Collision

by Kristen Granata

  “If you both eat your dinner, we’ll talk about it.”

  Khloe nodded as she began coloring the picture on her placemat. I watched her as she worked, her sweet eyes so big and focused. Everything on her was perfect. Her little round nostrils, her soft cheeks, her puffy pink lips. I reached out to stroke her golden hair.

  “Merry,” she started, without looking up from her coloring. “Are you and Chase going to get married?”

  Chase nearly choked on the water he was sipping.

  “Why do you ask?”

  “If you marry Chase, you’d be like my big sister. Then you’d be in our family forever, and I could see you all the time.”

  “You can see me whenever you want. We don’t have to be married for that.”

  “But I really love you. And I know Chase loves you, too.”

  “How do you know that?” Chase intercepted.

  “I know that when you love someone, you take care of them all the time. You always want to be around them, because they make your heart happy.” She stopped coloring to look at him. “Doesn’t Merry make your heart happy?”

  “She does.”

  “And does Chase make your heart happy?” Both Khloe and Chase looked at me with the same exact eyes.

  “He does.” I took her hand and placed it inside of mine. “And so do you. You make my heart very, very happy.”

  She smiled, satisfied with our answers, and went back to coloring.

  “Speaking of marriage, where are your parents tonight?” I asked Chase.

  “They went out. They do date night once a week now.”

  “That’s sweet.”

  “It is. I can only hope my marriage is like theirs one day.”

  “Chase Brooks wants to get married?”

  “Sure. Don’t you?”

  I shrugged. “I never really thought about what it would be like if and when I got married, or if I’d ever have children. Taking care of my dad as much as I did, my prospects didn’t look too hopeful.”

  “Well, things are pretty different for you now.”

  “I know. We’ll see, I guess.”

  “I want to be the flower girl!” Khloe exclaimed.

  I imagined how beautiful she would look with a puffy white dress on, and pink flowers in her wavy hair. She wouldn’t be one of those kids who was too shy to walk down the aisle on her own. My mind then wandered to imagine Chase in a perfectly-tailored tux, his hair flawlessly coiffed, and smiling his brilliant smile. I wondered what the girl who got to marry Chase Brooks would be like; I wondered if I would like her; I wondered if Khloe would like her; I wondered if he and I would remain friends. Shelly’s question suddenly entered my mind: What happens if he gets a girlfriend? What will you feel like then?

  “You ok?” Chase asked when our pancakes arrived.

  I nodded and smiled, trying to push the thoughts out of my head.

  Khloe jumped from topic to topic while shoving forkfuls of pancakes into her overly stuffed mouth. I loved conversations with her. They were so genuine. She held nothing back – kids never have filters. They spew from the brain, always saying exactly what they think. Sometimes I wished I could do the same. She talked until she passed out in the back seat of Chase’s car on the ride home.

  I snuck a peek at her over my shoulder.

  “You sure you’re okay?” Chase asked in a low voice.

  “Yeah. Why do you keep asking?”

  “You just seem… far away. Does it have anything to do with why you were crying with Shelly yesterday?”

  I rested my head back on the seat. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

  “You have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. Finally getting your sling off. How do you feel?”

  “Relieved. It’s finally over. No more depending on people to do everything for me.”

  “It hasn’t been that terrible, has it?”

  I looked at him with a confused expression. “My sling?”

  “I mean, I know you hate depending on people to do things for you. But it hasn’t been that bad, with me driving you around and helping you out. Right?”

  I turned in my seat to face him. “It has not been bad at all. You have helped me in more ways than I can count. I appreciate you so much.”

  He pulled into his driveway and turned the engine off. “I’ve been wondering if you won’t want me around anymore.”

  “Why would you even think that?”

  He shrugged. “You won’t need me.”

  “Chase, I don’t hang around you because I need you to help me. I enjoy your company. I like spending time with you. You think I hang out with you because I have to? Have you thought this the entire time?” I searched his eyes for an answer while I waited for his response.

