by Lynn Young
Dallas? It took me nearly thirty years to find him. They’re not exactly lining up at my door, now are they? By the time I meet another Dallas, I’ll be collecting Social Security. By then I’ll be on estrogen and my whole body sagging.” She shook her head, her small face taking on an uncharacteristic hardness. “No, Pepper is right. It’s time I grow up and start making hard decisions about life. No more being flighty and reaching for the brass ring, at least, not until I’m Secret Affair 183
more settled and have a future. I’m not a kid just turning adult. I am an adult. It’s time I stop thinking what I’m going to be when I grow up.”
Beatrice did not bothered to counter her justifications but kept her silence and reminded herself that she was there to support her friend and not pull her further to the ground when she was already down.
To celebrate their nuptial, Richard told her that he had arranged an engagement party with Pepper at her restaurant. Anna Marie had hoped that if there was going to be any celebration that they would do it more privately, such as having a quiet dinner with just the two of them, especially away from the interfering presence of her sister. When she told him this, he thought her ungrateful.
“I would think you of all people would be glad to go to Pepper’s. She’s your sister, after all,” Richard said. “You should be proud to have such a sister, who has accomplished so much, and running one of the country’s top restaurant. She’s had at least three write ups in Bon Appetite and in Food and Wine.”
“Of course I’m proud of my sister, Richard. It’s just I always eat there, and even I get tired of going to the same place over and over, even if it’s my sister’s place.”
“But it’s not right that we should snub your sister, especially on such an important occasion as our engagement,” he said dismissively. “She would expect us to have our important moments in her restaurant. She would feel betrayed if we went to another place. Besides, you’ll never know who you’ll meet there, it’s such a popular place not only in Sonoma County but it’s pretty well known nationwide. There’ve been a few celebrities who’ve eaten at Pepper’s place. I even heard that Governor Schwarzenegger had lunch there with his wife a month ago, coming down from the capital specifically because they had heard so much about your sister’s restaurant.”
There was a small pause. Then Anna Marie said carefully, “I hadn’t realized that those kinds of things were important to you, Richard?”
“What?”
“Meeting important people and being seen was important to you.”
“I’m only thinking of the future. Our future, now. And it’s all about connections.
Connections, connections, connections. In my line of work, I have to always think about those Secret Affair 184
kinds of things. In a place like your sister’s, who knows who will show up, maybe the governor will bring his wife again, or that famous Chinese author, Alison Ran, or Andrea Chan…”
“Amy Tan.”
“Yes, that’s her. And you might never know but they might be in need of a broker. Now wouldn’t it be a shame if I weren’t there to take advantage of that opportunity?”
Anna Marie stared at him for a long time, her expression that of someone who was
starting to see something in her fiancée that she had never suspected before and wasn’t altogether sure she liked what she was seeing.
The next evening, at Pepper’s restaurant, a major star never walked through the door.
However, Richard was just as content to spend much of their engagement party glad-handing many of the patrons who he felt were influential around the county.
Mostly silent, Anna Marie watched him, surprised that she never realized how ambitious he was or status conscious. She felt a little embarrassed by the way he slavered over people he thought were prominent. If he saw a city councilman or an influential businessman, he would often get out of his seat and go over to their table to greet them. She cringed when she saw him a few times pull out his business card.
“It would be something if I got Conde to switch his business to me,” Richard said when he came back and took his seat again. “His family alone is worth several millions. Which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to call your brother-in-law. I gave Pepper a few days ago a prospectus to give to Cameron. I’ll have to call him on Monday for follow up.” His blue eyes gleamed brightly and Anna Marie could have sworn that she saw dollar signs in them. “Now, there’s a real coup. If I got your brother-in-law and all of his family to switch their money to my company, I wouldn’t need any other clientele and I, we, that is, would be able to retire in ten years with all the money I’d make off them.”
Anna Marie stared at him for a moment with horror. Then she said carefully, “I wouldn’t get your hopes up too much on Cameron and his family. I understand they’ve been with the same firm dating back when his grandfather took over the family’s estate.”
“Well, it never hurts to ask,” Richard said cheerfully.
A waiter set a stand by their table with an ice bucket and popped a bottle of champagne and poured it into flutes.
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Anna Marie took a sip and was grateful for the cool, sweet, tangy liquid. “Thank you, Richard. The champagne’s lovely.”
Richard drank from his glass, as he looked deep into her eyes. “You know why I bought the champagne, don’t you?”
She frowned a little. “No, I don’t.”
“Well, now that we’re getting married, I think it’s time we…”
“It’s time we what?”
He took her hand in both of his. “Darling, can’t you read my face? Can’t you guess
what’s in my heart? We’re about to be man and wife. It’s time to celebrate our love. Really celebrate it.”
Anna Marie froze in her seat as his meaning sank in. “Oh. That’s right.”
He laughed with affection. “Is that all you can say, darling, is Oh?”
Anna Marie covered her less than enthusiastic response by gulping down her champagne.
