DIANE D In The Headlines - Volume 2 - Part 1

by Doris Miller

One month on a nice cool spring day in Upstate, New York, Diane D, her family, around forty relatives including Dana, her sisters Missy, Landa, Londa and Linda, some of their Jamaican relatives, Tony, Michael, members of the Diaz-Davidson Band, Teresa and Joseph are setting up the campsite. Michael smiles with his hands on his hips as he looks around the scenery. He then says, “Wow, what a beautiful scenery here way Upstate. We're about half-way to Canada.”

  “Yeah we are,” Grandpa Mike says.

  Diane D sets up the tables. Teresa approaches Diane D and says, “Diane, are we still gonna go hiking in the woods?”

  “Yeah in a little while Teresa,” Diane D says. “I'm gonna help set up the camp first.”

  “Okay, I'll help too.” Teresa starts to help Diane D as Diane D continues to set up the table looking up at the table umbrella adjusting it.

  Several hours later, Diane D and around twenty-five of them including, Dana, her Jamaican relatives, Missy, Landa, Londa, Linda, Mickey, Michael, Tony, Gracy, Aunt Celeste, Aunt Jean, Aunt Laura, other relatives and Teresa are hiking through the woods in three lines with Dana at the head of the line slowly walking backwards between two of her Jamaican male cousins who are wearing dreadlocks as she faces the crowd watching everybody on the line. Dana slowly turns around and faces forward. She is wearing a shotgun strapped around her back and shoulder with her long black hair loosed out around her back and sides. Everyone continues to follow her and her two Jamaican male cousins. Diane D walks in the middle of the pack holding a long stick, firmly moving the weeds and bushes out of her way. Teresa nervously comes beside Diane D. She taps Diane D on the shoulder. Diane D turns to Teresa and stops as Teresa stops and whispers to her, “Diane, why is Dana carrying a shotgun strapped to her back?”

  “She's carrying it for protection Teresa, just in case we run into some wild animals like a bear or something,” Diane D says.

  “Oh really? Well I wish she wouldn't wear that. That shotgun scares me. I think of Felix Green when I see that shotgun with Dana.”

  “Don't worry Teresa, everything's gonna be alright. Just try not to think about Felix Green, alright?” Diane D looks away from Teresa and walks up ahead as Teresa nervously looks at her.

  An hour later, Dana, Diane D, Michael, Mickey, Teresa and the rest of the crowd are still walking through the woods. Missy, Landa, Londa and Linda talk and laugh with each other as they walk in the front of the line near Dana. Landa throws a peanut on the ground. As they all continue to walk, Landa looks to the side. She then shouts, “Ooh there goes some deer!” Everyone stops and looks to the side. They see three deer way in the distance. Two big ones and one small one. They all stop to admire the three deer.

  “Oh look how cute they are,” Gracy says.

  “Let's go pet them,” Missy says.

  “No we shouldn't go near the deer and disturb them,” Aunt Jean says. “They might run off. Let's just keep watching them from the distance.” They all continue to watch and admire the three deer.

  “Come on everybody,” Diane D says. “Let's hike some more.” Everybody turns away from the deer and start to walk forward again.

  Everyone continues to walk through the woods. “I'm getting hungry,” Linda says.

  “So am I,” Landa says.

  “Okay,” Gracy says. “I think we better turn back around and head back to the camp because it's getting late.” They all turn and start to head towards the camp.

  It is one hour later. Diane D stands with her hands on her hips, holding the long stick looking around the woods as everyone stands behind her looking around the woods also. “We can't find our way back to the camp,” she says.

  “I know,” Michael says. “It's almost getting dark and we need to find our way back to the camp while it's still some daylight so we can be able to see.”

  “I'm hungry,” Landa says.

  “Don't worry Landa,” Aunt Jean says. “We'll make it back to the camp.” They all continue to walk.

  Thirty minutes has past. Diane D and everyone else slowly walk as they all look towards the side. “We still can't find our way back,” Diane D says. “I don't believe this.”

  “I don't believe this either and it's almost dark,” Aunt Celeste says. “We're really not gonna find our way back!”

  “I'm hungry,” Londa says. “I want to hurry and find our way back to the camp.”

  “Yeah me too,” Missy says.

  Dana approaches her sisters and tells them, “Don't worry girls, I'll get some food for y'all and feed you. I'm gonna get some food for everybody.”

  Everybody puzzled looks at Dana as Aunt Celeste asks, “Get some food for everybody?”