  “I don’t really know what to think… you’re not exactly forthcoming with your thoughts and feelings. You keep everything locked up inside like a castle.”

  I laughed.

  “And now you’re laughing at me…”

  “No, no. I’m not laughing at you! Shelly told me something yesterday, and it reminded me of what you just said.”

  “Oh, yeah? What was that?”

  “She told me that I’m a warrior. She called me Xena.”

  He grinned. “The warrior princess. You totally are.”

  “I know I’m difficult. I know I keep my feelings to myself. But all my life, I’ve been on my own. I take care of myself, and I don’t let people in because it’s easier. I don’t know how to be any other way.”

  “Things are going to get better for you.”

  “And how do you know this?”

  “Because I happen to know that people don’t always hurt you.”

  “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

  His eyes looked straight into mine. “I will never hurt you.”

  I foolishly held his stare, allowing myself to dive head first into the depth of his eyes. It was easy to believe them. They looked into your soul, and could convince you of anything.

  “You believe me, don’t you?” He lifted his hand and brushed his fingertips against my cheek.

  I allowed him to linger there, as my skin tingled under touch. “I want to.”

  “I promise you, I will always take care of you. I-”

  “Where are we?” A sleepy Khloe sat up in her car seat. She rubbed her eye with a tiny fist. “Are we home?”

  “Yes, we’re home. I’ll carry you up to bed.” Chase looked at me. “Will you stay? I’ll only be a few minutes.”

  “I think I’m going to call it a night.” I felt terrible bailing on him in the middle of our conversation, but I just wasn’t ready. “I’ll see you tomorrow, though.”

  “Okay. Goodnight.”

  “Night.” I got out of the car, and leaned into the back seat to give Khloe a quick hug. “Goodnight, little nugget.”

  “Bye, Merry,” she replied sleepily.

  I watched as Chase carried her up the driveway to the front door, her little hands clutching his shoulders. Part of me wanted to run after him, to tell him that I wanted to hear all that he wanted to say. Instead, I walked up the concrete steps to my apartment and locked the door behind me. Safe in my castle.

  Chapter Ten: Halloween

  “Pearls or choker?” Shelly held up two different necklaces. She wore a black sequined headband around her forehead to match her black shimmery flapper dress. Her red hair was tucked underneath her blonde pin-curled wig. She looked flawless.

  “You should definitely go with the pearls,” I decided.

  “Good. This choker will go great with your dress!”

  It made me happy to see her so excited about her birthday party. With my wild hair under the black wig, I looked like a different person. My dress was one-shouldered, hiding the surgery scars perfectly. It was a tad shorter than I had wanted, but the silver fringe sparkled as it moved. I slipped my silver heels on while Shelly fastened the string of faux diamonds around my neck.

  “We look fabulous!” she squealed. She
unlocked my bedroom door, and walked out.

  Admittedly, I was eager to see how Chase looked as a 1920’s gangster. When we stepped into the living room, he was sitting on the arm of the couch with his black hat dipped over one eye. His pinstriped vest was buttoned tightly around his midsection with a white tie tucked into it, and his black dress shirt sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He looked incredibly sexy.

  We had not spoken about our interrupted conversation all week. He was undoubtedly waiting to see if I would bring it up, while I was hoping he wouldn’t.

  His grin spread from ear to ear when he saw me. “Lookin’ good, doll face.”

  I pulled at my dress nervously. “Thanks. It’s a little short.”

  “Stop trying to pull it down! Show off those legs! Let’s go. I can’t wait to see Brody!” Shelly practically dragged me out the door and down the stairs to Chase’s car.

  The party was in full effect when we arrived. Music could be heard from down the street as we turned the corner to park. Fake webbing decorated the bushes and trees outside the Beta house. Orange string lights wrapped around the railing leading to the entryway. Chase pushed open the door, and the blaring music instantly hit us.

