not taking drugs, are you?"
Sean turned to look at her sister. "Drugs? Are you crazy? You know I hate drugs!"
"Well, you looked awfully spaceywhere is your mind?"
"Oh, nowhere special. I was just relaxing," Sean answered evasively. She didnt want to admit to her sister that she had been thinking it would be nice to touch herself out here in the still twilight, or that when she looked at her own hand on her thigh, shed seen the long-fingered hand of another. She didnt want to admit it to herself, because she had no idea what it meant.
"Ellen and I are fighting again," Susan said in a small voice.
Sean finally gave her sister her full attention. "Oh, Susehow come?"
Susan shrugged. "The same stuffshe wants us to have a baby."
"A baby! Shes never said that before!"
"Well, shes saying it now. Shes thirty-two, she wants to have children before shes too old to be a good parent. You know, the usual biological clock stuff."
"Wellhow do you feel about having children?"
"Im not keen on having one out of my own body, but I think kids are neat, and it would be something to have a child with little parts of Ellen in there. Its just such a big stepand there are so many ways to fuck up!"
Sean thought she began to understand. "Is that what youre scared of? That youll fuck up and make the kids life miserable?"
"Well, why not?" Susan demanded bitterly, "Im a thirty-five year old alcoholic whos afraid of intimacywhat kind of parent would I be?"
Sean took her hand and squeezed gently. "Youre a bright, funny, loving woman who would make some child a wonderful parent. But you have to really want it, SuseEllen, the commitment, the childall of it. Its too important for all of you not to be sure."
Susan sighed. "Thats the problemmy heart says yes but my head says no. Oh, wellshell get over it. She always does."
Sean didnt see any point in stating the obvious. Ellen had been looking pretty unhappy lately.
"Do you think you two will still come to my dojang party for Master Chos birthday next weekend?"
"Absolutely," Susan responded. "Ellen wouldnt miss it, and I want to see what other crazy women are into this medieval torture stuff."
"Oh, do shut up, Suse!"
~The evening of the party was clear and warm. Sean, Susan and Ellen had set up long tables on the broad stone terrace with sandwiches and an ample bar. The CD player was stacked with dance music, and outside speakers broadcast the sound. It was the first time all of her classmates and teachers had been to her home. Sean was a little nervous. She had been anxious all day wondering if Drew Clark would come, and the fact that she was anxious about it made her even more anxious. By seven oclock she was a wreck.
"Sean," Ellen said, grasping her arm and pulling her over to the stone banister which flanked the stairs leading into the garden, "Whats up with you? This is not the calm, cool always collected Sean Grey who I know and love."
Sean shrugged. "Just a little anxious about the party."
Ellen shook her arm lightly. "Sean, dear, this is Ellen. Ive seen you address a room full of stuffed-shirts without blinking an eye and host a dinner party for fifty. This is not about the party."
"Im a little embarrassed about it," Sean finally confided.
"About what?" Ellen asked.
"I thinkoh god, this is hardI think I have a crush on one of my teachers!" Sean finished hurriedly, blushing furiously.
"That tall, blond hunky one, I hope," Ellen said.
Sean nodded.
"Well!" Ellen pronounced. "And how does the good Doctor Grey feel about this crush?"
"She feels ridiculousthats how she feels! Im thirty-five years old, a responsible professionaland straight, I might add."
"Are you?"
"What?"
"Straight."
Sean hesitated before she answered. "I never questioned it before, I never had reason to. All I can say is that Im terribly attracted to this woman, and Im afraid it shows."
"What attracts you to her?"
"How about everything? Shes fiercely intense, focused, powerfulnot to mention kind, and caringand beautiful." Sean didnt add what else she sensedthe hidden pain, or rather, the torment, that Sean had glimpsed that night weeks ago.
"Would you sleep with her?"
"In a heartbeat!"
Ellen gazed down the long expanse of lawn to the trees below.
"This is more than a crush, Sean. What are you going to do about it?"
"Hope that it goes away before she notices, or before I make a fool of myself."
"Why?" Ellen asked in surprise.
"Because I have absolutely no indication that she is interested in me, and even if she were, theres the problem of her being my teacher."
"Oh, Seanget a grip. You are both adults. Were not talking about the impropriety of a high school student and a thirty-year old teacher. It might create some problems in thewhat do you call it? Dojang ?but, it is not inherently an unethical situation."
"I think she might see it that way."
"Didnt you tell me that your head teacher and a student were lovers?"
"Yes, but they were lovers before Sabum Roma started training. Thats different than becoming lovers with one of your students."
"Its a pretty fine distinction!"
"Not necessarilywould you sleep with one of your patients?"
"Of course not!"
"Even after the therapy had ended?"
"No, Seanyou know that."
"Well, how about just being friends with an ex-patient?"
Ellen hesitated. "Almost certainly not. But the patient-therapist relationship is a long way from what youre talking about."
Radclyffe - Love's Tender Warriors (The Golden Tiger) Page 3
