Smile for Me (A Young Adult Romance)

by T. J. Dell

  “I’m not worried about anything, but I do want to go home. Can we leave?”

  “Okay... sure.” Kim is quiet the whole drive home. I am hopeful that she is just lost in thoughts of me, but her face is unreadable.

  “I’l see you on Monday.” Kim hops out of the truck before I can get the kiss goodnight I’ve been planning. Most of my hopefulness dies.

  ***

  “Blueberry tea.” I announce with more confidence than I feel when Kim stops at her locker for the morning.

  “Thanks.” Kim is drinking the tea and I am at a complete loss. “So, we can agree to forget about Saturday night right?”

  “Sure.” Wait, why did I just agree to that? Why does she want me to agree to that?”

  “Good.” Kim walks off down the hal towards her first class and for the first time in weeks I have no trouble getting to Brit. Lit. on time.

  “Where’s Kim?” Dave wants to know as he is unpacking the ongoing score sheet for xtreme paper footbal.

  I can’t stand it, so I just get up and go. Kim is in the library. “You don’t eat lunch with us anymore?”

  “I am studying. Exams are coming up.”

  Point of interest: Exams are stil like 8 weeks away. “Okay.” I agree and try to regroup. I am sure I can salvage this. “So, now that you are such an accomplished dancer are you planning on going to the dance?”

  “What dance?”

  “The Fal Formal, Kim. It’s next weekend.”

  “Oh, wel I wasn’t planning on it. I never go to school dances.”

  “Wel it is your senior year. I think you should definitely go to at least one. So, the dance? On Saturday?”

  “Alright. Sure. I guess it might be fun. And I think Paul was coming home anyway. I am sure he won’t mind. We’l probably see you there.” Paul. Kim is going to ask Paul to take her to the dance that I just asked her to. I realy hate Paul Arnold.

  ***

  “What’s with the eyebrows?” Jason and Mandy are doing some sort of math homework at the kitchen table again.

  “What are you talking about?” I probably could have said that a little nicer.

  “Geez! You don’t have to bite my head off man. I just wanted to know why you have angry eyes.”

  “He’s right, Marshal. You had that same look last week when that old couple sent their pizza back three times.”

  “Five times. They sent that pie back five times! But I stil don’t have angry eyes.”

  “yes you do.”

  “yes you do.”

  They both say at the same time.

  “We just had a rough rehearsal; that’s al.” It is true.

  The whole rehearsal felt more like a first day than a couple weeks before opening night. If I am being totaly honest it was partly my fault. I probably didn’t need to be quite so hard on Dave when he forgot that line. Also I was probably a little too harsh on Kim for… wel every stupid little thing. I couldn’t help myself.

  Anytime she missed her mark I would hear her saying Paul’s name in my head and I’d just snap. We did that awful stage kiss scene a thousand times today. It is going to look ridiculous. I wish Kim would let me kiss her again. No. Actualy I don’t. That was a disaster.

  “Okay. Wel at least it was just a rehearsal, right? I’m sure things wil be fine by show time.” Jason is trying to make me feel better. Like I realy give a damn how good or bad Patterson’s lame ass play wil be. “So, are you and The Professor going to the dance?” I am sure he is just trying to be nice, but I am very tempted to knock him out of that chair again.

  “No. Because she and I are just friends. She has a boyfriend, remember? I am sure Paul wil be more than happy to take her to the dance.” Not that I wil be seeing them there. No way, am I going alone to watch Paul give Kim dancing lessons.

  “Alright, don’t have aneurism. If you want you can come with us.”

  “Are you two going together?” This is a new development.

  “Sure, we are. But you’re welcome too.” Jason replies and Mandy beams. “Keith and Bily wil be there too, so there wil be a bunch of us.”

  “I didn’t know Keith and Bily were going.” Mandy turns to Jason suddenly.

  “Oh, yeah. Didn’t I mention that? They don’t have dates either.” So they were going as a group… not much of a development there. At least my little brother doesn’t have a better love life than me after al.