Now that she and Richard were engaged, the next logical step for them was to have sex. AT the thought, she had to mentally brace herself for the inevitable. In fact, the thought of Richard’s soft, pampered hands touching her naked flesh made her cringe a little. She felt ashamed for feeling less than enthusiastic about the prospect. After all, Richard was a reasonably attractive man. She couldn’t expect every man to send her to delirious heights. But, somehow, she knew that Richard would never know how to touch a woman the way Dallas did or be able to send her to erotic trembling. She couldn’t imagine Richard ever being able to set her trembling, in or out of bed.
Until now, sex had never entered their relationship. Anna Marie had to admit that theirs was rather a strange one in the twenty-first century culture. It had been more of a courtship than the free-wheeling, open relationships that were the norm. Like a proper suitor, Richard behaved towards her with meticulous decorum, never saying anything improper or touching her in any way that would be construed as sexual. And for her, it never bothered her that he did not attempt to touch her except for the chaste kiss on the cheek when he saw her to her door. But, then, she had never really thought of Richard in sexual terms. And, it seemed, Richard hadn’t thought of her that way either. Until now.
Oh, god, Anna Marie thought with sudden panic, what the hell was she going to do with a commodities broker in bed. And what the hell was she going to allow him to do to her once their Secret Affair 186
clothes were off? And, because the prospect seemed hardly inviting, she downed her champagne and poured more into her flute.
“You’re not nervous, are you?” Richard asked with indulgent laughter.
Anna Marie shook her head. “No, no. it’s not that at all.” Then she grimaced. “Well, yeah, actually, I am.”
Richard patted her hand as a father would to a child. “Well, don’t worry, Anna. We’re both adults and, although you might not be much experienced in sex, I have to admit that
I’m pretty good in bed, if I do say so myself. More than one woman has told me so. I’ll make you feel like a queen.”
Later that evening, in Richard’s house, Anna Marie, lying in bed beside her snoring
fiancé, wasn’t exactly feeling exalted. But, then, she didn’t feel as sick to her stomach as she had originally felt at the thought of having sex with Richard. Sex with him had been similar to the sex she had had with other men before Dallas, quick with little imagination and none of the volcanic desire and heat that had consumed her with Dallas. Like many men, Richard had been exaggerating more than a bit when he claimed that women considered him a good lover.
For Richard, sex with a woman consisted of quickly divesting his clothes and letting the woman take off her own garments, kissing the woman by slathering her with his big wet tongue in what he believed was a sexy kiss while his hands jiggled her breasts, pushing the woman onto her back on the bed, putting his finger between her thighs and grunting when he found her wet enough, then pushing over and over his penis at the area between her thighs until the tip of his penis happened to hit at her entrance, grunt again when he was inside her, then thrust shallowly for several seconds until he came, grunt two times, then collapse on top of the woman, panting, while one hand padded at her breast. Then, when he was able to get some of his strength back, he rolled over on his back and fell asleep. Through it all, Richard seemed little aware of the woman’s response or whether or not she was enjoying his clumsy efforts. Not once did he give any indication that he was aware of her own lack of pleasure.
Anna Marie lay on the bed, staring up at the ceiling long after he had fallen asleep.
Richard certainly was not the most exciting man on earth but he would give her a good life, she told herself again. He would take care of her, give her the security that was never important to her until recently, and would be a good father to her children. And if their sex was a little under Secret Affair 187
par, it was nothing less than what she had expected. That is, before she met Dallas Trenton. But her affair with Dallas was over.
She would probably never feel ever again that sharp sensation of passion and excitement that she had always experienced with the Navy SEAL.
At the thought of never being able to touch Dallas, never being able to feel that almost claustrophobic erotic tension whenever they were together, Anna Marie felt, once again, her heart break in two. A sob burst out from her throat. She quickly slipped out of the bed and ran from the room, pressing her hand tightly against her mouth to keep herself from crying out loud.
In the dark, she found her way through the house into a small sitting room off the kitchen that was farthest from the master bedroom. Leaving the lights off, she huddled in a chair, grabbed the throw from the back of a couch, and sobbed quietly into it, suppressing any noise back down into her throat.
She cried for all that she would lose, all that she had felt with Dallas. She now realized that being with him had been the happiest time she had ever known. He had brought so much into her life in the little time they had together. He not only opened the door for her into sensual delights, he had also made her feel beautiful, so desired, sensual, sexy, as no man had ever made her feel.
And, Anna Marie now realized, he had given her companionship, even friendship, which was strange in such a passionate affair. She could talk to him as she could never talk to anyone else. And he listened to her when she talked, truly listened in a way that no one had ever listened to her, especially her sister and her parents. He made her feel that he found what she had to say interesting and worthwhile, and not useless and full of nonsense the way her family always made her feel.
It made her heart heavy to realize that no man would ever make her feel that way again.
In marrying Richard, she was closing the door to the world that Dallas had opened for her forever. She would be walking away from ever allowing herself to feel the sensual delights of erotic love and the sweetness of friendship and commonality. When she married, she would forever shut Dallas out of her life. She knew that in so doing, she was closing off forever a part of herself.
