“Probably not.” I shove his hand away. Somewhere, a village is missing its fucktard, he just never takes the hint.
“Shayna’s house is fine. Just don’t go ditching me like you always do! I’m not going to get stuck having to talk to that ho-bag.”
Shayna lives in BFE squared. Daniel and I have to park way out in Guam, traipse through the damp woods and then down a long gravel path to make it to her house. My pinched toes ache, and I’m seriously regretting my choice of footwear.
“So, what’d you do to get yourself into trouble this time, Quinny?” Daniel asks as he kicks a piece of white rock across the lawn.
“Don’t want to talk about it.” My stomach is queasy with nerves. I know that I successfully got out of the house tonight, and I shouldn’t care anyway because I’m eighteen. I also know my dad was serious. I can try to enjoy myself now that I’m already out, but I still know in my gut that I’m going to get caught, and have to deal with my parent’s wrath all over again. My feelings about them are so damn conflicting. Half the time, I don’t give a crap if I piss them off or not, and the other half, I just want to make them happy. I want them to accept me, like parents are supposed to.
“That’s cool. Let’s just have a good time, baby doll.” This time, I don’t object to his touch when he wraps his arm around my shoulders.
Near the front of the massive line of cars, I spot Tessa’s Jesus-fish covered Jetta.
“Shit,” I grumble. I’m undecided as to who I’d like to avoid more now, Tess or Shayna.
“Good times, remember.” Daniel squeezes my shoulders. The familiar smell of his spicy-appley scented cologne calms me.
He holds the front door open for me. I don’t even make it a step inside before I see them.
Chapter Forty-Two
Ben
I had just walked in the door from picking up the seven rolls of film I’d had developed (I know its super old-school to use a film camera, but I just can’t get into the whole “digital-age”. Dad says it’s because I’m “cut from a different cloth”, whatever the hell that means,) when Tessa showed up at my house.
My mom ate that shit right up. Quinn must be erased from my life if I have someone like Tessa-who could pass for a missionary in her conservative sweater and knee-length skirt coming over to keep me company.
At first, Tessa acted all concerned. She said she knew exactly what I was going through, and just wanted me to have someone to talk to. Of course, she played it just right, asking me to go for coffee with her in front of my mom. Mom glared at me like she was trying to melt my brain when I tried to turn Tessa down.
Obviously, her plans changed as soon as we were her car. The cardigan was thrown into her back seat, revealing a low cut, sheer tank top, and her flats were switched out for some ridiculously high heels. Some guys might have been impressed by her boldness, but I’m not one of those guys.
Now we’re standing in some strange girls’ house. She told me that she needed to run by a friend’s place. The fact that there was a party going on was somehow left out of the sales pitch.
For over an hour, I’ve been trying to come up with an excuse to leave that doesn’t make me sound like a total asshole. At the same time, Tessa has been trying to find any excuse to touch my arm, rest her hand on my chest, or run her fingers through my hair. I’m not an idiot, and her desperation is less than attractive.
And now, Quinn is standing in the doorway with that rat bastard Daniel’s arm around her while Tessa is picking imaginary lint off of my sweater. Good thing I’d been worrying about how not to look like an asshole all night, it really worked out for me.
My eyes meet Quinn’s– just long enough for her to throw her head back in an exaggerated bark of laughter before she walks away.
“So, if you aren’t going with anyone-” Tessa is saying. I break away from her, leaving her mid-sentence. I’m obviously continuing on my “I’m a dickhead” roll.
But there isn’t any thought behind what I do when it comes to Quinn. Nothing makes sense or is a normal reaction for me. Since the day I met her, my normal rules haven’t applied.
I don’t bother trying to chase after her. I feel like I have been chasing after a hurricane for the last month. I can’t keep up anymore, maybe I never could. I can’t keep making a damn fool of myself. I can’t keep trying to convince Quinn that I love her enough for the both of us. I’ve given up trying. Instead, I decide to follow Daniel.