  “How are you going to do that Dana?” Aunt Jean says. “There's no food around here.”

  “Yeah Dana,” Diane D says. “Did you see berries somewhere?”

  “Just wait right here everybody,” Dana says. “I'll be back.” Dana turns away and leaves. She goes and disappears into the woods.

  An hour later, everyone is looking around puzzled. “Where did Dana go?” Diane D asks. “She's been gone for an hour.”

  “She has,” Michael says.

  “Well I’m going to call her cell phone again,” Aunt Celeste says.

  “Celeste, we tried ten times to call Dana’s cell phone and she didn’t pick up,” Gracy says.

  “I hope no wild animal got to her,” Londa says.

  “I hope not either,” Michael says. “Let's sneak around and follow where she might have went.” Michael and everyone else walk through the woods looking and sneaking around for Dana.

  “Where could she have gone?” Diane D says.

  “I don't know Diane,” Michael says. “We don't see a sign of her anywhere.”

  “I'm getting scared,” Landa says.

  “Yeah me too,” Missy says. Everyone nervously looks at Missy and Landa.

  “Don't worry girls,” Gracy says. “We'll find Dana.” Everybody continues to walk, looking and sneaking around for Dana.

  Twenty minutes later, everyone continues to walk through the woods. Missy looks to the side. She then says, “Hey. There goes those three deer again!” Everybody looks to the side. They suddenly spot the three deer way in the distance again walking. They stop and look at the three deer again. They smile and admire the three deer slowly walking away in the distance. All of a sudden, they hear a gunshot coming from a distance and see the three deer turn and frighteningly run off!

  Everyone becomes startled as Mickey shouts, “What the ....!” Everyone looks where the gunshot sound is coming from. To their horror, they see Dana way in the distance on a hill aiming and pointing the rifle right towards the deer! Diane D and everyone else then see Dana jump down the hill and charge right after the deer with the rifle as Dana's long black hair bounces around her! Everyone starts to scream and shout, “Dana noooo!”

  “What are you doing Dana?!” Gracy shouts. “Noooo!”

  Michael turns to everyone and shouts, “She doesn't see or hear us! We gotto go stop her!” Michael, Diane D, Mickey and everyone else start to race towards Dana!

  On the other side of the woods, Dana continues to charge after the three deer!

  The three deer continue to frighteningly run for their lives!

  Back on the other side of the woods, Michael, Diane D, Mickey and everyone else continue to race towards Dana!

  On the other side of the woods again, Dana continues to charge after the three deer!

  The three deer continue to run for their lives!

  As Dana continues to charge after the deer, she suddenly jumps up on a log and stands with her legs and feet spread apart as her hair flows around her shoulder! She points and aims the rifle right at the three deer again! She then shoots at the three deer!

  One of the two big deer get shot down and scream as the other two deer continue to frighteningly run off! The deer that got shot down whimpers.

  Back on
the other side of the woods, everyone stops running and shockingly look towards the deer in the distance. They turn back towards Dana and see her on top of a hill! They scream out, “Dana noooooo!”

  Dana hears her family and turns her head towards them. She becomes shocked to see them. She angrily jumps down from the hill! She starts to race right towards her family with the shotgun!

  Everyone shockingly looks at Dana in the dim distance as she rushes right towards them with the shotgun!

  Dana angrily approaches her family as she holds the shotgun. She shouts to them, “What the hell are y'all doing following me?!”

  “Why the hell did you shoot that deer Dana!” Aunt Jean shouts.

  “What the hell you mean why did I shoot that deer?! Missy and the triplets were saying that they were hungry! So I shot the deer so they and the rest of us can all eat it!”

  “What!” Aunt Celeste. “So they and the rest of us can all eat it?!”

  “You expect us to eat that deer Dana?!” Diane D shouts. “Just like that?!”

  “Dana why didn't you tell us you were gonna shoot that deer?!” Mickey shouts.

  “If I would have told you all what I was gonna do, y'all would have tried to stop me!” Dana shouts.

  “You damn right we would have tried to stop you Dana!” Aunt Jean shouts.

  “That's why I didn't tell you!”

  “We are not gonna eat that deer Dana,” Aunt Laura shouts. “You shouldn't have shot it!”

  “If you all don't eat the deer, that means I shot it all for nothing!”

  “You damn right you shot the deer all for nothing Dana, because we're not going to eat it!” Aunt Jean shouts.

  “Come on, y'all bloody eat meat everyday! Why is it different when I go to kill an animal for meat?!”