  I wil be damned if I am going to go to a school dance with my 15 year old brother and the dateless wonders. I am sure I can get a better date than that. Hel, Mandy might go with me. She probably doesn’t want to be dateless either. “How bout you and me Mandy?” I say before I can talk myself out of it. “Five’s kind of a crowd you know. Why don’t we go together?”

  Mandy looks for a minute like she might say no, and then she turns to Jason. “Do you mind if I go with your brother?” He looks skeptical. “Nah, I guess not. Would have been nice to have at least one girl between the three of us, but Keith, Bily, and I wil make do.” Mandy turns back to me and offers me a huge grin that makes me feel a little bad. “I’d love to, Marshal.”

  “Okay, great. I’l pick you up around seven.” I feel even worse as I head up to my room to start my own homework.

  Kim started sitting with us at lunch again. She sits next to Dave now instead of me. Rehearsals have sucked al week. Not because of me. A ninth grader caled me a prima donna on Tuesday, and I have kept my temper in check since then. No, rehearsals suck because Kim has, just as she said she would, completely forgotten about Steve’s party. It is business as usual with her. And that makes any time I have to spend in her presence the worst kind of agony.

  We walk from history class to rehearsals together, usualy discussing the play. And after rehearsal we stay at least an hour later working on her movements and projection. On Thursday we went through al her songs and every note felt like she was stomping on my chest. I clapped and cheered along with everyone else despite the lunch lady shoe prints on my heart.

  “I heard you and Mandy are dating, now.” Kim says as we leave rehearsal.

  “We are going to the dance together tomorrow night. Is Paul going to make it home in time to take you?” I don’t know why I feel a need to torture myself this way.

  “Yes. Just so you know—I didn’t tel him about…. you know.”

  “About what Kim?” If she wants to pretend the greatest moment of my life never happened I am not going to make it easy on her.

  “That you kissed me. I am not going to tel Paul that you kissed me.”

  “Paul Arnold doesn’t scare me, Kim. I wouldn’t have kissed you if he did.” Before I can make myself into even more of a fool I climb into my truck and drive away from her.

  Chapter Eleven

  Mandy answers the door on the first knock. She looks incredible. Her dress is red with some kind of sparkly stuff around a very low neck line. Kim would never wear red. This thought makes me stop to wonder for a minute if anyone explained to Kim that she would have to buy a dress. Even if she shows up in a dress I am sure it wil be beige, or tan, or cream colored, or any of the other crayons that are always left over after you have broken the screamin’ greens, goldenrods, and razzamatazz’s.

  “Umm… are you ready to go?” Mandy is shrugging into her own coat while I stand here thinking about Kim. I am such a punk.

  “Here.” I grab the color of her jacket and help with the second sleeve. It is awkward since she is already halfway wearing it. “You look amazing Mandy. I love your dress.”

  “Thanks. You look great too.”

  We stare at each other for a second and then she turns and heads towards my truck in her driveway. I used to be good at dating… in case you were wondering.

  About halfway to the school Mandy mentions the group of kids that have been haunting my Ms. Pacman machine at Slices lately. That crazy kid actualy thinks he has a chance at my score! Anyway the point is that talking about Slices dispeled any of the weirdness from being on a date and I am just enjo
ying being out with an old friend by the time I pul into the school parking lot.

  “Wow, the lame committee realy went al out this year, huh?” Mandy is roling her eyes at the Winter Wonderland decorations. I don’t answer her, because I think it is kind of pretty.

  Big rols of cottony stuff have been shaped to look like drifts snow against the wals, and above that the wals have been decorated with that plastic scenery wal paper with pictures of snowmen and snow covered trees, and for some reason one wal has a picture of an old fashioned cottage. Sparkly stars and snowflakes are hanging from the ceiling and doorways—a few of them have already falen to the floor and have footprints on them. Okay, so you have to use your imagination a little, but someone must have put a lot of effort into it.

  Jason and his friends are al waving obnoxiously from a table with two open chairs. I take a step towards them, but Mandy threads her arm around mine and puls me in the opposite direction. She is walking too close to me and I am glad when we find an empty table, because I was afraid we were going to trip. “So, I guess you didn’t want to sit with Jason?”

  “Nope. Dances are for dates. ” She over emphasizes the last word and I have to quickly look away because I am afraid she and I are on two very different dates.