As soon as I grasp his forearm, he spins around, looking surprised, and probably thinking I am looking for a fight. Maybe I am. I don’t even know any more.
“What the hell, dude?” He shakes off my grip.
“Have you been drinking?”
He shakes his head, annoyed. “No, what the hell is your problem?”
I nod in Quinn’s direction. She’s near the top of the tall, winding staircase now, and my guess is, she never bothered to look back at all.
“Take care of her,” I say.
Chapter Forty-Three
Quinn
“Uh, knock much?” Someone calls from the other side of the room.
I shut the door behind me, even though I definitely didn’t take that as an invite for me to stay.
“Shit, sorry.” I mumble. I press my back up against the door. This was the farthest room down the hall, and I figured it had the best chance of being empty. As usual, I was wrong.
“You’re sorry, and yet you’re still here,” she says.
I can only make out her head from where I’m standing since the majority of the room is occupied by a massive four-poster, canopy bed. I peek around the bed and see the she-devil herself, Shayna Gillan.
“Quinn MacPherson, what the hell are you doing at my party?” she asks. Her voice isn’t angry, although I’m not entirely sure what it is. Amused?
“Look, just give me a minute. I’m trying to avoid seeing someone.”
She laughs, but it isn’t the typical high pitched giggle I hear in the halls at school that makes me want to kick her in the shins. It’s just a normal laugh. Huh.
“Must be someone pretty hellacious for you to choose to hang out with me in order to avoid them.”
“We are not hanging out,” I clarify.
“Right.” She raises her eyebrows and gives me an exaggerated nod. “Whatever you say.”
“What are you doing hidden away up here at your own party, anyway?” I force myself off of the door and walk around to the other side of the bed. She’s sitting cross legged in a plain t-shirt and gray capri sweat pants. Holy shit, she isn’t wearing a skirt! Her hair which is normally styled to perfection is in a loose, casual braid and slung over her right shoulder.
“Please, like I want to hang with any of those people.”
“Uh, okay, I’ll bite. Why the hell did you invite all of them, then?” It goes against everything I normally believe in, but I take a seat on the carpet across from her. The room looks like it was decorated by the same visually impaired individual who decorated my dad’s office.
“Quinn, Quinn, Quinn.” She wags her finger at me, which really irks the shit out of me. “You know as well as I do that sometimes, you have to do things you don’t want to just to keep up a certain image.”
Is she drunk? Why the hell is she telling me all of this? And how is it possible that she can see right through me? I think of all the times I have lied to Sydney and Tessa, and Daniel, and everyone else that has dared to get close to me. All of the times I’ve suffered in silence because I didn’t want to let on that things were less than perfect at home. And the biggest sacrifice, walking away from Ben because I knew it was what was best for him in the long run.
She glances up for a second. “We’re not so different, you and I.”
“Yeah, I’m not sure about that,” I say. This is getting a little too serious for me. I have to bring it back down a few notches. This is Shayna Gillan. What the hell am I doing in here? “You don’t even wear pants. That’s just strange.”
She
snorts, which makes the urge to kick her in the shins almost evaporate completely. “I’m wearing pants right now, asshole.”
“Touché. So, is this your room?” I motion to the vases full of artificial Birds of Paradise and hibiscus.
“Negative, this is just a guest room.” She reaches behind her back and pulls out a small tray. “Some scurvy jackholes are occupying my room. I’m going to have to get it sterilized before I’ll be able to sleep in my bed again. Gross.”
I stare down at the tray that is now mysteriously between she and I. Shayna is nonchalantly chopping at a small pile of white powder with the edge of a credit card.
The entire situation is too fucking surreal.
“Anyway, are you going to tell me who that hot piece was at school today?”
My body goes rigid. Let it go, Shayna.
“No one, I mean, he just works for my dad.”
“Uh-huh,” she says.
She’s carefully separating the powder into pretty little rails. This is definitely not the first time that Shayna has done this.
“And did you start sleeping with him before or after you broke up with Ben?”
