The Witness

by Jane Bidder

  “I’ve been on a course,” he added, falteringly.

  “You don’t have to explain,” she said firmly.

  “I want to.”

  “Why?” She felt powerful. Stronger than when she’d last saw him. “It’s not as though you need me to give any more statements, is there?”

  His eyes clouded. “Is that why you think I paid you attention?” He flushed. “More attention than I should have done, professionally.”

  Now it was her turn to flush. “I don’t know.”

  There was another silence. Alice could feel that strength disappearing. Instead, she felt eighteen again.

  Then he spoke. “This is nice.” He waved towards the small, neatly laid-out cottage garden with its stone walls, wrought iron arch, and rows of wall flowers.

  Gratefully, she seized the lifeline of normal conversation. “Thank you. I have to admit I miss the old house at times but I love being on the sea front.”

  When it all gets too much, she almost added, all she had to do was walk along the gravel beach and watch the waves come in and out. Riding whatever life threw at it. Just as she was finally learning to do.

  It was the case that had done it. Not the one against Phil which she had hoped to wage; his death had cheated her of that. But the case against her own son. “Murder is always wrong,” as she’d told Charisma magazine later in an exclusive feature. “ But never underestimate the bond between mother and child. My son wanted to avenge what had happened to me and although I don’t approve of the way he did it, his actions have shown how people like Phil Wright and Frankie Miller have ruined women’s lives. ”

  The fee for the feature had, at her request, been donated to The Passage, a charity for the homeless.

  What she hadn’t added, because it was too private, was that Phil Wright’s confession on tape – played to a stunned court – had shown that a teenage Alice had not been responsible for her abuse. The clearing of her name, in turn, had released an unseen switch inside; allowing her to become physical and responsive again. It was as if her body had had to wait for a formal condemnation of Phil Wright before it could move forward again; to take all the risks that a modern loving relationship demanded.

  How ironic that she had Kayleigh to thank for that. If she’d never come across the ‘girl in the park’ as some of the papers had called her, none of this would have happened.

  “How are you doing?”

  Paul Black’s deep, gravelly voice brought her sharply back to the present. Alice hesitated for a moment, taking in the blue eyes. The strong rugby nose. The cords. Open-necked shirt. All suggesting that he was off duty. Was this a social call or not, she wanted to ask. “How am I doing?” she repeated. “Better. Much better thanks.”

  There was another moment of silence but this time, it felt different. More like the type that was comfortable between friends. “I have to be honest,” he said, eventually. “There was a reason for my visit.”

  She couldn’t resist a joke. “You want me to be a witness again?”

  He smiled. The laughter lines crinkled. “No. I think you’ve done enough of that. Actually, I’ve got some news.”

  “Good news?” She stood to one side, gesticulating that he should come in.” Her heart quickened. “Is it about Garth’s appeal?”

  “Afraid not. Your solicitor will tell you about that, anyway.”

  “Of course.”

  “I’ve brought you this.” He handed her a form. It was a list. “We’ve found some of your possessions – the ones from the burglary.”

  “Really?” She’d almost forgotten about that.

  “The watch you mentioned wasn’t there.”

  Alice felt herself go scarlet. “Actually, I found it during the move. Turned out I’d misplaced it, I’m afraid.”

  To think she’d blamed Kayleigh …

  “No problem. It happens. We’ve got the man, too. Turns out he’s Kayleigh’s half-brother. Did you know that?”

  Alice felt uneasy. “I knew the connection. Yes.”

  Those eyes turned cool. “And you didn’t think of mentioning it?”

  She felt a flutter of unease. “Briefly, yes. But so much has happened. My own situation … you know. It sort of slipped my mind.”

  He seemed to be silently evaluating her words. Take them or leave them, she wanted to say. This is me. The new Alice. The one who refuses to keep apologising or feel inferior any more. “So he’ll be tried soon?”

  “At some point. He’s been remanded in custody.”

  Alice tilted her chin defiantly. “I’m not going to tell Kayleigh. Not yet. She’s just had her second scan.”

  Paul Black looked surprised. “She’s pregnant?”

  “Yes. And yes, it’s my son’s.”

  “How do you feel about that?”

  “Excited, actually. Happy even.”

