Before I Let Go

by Darren Coleman

  “I guess she doesn’t know about us? I can tell from the way she looked at us that she didn’t.” Renee rolled her eyes and shook her head in disgust.

  “Now, why would I call her and explain what I was doing with you? That’s none of her business.”

  “Well, I think you had better make it her business.”

  “Hey, why are you getting all bent out of shape?” After a pause Brendan continued, “If this whole situation is making you uncomfortable, I understand.”

  “No, Brendan. The situation isn’t making me uncomfortable. You’re making me uncomfortable. But if you want to forget the whole thing ever happened, we can.”

  Renee was lying. At least about her ability to forget. There was no way she would ever be able to forget what had happened between them. She had foolishly allowed herself to get involved with her best friend. It was When Harry Met Sally ghetto style. She somehow knew, though, that in this version she would be the one hurt if the affair went too much longer. Brendan had been the victim too many times before, and Renee knew that sooner or later the law of averages would have to balance things out and give him one in his favor. “Brendan, did you hear me?”

  Brendan was sitting down on the bed and had his hands clenched together between his legs. “Yeah, I heard you.”

  “Well, what do you think?”

  “About what?”

  “Brendan, don’t play with me. What do you think about us just forgetting the whole thing and going back, if it’s possible, to just being friends?” Renee managed to stumble out.

  Brendan closed his eyes and thought for a few seconds before he spoke. His mind was filled with uncertainty. He didn’t know what was coming next. While he still couldn’t quite see himself in a relationship with a stripper, he still longed for Laney’s company and her touch. And to make matters worse, even thoughts of Trina crept into his mind every now and again. If it were any heart other than Renee’s that he was dealing with, he wouldn’t have thought twice about continuing on until he sorted things out. “I guess if I am making you uncomfortable then maybe we should chill until I sort everything out.”

  Renee just nodded her head.

  “And what about Barry?” Brendan said. “He still has clothes over here. He has been calling you nonstop. You never told him anything. We both need to get ourselves…”

  “I told Barry about us last week,” Renee mumbled out. “But hey, don’t worry about it.”

  Brendan felt like crap. Now who would Renee turn to? Barry had been her Mr. Dependable. He had been the one she called for movie dates and dinners, and for Blockbuster nights in the house, always his treat. Renee used to brag that she only had to sleep with him every so often to keep him coming back. Renee had ’fessed up, and he was surely pissed off. But probably not half as pissed off as Renee was right about then.

  Brendan picked up his belongings and headed toward his room. The room that he hadn’t slept in for almost five weeks. The results of “the talk,” Brendan thought. It seemed as though everyone always ended up worse off after it than they had been before they had it.

  It was only nine o’clock on a Saturday night, and the lights were out in the house and on Brendan and Renee’s relationship as well. When Brendan got back up to take a shower, he noticed Renee’s door was shut. He wasn’t tired, so he called Shue to see if he was home.

  “Hello,” Shue answered.

  “Hey, it’s me, cuz.”

  “What’s going on, Brendan?” Shue sounded tired.

  “Not much. I was just calling to see what you were getting into tonight.”

  “Me? I’m not doing anything tonight. I’m having company in a little bit, and that’ll probably just be that.”

  Brendan was disappointed. He was hoping for a party or a movie or something with his older cousin. It was not meant to be this night. “Okay. Well then, I’ll just give you a call tomorrow.”

  “Good deal. Talk to you tomorrow.” They hung up.

  Brendan finished putting on his underwear and headed down into the basement to watch some television and maybe do some thinking as to what he was going to do—about everything.

  As soon as the door opened, it started. India opened the door and looked at her watch. Nate stepped through the door of India’s apartment and followed her to the bedroom.

  “I’m not going, Nate. You may as well leave. I am tired of this shit.”

  “Come on now, baby. I told you earlier that I had to make a few runs. You know how time gets away from me sometimes, Indy baby.”

  India smacked her lips and huffed. “Whatever. Time always gets away from your ass. Excuse my language, but damn, Nate, this shit is ridiculous.”