  As expected, there were sexy variations of every profession walking around with their cleavage exposed. Skeletons, zombies, and ghosts hung on every wall. A space was cleared near the back for the dance floor, where an orange and black disco ball hung from the ceiling. The usual birthday banner hung from the wall in honor of Shelly. One of the frat brothers stood behind the DJ booth with one ear in his headphones.

  “You guys look amazing!” Kenzie cried as she rushed up to us in full Batgirl costume.

  “You, too! Have you seen Brody anywhere?” Shelly’s eyes searched the first floor.

  “I’ll go find him.” Chase disappeared up the stairs.

  Tina stood from a nearby couch. She was in a red leotard with red horns sticking up out of her hair.

  “Where’s your costume?” I asked, poking her pitchfork.

  “Very funny. I haven’t heard that one yet.”

  “How has it been working at the shop?” Kenzie inquired.

  “It’s great. I’m finally doing something besides sitting in the house.”

  “So, are you just done with school now? Are you dropping out for good?” Tina was never one to beat around the bush.

  “I don’t know. I’m taking it one day at a time right now.”

  “You can still work and go to school at the same time.”

  “Yeah, right,” Shelly interjected. “She’s been working all day, every day!”

  “I bet she is.” Tina gestured to Chase as he came down the stairs, with Brody in tow.

  “I haven’t figured everything out, yet. I’ll let you know when I do.” I didn’t know how to explain the hours I had been working without spilling Chase’s secret. His father’s health was on a steady decline, and the Brooks brothers were determined to keep everything up and running in Tim’s absence.

  Shelly ran to Brody and jumped into his arms.

  “Happy birthday, gorgeous!”

  “It looks great in here,” she exclaimed, looking around. “Let’s get everybody drinks.” She grabbed Brody’s arm with one hand, my wrist with her other, and pulled us into the kitchen.

  “If you keep pulling on me like this, I’m going to need surgery on my other shoulder.”

  “Here, hold this.” She pulled a tray out of the refrigerator and handed it to me.

  I peered into the small gelatin cups as I placed them down onto the counter. As Kenzie and Tina entered behind us, Shelly handed them a shot. She gestured to Brody and Chase. Brody knew better than to argue, and took the shot.

  “No shots for me.” Chase held his hands up. “I’m good with beer.” He reached into a cooler nearby and took a beer out. He reached in again and handed me a water bottle. I hid behind him and poured the water into an orange cup while Shelly threw back two shots.

  “Why are you crouching behind me?” he asked.

  “Shelly will be getting very drunk tonight. I will be holding a cup to give her the illusion I am drinking with her.”

  He chuckled. “Very clever.”

  “I don’t want anything spoiling her fun – especially not me.”

  “Well, you’d better get out there then.” He gestured to the next room.

  Shelly was already dancing in her favorite spot in the middle of the dance floor. We all danced around her, belting out the lyrics of each song that came on. Without even realizing it, I was having a blast, too. I was glad the sling came off in time for the party. It was a constant visual representation of weakness – of all the ways my life had been debilitated. Though my shoulder wasn’t fully healed yet, it felt good to have my arm free.

  Several songs in and an unknown amount of alcohol later, Shelly, the Selfie Queen, was in full effect. We took countless combinations of photos until my cheeks hurt from smiling.

  “No more!” I shouted to her.

  “Just one more,” she insisted. “You need to take one with Chase. For your frame!”

  I pressed my cheek against his as he wrapped his arms around me. I held onto his midsection and tried to steady the both of us. I didn’t know how many beers he had consumed, but he seemed a bit wobbly.

  “You guys look adorable!” Shelly squealed and she captured the moment on her phone.

  Chase scooped me up and twirled me in a circle before setting me down. The song changed, and I stared up into his eyes as our bodies began to move in time with the beat.

  “You owe me a dance.”

  I smirked, well aware that he would not forget my promise from when I was still in the sling. “Don’t let this go to your head or anything, but you look really great tonight.”

