It was strange pulling up to their mobile home, though I had been there many times before. I had not seen them since the day I left the hospital after waking up from the coma. I secretly was not looking forward to this dinner – anyone who hadn’t seen me since the accident always poked and prodded with the same questions. It was like a broken record that I could not stop. I put on my game face as I stepped through the door of their mobile home.
“My girls are home!” Betty shouted. She threw her arms around the both of us and crushed us in her embrace.
“Ma! Watch Merr’s shoulder!”
“Oh! Oh! I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
I laughed. “I’m fine. How are you? You look great!”
“I’m down ten pounds since the last time you saw me.” She faced sideways, showing off her slimmer waistline.
“Wow, mom. Look at you! What are you trying to find a boyfriend?”
“Yeah,” Don called from the kitchen. “One with more hair!”
“Maybe we should hire a pool boy,” Betty called back to him.
Shelly shook her head. “Oh, you have a pool now?”
“You don’t need a pool to get a pool boy.” Betty winked at me.
“Ew,” Shelly grimaced. “Enough of this. I actually want to have an appetite for dinner.”
I followed the smell of Shelly’s favorite dinner – chicken parmigiana with spaghetti – into the tiny kitchen. “Smells great in here, Don.”
Don turned around, in his Kiss the Cook apron, and opened his arms. “Get over here, kid.”
Our hug lingered as I closed my eyes and took in the familiarity all around me. The smell of a home cooked meal; the sound of football on the television in the next room; the feeling of being home with family.
“Alright, alright,” Shelly interrupted. “Your second favorite daughter is here now.” She always joked that Don favored me. Truthfully, I think he just felt guilty about blowing all of his money and not being able to help me through my financial hardship with my father. So, he overcompensated with love.
Don chuckled. “Shut up and hug me.”
“Hi Dad.”
“Hi, my baby. Go sit. Dinner’s ready.”
We walked over to the kitchen table that was already set.
“You didn’t have to break out the fine China for us,” Shelly teased, picking up the paper plate in front of her.
“Shut up!” I whispered.
“With the easy cleanup, you don’t have to help with the dishes later,” Betty stated matter-of-factly. “You’re welcome.”
I laughed. “Nice, Betty.”
We sat while Don brought out a heaping bowl of spaghetti. “Mangia!” he shouted in Italian, gesturing for us to dig in.
I giggled. “I miss hearing that.”
“Now that you’re feeling better, maybe you can convince my daughter to visit us more often,” Betty said.
“Here comes the guilt trip,” Shelly warned. “That only took five minutes. You beat your last record.”
“Your father and I just miss you, that’s all.”
“How’s everything?” Don was always the peacemaker between the two women in his life. “How’s Brody? How’s school?”
“Good and fine.”
“Well, that was riveting information,” he joked.
She shrugged. “There’s not much to tell.” She made eye contact with me, giving me a look that read: do not tell my parents that my boyfriend is planning to move in with me.
I gave her a look back that asked: what’s the big deal?
“Here they go with the telepathic conversations, again.” Don laughed and shook his head. “You girls have been doing that since you were five.”
Betty wagged her finger. “That means there is news to discuss. What’s so important that you can’t tell your dear old parents?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shoved a forkful of spaghetti into my mouth.
Shelly did the same with her chicken.
“What about you, Merritt? Anything new with you?”
I shook my head and swallowed. “Same crap, different day.”
“Have you decided when you’re going to finish school?” Betty asked.
I twirled more spaghetti around my fork. “Not yet.”
“She got a job, though,” Shelly piped in.
Don raised his eyebrows. “Where?”
“At an auto body shop.”
“Right up your alley! Which one?”
I shoved another forkful into my mouth, trying to stall my answer.
“At Tim’s place,” Shelly answered. “You remember Tim Brooks, right?”
“Oh, yeah. The one over on Rossville Avenue. That place gets a lot of business.”
I nodded and chewed.
“Merritt and their eldest son, Chase, are friends. So he hooked her up with a job. She’s been spending all her free time there – they’re really busy.”
I held my breath as Shelly explained everything to her parents. She was careful with her words. I suspected it was because she did not want me to out her secret about Brody moving in with her. She could keep her mouth shut when she needed to.
Betty looked skeptical. “Were you always friends with Chase? I don’t remember you two being friendly when you were younger.”
“Brody hangs out with him a lot. That’s how we know each other,” I lied.
Shelly nodded and tried to back me up. “We’ve all been trying to get Merritt out of the house lately. Cheer her up.”
“A cute boy will do the trick.” Betty winked at me.
“Oh, no. It’s nothing like that,” I quickly replied.
Don leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “Enough of this cute boy talk. Who wants salad?”
I took the salad bowl from him, and continued to shove forkfuls of food into my mouth.
