by Lynn Young
“Thank you,” she said, the polite listlessness coming back to her face.
There was a small pause. Then Beatrice asked, “Are you going to tell your family?”
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Anna Marie shook her head. “No. I don’t want anyone to know about this.”
Although there was some concern in Beatrice’s eyes, she nodded. “The doctor said you can be released tomorrow. I’ll come by for you then.”
Anna Marie nodded, her lifeless eyes staring out the window. Then she said as Beatrice opened the door, “Bea?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. For doing all that you did for me. For being with me.”
Beatrice went back to the bed and kissed her on the forehead as a mother would to a
child, then left the room.
For a long time, Anna Marie did not stir from her position of staring out at the window, her thoughts far away from the hospital room, so much so that she did not hear the door open again.
“Hello, Anna,” a male voice greeted her.
She turned and was surprised to see Cameron standing a few feet from her. “Cameron, hi.
What are you doing here?”
“I came to see you.”
“How did you know I was here?”
“One of the nurses’ husband works at the office, and she recognized you.”
“Did she tell you that I lost my baby?”
“No, she just said that you had been admitted. On the way, I sort of figured it out on my own, with all the baby stuff that I saw in your living room a few days ago. I realized it wasn’t for your friend who was having a baby but you.”
Anna Marie lowered her eyes from his because she was feeling ashamed by the concern
in Cameron’s eyes when she had not planned to tell her family about her pregnancy. “Does Pepper know?”
“No, she doesn’t. When I got the phone call, I almost called your sister. But, then, I realized that you must not have wanted her to know that you were pregnant in the first place.
And, if you want it that way, she doesn’t have to know.”
“Thank you, Cam. You must think me awful that I keep something like that from my
family.”
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Cameron sat down on the bed and took her hand. “Remember, I’ve been married to your
sister for close to ten years. I know that there are certain things that you need to be able to keep to yourself, Anna, because your parents and your sister might take them away from you. Besides, you would have had to tell them sometime had the baby survived. As it is, it’s up to you when and if you want to tell your family. I just came here to make sure you were okay.”
Anna Marie stared up at him, and she was struck by the similarities with his brother, the strikingly handsome face, the shape of the eyes, towering height, the long lean body, the clean cut of the male features. It made her heart ache to look into Cameron’s eyes, when never before did she experience any strong emotions when looking at him.
“You’re too good for Pepper, Cam. I know I shouldn’t say that, but it’s true,” she added when she saw the surprise in his eyes.
Cameron patted the back of her hand. “Believe it or not, we fit, as strange as it may seem.
I guess that’s love. Can’t make heads or tail of it. Now, you, young lady, is there anything I can do for you? Get anything for you?”
“No, thanks, Cam. I’m fine. I’m being released tomorrow and Bea will take me home,
then.”
“Take care, Anna.” He kissed her on the forehead as much as Beatrice had done and left the room.
When Anna Marie went home from the hospital, she wanted to be able to forget that the pregnancy ever happened. As she stood in her condo after Beatrice dropped her off, she realized that her assistant librarian had taken away all remnants of the baby, having had cleared the clothes, toys, rattle, diapers, and books out of the condo. Beatrice had even taken away the swing that they had put together.
And as Anna Marie stood in her clean home, she felt a sharp loneliness that she had never felt before. She dropped her purse on the floor, went to the couch, and let herself give in to the torrent of tears that she would not let come at the hospital.
She spent the next few months grieving for her and Dallas’s unborn child. On the outside, she went through her daily routine of going to work everyday, looking like a zombie, her motor movements listless, and her face wan with heavy features. On the inside, it seemed as if all zest for life had been zapped out of her, and she only seemed to go through daily life as if a robot.
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She held little interest in her usual activities, felt she had little to look forward to when she woke up in the mornings. She lost her desire to continue pursuing her lifelong dream of working for the Library of Congress.
Then she emerged from her depression. And when she did, Anna Marie decided that it
was time she grew up and faced the reality of her life and what the future held for her. Her sister was right, she decided. It was time she stopped taking for granted time, and start making plans for her life. She now realized as Pepper had told her many times that she was, indeed, not getting any younger and time was slipping through her hands. Every year that passed was another chance to set her future that was gone and she was faced with less and less years to do something about it. She had to stop wasting her remaining years on dreams that might never happen and begin to look to her future.
It was time she thought about getting married and raising a family. It was time she
thought about meeting a man who she could marry. Perhaps she could still pursue her plans to work at the Library of Congress, but that would have to wait. Before she started on her future plan, Anna Marie knew that she needed to take care of something first. She sat down and wrote what was to be the last letter to Dallas.
Dear Dallas,
I know it has been awhile since I’ve written. I hope you’re doing well
and this letter finds you safe.
