The Rest is Silence

by Chii Rempel

  “Yes,” I confess shamelessly. I sound out of breath even to my own ears. “Now say it again.”

  Xander’s face turns soft, a tiny easy smile remaining on his lips. “I love you.”

  I close my eyes and lean forward, letting our foreheads touch. “I love you too.”

  He breathes out. “It feels good to finally be able to tell you.”

  “It’s nice to hear it, too.”

  Xander leans back a little so he can look into my eyes. “Are you really sure, though? I mean – is this what you want? Am I what you want?”

  I shake my head disbelievingly. How can he still be so unsure? I would count myself the luckiest person alive that this wonderous human being chose me to be at the receiving end of his affections. How did I ever get so lucky?

  “We had this conversation before, Xan. You’re stupid if you think that I’m not serious about you. I am crazy about you. I thought it was difficult before, but now that I know what it’s like to touch you – to kiss you – it’s driving me insane to hold back and not be all over you every second of every day.”

  “There’s no need to hold back now.” He takes my hands and guides them to his hips underneath the blanket. The warmth tickles my fingers.

  I breathe out a husky laugh. “You are going to be the death of me. Aren’t you tired? It’s been a long and eventful day, you should try and get some rest.”

  He puts his arms around my neck boldly and buries his hands in my hair. “I’m not tired, Xavier Colson.”

  I gulp at the look in his eyes. It’s hungry and predatory, with the confidence of someone who is used to getting what he wants. How am I supposed to resist that?

  I slip my fingers underneath his shirt and dig my nails into the smooth skin at his hips. His breath hitches. That sound has no right to fluster me as much as it does. Emboldened by his reaction, I lean in to nip at his ear. “Tell me what you want,” I breathe.

  Xander

  Xavier’s breath is hot against my ear. It’s such a shocking contrast to the cold that surrounds us and I’m not sure I am capable of rational thinking right now.

  “Tell me what you want,” he asks with a husky voice. As if that question needed an answer. As if my body is not making it clear enough what I want.

  “Everything,” I whisper, because it’s the undeniable truth.

  He presses a kiss underneath my ear, to my jaw, working his way up to my cheek. Slowly, ever so patiently. He kisses my nose, trailing small, fleeting kisses over the rest of my face, before he finally reaches my lips. I open up for him eagerly and moan as he catches my bottom lip between his teeth.

  “Have you ever …?” The question is asked cautiously, yet with such heat that I’m not afraid to answer.

  “No,” I admit. I’ve thought about it, once. Just to go somewhere and find someone to see what it’s like – to get it over with. But that thought was abandoned fairly quickly. I knew there was only one person I wanted to be touched by. I never really let myself dwell on that scenario, it seemed so out of reach at the time. As Xavier’s hands roam along my sides, I think that it’s not so out of reach anymore.

  He disconnects our lips and pulls back, eyes opening slowly. Before he can say anything, I bring my finger to his lips. “Don’t,” I say, searching his gaze. “If you want to say some noble bullshit, keep it to yourself. Don’t let my inexperience get in the way of this. Don’t play the protector. I know what I want. And that’s you, Xavier.”

  He kisses the tip of my finger before pulling my hand away. “That’s not what I was going to say at all.” His voice sounds deeper than before. He presses his face to the side of my neck and inhales deeply. I raise my chin to give him better access and sigh contently.

  “I’m fucking thrilled that nobody got to touch you like this before me,” he rasps. “I’d be mad with jealousy.”

  I let out a breathless laugh. “If somebody has any reason to be jealous, it would be me. You are the one with a trail of broken hearts at your feet.”

  He places an open-mouthed kiss to my neck before pulling back again. The look in his eyes is serious. “There’s absolutely nothing for you to be jealous about. Those girls … I can’t say they didn’t mean anything, because that would be a lie and unfair to them. But they are the reason I’m here now … they led me to you. It took me a while, but I got here. And now there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I am completely and utterly yours, Alexander Maleth the third.”

  I take his hands between my hands and kiss him feverishly. He smells like home.

  “Good,” I gasp, searching for breath. “Now make me yours.”