  “Should we get some punch? Snacks?” I ask.

  “Sure, let’s go.” Mandy and I go and join the line for the punch bowl and smal buffet line. I am already ready for this night to be over. Mandy is fun and beautiful, and I hate being here with her.

  “Helo, Marshal.”

  Turning around quickly I find Kim and Paul in line behind us. Kim is wearing beige. But let me tel you that a beige dress is nothing like beige pants. The dress clings to her every incredible curve in a way none of her granny clothes ever have. Instead of being neutral and boring the color of her dress is only a shade or two darker than her skin making my imagination go into overdrive. My brain stals. The thing that gives me the kick start I need is when I notice her hair. Instead of one thick braid down her back she is wearing her hair in one thick braid over her shoulder. Even at a dance in a pretty... beautiful… knock out of a dress she can’t let go enough to wear her hair loose. I find this a little annoying and I prefer annoyed to the way I was feeling half a second ago.

  “Hey, Kim.” I respond in my most cool, casual, oh-fancy-meeting-you-here tone of voice. “Paul.” I nod slightly in the direction of her date who is standing behind her fiddling with his phone. He grunts a response.

  “Kim! I love your dress! You must be Paul.” Mandy jumps in and starts shaking hands. “Do you have seats yet? Marshal and I have plenty of room at our table.”

  I want to clamp my hand over her mouth, but that doesn’t seem very gracious. “Sure, sit with us.” I say instead.

  “Okay.” Paul agrees and I am a little gratified when Kim shoots him a horrified look. Good. This should be uncomfortable for her.

  “So, Paul. How do you like colege life?” Mandy finaly breaks our uncomfortably silence after we’ve been sitting at the table eating our crappy appetizer type foods for at least ten minutes.

  “It’s fine.” He is so boring. What does Kim see in him? Paul Arnold isn’t bad looking, but that’s the best I can say for him. He’s not very tal, and Kim is probably a half inch or so taler. As far as I know he’s never been involved in athletics, and it shows. While he isn’t that big of a guy, every inch of him looks a little soft. Kind of like my dad’s old Gumby dol, only not green. Green skin would be much too interesting for Paul Arnold.

  “Wel that’s nice.” Mandy isn’t one to give up so easily. “What sort of major are you interested in?”

  “Business and finance.” Boring and more boring, I am thinking to myself. But it is certainly more steady and dependable than anything in the theater or film industries.

  Mandy looks like she is giving up on drawing any sort of conversation out of Paul. I could have told her that was a bad idea before she started.

  “So, how’s the play coming? Only six days left.” She looks back and forth from my face to Kim’s.

  I take pity on poor Mandy and try and concentrate on the conversation. “Everything’s coming together realy wel. If Patterson can keep changes down to a minimum this week then I expect we’l have a good show.”

  “He does make a lot of changes. You’d think he would satisfied by now.” Kim agrees.

  “I’ve been hearing a lot of good buzz about your singing voice, Kim.” Mandy looks immensely relieved to have help in filing the silence.

  “She’s amazing. You are in for a treat.” It is too true for me not to say it. No matter how irritated I’ve been with her lately.

  Paul looks up from where he’s been playing with his phone again. “Yeah, I knew her voice would make getting cast in the play a sure thing. That was lucky, wasn’t it babe?” He looks at Kim and she nods.

  “I don’t know if luck is the right word. Kim is working realy hard and she’s got a lot of talent.”

  “Of, course. I am sure it takes a lot of time, but it wil al be worth it when you’re at Brown with me next year.”

  “It does take a lot of time, but it’s kind of fun. I’m enjoying myself.” A tiny spark of defiance shines through Kim’s usual mask and I want to cheer for her.

  “Whatever you say, babe.”

  I am pretty sure Kim would not be impressed if I punched her boyfriend, but it might be worth it. I am stil weighing the pros and cons of blackening one or both of Paul’s eyes when Jason walks up.

  “Nobody over here dancing tonight?” He doesn’t wait to be invited and just spins one of the empty chairs around to straddle the seat with his arms resting on the back of the chair. He is addressing al of us, but staring directly at Mandy. Mandy leans into my shoulder and her hand settles on my forearm.

