A Loyal Heart

by Jody Hedlund

He opened his mouth to speak, but then with a fleeting look into the hallway, he closed the door first. “My lady,” he whispered, his hand against the handle, his gaze settling on me. “You’ll arouse suspicion by wandering in here by yourself.”

  “I have come to pray.” I looked pointedly at the prayer cushion. “There is no crime in that, is there?”

  “We both know you aren’t in here to pray.”

  “You presume to know my intentions?”

  “I know you are seeking after something, though I don’t yet know what.”

  His sharp assessment of the truth took me by surprise. How could he possibly know I’d been searching when he never looked at me? Or was he spying on me when I didn’t realize it? “I did not think you remembered I still existed, and yet somehow you seem intimately acquainted with my every movement.”

  “As Lord Pitt’s captain of the guard, I make it my business to know everything that goes on behind the castle walls.”

  “Surely you have no need to concern yourself with a meager prisoner such as myself.”

  Sir Aldric released the handle and took a step away from the door. “Meager prisoner? You surely don’t think so little of yourself. That would be out of character.”

  His words, though spoken evenly, grated my pride like the sharp prongs of a wool carder.

  I left my place by the prayer cushion and started down the aisle toward him. “Then you believe I am vain, Captain?” How dare he!

  He watched me draw near. I had no weapons I could use to attack him. I greatly missed my custom-made sword and my dagger. And I hadn’t found anything else lying around that I might confiscate to use as a makeshift weapon. I could only fight with my hands and sharp tongue, and I aimed to do my best with both.

  I stopped in front of him, my gaze daring him to insult me again so that I might slap him this time.

  Likewise, his eyes challenged me and refused to back down.

  “Should I take your silence to mean that you despise me?” I finally asked, not sure why it should matter what he thought about me. Sir Aldric wasn’t my concern. Even so, my breath snagged in my chest as I awaited his response.

  “I don’t despise you, my lady.”

  “But neither do you like me.”

  He hesitated, shifting his strong frame.

  His indecision cut me. Most men admired me and told me how beautiful I was. I should take satisfaction with the adulation I’d already so easily garnered. Why then did I long for his? He was only one man among many.

  Yet even as I tried again to dismiss the insecurities, I realized I longed for his respect and admiration because he was a man of honor. Respect and admiration meant so much more when they came from someone who lived out the qualities.

  “If I despised and disliked you, my lady,” he finally said in a low tone. “I wouldn’t be in here at this moment attempting to keep you from an action you might later regret.”

  Something in his eyes sent a warm streak through my insides, something that wound around me and tied itself up so that I didn’t want to move and instead longed to stand near him and bask in the sensation.

  “Do you ever do things you might later regret?” I asked. “Or are you always honorable?”

  “We make hard choices every day,” he responded studying my face. “And sometimes in hindsight, we wish we could undo a choice and make a different decision.”

  “Then you can understand I have hard choices to make.”

  “The consequences may prove too difficult to bear.”

  Was he thinking of the choices he’d made after his wife had died, the ruination he’d caused his family and home?

  “If Lord Pitt discovers you’re conspiring against him in any way, he’ll make you suffer.” Sir Aldric’s brows slanted above eyes that were warm with concern. “I have no wish to see you suffer.”

  The candlelight from the altar flickered across his features, highlighting the strength in his chin, the firmness of his mouth, the solidness of his jaw. “If you are concerned, then why do you not look at me or speak to me when we are in the great hall together?”

  My question was completely off-topic and much too bold, but it was out before I could drag it back in.

  His eyes registered a moment of surprise. “I keep to my place, my lady. I don’t wish to overstep the boundaries and set a poor example to the other knights under my command. If I promote a familiarity with you, then my men may imitate me.”

  “Or they may not care.”

  “I’ve already rebuked some of my men for speaking about you. And I have no desire for others to look at you and do the same.”

  “Of what ill do they speak?”

  “No ill.” His voice dropped a notch. “They speak only of your beauty.”

  “Oh?” I watched his expression and attempted to decipher his thoughts. “Surely you would not judge them too harshly?”

  His lips curled into a slight but rueful smile. “I would flog them if I could.”

  At his admission, my own smile broke free, and a strange delight pooled in my belly. Was he jealous when the other men spoke of me or paid me attention?

  “If you are punishing your men, then it must be because they are speaking falsehoods and imagining beauty where there is none. You are a cruel master.” I was unabashedly pushing him for a compliment, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself.

  He took a step toward me so that he stood a mere handbreadth away. I was suddenly aware of the span of his broad chest, his clean musky scent, and the heat that emanated from his body.

  Although he was taller, the intense glimmer in his eyes seemed to draw me upward and into him farther. The pull was irresistible. Every nerve sparked at his nearness, charged with the need for a connection with him. I waited for him to slip a hand around my back and pull me against him, or at the very least to caress my cheek.