  His eyes flare up with something that makes me shiver all over.

  “Gladly,” he growls and dives in.

  22

  Arcadia

  Nobody has seen the queen for the whole day yesterday and she’s not at breakfast this morning. Claudius explains that she’s fallen ill, her poor heart couldn’t handle the betrayal of her only son. But I don’t believe it. Something is wrong, terribly wrong.

  Guildenstern, Rosencrantz and I have spent the entirety of yesterday trying to overhear any news there might be about Xander and Xavier, but there was nothing. Either Claudius and Captain Colson hold more meetings than we are aware of or there is simply nothing to tell. At least, it doesn’t seem like they have found them yet.

  I drink my tea quickly and ignore all looks from my father. If he thinks it’s time for him to leave, then he can very well do so. I’m not going anywhere. Not as long as Xander and Xavier are in danger. I excuse myself from the table and sprint back to my room before anybody can bother me with their senseless questions and pitying looks. In the public eye, I am the bride-to-be who was left by her prince for another person. I’m supposed to be devastated, humiliated and crushed. I can only shake my head at those things. If this is what people think love feels like – claiming another person for yourself – then I don’t ever want to experience love.

  There’s a series of knocks on my door, a signal we’ve established to know it’s one of us and I let Guildenstern and Rosencrantz in quickly.

  “Were you able to question the queen’s handmaiden?” I ask immediately.

  Guildenstern shakes his head. “We couldn’t find her. She’s as gone as the queen.”

  “Damnit,” I exclaim. “So I guess there’s no other way but to break into the master bedroom.”

  “You really think he has her locked in there?” Rosencrantz asks.

  I shrug. “Where else should she be?”

  “She could be dead.”

  “Don’t say that! We need her to be alive, we need to convince her that this is madness. She must listen to us. Xander is her son … despite everything that’s broken between them, she must still love him. There’s no way she agrees with Claudius’ plans.”

  “It might not matter if she doesn’t,” Rosencrantz reasons.

  “It does matter for when Xander and Xavier return! We will need help convincing people of Xander’s innocence. Who’s better for that job than the queen?”

  Something clatters in front of my door and I freeze. We look at each other, not daring to breathe. Guildenstern is the first to make a move. He storms to the door and yanks it open, searching the corridor. He must spot something, because his body goes rigid and he hisses an accusing “you” before running out of sight. A frightened yelp indicates that Guildenstern must have caught his prey.

  “– you think you’re doing?” I hear him rant as he stomps back into my room, dragging someone with him by his collar.

  “Ansgar?” I ask incredulously. Guildenstern shoves the boy inside and shuts the door behind them. The servant looks frantically between us, not even trying to straighten his uniform that is left quite askew after Guildenstern’s attack.

  “Were you eavesdropping?” Rosencrantz asked the boy.

  Ansgar presses his lips together but doesn’t appear to be trying to escape. I guess he’s aware that he doesn’t stand a chance against the merchants.
He’s just standing there, breathing, not confirming anything but not denying it either.

  “Ansgar, what’s going on? Why were you in front of my door?” I ask and try to sound as calm as I can muster. There’s no reason to be impolite. Just because we’re currently being paranoid does not mean we have the right to be disrespectful. “Was there anything you wanted?”

  As the servant fails to answer, Guildenstern steps up to him and puts a hand on his shoulder. Ansgar flinches at the strength of the grip. “Just tell the truth, boy,” Guildenstern demands, “No one’s going to hurt you if you’re honest.”

  Ansgar risks a look at the giant currently crowding his space. It’s obvious even from a distance that he has trouble holding Guildenstern’s gaze.

  “I was just passing by,” the servant mutters. Guildenstern clenches his jaw at that. Wrong answer. I decide to intervene before anybody gets hurt.

  “Ansgar,” I start, crossing the distance and coming to stand by Guildenstern’s side, “I know your routine. At this time of the day, you are usually preparing the tea and biscuits to be served in the sitting room for the queen and her companions. Now, nobody has seen the queen since before yesterday. That explains why you are not downstairs. That does not explain, however, what you are doing in this part of the castle when nobody was here to summon you but me. And I did not summon you.”

