A Growing Moon

by Jane Arbor

  In fact, Dinah contrived to meet the Princess very little. On most days she did not return to the Palazzo from the office until the evening, and whenever she heard from Tomassa that the Princess would be dining there, she went out to a restaurant herself and did not return until she calculated Cesare and his guest or guests would have gone on to a night club, as often happened. Cesare she saw no more often than when the twins had been there. He too was out all day and only occasionally dined at home without guests. He and she, Dinah thought, might have been people occupying the same hotel, acknowledging each other over infrequently shared meals, but otherwise their paths not crossing.

  So much, she sometimes reflected, for her hopes of his company! So much, also, for her fears of an intimacy which might have been embarrassing. Nothing, in fact could be more correct than their relationship; impossible for anyone to judge differently.

  Or so she was able to believe until one Sunday when, Cesare having gone to friends at Padua, she had lunched alone at home and the Princess telephoned, asking for her.

  ‘You are not engaged for this afternoon?’ Princess Lagna asked.

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then perhaps you will take afternoon tea with me at the Gritti Palace?’

  The invitation was so unexpected that Dinah echoed it stupidly. ‘The Gritti Palace? This afternoon?’

  ‘Yes. You know it, of course? Then I shall expect

  you. At four o’clock. For a little talk..................’ She rang

  off.

  Replacing her own recei ver, Dinah regretted her unguarded ‘No’ which had made it impossible to re fuse the invitation later. A ‘little talk’ had a patron ising ring, and she went to the rendezvous feeling like a schoolgirl arraigned for misbehaviour.

  The Princess poured lemon tea, ate nothing herself and made small pretence of having summoned Dinah to a mere social occasion.

  In her husky, attractive voice she said, ‘You are so elusive that I have had to await my chance to speak to you without embarrassing you with Cesare. I have also tried to think, as he said of you at our first meeting, that, being English, you see no evil where in fact it exists. Or if not evil, at least scandal in the eyes of others. You understand me, I hope?’

  Dinah toyed with a minute cream pastry. ‘About scandal in relation to myself? No,’ she said bluntly.

  ‘No?’ Francia Lagna shrugged golden-bronze shoulders. ‘What a pity! I thought that by now you must surely be aware of how Cesare’s friends—and mine—regard your exploiting of his hospitality for so long and with no excuse, now that his young cousins have gone back to England?’

  Dinah laid down her fork. To eat any more of the absurd pastry would have choked her. ‘Meaning, Princess, that Signor Vidal’s friends and yours—and you too?—see scandal in my staying at the Palazzo d’Orio at his invitation?’

  Another shrug. ‘I had hoped that I need not spell it out.’

  ‘But I think you should. What scandal am I inviting, would you say?’ Dinah demanded. She knew, only too well. Initially she had feared it herself and had tried to warn Cesare too. But in the event they were both so innocent, so—separate, that the insinuation roused her to fury. She was fighting Cesare’s battle as well as her own!

  The Princess said, ‘You are not a child. You should know that in our country, if not in yours, an unmarried girl does not live in the same house as an unmarried man, unless chaperoned by one of his or her own relatives.’

  ‘But if this is so, shouldn’t Signor Vidal know it?’ Dinah countered.

  ‘Of course he knows it.’

  ‘Then why should he have risked the opinion of his friends by inviting me to stay until Signora Vidal comes home?’

  ‘He invited you.............’

  As equably as she could, Dinah said, ‘I could hardly have invited myself, could I?’

  ‘By pleading that you had nowhere else to go, you cou ld have made it difficult for him not to invite you after the disaster of your fire.’

  ‘But I had somewhere else to go!’

  ‘And if I may say so, signorina, disaster does seem to be on your side in helping you to embarrass Cesare, does it not? ’

  ‘And what do you mean by that?’

  ‘Well, besides the fire which made you homeless, there was also that timely accident which enabled you to spend a night alone with Cesare in some re mote village on the Alpine slopes. You remember?’ Dinah could laugh off the absurdity of that. ‘You are not suggesting, surely, that I was able to engineer that piece of misfortune? ’

  ‘No, only that you were probably eager to grasp at the chance of several extra night hours in his company, knowing that he had to break a rendezvous with me.’