It was like mourning the death of a loved one. And so she should, Anna Marie thought.
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She laid her head back on the chair, the last of the tears wrung out of her, feeling heavy with great sadness and loss. She was not only losing a vital part of herself but also a vital part of life, a part where she was alive with love and passion, where she felt young and giddy with excitement, her mind and senses enraptured with a sense of wonder.
Exhausted from the emotional upheaval, Anna Marie walked into the kitchen and stepped into the back yard. With dry eyes, she stared up at the inky night that was studded with stars.
Tomorrow, she would begin the process of preparing for the wedding by shopping for a wedding dress with her mother and her sister. She was sure it was going to be a tortuous excursion and the final decision mostly made by her mother and sister after numerous hours of contentious haggling. She promised herself that these were the last tears she would ever shed for the memories of her affair with Dallas and the baby. When the sun rose tomorrow, she would never look back to what had been and never regret what she could never have. With the sun, tomorrow, she would face the future she had chosen for herself with Richard.
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Chapter 15
Two Months Later
Pepper and Cameron were running behind for the night-before-the-wedding dinner for
Anna Marie and Richard. Usually decisive, Pepper was having trouble deciding what to wear, discarding one outfit after another. Cameron couldn’t help but wonder if she were not dragging her feet a little because she wasn’t too pleased that Anna Marie had not chosen her restaurant for the pre-wedding dinner.
After Pepper had changed for the tenth time, Cameron was driven to threaten her to
bodily carry her to the car if she did not settle on her outfit.
“It’s only five forty-five. Cocktail’s at six. So we’ve got plenty of time. Why are you making me hurry up?” Pepper snapped at him as she made her way downstairs in a stunning silk peacock blue tunic with matching pants.
Cameron held out her cashmere wrap. “I promised your sister we would be there before cocktails. She’s counting on us to be there early sort of as support. She says she doesn’t know a lot of the guests, most of them being Richards relatives and friends.”
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He turned to open the door when the doorbell rang. Dallas stood there dressed in his Navy Whites.
“Hey, Dal, what a surprise!” Cameron hugged him hard. “Did you just fly in? Come on
in.”
“Yeah, in from D.C.”
“You just caught us on our way out,” Cameron said.
“Where you off to?”
“To my sister’s pre-wedding dinner,” Pepper said, throwing the wrap around her. “You remember my sister, Anna?”
Dallas’s face was expressionless as was his voice. “Yes, I do. Anna Marie.”
“It’s her dinner. She’s getting married.”
Dallas stared at Pepper for a moment. “When?”
“Tomorrow, three o’clock at St. Johns Church in Petaluma.”
“I
see.”
“Hey, why don’t you come along with us?” Cameron offered.
“The dinner’s for family and those in the wedding,” Pepper reminded her husband.
Cameron shrugged. “Dallas is family. Besides, I don’t think Anna would mind. Unless
you want to stick around here until we get back, Dal. You know there’s plenty of food in the fridge. Make yourself at home and relax.”
Dallas said equably, “You know what, I think I will take you up on the offer to tag along.
I’ve nothing better to do. I’ll stick with what I’m wearing if that’s alright with you.”
“Sure, the women will go nuts over you in your whites as they always do,” Cameron said.
“Just drop your gear in the hall and let’s go.”
At the restaurant, Anna Marie was jumping with nerves. She knew she was drinking too much champagne but it was the only way she could think of to calm herself. She tried to listen to Richard as he excitedly told his and her parents that the investment he had just set up for both he and Anna Marie had just earned a quarter of a point due to the slight increase in the U.S. dollar overseas. She tried to pay attention, at least tried to look interested. She knew he would think it irresponsible of her if she did not pay attention when he was discussing their retirement investment.
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She sighed with great relief when she saw Cameron’s tall form appear through the
doorway. Beside him, she saw her sister examining disdainfully the restaurant, finding little to her liking. She felt she could get through the next twenty-four hours as long as her brother-in-law and Beatrice were present. Her friend, who was also her matron of honor, should be coming along in another twenty minutes after she closed up the library.
She excused herself and walked up to Pepper and Cameron. “Thank you for coming
early.” She kissed both of them on the cheeks. She grabbed some champagne from a passing waiter. “Might as well drink up.”
Pepper wrinkled her nose when she drank hers. “It’s not very good, is it?”
“Don’t start,” Cameron warned her, to which she made a face. To Anna Marie, he said, “I hope you don’t mind, but we brought someone along.”
“Oh, of course not. Who?”
“Me,” Dallas said behind her.
Anna Marie turned and found herself staring at a very broad expanse of a male chest that was covered in white with brass buttons down the middle. She lifted her eyes and staggered back when she met his very green eyes, the champagne glass that she had been holding dropping from her nerveless fingers and shattering on the floor. Her face turned white, her pale gray eyes stretched almost painfully with shock then with horror.
“Hello, Anna Marie,” he said coolly, his eyes unwavering on her pale face.