  His face lit up when he smiled. “So do you. I miss your curls, though.”

  I scrunched my nose up. “Why?”

  “It’s you.”

  “A big hot mess?”

  “Stunningly beautiful.”

  I turned around to avoid getting hypnotized by his gaze, pressing my back up against him. His hands gripped my waist and I could feel his breath on my neck. The voice in my head that was screaming for me to stop now became a faint whisper. Dancing wrapped up in Chase’s arms felt too good to ignore. The lines that I had so carefully drawn around our friendship were blurring. What was once crystal clear, black and white, had just turned into foggy grey confusion.

  He spun me around to face him again, pulling me close to his body so that the space between us disappeared. I could hardly hear the music as he ran his hands down my back. The trance we were in made it feel like we were the only two people on the dance floor. We were barely moving anymore, as he took my face into his hands. Our lips were inches away, and without hesitation I stretched up onto my toes to get closer to his mouth.

  Our lips were about to touch when a drunken sexy firewoman knocked into us before crashing onto the floor. Her drink spilled down my arm, soaking one side of my dress. It felt like I was being woken up with a cold splash of water, and just like that – the spell between Chase and I had been broken. I stepped back in realization of what was just about to happen, and quickly escaped to the kitchen. Shelly was hot on my heels.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, just wet.”

  She took the entire roll of paper towels off the holder and started dabbing at my dress.

  “Don’t worry about the dress.” I tore a few cloths off the roll and dried my arm.

  “What the hell was going on?” She drunkenly exclaimed. “Did you kiss him?”

  “No! I don’t know what I was doing!” My entire body was tingling, and I couldn’t tell if it was from Chase or the cold drink.

  She picked up a shot and handed it to me. “You could use this right now.”

  “I can’t. I’m pretty sure Chase won’t be able to drive home.”

  She pouted. “I don’t want to drink alone.”

  “You’re not.�
� I waved my arm around the room. “Everyone here is wasted right along with you.”

  “I’m not wasted. You’re wasted.”

  I giggled and gave her a nudge. “Go.”

  The boys were now at the pool table a few feet from the dance floor. I let out a sigh of relief that I did not have to dance with Chase again. I don’t know what had come over me, but I was afraid it would happen again if he came any closer.

  As the night continued, Shelly and Chase were sporting similar looks: eyes half closed, teetering from one side to the other. It was Kenzie’s turn to be on Shelly duty. Tina and I sat on the couch laughing and making fun of them.

  I stifled a yawn.

  “Are you ready for bed, old lady?” Tina teased.

  “It’s been a while since I’ve been out like this. I forgot how exhausting it is.”

  “Well, it’s nice to have you back.” She motioned to Chase at the pool table. “What’s new with him?”

  I shrugged. “Same as the last time I saw you.”

  “You’re still going to play the friend card, huh?”

  “I don’t know what else to tell you, Tee.”

  “You’re too dark for him, you know.”

  “I’m not dark.”

  “You have been through shit. You’re tough, you’re sarcastic, and cynical. What could you possibly see in a two-dimensional preppy boy like Chase?”

  “He’s not two-dimensional. There’s more to him than you would think.”

  “More to him than sex and muscles?”

  “He’s a good person, with a good heart. He’s smart, he’s funny. The muscles are just a plus.”

  “Caring, intelligent, sense of humor, delicious body… he sounds like he’s the perfect man.”

  “He is.”

  “So, let me get this straight: you’ve found the perfect man; he’s interested in you; but you keep telling him that you’re just friends?”

  “Well, it sounds bad when you put it like that.”

  Tina shook her head. “It sounds crazy. Maybe you bumped your head a little harder than we all thought in that accident. You might be missing a few screws up there.”

  “You always know how to make me feel good.”

  She smirked as she put her arm around me. “If I were you, that’s the Brooks brother I’d be after.” She pointed at Tanner, who was playing pool at a table just beyond Chase.