Before I Let Go

by Darren Coleman

  He paused for a second, and with Sahleen on his mind he said, “Maybe not much in the past, but who knows what the future holds. I could see myself having feelings for somebody.”

  I was shocked, and chuckled involuntarily. He tried to explain how intrigued he was with Sahleen and how he wasn’t sure about India’s potential. I went on to tell him how fine Nina was and how we had danced to the slow cut.

  “Man, I know you aren’t thinking about trying to get with her, Cory. You know how those Puerto Rican chicks are. Shelly will cut you deep if she ever finds out some crap like that. Hell, she’d probably cut the both of you.”

  “No, no, man. It’s not even like that. It was just nice seeing her again. She was my little sweetheart back in the day. She used to have a little crush on me, but I was like a big brother to her.”

  “Well, I’m warning you. If she fantasized about you a little bit back then…just watch your step, especially if you still could have feelings for Shelly.”

  I assured him that I had everything under control, but I wasn’t sure he was convinced. He ended up changing the subject to the ladies on the way to meet us at his apartment. They were parked at the gate waiting for us because the security guard would not let them in. Nate gave the guard permission, and they drove in right behind us. As we got out of the car we both watched the ladies’ behinds as they moved past us on the walkway. They were both very blessed.

  Nate looked over at me and winked as he whispered, “Handle your business my brother, handle your business.” I nodded and smiled, because I knew I would do just that.

  Chapter 12

  THANKSGIVING

  Brendan woke up to the noise of his growling stomach. When he felt the urge to run to the bathroom, he knew it wasn’t because he was hungry, and that the growl was actually a grumble. He had obviously eaten something that didn’t agree with him. His daily diet, which almost always consisted of at least one meal from the eatery at the mall, was probably the cause of this morning’s pain. Brendan only hoped that his thirty-minute bout in the bathroom would put him back on track.

  He would have to take some Maalox or Pepto-Bismol, because the way he was feeling right now, he wouldn’t be up for eating anything, even though his aunt Helen was cooking this year. When it came to holiday dinners it was no secret that Aunt Helen was the best cook in the family. Among larger black families this is a title that is coveted among sisters. It had gotten pretty heated in the past when it was time to decide where dinners would be served for the holidays. Brendan could remember arguments from past family reunions about whose cooking was preferred at those monumental Shue family get-togethers. In fact, at the reunion of ’84 Brendan remembered his uncle Ryan getting into a fistfight with his uncle Lawrence because Ryan, after a few drinks, had insulted Lawrence’s wife Judy’s homemade biscuits. Uncle Ryan hadn’t lied when he told Judy that instead of bringing any more of those biscuits to the family gatherings, she should get a contract with the National Hockey League to use them as hockey pucks. As everybody laughed at Uncle Ryan’s joke, Uncle Lawrence had been rolling up his sleeves as he prepared to pounce on his older brother. The two rolled around in the grass for fifteen minutes before anyone even bothered to break it up. Aunt Judy never brought those biscuits again after that, and the cooking issue remained a big one with the Shue family.

  Once Brendan had gotten his stomach back together, he showered and got dressed. It was almost one o’clock in the afternoon when he was finally ready to head out the door. Renee’s door was still closed, and he thought about knocking to see what she was up to. He knew she was eating with her family. It was a big deal this year at Renee’s mom’s house, because her sister had flown in from Chicago and brought her husband and their new baby, Chandler. Renee had gone shopping and purchased half of the clothes in Nordstrom’s baby department for Chandler, using Brendan’s discount, of course. He was her only nephew, and also the first baby to be born into her family since her older brother’s twins nearly ten years ago. Her mother often asked Renee when she was going to settle down and make a family. Renee was the middle child of three and often felt the pressure of being the only one yet to marry and bear children.

  She was fast approaching thirty, and she had made it a personal running joke that her biological clock was ticking so loud it kept her up at night. She had said that if she hadn’t found the right man by thirty-five she was going to solicit a sperm donor of the very best stock. And she was serious.