  “We don't normally witness animals getting shot Dana!” Michael shouts.

  “Well y'all wouldn't have witnessed this animal getting shot either, if y'all hadn't snuck around and followed me!”

  The whimpering sound of the dear continues. It then disappears. Everyone puzzled looks to where the whimpering sound was. They all stare towards the area. They look back at Dana as Gracy says, “Dana, I don't hear the whimpering sound anymore. Is the deer still alive?”

  “I don't know yet Grandma,” Dana says. “I'm gonna go to it and find out. If the animal is still alive when I get there, I'm gonna shoot it again.”

  “What!” everybody shouts. “Shoot it again?!”

  “What the hell you're gonna shoot the animal again for Dana?!” Michael shouts.

  “That's right Dana!” Aunt Jean shouts. “We're all hungry, but we're not THAT hungry!”

  “Dana don't shoot the animal again,” Missy pleads. “Please don‘t!”

  “Why not Missy?!” Dana shouts. “If y'all hadn’t complained y’all were hungry, I wouldn’t have shot the damn thing!”

  “We didn’t expect you to do something like that Dana!” Linda shouts.

  “Look! If y’all not gonna eat the damn thing, I might as well just sell its meat to a butcher shop!”

  “Sell its meat to a butcher shop?!” everybody shouts.

  “That's right sell it to a butcher shop! I'm gonna go finish it off.” Dana turns away as she angrily gets the shotgun ready.

  “Nooo Dana!” Aunt Jean shouts. “Don't do it!” Dana ignores Aunt Jean as she walks back towards the woods.

  “Dana please!” Missy shouts. Dana ignores Missy as she disappears into the woods.

  “Godammit Dana!” Aunt Jean shouts as she and Missy angrily start to run after Dana! Everyone screams as they quickly grab and pull Aunt Jean and Missy back!

  Michael comes right in front of Aunt Jean and Missy and says, “Aunt Jean, Missy, don't try to stop her, the deer is already hurt! Maybe this will be best, that way the deer will be out of its misery!”

  “No Michael!” Missy shouts. “I don't want to hear another gunshot!”

  “Maybe we won't hear another gunshot Missy, the deer is probably already dead! If we don't hear another gunshot, that means the deer is already dead. If we DO hear another gunshot, that means the deer was still alive.” Everyone worriedly looks at Michael. They nervously look out towards the dark woods and wait. They suddenly hear another gun shot way out in the dark distance as they all jump! They become startled as they hear the dear screaming loudly! They jump and become startled again as they hear another gun shot! They hear no more sound from the deer. They all become sad as Missy, Landa, Londa, Linda and Teresa start to cry. Some of Diane D's relatives try to comfort them as Diane D stands there staring at them.

  Dana suddenly comes out of the woods. She comes back to everybody with the shotgun. Missy, Landa, Londa, Linda and Teresa quickly stop crying as they and everyone else look at Dana. Dana looks at everybody and says, “The animal is dead.” She looks away from everybody and walks several yards away to a nap sack that‘s on the ground. She bends down on the ground and places the shotgun on the side. She grabs the nap sack and pulls some large trash bags out of the nap sack as everyone stunned looks at her not knowing what to do or say. Dana finishes pulling the large trash bags out of the nap sack as everyone continues to stare at her. She then turns to everybody and firmly says, “Does anybody want to come help me wrap the deer's body?” Everyone nervously looks at Dana.

  Michael, Mickey and two of the male cousins look at each other, then back at Dana. “We'll help you Dana,” Michael says.

  Dana stands back up. She bends down and picks up the shotgun. She turns to Michael and says, “Okay let's go.” Dana turns away and goes back towards the woods as Michael, Mickey and the two male cousins follow her. They all disappear into the woods.

  Twenty minutes later, Michael, Mickey and the two male cousins bring and carry the deer's body wrapped in the trash bags as Dana firmly walks behind them.

  It is now dark. Everyone continues to walk through the woods with Michael, Mickey and the two male cousins walking at the end of the line carrying the deer's body as Dana follows them with the shotgun strapped back on to her back. Londa looks ahead and shouts, “Hey, here comes Nicolas and the rest of them! They found us!”

  “Alriiiight!” everyone else shouts as they all see Nicolas, the rest of their family and three state troopers approaching them with flashlights. Londa and the rest of them all run to them.

