“You’ve definitely been spending too much time in the lab. You’re starting to sound like the Creator.”
“Yes, I’m afraid we need to update our motivational posters,” he said with a wink. “Well then, if that’s everything, I’ve got another visit to make.”
“You’ll be the first to know if it’s not,” I said lightly, but tapped my breast pocket.
“Well, then, best of luck, Desmond.” Arkady reached out and shook my hand, an oddly formal move for the eccentric doctor, but not as odd as the grim set of his jaw. It was almost as if he didn’t expect to see me again. Though given that we were in the middle of a war zone, perhaps that wasn’t so odd after all. Still, I could not help but to assure him his worry was perhaps a bit dramatic. “We will see one another again soon, old man.”
“Of that, I am certain, however under what circumstances, we shall leave to fate.”
On that cheerful, yet ominous note, Arkady slipped away, presumably to find and equip the others. His words nagged me, but I set them aside to analyze at some point in the future, provided a future still existed, and cast out to find Jem and the dragon.
* * *
It should have come as no surprise that all it took for Jem to find sympathy for the Discordant’s most lethal weapon was a deceptively personable glamour. Admittedly, the physical manifestation, what I saw of it at least, was rather convincingly dog-like. The idea, after all, was to appear appealing enough that souls would be tempted to lose themselves in its gaze. It wasn’t conventional, but at least it meant Jem was keeping the beast distracted.
And not a moment too soon, I noted as I caught a glimpse of the clock atop the courthouse bell tower. The bars would be letting out at any moment. Although we now had a protective shield over most the town, there was no way to keep all of the infernal beasts from nosing around. Especially with the temptation of drunken prey wandering about.
“If only it was that easy.”
Arkady’s offhanded remark echoed in my head. Of course, I never expected that defeating an army of Discordant was going to be easy, but I will freely admit that I wasn’t expecting as many headaches to come from our side. Well, I expected some, but in all fairness, I could not blame Nai for her earlier actions and so far, I’d not had any additional trouble since sending her back out. And I suppose I should not have been surprised by Jem’s attachment to the most dangerous of all Chaotic entities, as absurd as that sounds.
But at that moment, I had another problem. Well, several, to be honest, but wolves and winter fairies took a back seat when I recognized a certain Observer skulking about in the shadows. My first instinct was to keep to the alleys and try to figure out what Seth was up to. Unfortunately, my first instinct forgot that no amount of stealth could mask my concern from an Observer.
“Any reason you’re stalking me, Desmond?”
He spoke quietly, but I heard him loud and clear, so I stepped out of the shadows. Even in the sparse light of the waterfront, I could see that Seth was decidedly on edge.
“I thought you were going to be at the Five Penny?” I asked in a tone that I hoped was inquisitive and not accusatory.
“I was,” he said with a distracted nod. “Good thing too because that dragon was starting to get to me before the shield went up. But given that we closed fifteen minutes ago, I felt it best to proactively keep the Discordant from preying on the dozens of drunks who are currently flooding the streets. Bogie and Mort are trying to stem that tide as well.”
“And you thought it best to add to their numbers by being out here?”
The words were out of my mouth before I’d engaged my brain. Not surprising, since this seemed to be a habit I had, especially where Seth was concerned. I scrambled to formulate an apology that didn’t sound condescending, fully expecting to be blasted by enough hurt and anger to be guilt tripped into the next century.
I certainly did not expect to suddenly find a bloody knife inches from my face. A bloody knife that was held in a bloodied fist that poked from inside a bloodied cuff. That in itself was interesting because the Seth that I knew was squeamish and paled at the sight of blood, however, it seemed he was too distracted at the moment to notice or care.
“The blood of four winter fairies, a handful of werewolves, and more vampires than I care to discuss taint this blade,” he hissed. The hurt I’d been expecting was absent. In its place, an angry fire blazed in Seth’s eyes. I’d have blamed the dragon’s influence were it not for the fact that I’d seen the creature just moments before and knew that it was still safely obsessed with trying to combat Jem’s willpower.