  “Look, I told you I had to drop my cousin off at the airport. He missed his flight, and I didn’t want to leave him until I was sure he had another one.”

  “Yeah, and you couldn’t find a second to call and return my page. You are so full of shit. I’m sick and tired of this. I refuse to let you do this to me any longer. If you don’t know what to do with me, then believe me, I will find a man who does.” She walked back into the kitchen.

  “What is that supposed to mean?” Nate asked as he watched her toss a birth control pill into her mouth and guzzle down half a glass of water.

  “Exactly how it sounds.” India slammed the glass down on the counter. “I figure that you don’t have your priorities together. We’ve only been seeing each other for about six months. I met you in October, and it is April now…not even six full months, and how many times have you stood me up, called and canceled a date, or been two hours late? Just like you are now,” India rattled off, with her hands on her hips.

  Nate just stood there. He couldn’t even count them himself.

  “I didn’t think you could recount them. But let me help. Christmas day. We were supposed to spend the day together. I saw you for what, twenty minutes? Same damn thing on Valentine’s Day. The night we were supposed to see the OJays and Gerald Levert. What did we see, the last half-hour? How about the money I wasted on the play at the Warner Theater?”

  “I gave you that back.”

  “That’s not the point, and if you think it is, then there is nothing for us to talk about.”

  “Look, I know you are mad, but let’s go and get some dinner and talk things over.”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No.”

  “So what are we going to do? Sit around here and argue about it for the rest of the evening?” Nate asked.

  “No. You can sit around here if you like. I have made other plans.”

  “You did what?”

  “I made other plans.” Nate’s eyes showed disbelief. India reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a bowl with freshly cut watermelon slices. “You expect me to sit around and wait for you all night. Well, I got a news flash for you, partner. It ain’t gonna happen no more.”

  Nate was stunned, to say the least, but what could he say? “So what kind of plans did you make?”

  India answered him while chewing on the watermelon. “Um goin’ ow wif a few of ma…”

  “Swallow the food, child.” Nate was letting on that he was upset.

  She swallowed. “I’m going to the Soundstage and probably down to Dream with a group of my friends. And now…”There was a knock at the door. India answered with Nate looking over her shoulder as she let her friend inside.

  “Hey girl, you ready?” The girl at the door asked.

  “Just about. Gimme a quick second and let me grab my jacket. Oh, by the way, this is my friend, Nate. Nate, this is Regina. We work together.”

  “Hi, Nate.”

  “Hey.”

  “All right, I’m ready.” Nate didn’t have time to say much. He just stood there with his lips poked out. He was wishing that he were on that plane with Sahleen. “Nate, if you’re not leaving now, please make sure you lock the door behind you.” India turned and ushered Regina out of the door. “Girl, your hair looks good. You just got it done toda
y?”

  “No, child. I need it done bad,” Regina said, patting her hair. Then she said, “Nice meeting you, Ned.”

  “Nate,” India whispered. But they were in the hallway already and the door was closing shut behind them.

  Nate sat on the couch, pissed off and not believing what had just happened. He had thought that India would never give him any problems. As fine as she was, though, she wouldn’t sit around waiting for him forever. He wondered, What am I tripping for? The time was coming when he would have to let her go, anyway. What was he doing with two girlfriends any damned way? Sahleen was perfect. She was always flying in and out of town. He had time to do what he had to do, whatever that may be, and then be finished with his dirt by the time she was back in town. India was always around. Waiting usually, but now demanding. That was precisely the reason she was going to have to go soon. He just had to hit that ass a few more times, and he was out. Sahleen was the bomb, anyway, and she never sweated him.

  Nate picked up the cordless phone and sat on the couch. He turned on the television and began scanning the channels while he contemplated calling another female from India’s house because his cell was dead. It seemed a bit too risky, and he truly didn’t feel like answering any questions about why he had dialed *67 before calling them. Before he realized it, two hours had passed and he had watched an entire NBA play-off game between the Nets and the Hornets. It was almost ten, and he was nowhere near tired yet, so he dialed Cory’s number. After four rings, he heard a voice on the line. It was Nina.