  The boy pales at my words. He fails to meet my gaze, which is suspicious to say the least but also speaks for him. He’s not a good liar. And he’s not a bad guy. I know Ansgar, have known him since he was hired two years ago. I’ve always considered him a decent person, polite behaviour and charming smile. Sometimes, a little bit too charming. Especially with the looks he threw Xander’s way. I’ve always thought that if things didn’t work out with Xavier, he and Xander could … That’s when it hits me. The penny drops and I feel like I’ve just solved a mystery. Well, I kind of did.

  “It was you,” I breathe, staring at Ansgar. He meets my gaze fleetingly and I can see the guilt and embarrassment in them. He’s ashamed. It would deflate my anger, if Xan’s and Xavier’s lives were not at stake.

  Guildenstern and Rosencrantz cast me a questioning look. I ignore them in favour of stalking Ansgar. He takes a small step back and it ignites a sort of victory in me. I know how I look like, but for all my small stature and silky hair and bulky gowns, I can be intimidating as all hells if I’m feeling protective. And there’s nobody I feel more protective of than Xander.

  “You told Claudius about our plan,” I conclude, “You saw Xander cuddle with Xavier on the divan the other night as you brought us our tea. And you didn’t like what you saw … Not because the prince was involved with a man. But because that man wasn’t you, am I right? Did you feel betrayed? Had you hoped to gain Xander’s affection and then what? Marry into the royal family for money and glory? Or would it have been enough for you to be his secret lover, profit from his money so you never have to work a day for the rest of your life? And when you saw that dream shattered, your first instinct was to run to the king and rat Xander out?”

  I try to keep my voice as calm as possible, but there’s no denying that I’m furious. I’m nearly nose to nose with Ansgar – well, it’s more nose to neck – and fix him with a challenging stare. There are beads of sweat forming on his forehead. He looks panicked. I figure I guessed correctly.

  “Tsk,” I hear Guildenstern spit behind me disgustedly. He and Rosencrantz come to stand beside me, a giant to each of my side and I feel as tall as they are.

  “Tell me, boy,” Guildenstern says, “is Arcadia correct?”

  I never knew Guildenstern could sound so scary. There’s ice in his voice and I can’t blame Ansgar for paling even further.

  “Yes,” the servant croaks out and shuts his eyes, as if expecting a blow.

  Guildenstern would have delivered, had Rosencrantz not held him back in a matter of a second.

  “Go,” I hear Rosencrantz say to the boy. His voice may be calm but his eyes don’t look any less murderous than Guildenstern’s. “Go before we all forget ourselves.”

  I’ve never seen anyone leave a room that quickly. Ansgar nearly falls over his own feet and still manages to rush out of the door in mere seconds. I feel the tension leave the room, even though the dread remains.

  Guildenstern and Rosencrantz both take a deep breath. Then Rosencrantz puts a hand on my shoulder and shoots me a lopsided grin. “You, Arcadia Riverstone, are one scary lady.”

  I let out a breathless laugh, grateful for the change in atmosphere.

  “I’m not sure we’ll see that one again, though,” Guildenstern adds, hooking a thumb in the direction Ansgar disappeared to.

  “I couldn’t care less.”

  We all let out a small chuckle, before the urgency of the moment catches up with us. Standing inside my room, the merchants and I look at each other, contemplating, planning. This has been a small victory, one mystery solved – which I am glad for, truly – but the most important question still remains: how are we going to help Xander and Xavier?

  23

  Xander

  “If I have to spend another day in these clothes, I swear, I’m going to burn them,” I complain, tugging at my shirt underneath my jacket so it stays down. It’s getting colder and colder outside, and even the clear midday sun is not helping against the chills. We left the inn in a hurry, trying to be seen by as few people as possible. Less eyes mean a bigger chance at not being recognised.