I’m writing to you to tell you that I must put an end to our affair. I’m not
quite sure if it is an affair. I can only assume that it is since we get together every time you’re in town. Now, I might be wrong in thinking that you would want to
see me again when next you’re in town. I don’t really know. But, if you do, I do
then need to tell you that I will not see you in that way any longer. I will only see you as Cameron’s brother and Pepper’s brother-in-law and only on family
occasions.
One reason why I’m writing this letter to you is because I feel that I need
to start taking control of my life. As much as I enjoyed being with you, I can’t be
drifting in an affair that really has no future. I have other reasons for stopping this affair, but I’m afraid I really can’t get into any explanation right now. Someday,
if you wish to hear it, I will tell you the reasons when we see each other again.
That is, if you want to know.
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Please do not think for one minute that I regret our time together. I
certainly do not. They were the most wonderful moments I have ever spent in my
life. I will always be grateful for the amount of passion that you brought into my
life.
I will never forget you. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.
Everyone, here, including your brother and your parents are fine, and
they all are anxious to see you.
Regards.
Anna Marie
As she put the sealed envelope in the mailbox, tears came to her eyes and she felt her heart break again, remembering that day at the airport when she saw him off and realizing how much she was in love with him. And she remembered the happiness that she felt carrying Dallas’s baby, and the heartache of losing it. She quickly wiped away the tears and dropped the envelope into the box
.
From the mailbox, she walked to her sister’s restaurant.
At the military base in Kuwait, Dallas saw the envelope on his bed. Although his face remained expressionless, his eyes flickered a little as he dropped his gear and reached for the envelope. Seconds later, he stiffened, and his face grew hard, but he continued reading. When he finished it, the first thing he did was reach for the phone. Then he dropped it. He was about to be shipped out again later that evening to Serbia for a tour that would take several months.
Whatever was going on in that shy little head of hers would have to wait until then, he thought with some grimness.
Anna Marie decided to stop running when her sister next set her up with a man. And she convinced herself that Pepper knew what she was doing when she arranged for her to meet Richard Kragen.
Richard was quietly handsome, almost ordinarily so, well spoken, dressed impeccably, although in suits that were rather cheap, well groomed, and seemed comfortable in his affluent lifestyle that his career as a commodities broker afforded him. He stood at average height, had light brown hair that was starting to recede and bald at the crown, serious blue eyes, and a firm, Secret Affair 179
thin mouth. Anna Marie had to give him points for his courtesy and well-trained manners at the dinner table so that he did not pick at his teeth. And he earned considerable points by practicing excellent grooming, keeping his nose and ear hair trimmed, his chin and jaw closely shaved. He did not belch at the table, nor did he spit or burp as most men did.
She enjoyed their conversation, finding Richard well-informed, well-read, and cultured enough to name all the presidents from the turn of the twentieth century, including knowing that one of them, President Wilson, was the father of Political Science. And, even more to his credit, he did not laugh at Anna Marie when she told him her lifelong ambition of working at the Library of Congress.
After they saw each other on occasional dates for two months, Richard showed signs that he was increasingly interested in deepening the relationship. Anna Marie could not think of any reason why she should not let things get serious between her and Richard. He had told her from the beginning that, at thirty-two, it was time he thought of settling down and raising a family. He had accomplished pretty much everything he had wanted to accomplish before he married. He had a well-paying career, owned a four-bedroom house in an upscale neighborhood, had just bought a brand new BMW, his dream car, and had a very nice pension already set up that was well on its way to providing him a nice, comfortable retirement. Now, all he needed was a woman who was sensible and healthy and who was well set in her life to share the life he envisioned. Richard more than hinted that he considered Anna Marie was a perfect fit for that bill.
She decided after while, as well, that Richard was exactly what she was looking for. He was what she needed to put some distance between her and the memories of her affair with Dallas and the baby she had lost. Anna Marie was especially desperate to be able to put the loss of the baby behind her. And what better way to do that than to start a brand new life with a completely different man, a life that had nothing to do with Dallas or the baby? And, once Richard proposed to her, and she was beginning to suspect that he intended to, she would be too busy to think about anything but the planning of the wedding, arranging with Richard their honeymoon, and consumed with all the discussions and planning of their life together. Then once they were married, she would be too busy with her married life, having Richard’s kids, setting up her new home, and planning their future to dwell on any memories of unbridled passion with Dallas.
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And there was a side benefit of getting engaged to Richard. Pepper, for once, was
praising her for her choice in a future husband, instead of haranguing her for the lack of a significant someone in her life. Pepper repeatedly told her how much Richard suited her, that they were perfect for one another.
“It’s high time that you got sensible about your life,” Pepper said. “Now, I know Richard isn’t the most exciting man on earth. But a woman like you shouldn’t be with a man who’s fascinating with a high-flying life. That’s never been for you, sweetie. Too unpredictable and not responsible. Richard is more your speed, steady, dependable, solid. And with such a man he’ll set you for life. I’ll tell you, Anna, you don’t have to worry about your future with a man like Richard. He’ll make sure that you’ll never have to worry about your retirement years.” Anna Marie had already decided to accept when Richard got around to proposing. It
never occurred to her that he would choose a moment when they were not alone. They were having dinner with Cameron at Pepper’s restaurant. It was crowded night and Pepper alternately manned the open grill and played hostess in the dining room.