“Seth. I did not mean to imply that you are weak.”
“And yet you just did.”
“And yet I did,” I agreed. There was no point in trying to argue subtle nuances under the circumstances. “It seems as if I am incapable of saying the right thing in your presence. It seems to be an affliction I’ve had for some time now. Seth, I know you’re not weak. You’ve proven this time and again. It’s just…” I cut off with a sigh. Expressing my emotions, especially those which were complicated and difficult to reconcile, never came easy for me.
“It’s just what, Desmond?”
There was no impatience or accusation in Seth’s voice, but it didn’t matter.
“It’s just that I’m still paying for the mistakes of my lifetime.”
“Desmond, no.” Seth sighed. At least he’d put the knife away. “You can’t keep punishing yourself for that which was out of your control.”
“Control,” I said with a short, bitter laugh. “Perhaps if I’d had any control, things might have turned out different.”
“You and I both know that’s not true.”
“Perhaps.” He had a point, even if I didn’t want to admit it. “You may be right, but right now, I’m tasked with keeping you safe, so don’t try to play the martyr card.”
“Sure, Desmond,” he said, crossing his arms and cutting me a wary glare. “I’ll just turn off that part of my soul that I have no control over.”
“I’m sorry, Seth.” I’d spoken without thinking yet again. “I did not wish to imply anything other than the fact that I… I am capable of…”
Dammit. Speaking my mind while censoring my implied intent was not an easy task.
“I think I understand,” he said with a small smile of sympathy. “Things are changing, Desmond, but there are some things that are bigger than the both of us.”
“Indeed,” I said with a sigh. Though vague, I understood exactly what Seth meant. Blackbird was more than just a tragic opening gambit in the making. There was truly a sense that more hinged on the outcome of this battle than was immediately recognizable. However, what it meant, and what that meant for us, for Order, and for Blackbird itself, was anyone’s guess. “But Seth, regardless of your soul’s inherent nature, you can’t keep trying to save me.”
He leveled me with another look of exasperation.
“I can and I will, Desmond. This is what I do. This is what I’ve always done. I may be an Observer in this lifetime, but I’ve always been your protector and guardian.”
“My what?”
“I never got a chance to tell you what Nai saw.”
“No, you didn’t.” I knew, of course, that we had more history than just what I knew of my last lifetime. “But we are soul familiars, after all. I imagine she saw that bond in past cycles.”
“Yes, but that’s the interesting part. Soul familiars do not always cross paths. Sometimes, soul familiars might have a passing acquaintance and nothing more. But the two of us,” he said, pursing his lips and pausing, as if trying to gather his thoughts, though when he looked up again, I knew there was something more to his hesitation. “We’ve been siblings, allies, companions, and lovers. In every cycle where our paths crossed, and for us this happens more often than not, our bond has been strong. We have never been casual acquaintances. If anything, our partnership as agents may be the weakest bond yet.”
That was ind
eed an intriguing concept, and one that I would have under any other circumstances immediately shot down as impossible. As agents of Order, we, all of us here in Blackbird, had a bond that allowed us to function as a single unit for the good of the Cycle. Admittedly, the circumstances here in Blackbird were unusual and I would question that bond were it not for the fact that despite our many anomalies, we did seem to function as expected. But there was a part of me that knew without even knowing how, that Seth was correct.
“My soul and yours split.”
Again, as was becoming a habit, words sprang from my mouth before my brain had a chance to catch up, but this time, I knew that I spoke from some deeper place within me. I had no evidence, nothing to back up my insane claim, yet somehow, I knew that it wasn’t insane at all. And from the dawning look of realization on Seth’s face, he knew it as well.
“We were… and I… I was the dark half. It all makes so much sense!”
“You? But that’s…” I began, but even before I could formulate an objection, I knew it to be true.