  ‘That I didn’t know until the next morning,’ said Dinah. ‘As for the night, I spent it in the only room the inn could offer us, and he slept in the car. But you haven’t answered my question. Princess.’ ‘Which was?’

  ‘As to why Signor Vidal cares so little abo ut possible scandal, while his friends seem to care so much.’ With a lifted forefinger, Princess Lagna signalled for her bill. ‘I can think of two reasons, neither of

  which you may like,’ she said. ‘All the same, I ought to hear them.’

  ‘As you wish. The first is that one recognises that Cesare Vidal is the type of man who must have feminine company about him; his regard of himself demands it, and he is not always particular where he looks to find it. And the second—arising from the first—is that he may rate your reputation as being of little concern to him. For instance, where he would not dream of putting mine in jeopardy by sharing his house with me, he may not feel at all the same about

  yours. You—see?’

  Dinah felt the colour drain from her face with an ger. ‘I see,’ she said.

  The Princess was looking in a gold mesh purse for money. ‘And another thing..............’

  ‘Yes?’ Dinah was standing now.

  ‘It is that I do wonder why your own fidanzato tolerates so false a position for you. For I understand from Cesare that you have one, an Englishman, a colleague. Isn’t it so?’

  Dinah ignored the question. ‘And you say this is why you invited me to tea with you this afternoon?’ she asked.

  ‘To see you alone, yes.’

  ‘Then don’t let me be under any obligation to you. Princess,’ said Dinah. ‘For my tea,’ she added as she took some lire notes from her bag, slapped them down on to the table and stalked away, lips compressed, head high.

  Tempted as she was to go straight back to the Palazzo, pack her things, wash her hands of the whole circumstances and move out, a later, cooler sense persuaded her against it.

  She guessed that Cesare would not hear from the Princess about her interference in his affairs, and if she hoped to shame Dinah herself into retreat, then she was not going to succeed! Silence and contempt of her malice were the only weapon Dinah had, and though her enemy wouldn’t recognise them as weapons, they did something for Dinah’s pride.

  But she was to be badly dismayed when she learned that Trevor was thinking along the same lines. When she had first told him she was accepting Cesare’s offer he had sounded only surprised and slightly affronted that, having promised Etta she would consider the room in the Rio Paglia, she should turn it down in favour of staying where she was. H is only comment then had been, ‘I’m afraid Etta is going to be hurt, but I suppose the Palazzo d’Orio is a grander address than the Rio Paglia, if you care about that sort of thing.’ But when she had ignored the sourness of that, he hadn’t made her justify her yielding to Cesare’s persuasion, and she thoug ht he had

  ac

  ce

  pted it, until, a day or two after the Princess’s attack, he demanded suddenly,

  ‘When is Signora Vidal supposed to be coming home?’

  The inconsequence of the question took Dinah aback. ‘When? s he echoed. ‘Oh, very soon now, I think. Why?’

  As soon as she had spoken she had guessed at the drift of his thought, and s
he was right.

  He said tautly, ‘Because I understood you were only putting in time until she did return. But it’s been more than a fort night now, and you couldn’t have expected it would be so long when you agreed with Cesare Vidal to stay. He must have told you a date. ’

  ‘He didn’t,’ said Dinah. ‘ “Very soon now” or “Shortly” was what he said.’

  ‘And you accepted that? ’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And so did I, when you told me. But I never thought, as you couldn’t have done, that it would be for more than a weekend or a few days at most.’

  Put on the defensive and not liking it, ‘Well, I didn’t make a time -check, I’m afraid. Was that wrong?’ she queried.

  ‘It was pretty indiscreet, wasn’t it, agreeing to live alone in the house with the man for some vague time of his choosing?’ Trevor retorted.