  “Hello,” she said softly.

  “Yo, girl. What’s up?”

  “Nate?” Nina asked.

  “What’s happening?” Nate asked, nearly repeating his first greeting. “Let me holler at Cory right fast.”

  “Cory is out of town. He didn’t tell you?” Nina asked, sounding surprised that Cory hadn’t touched base with his main man.

  Nate recalled a conversation with Cory earlier in the week and said, “As a matter of fact, he did. But I thought he said he was going next weekend, not this weekend. Atlanta, right?”

  “He said some place right outside of Atlanta.”

  “Why didn’t you go?” Nate asked. He knew why. He was just curious about what story Cory had come up with.

  “Well, he didn’t leave until this morning, and he’s coming right back tomorrow afternoon. He said one of his boys was getting married. It wasn’t a big deal. Some white boy he used to work with. He said that the guy, Chad, was real cool, but that it wasn’t a big deal. Plus, he had promised to watch Kyle and Tory for Brenda this weekend. That’s why I’m over here at his place,” Nina explained. “Brenda is working part-time now, trying to save up some money for Tory’s college tuition.”

  “Yeah, Cory mentioned that to me.” Nate thought, The boy is pretty damn slick. He has his girl watching his niece and nephew while he is out of town boning his ex-girl, or mistress, sex partner—whatever he viewed Paula as.

  Nina blew her nose into the line. “Sorry, allergies.” She sounded as if she was wiping. She went on. “Well, let me go check on them and see what they’re watching. We rented some videos, none of which I wanted to see, so I’m in bed.”

  “You go ahead, and I’ll catch up with Cory tomorrow night,” Nate shot back.

  “Alright. Take care, Nate,” Nina said, still sniffling.

  “You, too. Peace.” He hung up and dialed Brendan.

  On the first ring, Brendan answered, “Hello.”

  “What’s up, dog?” Nate asked emphatically.

  “Nuthin. I’m just in here chilling, watching some TV,” Brendan answered listlessly.

  “Damn, nigga, you sound like you asleep.”

  “Nah. I’m just chillin.”

  “Yeah, I’m sitting up over India’s crib. She ain’t here, though. I just finished watching the Hornets get that ass busted,” Nate said.

  “Me too,” Brendan said. “Man, Jason Kidd was taking the Hornets’s defenders off of the dribble every other play,” Brendan added.

  “Yeah, the Hornets played like some shit today. The Nets are going to bust that ass when they go back to New Jersey, too.”

  Nate nodded his head in agreement even though Brendan couldn’t see him through the line, and said, “No doubt. This series is over. I think New Jersey is going all the way to the finals.”

  “Yeah, but it don’t matter. Nobody from the east will beat the Lakers if they get past Sacramento.”

  “True dat.”

  Brendan, out of his own restlessness and desire to find a temporary escape from the discomfort he was feeling under the same roof as Renee, asked Nate, “So what are you, or should I say, who are you getting into tonight?”

  “I’m not making too much noise tonight. To be honest, I’m going through some changes with these broads, man.” He paused for thought while he flipped the channels again. “That’s why I called you. I was thinking about getting into something.”

  “Like what?” Brendan asked.

  “I was thinking about hitting the Platinum Club,” Nate replied.

  “I don’t fool with the Platinum on the weekends. Wednesday night is the shit down there. I don’t even think they get too many people on the weekends,” Brendan said.

  “Well, it’s not like a Wednesday night for sure, but you can catch a couple of stragglers down there. Maybe bump into a strange piece down there, ya know,” Nate offered as an incentive.

  “Nah, the joint is weak. Too many niggas standing around fronting and acting like they somebody. I can’t roll with that phony crowd tonight.”

  “Well, what about Dream? You know that’s where all of the bitches are tonight,” Nate said, as he flipped the top off a Corona he had found in India’s fridge.

  “Man, Dream is going to be crowded as all hell. Plus, I’m not really up to waiting in any lines tonight.” Brendan had let out yet another excuse.