Once upon a time, eons ago, I was a creature of pure light. Seth was my darkness. We’ve had thousands of years, hundreds of cycles to attain balance and yet… it almost seemed as if we’d overcorrected. Seth’s inherent need to martyr himself for a purpose greater than his own was countered only by my own cynicism and distrust.
Seth’s eyes glazed and he swayed ever so slightly. My first instinct was to help steady him, but I held back, recognizing the telltale signs of the onset of a vision. The last time I’d been in physical contact with someone who was having a vision, it hadn’t been a pleasant experience for either of us. Seconds later, his eyes snapped back into focus and he blinked.
“I saw,” he said in a quiet, shaky voice that was filled with awe. “I saw us. What we were. It makes… It makes so much sense and yet…” He trailed off, blinking away the moisture in his eyes. “I don’t know how this is supposed to help us.”
I understood. Knowing our origin, knowing that Seth and I were two halves of a very old split soul, as fascinating as it all was, did not bring us even a step closer to banishing the Discordant and closing the portal to the realm of Chaos.
“Wait,” I said. An idea struck me. A preposterous idea that was practically grasping at straws, but at that moment, I was willing to try anything if it meant we could avoid the destruction of Blackbird and everyone we knew and cared for in this cycle. “What if that’s it? What if we’re the ones who are supposed to bring balance back to Blackbird?”
Seth frowned, rolling my words around his mind and I could see he wasn’t drawing the same conclusions that I was. As such, self-doubt began to creep up.
“Okay, never mind. Maybe I was-”
A high-pitched shriek issued from somewhere above, cutting me off and echoing as it ricocheted from building to building. I looked up and cringed at the Lou Zephyr building looming in the distance. A puff of gray mist that moved in a way that was too deliberate to be low fog caught my eye. But the vampire wasn’t my main concern. The flash of something vaguely human shaped and falling fast from the building where I knew a witch had been stationed was my main concern.
“Oh my god!”
I slipped out of the Cycle without waiting for Seth, hoping against hope to make it before she hit the ground.
I was too late.
Donna lay on the pavement, eyes closed, as if sleeping, but her chest wasn’t moving.
Chapter 6
The Discordant Truth
Under any other circumstances, climbing the elevator shaft in the Zeph would be one hell of an adrenaline rush. However, the knowledge that I had a huge and kind of dangerous job to do was messing with my concentration. Not such a big deal while I was still on the ground, but I didn’t want to find myself stopping halfway up because my mind was elsewhere. Even worse, the energy boost I’d had an hour earlier was fading fast and several weeks without proper rest was finally taking its toll on me.
No, I definitely didn’t have time for that. Luckily, I had a couple of bottles of Betty’s alertness potions in my pack along with a few other enhancements of a more dubious nature. Once the cobwebs started to clear, I pulled on my gecko gloves and muttered a few words to imbue them with a little extra performance enhancement. Whoever said science and magic don’t mix was an idiot.
I didn’t waste any time getting to work once I got up to the roof. Things were a mess and I didn’t even need to look down at the brewing Chaos to know that. I could actually feel the enormous Discordant presence in town. That was new. Really new. There was something super disturbing about the waves of Discordant energy that should not have been able to reach me as far up as I was. All the more reason to get a jump start on the protection spell.
Setting up was fairly easy. After I mixed up the necessary ingredients and said the appropriate chants, I set my silver bowl away from the crumbling ledge and cast out, looking for the auras of the others. Although I found them, it was pretty obvious I was the weakest link, being the only one not tethered to the Earth. I hated that, but at the same time, I couldn’t help feeling just a little smug. Not only was I the only one who was physically capable of making the climb up the Lou Zephyr, but I was also the only one with enough magic to actually have anything left to cast.
I established the connection to the others and lit the ingredients in the bowl. The smoke moved away from me, creating a pale lavender arc that cast out in all directions. When I closed my eyes, I could see similar arcs coming from the direction of the other three points. That we weren’t sitting directly at the four corners of Blackbird was a bit distressing, but I reminded myself that the north side was likely safe because the Discordant usually avoided that area.