  “What are you going to wear then?” Xavier teases with a smug smile on his face that hasn’t left him since last night. I have to admit, there’s probably a constant smile on my face too. We might be on the run, without any significant money or even a change of clothes, but there’s a satisfied warmth in my stomach that nothing could diminish right now. Well, new clothes would be a heaven-sent blessing. But a guy can’t have everything.

  “I’d rather go naked,” I say, following Xavier down the one big street in Rassgar. The whole village is concentrated around the three big pillars of faith towering in its centre. The monuments represent the three main beliefs of our culture, the old gods, the new gods, and the forgotten.

  “You’d freeze to death.”

  I shrug. “Worth it.”

  Xavier laughs. I’d love to catch that sound and preserve it for all eternity. “You’d be a pretty sight,” he adds, like it’s an afterthought.

  “Well, thank you, Mr. Colson,” I say, grinning, and thread my arm through his.

  He hums and pats it affectionately. “We should probably get some provisions, who knows how long it’s gonna be until we reach the next traces of civilisation.”

  “If you call this dump-hole civilisation I’m afraid of what’s to come.”

  Xavier lets out a laugh again. “You’re only cranky because you haven’t slept on your fancy, soft mattress.”

  “Actually,” I say with my mouth curved in a suggestive smile, “I’ve slept on a very fancy and soft mattress tonight.”

  Xavier harrumphs. “I wouldn’t call myself soft.”

  I grin and lean forward to whisper into his ear. “You’re right. I have no complaints in that department.”

  Xavier chokes and coughs and I know there’s a blush covering his cheeks, even if his skin doesn’t show it much. I love to make him flustered.

  We buy a loaf of bread, a bit of cheese and a flask of water, put it in a bag that Xavier throws over his shoulder, before we head out of the village onto the main road. Even though we’re not that far from Trelburg, the landscape looks different here. The road is not carved into a dense forest, like at home. The trees are scarcer, leaving place for a bed of green grass underneath that blows in the wind. I feel kind of exposed without the shelter of the familiar forest. Somewhere in the distance, I can make out a blurry silhouette. It’s mostly hidden behind the treetops, but it looks like the shape of a giant resting on the horizon. Mountains, I realise.

  “There’s nowhere we could hide out here,” I observe.


  Xavier takes my hand and squeezes it encouragingly. “We need to be quick then. I’m sure my father has extended the search into the surrounding villages already.”

  I nod, biting my lip nervously. We should have gone in the night, or at least right at dawn, like I suggested. But Xavier said it would be more suspicious. And probably way too cold for the clothes we’re wearing. The sun is sitting right above us, flashing us in her light, mocking us. Somehow it feels way too bright, almost blinding. The light is eerily white, robbing the surrounding of its colour. I’m probably just imagining things. I really didn’t get much sleep last night. Not that I’m complaining. Still, I decide to mention it to Xavier, he’ll put my mind at ease.

  “The sun feels strange today, doesn’t it?” I ask, preparing for a laugh from Xavier.

  “Yes.” I didn’t expect that answer.

  “Yes?” I repeat incredulously. He’s looking at the giant in the sky, squinting his eyes.

  “It makes everything look … drab.”

  “You think so too? But what –”

  He silences me with a shhh and I raise my eyebrows, watching him expectantly.

  “Do you hear that?” he asks after a few heartbeats.

  I put a hand to my ear and try to listen more carefully. Nothing.

  “No, what?” I ask.

  He brings us to a halt. “Listen again. It’s … quiet. Way too quiet. Do you hear anything? Any sound at all?”

  I have to shake my head because he’s right. There’s nothing. Not even the rustling of leaves. I swirl around, looking for something that is supposed to make a sound. We’re alone. I can’t even see the village anymore. Have we really walked that far already? The road spreads in absolute silence, swallowing us in its midst.

  “What’s happening?” I ask, panic rising in my voice. Unease is spreading through my body, making me shiver. Something feels … misplaced.

  “I don’t know,” Xavier admits. He sounds more collected than me. I don’t know if it’s an act for my sake or not, but I am infinitely grateful to have him by my side. I thread my fingers through his and watch the surroundings for any kind of change. Everything looks peaceful. Somehow, I don’t trust it.