  A half hour later, everybody is back at the campsite. Diane D's family and the rest of the relatives surround the back of the pick-up truck as five of the men pick-up the dead deer's body and put it on the back of the pick-up truck. The deer's eyes and face sadly peek out beneath the trash bag. Aunt Jean, Aunt Laura, Missy, Landa, Londa, Linda and Teresa stand several yards away sadly staring at the deer's eyes and face. They see some blood seep out of the bag. Nicolas covers the blood and deer's eyes and head with the trash bag as he and the rest of the men start to tie the deer's body down with strings.

  Dana approaches with some extra string. She starts to help tie down the deer's body. She looks across the pick-up truck at her uncle Kevin as he helps tie the deer's body down. She then says, “Uncle Kevin, I want to bring this deer to the butcher shop tomorrow morning, could you and Uncle Ronald come with me?”

  “Sure we'll come with you Dana,” Uncle Kevin says.

  “Good. I want to bring it there first thing in the morning.”

  “You got it Dana.”

  Aunt Jean gives Dana an angry stare as she stands there with her arms folded. Everyone continues to look at the deer's body wrapped under the trash bags as Dana and the men tie it down.

  Two days later, a man is sitting in the barber shop, reading an article in the newspaper with a headline that reads: DIANE D'S COUSIN DANA SHOOTS AND KILLS BAMBI!

  Diane D's family and Michael are at the organization. They are inside the office reading a different newspaper with a headline article that reads: DIANE D'S COUSIN DANA SHOOTS AND KILLS A DEER WITH A RIFLE IN THE U
PSTATE WOODS! DID DEER AND FELIX GREEN GET SHOT BY THE SAME PERSON? Alex comes into the office holding a newspaper in his hand. He approaches everyone and says, “I see y'all reading the article too. So your niece Dana actually did shoot and kill a deer in the woods Upstate?”

  “Yeah she did Alex,” Barry says.

  “How do y'all feel about this whole thing?”

  “We're all sad about it. Especially with them all getting lost, getting hungry and Dana had to go kill an animal for it and they all witnessed it.”

  “Yeah,” Aunt Jean says. “I got emotionally sick by what happened. I didn't have an appetite at all. I completely lost my appetite when I saw the deer get shot.”

  “It was very gross when me, Mickey and our cousins first saw the deer's bullet riddled body and started wrapping it up,” Michael says. “It was blood all on the weeds.”

  “I kept thinking about the deer the whole time we were riding back home and kept thinking about it all day yesterday. Especially seeing that deer's blood all over the back of the pick-up truck when we all got home and seeing the sad look in it‘s eyes.”

  “Oh yeah?” Alex says. “I heard Dana and two of her uncles went to the butcher shop to sell the deer meat yesterday morning.”

  “Yeah they did,” Barry says. “The butcher shop paid Dana a lot of money. Right after that, Dana took the money and went shopping at the supermarket.”

  “She did? How much money did the butcher shop pay her?”

  “We don't know. Dana never told us how much money the butcher shop paid her, but my brothers said Dana bought and paid for three full shopping carts worth of groceries. They helped Dana bring all the groceries home to my parents' house. Later that night, Dana cooked a lot of the food and fed everybody in the house.”

  “Really? Wow. Obviously killing a deer didn't bother her, did it?”

  “Nope it didn't,” Aunt Jean says. “She didn't have any emotions about killing the deer.”

  “She's not sorry about it at all?”

  “The word ‘sorry’ is not even in Dana’s vocabulary. The only thing Dana is sorry about, is that we all refused to eat the deer.”

  “Wow. How in the world, did this information about Dana shooting a deer in the Upstate woods wind up in the newspaper anyway?”

  “Well when Dana and my two brothers took the dear's body to the butcher shop, the butcher shop guys recognized Dana as Diane's cousin from all those incidents that was in the headlines,” Barry says. “They found out that Dana shot the deer in the Upstate woods. After Dana sold the deer meat, she and my two brothers left the butcher shop. The next day we know, is that this headline and article about Dana shooting and killing Bambi is in the newspaper.”

  “My God. You think the butcher shop guys went and told the story to the newspaper?”

  “Either they did or they told somebody else about it and that person told the newspaper about it. All we know, is that none of us told the story to the newspaper. The newspaper is now comparing the deer shooting incident to the Felix Green shooting incident, questioning did the deer and Felix Green get shot by the same person.”

  “Yeah I know. Can you imagine that? How do Dana's sisters feel about this whole thing?”

  “Well they feel it's their fault the deer got killed,” Aunt Jean says.

  “They do? Why?”