At last, the spell was complete and I felt the thrum of protective energy flow through me. It was calming and for a moment, I nearly forgot where I was, what I was doing, and why it was so important that I hold my position. In fact, it was such a zen feeling that I worried the others would be just as lulled into a feeling of calm as I was. If Louise were to lose herself and forget to inform Eller, then the others would not know when we had the shield in place. But when my own phone, which I realized too late was perched precariously close to the edge, began vibrating with messages, I took comfort in knowing that the others were alerted.
As such, I latched onto the zen feeling and let it ride, allowing my mind to wander and recharge. For a brief moment I kind of felt guilty that I was up here, safe, protected, and at peace with the world while the others were down in the streets fighting off the worst Chaos had to throw at us. But then again, safe was relative. I was thirteen stories up and all of the magical energy I still had was focused on keeping the protection spell up. If anyone deserved a moment of chill before returning to the thick of things, it was me.
Although, I didn’t have that much time because whatever was down there was strong. Strong enough that in my zoned out state, I began to wonder if there wasn’t ultimately some sort of bigger picture that we were all missing. Well, not all of us. Clearly the agents had to know something, but if I had to guess, I’d say there was a lot more to this Cycle business than Seth and the crew let on.
But that got me thinking about the relationship between Chaos and Order. Supposedly, Chaos is this thing that exists side by side with, but always separate from Order. Except that’s not right. Discordant creatures are always coming into our world to cause havoc. I’m half-Discordant, for goddess’ sake. I’m pretty much the living proof that these two realms are not really all that separate.
Yet, for as often as Chaos tries to take over our realm, you would think we’d be trying to maintain balance by infiltrating the realm of Chaos. As far as I know, that doesn’t happen. I’ve looked into the chasm that would make normal humans lose their minds and never once did I see even the seedlings of logic and reason taking hold. It almost seems like Chaos doesn’t exist side by side, but rather as an incorporation into Order.
In a way, it made sense. I mean, Chaos i
s everywhere. It appears in all mythos, even the patriarchal stuff. Most religions and even science believe that we were formed from Chaos, right? In each mythology, some supreme being reaches into the chaotic ooze and creates life, right? Order was a creation born of Chaos. I’m pretty sure that was it. That was the part no one would acknowledge. Order was born out of Chaos. As creations of Order, we push back, shunning Chaos and craving Order, yet because Chaos begat Order, there is a bit of Chaos in all of us. Obviously more so for me as I was literally born of Chaos, but really, no one is immune.
Suddenly I felt downright giddy. I understood why those who discover the Ultimate Truth go insane. I very nearly lost my own mind when the words tried to force their way into my head just a few short months ago. But as I sat up on the top of the Zephyr, too far from the grounding energy of the Earth, I realized something. I realized that the words I’d tried to banish were still there. The Ultimate Truth had remained a part of me, hidden away, but now I could see it for what it was.
The theory that came pouring out of my head made so much sense that I was practically hyperventilating. That’s why there are so many creation myths. That’s why there are so many faces of the gods. It is simply because the ONE TRUE CREATOR is itself a creation of Chaos!
Of course!
We ascribe our own personality traits and features to that which has no orderly form because to do otherwise would be to accept a Truth that is too much for our human minds to comprehend.
Wow!
I felt… Not simply enlightened, but light. I was the vessel through which the Truth will be made known. I had to get this written down. I had to gather up the others. I had to…
I had to remember that I was in the middle of a major battle and allowing a world-shattering vision to take over probably wasn’t the brightest idea.
There was a buzzing next to my thigh and I opened my eyes just in time to watch my phone go tumbling over the edge of the Zephyr. I reached out to try and catch it and nearly tumbled over the edge myself, pulling back last minute enough that I was momentarily deafened by the sound of my own heart hammering at the thought of the fall. Luckily though, the spell was set. The light lavender shield barely wavered as my concentration was broken.
Rise of the Discordant: The Complete Five Book Series Page 75