  As Brendan put his coat on and turned the television off, the phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number on his caller ID. It read D and S Ali. He knew no one with the last name Ali, he thought, as he answered the phone.

  “Hello,” he said calmly.

  “Brendan, whatcha’ doing?” It was Shue sounding as if he was in need of a favor.

  “I’m headed to Aunt Helen’s, which is where you need to be on your way to as well.”

  “I know, I know, but I’m stranded at a friend’s house in Glendale,” Shue said, and then he paused. “Why don’t you come pick me up? I don’t feel like driving today. Plus, my car has been acting really weird lately.”

  “Man, hell no. That is completely out of the way, in the opposite direction. So I suggest…” Brendan’s phone beeped. “Hold on.” He clicked over. “Hello.”

  “Hello, may I please speak to Brendan?” the soft voice on the other end asked.

  “This is Brendan,” he said, trying to sound equally polite.

  “Hey, Brendan, this is Laney. I met you last night at the party.”

  Brendan, pleased that his new acquaintance had called so soon, instantly perked up. “What’s going on with you? I didn’t think that you were really going to call.”

  “I don’t know why you felt like that. You’re very nice, and handsome, too.”

  “Thanks, but you know how everyone is so jive, not just men, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know. But I’m not like that. If I say I am going to do something, then I’m going to do it,” Laney said convincingly. “I told you that I would call. And I did, right? Look at you, doubting a sister already.”

  “Yeah, that’s right. I’ll have to give you a check for that one.” He was smiling. “So, what are you doing today, big plans for dinner I’m sure?”

  “Well, I don’t have a lot of family here, so I’ll more than likely be heading over to my girlfriend’s mother’s house for dinner.”

  “So you’re not from here?” Brendan asked.

  “Nope. I was raised in South Philly.”

  “So what made you move down this way, your job?” Brendan heard his line click. It was obviously Shue, who he had completely forgotten about, finally hanging up.

  “It’s a long story. Maybe we’ll get together one day and talk about it.”

  “Well, I hope so. I would love see you again and get to know you. You seem really nice.”

  “Thanks.”

  Brendan talked to Laney longer than he should have. He knew that his aunt would have his head if he didn’t show up with the ice that she’d called and requested. Laney gave Brendan her cell number and asked him to use it to contact her, because she was staying with some friends and didn’t want a lot of people calling her on someone else’s line. He asked if she would be busy later on, and about the chances of the two of them catching a movie. When Laney said she would like that, Brendan was ecstatic. He thought that maybe he had found a woman who wasn’t into playing games.

  They said their good-byes for the time being, and Brendan hit the road.

  Nate rolled over and saw that Erika was still sleeping next to him. It was getting late, and he could hear movement out in front. Nate slipped on his underwear and headed into the bathroom to relieve himself. When he came out, he went to the door of the second bedroom. It was slightly cracked, and Nate opened it.

  “Damn, Nate,” Jay’s sleepy voice said. “You don’t know how to knock, brother?”

  “Girl, this is my house. I don’t have to knock. Where’s Cory
?”

  “He got up about an hour ago. He said he had a lot of things to do. He gave me his number and told me to call him later.”

  “Hmm,” Nate said, as he nodded his head.

  “What the hell are you looking at me like that for, boy?” Jay noticed that Nate was staring at her exposed right breast and immediately pulled up the covers. “You ain’t nothing but a freak; you need to stop.”

  “Look, you need to stop faking on me like that, Jay. Erika is knocked out in my bed, and she ain’t going to wake up no time soon, so why don’t you let a nigga slide up in there with you for a minute. Don’t act like you didn’t enjoy it the last time.” Nate gave her a piercing stare.

  Jay just looked at Nate. She was thinking to herself that she couldn’t believe how bold he was. She also knew that she had enjoyed herself with Nate the night she had come home with him from Jokes On Us in Laurel, where she had bumped into Nate at a Tony Woods show. She had been with a few of her girlfriends, none of whom knew Erika or Nate. He had ridden to the show with a friend of his and used the old “Can I get a ride home with you?” routine. Jay, wanting to help him out in what seemed to be a jam, agreed to give him one. After she dropped off the friend who was riding with her, she found herself at Nate’s apartment, and eventually in his bed. She had felt like crap afterward. Jay knew Erika was not hung up on Nate, and in fact had a boyfriend in the Air Force. Jay still knew that she was stepping on her cousin’s toes by sneaking behind her back. Nate was the only man Erika had been sleeping with since her boyfriend had been stationed in San Diego, and Jay could easily predict how pissed she would be if she found out.