  He was standing close to her. So close that they could almost touch.

  “I get that.”

  She hadn’t expected his approval. Instead, she’d been prepared for the sceptical or disapproving expressions that had appeared on Janice’s and Brian’s faces, not to mention her own husband’s.

  “She asked me to go to her first ante-natal class!” Alice heard her voice ring out. “It was wonderful. I felt more excited than I had done when … when I’d been expecting my own son.”

  Her voice dropped. “Do you think that’s awful?”

  Suddenly his opinion meant a great deal.

  “Not at all. Not after what you’ve been through.” He looked as though he was going to step even nearer before thinking better of it. “I know I asked you just now but how are you managing? Really.”

  His gaze, she noticed, left her and instead took in the low-beamed ceiling of the hall and beyond into the bright conservatory which had sold the cottage to her. “Better than I’d thought. I’ve even proved that I can paint a wall or two. And when I begin to have doubts in myself, I look at this.”

  Alice found herself leading her guest into the kitchen and pointing casually to the little plaque on the wall.

  ‘A woman is like a teabag. You never know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.’

  He laughed. “I like that. Is that how you feel? Strong?”

  “Sometimes.” She turned her back, looking for the ordinary tea. Paul Black’s tastes didn’t run to Russian Caravan. That much she knew already.

  He looked embarrassed. “I saw your friend Janice the other night. At a dinner party.”

  She stopped in her tracks, not sure whether to be more shocked by the fact that he was at the same dinner party as her friend or by Janice’s failure to say anything.

  “I went with a friend. Not a girlfriend. Just someone I know who wanted a plus one.”

  So he’d read her mind. How embarrassing! “Janice was surprised to see me too. But when she’d got over it and put me in a ‘guest’ category rather than the ‘PC Plod brigade’, she became quite chatty. In fact, she went as far as to say that you were an amazing person. I think her words were ‘Not many people could go through what you have’.”

  Alice turned round. “I think we both know that’s not true,” she said quietly. “Anyway, I’m still going through it.”

  There was no need to say what. No need to talk about her mother whom she hadn’t been able to speak to since the trial. Or about Garth who wasn’t having an easy time of it in prison. Or of Daniel and the hurt that was still there. Even though they had never been right for each other, they shared a son. It was a cord that would be there for ever within a landscape of awkward future social situations (Garth’s wedding, one day, perhaps?) which would have to be negotiated somehow.

  “Your experiences will strengthen you,” said Paul, studying her kitchen dresser carefully. She knew that trick. Concentrating on something helped check the emotions. “Challenges come in many forms.”

  “So I’m finding.”

  His blue eyes held hers. “I told the truth just now about being on a course. But I
could have come round earlier. Instead, I felt … I needed … to give us … you … time.”

  He was nervous. The realisation made her excited. Hopeful. Scared.

  “So tell me,” he continued. “How do you feel? Really feel, I mean.”

  She could catch a whiff of something lemony now. After-shave perhaps? “I feel …” she paused for a moment, searching for the words. Then her eye fell on a cup which she had just mended for a woman whose son had given it to her before emigrating to New Zealand. “I feel there’s a whole new world out there, waiting for me. All those lies. All that deceit. All that guilt. It’s been wiped out although of course I still feel terrible about Garth. Inside. Because of me.

  “He had a choice.”

  Paul Black was so near now, that they were almost sharing the same breath.

  “We all have a choice. Alice, I probably shouldn’t say this but …”

  “I’m not ready.”

  He stepped back, stung.

  “I’m sorry. It’s not the … the physical bit.” She flushed. “It’s because I can see now that the only real love that matters is the one between mother and child. Don’t you see? I may be just the grandmother – or ‘nan’ as Kayleigh puts it – but it’s my chance to put things right. At last there’s a baby in my life made from love. Not fear. Or lust. Or … or rape. But a real love child. And I want to be a part of that.”

  He nodded. “I get that. I lost a child too, remember.”

  Of course he had. A son who had breathed and walked and talked and laughed.

  “But do you know what else your friend Janice said to me at that dinner party?”

  She shook her head.