  “Wel, we’re here we might as wel.” Paul stands up puling Kim with him and they head off onto the dance floor.

  Neither of them look to be having very much fun. Oddly, Paul doesn’t even seem to know he isn’t having fun. It is insanely easy to imagine Kim is dancing with a piece of toast. I have to wonder what Kim could possibly be getting out of that relationship. Surely dependable and steady aren’t worth boring and pompous.

  “Want to give me a spin?” Jason is asking Mandy to dance. I hope she says yes. Then I can sit here and sulk while I stalker-stare at Kim Penney dancing with a piece of toast.

  “Oh. I think I’d rather dance with my date. Marshal?” I have just enough brain cels stil firing to lead Mandy onto the dance floor.

  It is a slow song—not one I recognize. I spin Mandy around a little so I can bring Kim back into my line of sight. She is obviously bored. They aren’t talking or even looking at each other. The only time you shouldn’t be looking at your dance partner is when you are snuggling closer to him like Kim did with me on Steve’s balcony…. Oh. Or when you are a jerk stalker that is on a date with another girl… I am such a jackass. I turn my attention back to Mandy.

  “I’m sorry if you aren’t having fun, Mandy.” I am trying to apologize to her.

  “Kiss me.” She demands.

  Whoa! Clearly we realy are on two very different dates. No sooner does that thought form in my mind and she is gripping the sides of my face and shoving her lips onto mine. It isn’t even a kiss. It is… I don’t know, but I wouldn’t classify it as a kiss. I am too stunned to pul back until she releases her hold on me. When I straighten up (Mandy isn’t as wel fitted to dancing with me as Kim) I can see Jason standing in the middle of the dance floor with some girl I don’t know— not dancing and staring slack-jawed at us.

  For someone hoping to make valedictorian I can be extremely dumb. I let out a groan and drop my forehead to Mandy’s. “You have the hots for Jason.” It is a statement not a question but she answers anyways.

  “Clearly.” She doesn’t bother to deny it and I laugh at her a little.

  “Jason thinks you have it bad for me—you don’t like me at al?”

  “I like you! Just you
know—we’re pals. Jason’s an idiot.” I feel a thousand times better now that I am sharing my misery with a good friend instead leading her on. “You aren’t mad are you? I mean, I figured with Kim…”

  “I’m not mad. A little confused maybe—he’s a neanderthal.”

  “Yeah, wel. He’s my neanderthal. Or he could be if he wanted to. Sometimes I think… and then he wanted us to go to the dance with Keith and Bily?

  Arrgg!!”

  I am chuckling some more. “You know what I think? Jason isn’t sharpest tool in the shed. Although he is definitely a tool.” She laughs too. “Come on.” I have an idea on how this evening doesn’t have to be a total bust. Mandy and I leave the gym and turn right. There is one section of halway that doesn’t get chained off when they have school functions. They always turn the lights off to discourage students, but clearly it has the opposite effect. The wals are already lined with couples. I never bring girls here—it seems kind of sleazy to me. But tonight it has the desired effect because before we get very far Jason’s hand grips my bicep and turns me around.

  I can tel that is as far as he thought. Jason may be an idiot but he isn’t going to punch his big brother—I’d slaughter him. He is standing there with one hand curled into a fist and looking back and forth between Mandy and I al injured-puppy-like.

  “She’s al yours, dude.” I grin and wink at him then I leave the happy couple to make fools of themselves in a dark crowded halway.

  Back in the gym Kim is sitting at our table—alone. “Where’s Mr. Dependable?” I can’t help asking when I sit down. Kim rols her eyes at me, but she doesn’t defend him. A week ago I would have taken her lack of defense as a sign of progress. Now I know I’ve been fooling myself. Kim Penney is a lost cause.

  “He wanted to make a phone cal. He’s in the hal, I imagine.”

  Are you enjoying yourself, Kim?”

  “Not realy.”

  Her admission thrils me despite my resolution to remember the whole lost cause thing. “Wil you dance with me?” Kim looks shocked. “You already know I’m a good dancer and it ended up pretty wel the last time.”