Suddenly, Richard got out of his chair and went down on one knee in front of Anna
Marie and took her hand.
“Uhhh, Richard, what are you doing?” She could hear a few sighs from women at the
other tables.
“Oh, isn’t this romantic?” Pepper said with approval, her eyes suddenly growing misty as she put a hand over her heart.
Cameron was looking at Richard, as Anna Marie was, as if he thought he had lost his
mind.
“How come you never got down on your knee?” Pepper demanded of her husband.
Cameron sipped his water. “Because you’re the one who did the asking.”
Richard took Anna Marie’s hand. He had a dreamy look in his blue eyes that she thought was rarely seen in a commodities broker. “Anna, darling, the light of my life, my other half, you’re the woman I’ve been waiting all my life for.”
Cameron rolled his eyes and his wife kicked him under the table.
Anna Marie looked around and saw that all eyes were on them, including the wait staff that had stopped their serving and were now standing around watching her. Some of the women’s eyes were misty but a few of the males were shaking their heads.
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She squirmed in her seat. “Ah, Richard, I’m not quite sure this is really the place…”
“Of course it is,” Pepper said firmly. “Go on, Richard, continue with what you were
going to say to my sister.”
“Anna, I’ve been waiting for you all my life,” Richard said. He reached a hand in his pocket and took out a small, square jewelry box, causing a few of their audience to gasp. “And you would make me the happiest man on earth if you would grant me your hand in marriage.” He flipped the jewelry box and held it up to her, his eyes shining with hope and devotion of a puppy dog.
Cameron bent his head a fraction and squinted his eye in order to peer at the tiny
diamond in the setting. He didn’t say anything but the expression on his face indicated that he was not impressed. While he hadn’t expected the man to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on the ring the way Cameron had for Pepper’s ring, Cameron knew that the man could more than afford a few thousand on a decent size diamond. He knew this because Richard had been more than willing on a few occasions to let him know that he made close to a hundred and fifty grand a year as a broker.
“Of course, I know it’s nothing compared to what your family’s money must bring in,” Richard had laughed. “I read in Fortune magazine that your family’s investments cleared a billion last year. Compared to that, my humble hundred and fifty grand is small potatoes. But, hey, not bad for a man whose father was a maintenance worker for the school district, wouldn’t you say?”
Anna Marie looked down at the ring nestled in the box and suppressed the heavy feeling that surged in her heart. She had made her choice and it was time she started being responsible and begin taking sensible steps for her future.
She forced a smile on her lips. “It’s a beautiful ring, Richard.”
Richard took the ring out of the box and slipped it on her left finger. “It has the best clarity and color for its size and weight. When we get home, I’ll show you the certificate.�
�
“Uh…that’s good to know,” Anna Marie murmured.
He brought her hand to his lips. “Anna Marie Sorenson, will you do me the honor of
becoming my wife?”
She wanted to cry but from happiness. She swallowed before smiling down at him. “Yes, Richard, I will be your wife.”
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Richard pulled her into his arms and hugged as applause burst around them.
The next day, she showed Beatrice her engagement ring.
“Hmmm, now I know what I’ll be getting you for an engagement present,” her friend
said.
“What?”
“A jeweler’s eyepiece to carry around in your purse.”
Stung, Anna Marie snatched her hand back. “It’s a very pretty ring.”
“I’m sure it is when you look at it under a microscope. The guy makes over ten thousand dollars per month and he couldn’t spring for a good one carat stone? Instead, he gets his ring out of a Cracker Jack box?”
“It’s the thought that counts, not the diamond.”
“What’s he doing with all the money that he saved by getting your ring from the vending machine?”
“We haven’t discussed that, yet. He told me he deposited the money he would have spent on a bigger diamond on a Roth IRA in both our names. He said that it was a much more sound investment than any size diamond and much more useful. And he’s right, you know. I can’t exactly retire on a diamond, now can I?”
“Now there’s a guarantee of lifetime of passion,” Beatrice said caustically. Then she said, her eyes concerned, “Look, honey, I know what it did to you to lose the sailor’s baby, but is it really necessary for you to go this far?”
Anna Marie gave a small shrug. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Come on, Anna. Is it really necessary for you to go this far, to hook yourself up with such a boring guy who couldn’t get one strand of your hair to flip to forget about the sailor? I know you’re trying to get over him. But it doesn’t mean you have to altogether forget about passion. Give yourself a chance to meet another guy who sparks your plug the way he did.” Anna Marie gave a bitter smile. “Look around, Bea, where am I going to find another