  “That she could see there was something between us. Yes. I know I’m being pushy here. And, frankly, I think Janice had had more than a bit too much to drink. But sometimes these things have to be said. I’m serious, Alice. We’ve got something. I can feel it and I know you can feel it too. Can we give it a chance? Take one step at a time?”

  She hadn’t expected this. Not so soon! Maybe at some point in the distant future. Maybe never. Maybe only in her head which, she had to confess, had played this scene more than once before. Yet now it was happening, she didn’t know what to say. Could she, did she, really want to take such a gamble?. How did she know she’d changed? What if she wasn’t – despite her hopes – able to let this kind, warm man touch her the way she hadn’t been able to let Daniel do? And was it really possible to swap one relationship for another after so many years?

  “I want to sit on the edge of the water with you,” he said slowly, drawing her closer to him. Alice waited for her body to pull away.

  “I want to eat fish and chips with you while the sun rises or sets.”

  Something began to tingle down her back.

  “I want to be able to be silent with you without feeling one of us has to say something. And to say something that might sound mad to someone else but which you understand.”

  The warmth grew across her back. And down her arms, setting the little hairs on edge.

  “I want to share the colours of the cliffs beyond the harbour and the way the sea sparkles at night as though thousands of little pin pricks are lighting it up.”

  “I like walking at night, too.” Hers was barely a whisper but it was enough. As Paul’s lips met hers – soft at first and then hard – there was a flash of an eighteen-year-old Gordon in her head, taking her back to a time before it had all gone wrong.

  There were some things, she realised, which could never be seen or fully witnessed. Only felt, like this warm, all-enveloping yearning of desire that was taking over her body.

  Paul Black might not last for ever, just as Kayleigh and Garth probably wouldn’t last (although she, Alice, would always be there for the baby)

  But along the way, she and this kind, warm funny man who boosted her confidence instead of putting her down, might help each other to move forward. And who knew? Some things did go on for eternity. You just never knew unless you tried them out.

  “Are you ready to take a risk?” he murmured.

  Her lips sought his. “Yes,” she said with the determination and hope that had become part of the new Alice. “I am.”

  Other Titles by Jane Bidder

  Simon Mills, a solicitor, isn’t the kind of man to go to prison. His new wife Claire, an artist, isn’t the kind of woman to have a husband ‘Inside’. But one night, after offering to drive their dinner guests home, Simon is involved in an horrific crash down a narrow Devonshire lane and is sent to prison for two years.

  GUILTY’ is written in two parts: the first deals with Simon’s life in prison and the second, with his life once he’s released. It is told in alternate viewpoints: Claire’s and Simon’s as well as the ghostly voice of Joanna, who died in the crash. This is a haunting modern-day story that could happen to you.

  Perfect for those long afternoons by the pool, this collection features contributions from Accent’s best-loved writers, from sexy summer reading to rollicking good romances. Holiday Fling is the must-read summer ebook!

  The Cruise:

  It’s almost the end of the summer, and she’ll go spare unless she can finally jet off to the sun. But with one thing and another, and especially her husband being made redundant that year, the possibility isn’t exactly looking likely. So when he comes home one day with a pile of holiday brochures and the promise of a Mediterranean cruise, she has a feeling that this is going to be a holiday with a difference …

  Other Accent Press Titles

  Jimmy Costello, corrupt ex-copper and now fixer for the Catholic Church, always liked Paris, but never got the chance to spend time there. Now his boss in Rome wants him to go back. It’s a simple job: find the missing owner of a piece of valuable property. But Jimmy’s not the only one looking.

  What is he looking for and who else wants it so badly? No one seems to have the answers. This time Jimmy is on his own.

  For more information about Jane Bidder

  and other Accent Press titles

  please visit

  www.accentpress.co.uk

  Published by Accent Press Ltd 2014

  ISBN 9781783751389

  Copyright © Jane Bidder 2014

  The right of Jane Bidder to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

  The story contained within this book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and certain places (including the town of Seaway) are the product of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  Great care has been taken to ensure that the legal procedures described are, on the whole, correct. The same applies to scenes relating to fostering and care. However, details may have been altered slightly to fit the plot.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, electrostatic, magnetic tape, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the written permission of the publishers: Accent Press Ltd, Ty Cynon House, Navigation Park, Abercynon, CF45 4SN