  For some reason, at that point Erika’s feelings didn’t seem to matter. Jay sat in the bed with a blank stare on her face as she watched the bulge in Nate’s underwear grow before her eyes. While he waited for a strong refusal from her that never came, Nate went into his room, where Erika was still sound asleep. He reappeared within a few seconds with a condom. Jay had made a weak attempt to regain her composure and some control of the situation. But before Jay could pull herself from underneath the covers to get her clothes on, Nate was on top of her, getting her worked up again. Within a few moments, Jay had given in, and her legs were wrapped around Nate’s back.

  As Nate began hitting it harder and harder the bedpost began to hit the wall. Nate was in seventh heaven, as he could truly compare and assess how much better Jay was than Erika. Nate had wondered why he hadn’t dropped Erika from the picture all together. But just as quickly as he wondered, it came to him. He figured, why cut one back when he could screw them both. Jay was obviously out of control. She had fucked him last summer, fucked his boy a few hours ago, and was now letting him hit it again with her cousin in the next room. He laughed to himself as he turned her over. Somebody is going to take this little freak home to their mother one day. That brother is going to be so proud that he has his self such a pretty little mamma with her own business and a bright future. All the while, he won’t know that she is a little whore with no self respect, Nate thought, while he pulled Jay by her hair.

  Unexpectedly, as Jay began to climax, she screamed.

  “Shhhhhh, girl,” Nate said, covering her mouth with his hand. She bit down on his fingers. Nate kept hitting it. Jay’s sex was good. He knew Cory had enjoyed this last night. “Did my man tear it up for you last night?” Nate asked. “Huh, Jay? Did you take care of Cory last night like this?”

  “Oh yeah, baby, I took care of him.”

  “Was it good?” Nate moaned.

  “Oh hell, yes, he was so good. You both are gooood.”

  “You bitch!” Nate and Jay both Jumped away from each other as they heard Erika’s voice behind them. Jay scrambled for the sheets. “Jay, how could you do this? What the hell is your problem?”

  Nate interjected, “Look E, don’t get all bent…” His words were cut off when Erika threw one of Jay’s shoes at him.

  “Oh, and you motherfucker!” Erika shouted, “You have lost your damned mind. How are you going to screw me and my cousin, too? Okay, okay, you are messing with the wrong bitch now, you black bastard.” Tears began to run down her face as she continued. “It’s on now, Jay. I can’t believe you. I ought to beat your ass. You are a fucking slut. I heard you in here last night screaming. You sounded like you had a good enough time with Cory. But you still had to go and do my man, too.”

  “First of all, that wasn’t me screaming in here. It was Cory. And second of all, Erika, you seem to be forgetting that you have a boyfriend, or a fiancé, whatever the hell Carlos is to you,” Jay said, as though she was hurt that Erika had cursed her out.

  “You know something?” Nate asked. “I think it’s time that both of you leave.” Their mouths dropped open. “It’s Thanksgiving, and I don’t have time for all of this negativity, and if you two get to fighting up in my spot I will have to whip both of your asses.”

  After Nate reemphasized his demand that they leave, they both cursed at him as they gathered their belongings. Nate, unfazed by their wailing, stood over them and watched them dress. Jay called a cab, because she knew there was no way that she was getting into Erika’s car. Within twenty minutes both ladies were gone, and Nate was shoving soiled sheets into the washing machine and lighting incense. He jumped into the shower and was looking forward to dinner at India’s.