  ‘Indiscreet?’ (This was the Gritti Palace confrontation all over again!) ‘Yes, perhaps,’ she agreed. ‘We were alone in the house without two other people always there, and if I were more than a lodger, seeing my landlord at most once a day and not always that. And if ’

  ‘All right, you needn’t go on,’ Trevor interrupted her.’ But you can’t brush off the situation as airily as that. It’s going to make for some unpleasant gossip, and you could consider the position in which it puts me, even if you are deliberately blind to what could be said about yourself.’

  ‘You—in what position, and with whom?’

  ‘Why, where I’d need to find excuses for you, ex planations. And with anyone who knows us both; knows where we stand with each other, of course.’

  Dinah said slowly, ‘But do you know, Trevor, that I’m not at all sure of that myself? I haven’t been for a long time, and I doubt if you have either.’

  He stared. ‘Not sure—about us? But you’re my girl, aren’t you?’ Touched, ‘Am I?’ she a ppealed.

  ‘Well, I’d always assumed so. We’ve known each other, worked

  in the same job, gone about together for—well, for how long now?’

  The moment of softness passed, she longed to retort, For too long

  now, without making any plans, without any deep-felt love. Without

  belonging. Instead she said aloud,

  ‘For long enough, you think, to entitle you to warn me against a

  nasty situation which I assure you, expecting you to believe me, that

  I’m not really in?’ Trevor said, ‘I’m ready enough to believe you

  think you’re in no danger from gossip or scandal. Be cause if you

  ever had thought so, you wouldn’t have invited it so brazenly. But

  the man I don’t trust not to make the most of his opportunities with

  you is Cesare Vidal. And you can like that or not, as you please.’

  ‘Assuming, I take it, that, having chosen his op portunity to make

  me some improper advances, I wouldn’t have enough dignity of my

  own to resist?’ ‘Frankly, considering his reputation for—technique

  with women, no. Which is why --------------------------- ’ Trevor

  hesitated, bit his lip, swallowed hard and repeated himself—‘Which

  is why I’ve decided to ask you to marry me. As soon as it’s possible.

  To—to protect you from him.’

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  From the look on Trevor’s face Dinah sensed that hearing himself

  make his proposal had surprised him as much as it had startled her.

  After a moment she said gently, ‘I don’t think you meant that seriously, did you? You don’t want to marry me quite soon, or even in any foreseeable time. It hasn’t been in your mind.’

  ‘Should I have asked you if I hadn’t meant it?’ he asked roughly.

  ‘I think you might have done on your impulse to protect me from Cesare—a protection which I assure you I don’t need.’

  ‘I’d have thought it showed I care what happens to you! ’

  Dinah nodded. ‘So it does, and I’m grateful. But that isn’t enough to marry on. You could care about me in that way if you were my brother. ’

  ‘Then what would you consider “enough”?’

  She sighed. ‘Something—some feeling—I doubt if we’ve ever felt for each other.’

  ‘You are talking about passion? Sex?’ Trevor questioned. ‘Including them. But more, I think on my side, a need to share all of myself with you, to give you everything, to hold nothing back.’

  ‘I’d never ask that of you! ’ he denied.

  ‘I know you wouldn’t. But I feel I ought to want to give it, and that you ought to want to give it to me. Less than that isn’t love.’

  ‘But we share a lot as it is! Our work, for one thing.’

  ‘Which we could share with a good friend— another man for you, a woman friend for me.’

  ‘Not in the same way—with an eye to the future. You must know I don’t want to marry until I’m more established in my career,’ he accused.

  She saw a flaw in his argument. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I have known. I do know. And that’s why I wouldn’t have the right to take you up on the—the generous offer you’ve just made me for a not-good-enough

  reason for your making it...............’ She broke off. ‘Oh,

  Trevor my dear, don’t you see that if we did love each other enough, we shouldn’t be arguing this out? We’d be in each other’s arms!’

  When he ignored her tentatively outstretched hand, she knew she

  was right, though she wouldn’t make a triumph of it. He said dully,

  ‘Then that’s that I suppose. We’ve come to the end of the road.

  You’re refusing me after all this time?’

  ‘Yes. It wouldn’t be fair or right for either of us, though it

  probably had to take all this time to find it

  out. But, Trevor...........’