  “C’mon now, B, when was the last time you ever waited in any line when you were with me?” Nate asked, sounding as if Brendan might have bumped his head. “All I have to is call Marc and let him know we’re coming.”

  “Oh, excuse me. I must have forgot who I was talking to.” Brendan did know better. Nate was as connected as a brother could be in the city. He didn’t even wait in lines at movies. Brendan added, “Plus, my cheese is a little tight. I just got my ride serviced on Thursday, and that put a dent in my wallet for sure.”

  Nate laughed. “Look, don’t worry about it, dog. I got you. Now stop making excuses.” Nate thought about all the excuses that Brendan was giving him. “What’s wrong with you, boy? You know you haven’t hung out with me or Cory since that shit with Laney happened on your birthday.”

  Brendan flipped the channels. Richard Pryor Live in Concert was on BET Starz and he left it there briefly. “I know. I just haven’t felt like going out lately.”

  “Well, it’s no sense in you sitting in the house moping around and contemplating over that shit.” Nate went on: “You got to keep on movin’. She’s the one that’s trying hard to win your ass back. You can’t shed no tears or waste no time on some booty that you’ve already had.”

  “Believe me, I definitely haven’t been moping at all,” Brendan said, with a self-assured attitude that aroused Nate’s curiosity.

  “Oh yeah, what, you got yourself a new bunny?” Nate asked.

  “Not really new, but I guess…” Brendan paused. “Nah, never mind. I ain’t saying anything to your ass. You can’t keep a damned thing to yourself.” Brendan was right. Nate could do a lot of things, but keeping a secret, or rather someone else’s secret, wasn’t one of them.

  “What, nigga? Who am I gonna tell?” Nate asked, trying to gain Brendan’s confidence.

  “For starters, Cory. Then you’ll probably tell both India and Sahleen, maybe Kim if you bump into her, and of course she’ll tell Trina whenever she does her hair. Let me see who else.”

  Nate huffed, “Aw man, cut that shit out. You know you are being petty, man.” Nate
wasn’t finished. “C’mon now, what is it?”

  “Okay, okay. Stop whining. But I’m telling you, Nate, if this shit comes back to me, that’s your ass,” Brendan shot out.

  “All right, all right,” Nate said, as if Brendan was killing him. He knew why, and he knew he deserved it. Nate had carelessly and sometimes purposely let a few of Brendan’s confidences slip down the drain.

  “Well, just listen then,” Brendan started off. “You remember that night when I was over your crib and Laney called me, and I told her to come over to your spot.”

  “Yeah, what about it?”

  “Well, I knew that she was going to call me that night. We had spoken earlier in the day and I agreed to get together with her. I just didn’t want to do it over here.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I couldn’t,” Brendan offered, waiting for Nate to figure it out.

  “What the hell do you mean, you couldn’t? Was Laney banned from over there or something?”

  “Well.” Brendan breathed in deep. “Let me just say that, due to changes in the situation over here it wouldn’t have been cool for me to bring any other ladies to the house.”

  Nate paused, and so did Brendan. Then Nate blurted out, “What? Are you fucking Renee or something?”

  “Why do you got to say it like that?” Brendan asked, sounding slightly offended.

  “Are you for real, B? Say honest to God!” Nate burst into laughter. “My nigga. You finally hit that ass,” Nate screamed. He kept saying it over and over, as if Brendan had hit the lottery. “You finally hit that ass. You finally hit that ass.”

  Brendan interrupted. “Man, chill with that shit.”

  “I’ll be damned. You finally hit that ass.”

  “Bye, man.”

  “Nah, I’m straight. So what’s up? How was it? Wasn’t it like incest, though?” He added, “You two are super tight. I know that shit had to be weird.”

  “Kind of,” Brendan said.

  “Hell, I know. I fucked one of my cousins at a family reunion one time. That shit was wild. She was like a third or fourth cousin, though.”

  “You know, you got issues,” Brendan said.

  Nate changed the subject back. “So when did this thing with Renee go down?”