  She had insisted that he accept her invitation when he told her that his grandmother would be eating at the church with the pastor and a few select members. Each year the deacons and the sisters who had given their time and effort to church community-empowerment opportunities, such as minding the babies in the nursery and helping serve food to the homeless, were at a Thanksgiving feast catered by the Florida Avenue Grill. The meal was unmatched, and Nate’s grandmother wouldn’t miss it for all the tea in China. Nate didn’t mind. In fact, he was used to dropping his grandmother off each year, even though she could drive. It made it necessary for him to see her on Thanksgiving and had become a sort of yearly ritual, just like shampooing her carpets.

  India was excited to have a date coming to dinner, and Nate was up for a good meal, since India had promised that her mother was a spectacular cook. If she was wrong, Nate’s pager would surely go off with an emergency that required his immediate attention. In addition, he had told Cory that he would come past his mother’s house later.

  As Nate prepared to leave the house, he wondered what Sahleen was up to. She and her sister were visiting their aunt in Cincinnati. He didn’t have a number to reach her, and he was a little irritated that she hadn’t called him since he had dropped her at Dulles Airport the previous morning.

  I had come back to my mother’s house and crawled right back into my bed. I had no idea that I had slept until nearly two o’clock. I finally woke to Kyle telling me that the Detroit game was already on, and that I needed to get up because people were on the way over. My mother had poked her head into the room long enough to issue me a command to shower and get dressed before Uncle Freddie and his family arrived.

  “See, I told you, Uncle Cory. It’s time for you to get up,” Kyle said, while fiddling with a Nintendo GameBoy in his hand.

  “Alright, okay, I’m up. You happy now?” I asked.

  “Yeah, now get dressed. My mom and Tory are downstairs.”

  “Really, and neither of them came up here to wake me up. That’s a shock.”

  “Grandma told them not to. She said that you drove all day yesterday and that you stayed out all night doing God knows what with Nate last night, and whose truck is that in front of your car?”

  “It’s Nate’s truck. I borrowed it because…never mind, get out of here so I can get dressed. I’ll see you in a few.” I rolled over and called Nate to ask him if he was still stopping by and to ask how he was going to get his truck back. He told me India was picking him up for dinner and that he would have India bring him out here after he ate at her mother’s house. He asked me to page him sometime between four-thirty and six o’clock just in case h
e needed to get away from India’s family. He’d added that, if things were cool, he might not call back. I promised him I would. He said he had to go because Sahleen had just called him. He seemed a little too anxious to talk to her. He said that she was in Ohio or something, and then he rushed me off the phone to talk to her. It was unusual behavior for the Nate I knew.

  Uncle Freddie said the grace. It was one of his usual graces, as long as ever. He gave thanks for everything from the turkey to the napkin holders. He prayed for the victims of the Twin Towers and the Pentagon, the homeless, and the hungry children in Africa and the inner cities. I mean, he went on and on. But we knew that it was vintage Uncle Freddie. Then he ended it by giving thanks that I, his only nephew, was home for good. I was touched, but I was glad he was finished. Kyle sat to my left and my beautiful niece, Tory, sat to my right.

  “Pass the bread. Pass the gravy. Can I have some more turkey?” That was all that could be heard for the next thirty minutes, along with the clanging of Mom’s best silver and china. As plates were scraped clean there was only sporadic conversation, at best. However, as everyone started on second helpings, the conversation picked up. At first it was geared mostly at me, and of course, my big move home. Aunt Earline seemed to be fascinated with my stories about Atlanta. She couldn’t believe how greatly things had changed in the South. She told us her stories of the South, from when she worked in a sewing factory in South Carolina during her summer vacations from college, back in the sixties.

  As dessert was served Brenda told me how proud she was of the grades Tory had brought home so far this year. Tory was an honor roll student and captain of the junior varsity cheerleaders. When I asked about Kyle’s grades, she told me he was improving but still had a ways to go. Not that my nephew wasn’t intelligent. Truth be told, he was a gifted child. He simply suffered from a poor attention span. The experts called it ADD. I called it, simply needing to get his butt spanked if he didn’t calm down and do what his teachers said to do from here on out. I looked over at him when my sister spoke about Kyle’s misadventures in the classroom. He was looking in every direction other than where my eyes were focused: at him, and glaring.