Her question sends bile up into my throat. I choke it back down before I can answer.
“You’re such a bitch.” Rather than an immediate denial, that is what flies out. Great.
She smiles, even though I have just insulted her.
“Come on, it’s not my fault I’m ultra-observant. It’s not like anyone told me, if that’s what you’re worried about. It was just totally obvs from the way he was gawking at you.”
Swallow.More.Vomit.
“He’s a little old for you though, no?”
She leans down casually, and when she picks her head up, one of the perfect little lines is gone.
“It’s not like that. I can’t even stand him,” I stammer. I’m unable to remember the last time someone called me out on my shit like this. She wipes her nose and smirks with indifference.
“Does this bother you?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Hey, whatever makes you happy, be it blow, or sleeping with other people’s boyfriends…”
“Oh please. First of all, you’re one to talk, Saint Quinn. I actually halfway liked Heath, and you had to go and sleep with him.”
I flinch. “He told you that?”
“Shit, he couldn’t stop talking about you afterward, you bitch.” She laughs through the insult. “And secondly, do you honestly think every guy I’ve been with was because it made me feel good?” Another empty space on the tray. “Hell no. Mostly, it was just to make them feel good. So, obviously, I’m not judging.”
This is too damn weird. I have avoided having anything to do with this girl for years, and now she’s trying to bond with me like we’re besties?
“Plus, I don’t blame you, that guy today was super hot. Damn.”
I throw my hands up. “I’m sorry, this is too strange.”
“What? Me doing coke in front of you? Or are you just amazed that when you stopped being such a guarded, snarky bitch for half a second, and actually gave someone a chance, that they weren’t as bad as you thought?” She raises her perfectly arched eyebrow.
“The second one,” I laugh.
“Want some?” She offers up the glass tray.
I’ve never stuck anything up my nose before, but if something can bring Shayna Gillan and I to common ground, it can’t be that bad, right?
“Sure,” I answer.
“Uh, I don’t think so.” Daniel comes out of nowhere and says.
“Hey Danny, what’s up,” Shayna coo’s, in her usual flirty voice.
“Hey Shayna.” He nods. “Quinn, we’re leaving.” He extends a hand to help me up. I know as soon as I touch it, he will have to get out his hand sanitizer. I run my fingers across his palm just to be a jerk, but don’t grab it.
“No, no we’re not,” I say defiantly. “I’m not ready to go.” What is it with everyone in my life telling me what to do all the time?
He shakes his head. “That’s nasty, Quinn.” The bottle of Purell in his shirt pocket for once, stays capped. What kind of game are you playing here? “Look, I get it you’re upset, but you don’t need to get messed up with that shit, trust me.”
Shayna scoffs. “Thanks a lot, Dan.” She pouts like she’s really offended, but from what I’ve seen from her tonight, it’s probably just an act.
I stand up and lean in close to him.
“We haven’t been together in a long time, Daniel. What I do is not your business.”
He stares at me so intently, that there is nowhere else to look but back into his eyes.
“I’m not leaving without you, Quinn.”
“Why are you doing this?” I ask.
“I know I haven’t always been the most stand-up guy in the world, Quinn. But even I can’t let you do this.”
I curl my fists over and over again, they are tingling with anger.
“Come on, don’t make me have to be a total dick and carry you out of here over my shoulder.”
“See you around, Quinn,” Shayna says.
Chapter Forty-Four
Quinn
“So, do you plan on telling me what the fuck was going on back in there?” Daniel says. I’d been lucky so far, his eyes hadn’t left the road to look at me. Even now that we’re stopped at a red light, he keeps them glued forward. Daniel and I have never really had a serious conversation. Even though we were together for six months, it was always light and fun. When things stopped being as fun, I broke up with him. And even our breakup wasn’t serious. He took it well, and then jumped on a plane for Mexico.
“I know right? Shayna and I hanging out? Crazy night, huh?”
