My Broken Pieces : Mending the Wounds from Sexual Abuse Through Faith, Family and Love (9781101990087)

by Rivera, Rosie

  As I walked, I kept saying to myself, Rosie, today is the day. You can’t put it off any longer. You’ve just got to do it. I was planning to tell my sister everything, but I still didn’t know how.

  When I reached the buildings on Market Street, I walked straight into the office of my brother Pete. I knew Chay would be there—at the time she was working as a secretary in my father’s business and she also worked her part-time real estate sales job from that location. Chay was pregnant and in her third trimester with Jenicka. When I reached the building, I caught a glance of her sitting behind the desk with her big belly. Pete’s wife, Ramona, was there and she and Chay were engrossed in a deep discussion.

  With lead feet, I walked in with my head down, trying my best to act as normal as possible. I have no idea what Chay and Ramona were talking about but I sat down right in front of my sister without even saying “Hello.” I stared straight into Chay’s eyes and in a flash my sister knew something was terribly wrong. She knew me better than anyone.

  Ramona understood something important was going on and she quickly slipped out of the room.

  “Sister, you have something to tell me,” Chay said to me.

  I nodded yes. It was as if she could read my mind.

  “Someone has hurt you,” she continued.

  Again, I nodded.

  “It has been going on for a long time, but you’re too scared to tell me,” she said. “A person has done something to you sexually, right?”

  I still hadn’t uttered a word. All I had to do was nod yes.

  “I want you to know that you can tell me anything. No matter what it is, I’m always going to be with you, Sister. Don’t be frightened.”

  Tears started streaming down my cheeks. My sister, my biggest champion, my best friend, was always going to be with me. How had I ever even doubted that? How could I have let another person’s threats come between my sister and me?

  “Okay,” she continued. “Can you tell me who it is?”

  I shook my head and replied, “I can’t.”

  “Can I guess?” she asked calmly.

  “Yes,” I answered, choking back the tears. So she started guessing.

  “Was it one of dad’s friends?”

  “No,” I said.

  “Is it someone I know?”

  “Yes,” I told her.

  “Is it a person in the industry?”

  I shook my head. Chay guessed a few names but every time I kept shaking my head no.

  “I’ve mentioned every possible name,” she finally said. “Why don’t you just tell me who it is? Please, Sister, tell me. Who is it?”

  I paused for a moment, trying to form the words in my mouth. Finally I was able to whisper: “It is a person very close to you.”

  In a split second, I could tell that she knew it was Trino. Her eyes grew wide with horror; her mouth opened up in shock. She screamed from the top of her lungs—the loudest scream I have ever heard in my life. It was so loud that my mother, who was in the office across the street, heard it and came running over.

  In less than a minute, all four of my brothers were standing in my sister’s office. The only member of my family who wasn’t there that day was my father, and to this day I don’t understand why. He was always at the office but that day for some reason he wasn’t.

  “What in the world is going on?” my brothers asked.

  Chay was beside herself. She was on her knees, completely broken, and sobbing uncontrollably. I knelt down on the floor next to her, begging, “Please, please forgive me, Sister! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!”

  Seeing Chay in so much pain was like a dagger piercing through my heart. This was what I had wanted to avoid for years. I had tried to imagine it a thousand times but even so, no amount of imagination could have prepared me for what transpired that day.

  With my family huddled over us in total confusion, Ramona explained: “Rosie just told Chay that someone had been sexually abusing her.”

  Chay turned to our brothers and announced: “Trino.”

  She managed to calm down, somewhat, and with everyone else there in the room with us, she asked me for details.

  “How old were you?”

  “I was around eight,” I said, wiping back my tears.

  “How long did it go on?”

  “Until I was about eleven.”

  Tears stared rolling down her cheeks again.

  “God . . . Sister,” she muttered. “Why didn’t you tell me? All these years . . . Why?”

  “I was so scared,” I told her. “I was so so scared, Sister. Trino said that if I said anything to anyone, he would kill you and our brothers.”

  She held me tightly and we both just let the tears flow.

  My sister, without any hesitation, automatically believed what I had told her, as did my brothers. In the midst of so much pain and confusion, I once again felt blessed to know I was surrounded by so much love and support. Very upset at what they had just heard, my brothers, in their rage, shouted out, “Let’s find Trino.”

  Pete said, “We have to call the cops,” and my other brothers all reluctantly agreed. While one of them dialed the police, I turned to Chay and asked, “Where is Chiquis?”

  By my question, she instinctively knew what I was implying, and her face went from pale to green.

  “Her too?”

  I nodded in tears.

  Chay was devastated. She immediately screamed out: “Someone go and get Chiquis. I need to talk to my daughter!”

  Chiquis, now twelve years old, was a couple of blocks down the street at the library. When my brothers brought her to the office, she saw us all in tears and right away she knew what was happening.

  Remembering the promise we had made each other never to utter a word, I dropped to my knees and begged for her forgiveness: “Baby, I’m so sorry. I had to do it. I had to tell the truth. Please, please forgive me.”