“Merritt,” Betty began. “You still have a box in the closet. Maybe you want to take a look through it, and see if there’s anything you want to keep.”
“Don’t make her look through it now,” Don interjected.
“It’s okay,” I waved my hand. I knew exactly which box she was talking about. “I’ll just put it in Shelly’s trunk and go through it another time.” I stood quickly and began collecting the empty dishes, eager to escape this conversation before it continued.
Once the table was cleared off, I followed Shelly to the closet in Betty and Don’s bedroom. She reached in and sat it gently on the floor in the middle of the room. It was labeled with my name on it in black marker.
“You shouldn’t even look through it.” Shelly flopped herself onto the bed. “You’ve been making a lot of progress lately. It might just stir up bad feelings and memories.”
I sat on the floor, staring at the box. “I wish I could just throw it away. I can’t bring myself to do it, though.”
“I don’t think you should throw it away. You might want those things later on in life. Just put it in the closet in your apartment. Or I can keep it at my place, if you want.”
“No, it’s okay.” I picked at the tape that was curling on the side of the box. “Why didn’t you want to tell your parents about Brody moving in?”
“They’ll get all excited that we’re taking the next step. I don’t want them planning our wedding before we even get engaged.”
“Have you guys talked about getting engaged?”
“Not really. We said we definitely need to finish school first. Get jobs. Maybe even a house.”
I smiled. “I’m so proud of you, Shell.”
She crinkled her nose. “Why do you say that?”
“Because look at your life – look how great it is.”
“Your life will be great, too. I promise.”
“Whatever my life is or isn’t, I can still be happy for you. You deserve all the happiness in the world. You are my very best friend and I am so excited for you to take the next step in your relationship with Brody.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Toad.”
“Girls! Pie’s out when you’re ready!” Don called.
“Mmm. I love the smell of his apple pie.”
“You should make more of an effort to come see them.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know. I will.”
“Seriously, Shell. Don’t take them for granted.”
She nodded, understanding where I was coming from.
I lifted the box off the floor. It was fairly light. The contents inside shuffled around as I stepped out into the hallway.
Chapter Twelve: Not So Saved by the Bell
“What’s with the box?”
“It’s a symbol of my procrastination and avoidance.”
Chase’s eyebrows lifted. “I can see that. It’s been on the floor for weeks.”
We sat on my couch after another tiresome day at work. His father had completely stopped going to the garage, and spent most of his days at home. I knew Chase was growing more worried by the day, so I tried to occupy him when we weren’t working. Admittedly, he helped occupy my mind, too. With the holidays rapidly approaching, it was going to be a difficult time for the both of us.
“When I realized that my mom was never coming back, I decided to take any and all evidence of her out of sight. My dad couldn’t handle seeing pictures of her, or anything else that reminded him of her.”
“So you put it all in a box.”
“Yup. So this is where it sits until I decide what to do with it.”
“What are your thoughts?”
“Choice A, I can throw the whole thing out and forget all about it. Choice B, I open it and go through it, dealing with whatever emotions come about. I feel like Pandora.”
He chuckled. “Pandora unleashed a lot of evil by opening that box. But that box also contained hope inside of it. Maybe if you go through everything in there, you will find some hope, and peace.”
He always found a way of looking at things from a different perspective. It was something I admired about him. It made me want to look at everything through his lens, and see the world in a way I had never seen it before.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I sat up straight, unaware of the look on my face. “No reason.”
“So, what do you think you want to do? I can bring it right outside to the trash, or you can open it up and deal with it. Either way, it’s not good for you to sit here staring at it. You need to make a choice.”
I took a deep breath. “I guess I’ll go through it.”
He stood and brought the box over to me, placing it on the floor in front of the couch. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”
I reached out and grabbed his arm. “Don’t.”
His eyebrows raised. “You want me to go through it with you?”
“Would you mind? I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want–”
He sat down on the floor next to the box. “I’m ready when you are.”
I scooted off the couch and sat on the floor, with the box in between us. My hand trembled slightly as I reached out to peel the tape back. Before the top flaps had even opened, I smelled a familiar scent wafting out. I picked up the blue glass perfume bottle that was lying on top of the pile, and set it on the floor. “This will be the garbage pile.”
He nodded. “Garbage. Got it.”
I lifted an old photo album out next. “Their wedding album. Also garbage.”
“It’s so weird to see the things she left behind. Like what made her decide to take certain things, but leave others? How did she choose?”
I shrugged. “Why she did the things she did will always be a mystery to me. I’ll never know. Sometimes I think it’s better this way. Not knowing.”
Another album was next. I flipped through the pages to see if there were any photos worth saving.
“You look a lot like her,” Chase said gently.
I nodded. “I used to wonder if that made it worse for my dad. To see her in me, like a constant walking reminder.”
“I wonder if my mom will feel the same when she looks at me, after my dad is gone.”