  “They said if they never complained that they were hungry, the deer wouldn't have got killed. I told Dana's sisters it is not their fault the deer got killed, they didn't know that it was gonna happen. I told them we all were getting very hungry, but none of us expected THAT to happen. We didn’t expect to witness something like that. Now Dana's sisters are all afraid to tell Dana the next time they get hungry.”

  “I don‘t blame them. By the way, is your niece Dana some sort of sharp shooter?”

  “Sharp shooter?” Barry asks.

  “Yeah.”

  “Not that we know of. Why?”

  “Because it sounds to me, like this isn’t the first time she’s shot and killed an animal. It sounds to me, like this isn’t the first time she’s shot anything! When some of the staff members were reading the article downstairs, they said it sounds like Dana has shot at things plenty of times before because she sounds too experienced when it comes to shooting something, especially from a far distance!” Everyone puzzled stares at Alex. Alex then says, “Where's Diane by the way?”

  “She and Dana went out somewhere together,” Mary says.

  “They did?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did they go to the butcher shop?”

  “To the butcher shop?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No Alex, why would they go to the butcher shop? Dana already sold the deer meat to them. She already made a huge profit out of the deer meat, she doesn’t need to go back there.”

  “Well after people saw and read the article about Diane D’s cousin Dana shooting and killing a deer in the Upstate woods then selling the dead deer to the butcher shop, I heard a lot of people flooded to that butcher shop.”

  “What?” everybody says.

  “A lot of people flooded to that butcher shop after they saw and read about Dana shooting and killing a deer then selling the dead deer to the butcher shop?!”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re kidding Alex,” Barry says.

  “No, I’m not kidding! I hear there are a lot of people lined up at the butcher shop right now.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “No wonder why those butcher shop guys somehow got the story of Dana killing a deer then selling it to them in the newspaper, so their butcher shop can get publicity and they can make a profit out of it!”

  “Well obviously, the publicity worked for them because I hear they got customers lined up right outside their butcher shop door, waiting to get a glimpse of the deer meat or buy a piece of the deer that Diane D’s cousin Dana shot and killed.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. I heard the line at the butcher shop is so long, that the butcher shop is thinking about raising the price of that deer meat to make a bigger profit out of it. So if anybody out there wants to buy a piece of the deer that your niece Dana shot, killed and brought in the butcher shop herself, they better hurry to that butcher shop while the deer meat is still there and before the price goes up.

  “Wow.” Everyone puzzled looks at Alex. Barry then turns to his family and says, “Come on everybody. Let‘s go see what‘s going on at that butcher shop.” They all turn and rush towards the doorway.

  Twenty minutes later, Barry’s car pulls to a curb not too far from the butcher shop. There is a long line of people outside the butcher shop.

  Inside the butcher shop, people shove and crowd around a glass case looking down at pieces of the deer meat as they anxiously say to each other, “This is the deer she shot and killed.”

  “Oh my,” an older lady says. “And she brought the deer in here herself?”

  “I think so,” a middle aged man says.

  Another lady looks up and asks the butcher shop guys, “Is this the deer Diane D’s cousin Dana shot and killed?”

  “Yes that’s the deer she shot and killed,” the butcher shop guy replies.

  “She brought the deer in here herself?” another man asks.

  “Yes she brought in here with her two uncles.”

  “Her two uncles?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Did Diane D come in here too?“

  “No we didn’t see Diane D. We just saw her cousin Dana and her two uncles.“

  “When did Diane D’s cousin Dana and her two uncles bring the deer in here?” a third lady asks.

  “They brought the deer in here yesterday morning.”

  “Yesterday morning?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long did they stay here?”

  “They didn’t stay here too long. After they brought the deer in here, we asked them ‘where
did they get the dear from‘, they told us they got it from Upstate in the woods. We asked them ‘how did the dear died’. Dana’s uncles said she shot and killed the dear in the woods so she and her family can eat it when she and her family got lost up there. Dana said her family had no interest in eating the dear, that’s why she and her uncles brought the deer meet here and sold it to us. After Dana and her uncles sold us the deer, they split.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well I would like to purchase three or four pounds of the deer meat,” another woman says.

  “You got it Ma’am.”

  “And I want to purchase five pounds of it,” another man says.

  “You got it Sir.”

  Everybody starts to purchase large pounds of the deer meat as Barry, Mary, Alex and some organization staff members stand far on the side looking on in disbelief.

 

  Chapter 23

  Diane D Angrily Walks Off Stage And Socks Reporter!