  Putting on a brave face, Chiquis said to me, “It’s okay. It was time. I’m not mad—I just don’t want anyone to hurt my daddy.”

  • • •

  Within minutes, the police arrived on the scene. In the first phase of their inquiry, they separated us for the questioning. I went first and I remember it was so hard for me to even describe what had happened. I had never spoken to anyone about it and the mere exercise of having to put it all into words made me realize, for the first time, the scope of what had actually occurred. Chay held my hand throughout the whole ordeal, reassuring me and letting me know that I was safe and not alone. As I did my best to recall the most embarrassing details for the sake of the police investigation, I could see the anger rising in her face.

  Then it was Chiquis’s turn.

  Chiquis and I never shared any details but after hearing both sides of the story, my sister now knew everything. Our next step was to take action.

  The family devised a plan to pretend that absolutely nothing was going on because, as one of my brothers said, “If Trino hears one word about this, he is going to disappear. He’ll run like a scared rabbit and hide.”

  Chay spoke to the police and they informed her that the next step in the investigation was to bring Chiquis and me in for a medical examination. In the state of California, it’s a legal requirement to test all underage children who are victims of abuse. They decided to have Jacqie examined as well. She was eight at the time and given Trino’s pattern of abuse, they were concerned that he might have tried something with her.

  As soon as the police left, I told Chay, “You need to know that I’ve had sexual encounters with several other men since then.”

  She said, “I understand, Sister. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. I just want you to be well. I promise you we’re gonna get you the best counselor out there and you will get through this.”

  My sister. My big sister. She always stepp
ed up to the plate for me, always believed in me when even I didn’t believe in myself. Having her in my corner meant that I could get through this. I knew it.

  My biggest concern now was my father. The last thing I wanted was for him to find out about the abuse. I didn’t want him to think I was no longer his princess, his precious little girl. I needed him to love me and think I was still amazing and wonderful, that girl who sat on his lap and dreamed of conquering the world.

  “Please,” I begged my brothers. “Please don’t tell Dad. Promise me you won’t tell him anything.”

  “Rosie,” said Juan. “No one is going to say a word to him until you tell him yourself.”

  I nodded, tears rolling down my cheeks. I didn’t want to tell him.

  “Rosie, you have to tell him,” my mother interjected. “You have to tell him tonight.”

  • • •

  The entire family gathered around the dining room table. My brothers were there as well as Chay, my mother, and my sister-in-law Ramona. Everyone was tense and my father clearly knew that something strange was going on.

  “What is it that you have to tell me, my baby?” he asked.

  I was still in shock from what had happened that afternoon. I don’t know what words I used; in fact, if I remember correctly I still couldn’t bring myself to say anything so someone else had to tell him. Immediately his face got really hard. I took it to mean that he was angry at me, that he was disappointed.

  “Why didn’t you tell me, Hija?” he asked.

  “I was too scared, Daddy. I was scared Trino would kill Chay or that my brothers would kill Trino.”

  I tried to explain the overwhelming fear I had lived with for all those years but my father was tuned out; he went into a type of shock. When you think about it, I had several years to process what had happened to me. I had time to make sense of the horror I lived with for so many years, yet my family had to process it immediately. All those emotions came pouring out and my father’s reaction was to shut down.

  He asked me a series of very short, quick, questions. And then finally he asked:

  “¿Entonces ya no eres señorita? (Are you not a virgin anymore?)”

  It was such an odd question to ask at a time like that, but later I understood that it was my poor dad’s way of asking for details without asking for details.

  “No,” I answered, and that was the end of the conversation.

  At that point Ramona fainted and as soon as she hit the ground, I took advantage of the confusion in order to run away and lock myself in my room. I had been so angry for so many years that everyone knew it was best to leave me alone. And in a situation like this, what could they possibly say to me?

  One of the things I love most about our family is that we are all very vocal and we never shy away from speaking our minds. But whenever a situation comes up when we don’t have words, we don’t just try and fill up the space with unnecessary blabber. If there’s nothing to say, there’s nothing to say.

  • • •

  Two days later, Chiquis, Jacqie, and I went to the medical examiner’s office. It felt surreal to be talking about and taking such real actions with regard to something I had kept a secret for so long, but with my sister’s support, all three of us made it through this difficult experience. In my case, the doctor didn’t find any signs of sexual abuse—it had taken place too long ago and I had since been sexually active. But with Chiquis it was another story. She was definitely a virgin, but the doctor found tearing on her vagina—a clear sign of sexual abuse. Little Jacqie had scars as well but fortunately, she had no recollection of the abuse. My sister figured it had probably started when she was very young because she suddenly remembered that when Jacqie was about three years old, she often had a foul odor.

  “I think we need to take her to the doctor,” Chay would say to Trino. “None of the other babies had this; something is wrong.” But Trino always dismissed her worries on account of her being an overprotective mom. On occasion, Jacqie would wet her bed and was unable to stop herself. Poor baby. Whatever it was that Trino did to her must have caused infections that affected her entire body.