His hands hit the leather seats with a thud and his mouth drops open in stunned irritation.
“Quinn, what the hell’s gotten into you? You rarely come to school, and when you do, you walk around like a friggin’ zombie. You’re always grounded, but you won’t ever talk about why. The only time you call me anymore is when you need help sneaking out of your house-”
“Finished?”
“Tess and Sydney say you never hang out with them any more. And then, I’ve got your ex telling me-”
“Telling you what?” I snap.
“Nothing.” He looks back up at the road and slowly shifts gears.
“Telling you what?” I repeat.
“Nothing bad, he just asked me to look out for you. And really, after tonight, I can kind of see why.”
He is barely coasting down my street now as if he’s trying to prolong the awkwardness. If he’d slow down just a bit more, I’d seriously consider doing a little stop, drop, and roll action.
“I mean, were you really about to snort that shit? That’s just not you Quinn.”
I exhale sharply. “I don’t need you looking out for me, Daniel. I just need everyone to leave me alone.”
“You know, I don’t get you lately. You’ve always been so happy. Even when things were bad with us, you were never miserable like this, but the last few months…”
I know. I feel like I’m drowning. Sometimes I wish that I was.
“I’m fine.”
“Fine? Really, that’s what you’re going with?”
“What do you want me to say, Daniel?”
“I don’t know, the truth maybe? You’re hiding something. Ever since you and that Ben guy broke up, you have been a different person.”
He is right, of course. I had kept my feelings to myself for so many years, but after I screwed things up with Ben, it’s felt like I’ve cracked, like I’ve been left exposed. I don’t know how to conceal my anger and hurt any more. I don’t know how to pick up the pieces.
“It’s complicated,” I say, staring down at my Cha-Ching-Cherry nails.
He parks two houses down from mine and shuts the engine off. My fingers are linked and twisted into an imaginary Chinese jump rope. Daniel raises his eyebrows in a way that says, “Okay, explain.”
I’m a liar. A thief. A cheater. An overall sucky human being.
“I’ve really got to go, Daniel. Thanks for the ride.” My body is halfway out of the truck when his hand catches my wrist.
“Quinn, you’d tell me if Ben…” he frowns. “If he like hurt you-”
With that, my heart drops. “Oh, God no, he’d never. Really, it’s nothing like that.”
He nods. “Got it. I just want you to be all right. I know I’ve been a dick in the past, and I know we didn’t work out but you’re still my girl.”
My mouth curves into a small smile. He genuinely cares about me; I never realized it until this moment.
“You have a lot of girls,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.
He flashes a sheepish grin. “Yeah, I know.”
“Night, Daniel. Thanks again.”
I walk slowly toward my house. I know he’s sitting in his truck waiting to ensure I make it in safely, but I can’t make myself hurry. As I make my way up the steep driveway, I see light coming from the living room that was dark when I’d left earlier. I know that any attempt to scale the walls all Spidey-like, and sneak back into my room will be futile. Invisible needles prick my skin, and the thumping from my chest is clearly audible. My breath catches as I turn the doorknob.
The space on the couch where my mom had been snoring away earlier is now empty. As silently as I can, I pad my way past the kitchen, which is also quiet. Even as I tiptoe up the stairs to my bedroom, I don’t hear or see anything. Is it even possible that I have actually gotten away with something?
The only sound I hear echo through the silence is the click that my bedroom door makes closing behind me. My heart finally slows, and I start to breath normally.
It isn’t until after I wipe off my makeup and throw on a pair of pajamas that I see it.
My bedroom screen– back on my window.
Chapter Forty-Five
Quinn
When I crack my eyes open and see the sunshine streaming though the window, my stomach instantly ties itself back into knots. The darkness had been like a shield protecting me from reality– the reality that my parents were downstairs concocting my punishment right now. I want to stay in my cocoon all day, I don’t want to have to go downstairs and face them. I wonder what the likelihood is that they will come looking for me if I do stay hidden away in my bed.
Grounding Quinn Page 14