  ‘Yes?’

  Dinah had needed her moment of pause to decide whether she could betray Etta’s confidence. But she had only given her word to the girl when they had

  both thought Trevor was committed to herself, and so she went on.

  ‘You know, there is someone who, I’m sure, does feel that “enough” for you that I don’t. It’s Etta. Hadn’t you guessed?’

  ‘Etta? How do you know?’

  Dinah noticed he hadn’t denied the possibility. ‘Because she told me so weeks ago, while she believed you had hardly even noticed her. Don’t you remember how her work fell off, and you didn’t know why?’

  ‘What had that to do with it?’

  ‘Everything. She so desperately wanted to be all-in-all to you that she tried too hard to please you, and when she failed, every criticism you had to make of her cut deep.’

  Trevor said thoughtfully, ‘She was much better after you talked to her. Was that why?’

  ‘I hope so. I told her I knew you valued her work, and that the way to make you value her in other ways was to do that well, at least.’

  ‘So you didn’t care even then if I came to value her more than I valued you? You knew then?’

  Dinah shook her head. ‘Not for certain. But I suspected that before long we might both know that marriage wasn’t for us. And I think we’re agreed about it, aren’t we?’

  ‘I don’t know. You’ve sprung it on me. You can’t expect me to be glad. Etta............’ He turned away.

  ‘Be kind to her, Trevor,’ Dinah urged.

  ‘I am kind to her. I’m very fond of her.’

  ‘Then be kinder still. You’ll find it rewarding,’ Dinah said to his back.

  It took some will for her to admit that she had let Cesare persuade her too easily of his mother’s imminent homecoming. She hadn’t wanted to know a definite date, but the combined attacks of the Princess and of Trevor put a limit to her complacency, and on the next evening when he did dine at home with her, she put the question to him again.

  ‘She should have been here by now,’ he said.
<
br />   ‘Should she?’ (So he hadn’t deliberately deceived her.)

  ‘If she hadn’t suddenly decided to take a visit to her sister in England on her way. I only heard this morning. She telephoned my office. She’s there now.’

  ‘With Mrs. Herbert? Then she will see the twins, I expect,’ said Dinah.

  ‘That,’ he said, ‘was the object of the exercise, I gather. She wanted to make up to them for not having been here when, as she said in her best American, they “stopped by”.’

  Dinah laughed. ‘That was generous of her, con sidering how they “stopped by” uninvited. But neither of them will be at home now. They’re both training.’

  ‘Which, if I know my mother, won’t prevent her from commanding their presence whenever she orders it. However, her current plans are that she will be flying in at the end of next week.’ He paused. ‘I hope you aren’t going to efface yourself quite so thoroughly when she does arrive?’

  Dinah flushed. ‘I haven’t thought that your inviting me to stay on has entitled me to intrude on you when you have guests.’ ‘As I’m your host, mightn’t you allow me to decide whether or not you would be intruding? Anyways where have you been

  when you’ve gone out?’

  Trust him to have no delicate scruples against asking anything he wanted to know! thought Dinah. ‘I’ve tried various restaurants for an evening meal, and sometimes I go to the cinema,’ she told him.

  His brows lifted. ‘Alone?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘No escorting Englishman?’

  ‘If you mean Trevor Land, he has to study for a Management course in the evenings.’ She didn’t know what prompted her to add, ‘Besides, I haven’t the right any longer to such spare time as he does have.’ ‘No? Since when?’

  He asked me to marry him the other day, and I refused.’ Cesare’s long look studied her. ‘You said No to him? But when I attempted a few random moonlight kisses, you put me in the wrong for assuming you weren ’t already committed to the man! ’

  ‘Yes, well—I thought I might be, then.’

  ‘So why didn’t his proposal clinch it?’

  ‘Because I know he doesn’t love me.’

  ‘Then why should he commit himself to marriage with you?’

  She couldn’t report Trevor’s reluctantly chivalrous. ‘To protect you from Cesare Vidal.’ She said instead, ‘I think he had got used to the idea of me; used to going about with me; having me around, and it isn’t enough.’