  To this day, I thank God for having blocked Jacqie’s memories of what her father did to her. Despite all the hardship she has had to face from a very young age, she has been able to live a joyful life and her precious spirit has remained intact.

  • • •

  The moment Chay found out about the abuse she vowed never to let Trino near the children again. But since we were waiting for the results of the police investigation, she couldn’t actually let him know, yet, why she didn’t want them to see him. So she started to make up excuses.

  The first excuses didn’t raise any alarms, but then Trino started to catch on that something was up. His demands became so intense that when he called, she’d tell him to come by the next day to see the kids, but then when he came by, she made sure they were miles away from the house. There was no way she was going to let him ever come close to them again.

  For the first few weeks, Trino would call Chay and threaten her in every way possible. “You’re breaking the law!” he’d yell at her. “I’m going to take you to court!”

  It was the pot calling the kettle black.

  This went on for about a month and then suddenly the phone calls stopped. No more threats, no more demands. Nothing. Chay tried calling him a couple of times just to find out what he was up to, but Trino had vanished. Clearly, he had figured out what had happened and, fully aware of the fact that his actions were punishable by the law, he made sure to fall off the face of the Earth.

  Jacqie and Michael, who at the time was just five years old, were terribly confused. They didn’t understand why their mother wouldn’t let them see their father and worse yet, they didn’t understand why their father had disappeared on them like that. They were angry and they blamed Chay for everything they were feeling.

  Seeing that Trino had disappeared, Chay tried calling his family and right away she was hit with the confirmation of what we all suspected: Trino was perfectly aware of what was going on because they immediately started insulting Chay and calling her a liar. They said the Rivera family was making up stories about Trino, calling him a pedophile and child molester. “Your brothers are liars and your women are whores,” they said to her. “You are nothing but a bunch of opportunists who will do anything for the sake of being in the spotlight.”

  The names they called us never bothered me. It was clear to us that Trino’s family knew where he was hiding but it was also obvious that they were never going to give him up because they believed him. And the truth is, they had every right to believe him because he was their son, their brother, their flesh and blood. If he had been my brother, perhaps I would have believed him too. To this day, I’ve never been angry at Trino’s family because in my eyes they were victims too. They were speaking from a place of ignorance and there was no way they could have ever imagined the truth. Who could have? Even my sister and my family had failed to notice what was going on. With his charming ways and his kind demeanor, Trino had fooled them all.

  I didn’t need Trino’s family to believe me, or anyone else, for that matter. The most important thing was that my family believed me. On top of having to deal with sexual abuse, so many victims have to face the second, and perhaps harsher reality, of not being believed by their loved ones. I cannot imagine the despair that must cause and I am thankful for having always had a supportive family who never questioned a single thing I told them.

  Having lost touch with Trino and given the fact that his family was never going to tell us where he was, we were entirely in the hands of the detectives from the Long Beach Police Department. They assured us that they were working on the case, and we felt confident that Trino would be found and brought to justice.

  A year passed.

  Then two.

  Chay would phone for
an update and the department would reassure her, “We’re on it.” But before long, they stopped returning her calls.

  • • •

  One night our family was having a barbecue at Chay’s house. Everyone was there except Lupe, who was running late. We didn’t want to start eating without him so we called him several times on his cell phone but there was no answer, so we sat down to eat.

  A couple of hours later, Lupe finally arrived and we could tell he was really upset.

  “You’ll never believe it,” he told us as he sat down in front of a plate of cold food. He looked angry. “I just spotted Trino on the 710 freeway. I know it was him, and I’m convinced he saw me.”

  “WHAT?” we all asked in unison. We couldn’t believe it. By then we had all assumed he was hiding somewhere out of the country. To hear that he was in our vicinity both terrified me and filled me with hope.

  “Well, I started after him and it turned into a high-speed chase,” he told us. “I didn’t care what was going to happen; I only knew that if I caught that piece of sh*t I was going to kill him. But I lost sight of his car.”

  Lupe was angry that the cops hadn’t been able to find Trino, and now he had slipped through his fingers too. I had never seen my brother so furious. The barbecue took second place while we rehashed what we had just heard. We decided that more so than the fact that he had gotten away, the important piece of news was that Trino was still in the area. We all assumed he had fled to Mexico, but Chay remembered that Trino had once confided in her that when he was young he had been kicked out of his hometown. He never gave her any details but it had always stuck with her. Why couldn’t he go back? We started putting two and two together and wondered whether he was guilty of a similar charge in his native country.

  Frustrated that the police were making absolutely no effort to track him down, my brothers decided to take matters into their own hands. They started spreading the word around the neighborhood, showing pictures and asking friends, and friends of friends, whether they had seen Trino.

  That was how we found out that there were a few guys in our part of town who were in touch with Trino. Word on the street was that he had changed his name and hangouts and remarried and had children before he became a fugitive. Apparently he had also gotten a nose job, dyed his hair, and changed his appearance to look much younger.