I looked up into his eyes that were filled with hurt. “Your mom will be reminded of what an amazing man he was whenever she looks at you.”
He looked down at his lap.
I touched his arm. “I wish I could take away your pain.”
“I feel the same way with you.” He covered my hand with his, but could not bring his eyes to meet mine.
“You’ve helped me through the darkest time in my life. I can’t ever thank you enough.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” He averted his attention back to the box, reaching inside. He pulled out a folded piece of paper. “A note?”
I half laughed. “This was the note she left on the kitchen table when she disappeared.”
He opened it and his mouth dropped open. “I’m sorry… that’s it? Is she for real?”
“She’s for real, alright.” I took the note and slapped it on top of the garbage pile. “I guess she couldn’t find the words to explain what a selfish piece of shit she was.”
He shook his head. “That explains why you hate apologies so much.”
I had never put the two together before.
Some CDs came out of the box next, and a pair of worn slippers after that. With them, I tossed aside birthday cards she had given me, and more pictures. At the very bottom sat a small black velvet box. I took it out and peeked at the ring inside.
“You should keep that,” Chase suggested.
“I guess I could see how much it’s worth.”
“Not to pawn it. Your dad picked this ring out. He bought it with his own money, and with the love that he had for her. They created you with that love. This ring represents a lot.”
“How did you get to be so insightful, Chase Brooks?”
He grinned. “What can I say? I was born a genius.”
I rolled my eyes and smiled. “Okay, genius. That’s the end of the box.”
“Let me get all of this crap outside to the garbage.” He stood and picked up the box. “Then we can order in if you want?”
“Ooh – let’s order from that new sushi place that opened down the road.”
“I’ll eat whatever,” he called as he was already halfway to the door.
Throwing away the contents of my former life was like a mental garbage day. Little by little, I was learning to make better choices for myself. My mother had abandoned me long ago, yet I was choosing to hold on to the pain; I was choosing to hold on to her leftovers. She was gone, and she was never coming back. Tonight, I chose to let go of the things that no longer served a purpose. I chose to give myself the closure I had never properly gotten. I chose happiness over the bitterness that I carried around with me for far too long.
“Goodbye,” I said aloud to the empty room.
I pulled up the menu on my phone, and took a small pad out of one of the kitchen drawers. I walked over to Chase when he returned. “I have the menu up. Look over the menu and see what you want.”
He took my phone and the pad from me and tossed them onto the couch.
“Hey, what are you –”
Before I could finish, he took my face into his hands and pressed his lips against mine. I was stunned, and could not do much else other than stand there and be kissed. His lips were warm and full. When he pulled back, his eyes searched mine, as if he was waiting for an answer to a question that I did not hear him ask. I could not move, I could not speak a word. We remained where we were. My heart was racing, unable to find my breath, and all I could hear was the sound of my pulse pounding in my ears.
Without wasting another second, I rose up onto my toes and met his lips with mine. His arms wrapped around me as he pushed me up against the wall. His moves were not aggressive, but deliberate; he did what he wanted in a way that was not forceful, but passionate. He cradled the back of my neck and pushed his tongue into my mouth. Though I could feel every part of him pressing against me, it did not feel close enough. I grabbed fistful
s of his hair to pull him closer. Kissing Chase Brooks felt exactly how one would expect it to feel. I could have kissed him for hours. I would have, if it weren’t for the faint buzzing sound.
“What’s that sound?” I breathed into his mouth.
He lifted me up and took me to the couch. His movements were smooth and effortless. “It’s nothing,” he murmured as he laid me down beneath him.
His tongue parted my lips and surged inside. I wrapped my legs around him, pressing his body against mine. I slid my hands under his shirt and ran my fingers along his smooth muscular back.
Then I heard it again.
“Something is buzzing. Is your phone in your pocket?”
He dropped his head onto my chest, and sighed out of frustration. “Yes.”
I reached my hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “Chase, your mom called you three times. Tanner is calling you now!”
He instantly jumped to his feet and answered the call. “Hello? What’s going on? What do you mean? You’re heading there now? I’ll meet you.” He lowered the phone from his ear. “They’re taking my dad to the hospital.”
I sprang up from the couch. “Let’s go.”
He hesitated a moment, staring blankly at his phone.
“Come on. I’ll drive if you want.”
He shook his head. “No. I’ll go alone.”
I stopped in my tracks. “Oh. Okay. Are you sure? I can just drop you off if you want. I don’t have to go in or anything.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll call you.”
I wanted to reach out for his hand, but I held back. “I’ll be here.”
He turned around and walked out the front door. I stood there, waiting, unsure of what was going on – scared for what might be happening. Stranded without a car, I paced like a caged animal for the next twenty minutes, staring at my phone and willing it to ring with news about something. Anything. Anything but the worst.
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