  But he initiated no move to touch me. Instead he made a languid pastime of studying my features, his breath echoing in the space between us.

  “My lady,” he whispered, finally settling his sights upon my lips. “If my men speak falsehoods, it is only because they don’t do your beauty justice.”

  The compliment was more than I ever could have dreamed or expected. And it left me too breathless to speak. I wanted to fall into his arms and have him sweep me up, but I was too overcome with pleasure to move.

  Before I could give in to the desire to swoon against him, he broke our connection by pivoting and opening the door. In an instant, he’d retreated into the hallway. He bowed his head at me in a gesture of servitude. Then he turned and strode away.

  I was helpless but to watch him, wanting to call him back but knowing with certainty that this man was not at my beckoning. I had thought to play with him, to coax him into flattering me. But he’d easily shown me, as he had every other time we’d interacted, he was the one in control and I wouldn’t be able to manipulate him.

  I sagged against the doorframe, suddenly weak from the interaction with him. I clung to the cold stone to keep from collapsing.

  For the first time in my life, I’d met a man who neither feared me nor bowed to my wishes. And I liked it.

  Chapter

  9

  I spun in a semicircle arc, parried a counterattack, and then lunged, putting all my strength behind the next attack.

  My opponent fell back a step, not expecting my heavy swing. I followed up my lunge with a series of continuous sharp blows against the other knight’s sword until at last he stumbled and fell backward. He landed on the ground, his sword spinning out of reach.

  I pressed the tip of my blade at his gorget and held it there for several seconds. Then I broke away, sheathed my sword, and strode to the side of the corded-off fighting ring. Once there, I removed my helmet.

  From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of my opponent rising and flexing his hand which was likely sore from my attack. He too removed his helmet, revealing the sweat that rolled down his forehead and cheeks.

  The heat from t
he June afternoon had grown oppressive, even more so within the confines of our armor. The grit of dust mingled with my own perspiration, and I could taste the salt of it on my tongue.

  “Well done, Windsor,” Pitt called from where he sat under a canopied pavilion in the shade while servants stirred a breeze by pumping large fans. “You remain our undefeated champion.”

  I bowed in acknowledgement of his praise. The tournament had been ongoing for the past several days with knights coming from the surrounding lands to participate. I’d sincerely hoped the tournament would draw the Earl of Ulster, that among the throngs of other lords and ladies, he’d feel safer delivering the ransom to Pitt.

  But with the tournament coming to a close, I’d resigned myself to the possibility that the earl wasn’t planning to ransom his daughters. That likelihood frightened me more than I cared to admit.

  Though I refrained from glancing past Lady Glynnis to the bench where the lowliest of the ladies had been relegated, I knew Olivia was still sitting in the same spot next to Isabelle where she’d been before my fight had commenced.

  She’d taken her place there whenever Lady Glynnis came out to the lists to watch the tournament. Although Olivia had done her best to remain a passive onlooker, I’d noticed the longing in her eyes to be one of the privileged allowed to fight. She watched each round with keen interest, following moves with practiced skill, her fingers twitching with the need for a sword.

  Someone had foolishly indulged Olivia’s whims as a child by teaching her swordfighting. While I understood the benefit in learning self-defense, I saw no other reason for ladies to engage in physical combat. It was simply too dangerous. Even if Olivia was bored with the embroidery she was forced to do every day with Lady Glynnis, such work was much more suited to a lady.

  “You’ll have the place of honor at the banquet this eve,” Pitt declared as he rose to his feet. “And you’ll choose one of the fair maidens to accompany you.” He swept his arm over the unmarried ladies who cooled themselves with elegantly decorated folding fans.

  I swept a cursory glance over the women without seeing any of them. I had no desire to have a dinner companion, having no wish to mislead any of the young maidens into believing I was interested when I was not. But Pitt would insist as he had at past tournaments.

  After one of my previous championships during the feasting, Pitt had encouraged me to take a wife from among the maidens. After much teasing and cajoling, I’d divulged to him that I had no desire or plans to wed again. Once had been enough for me. I’d failed in my efforts to love Giselle the way she’d needed. If I’d been a better husband, if I’d loved her the way she’d needed, then maybe she wouldn’t have died.

  I wasn’t worthy of loving again. I was better off by myself.

  Though Pitt was well aware of my feelings on the matter and now understood what had driven me into his debt, he still pushed women at me all too often. He was good-natured, even fatherly about it. He had no children of his own, only two married daughters from Lady Glynnis’s first husband. At twenty-two, I was half his age, the age of a son if he’d had one. Since he regarded me as a son, he’d designed to help me overcome my past whether or not I wanted his aid.

  “Who will the lucky woman be this time, Windsor?” Pitt called exuberantly, giving me no choice but to pick someone.

  I let my sights drift to the women again, this time studying them more carefully. In their bright garments, frilly veils, and excessive ribbons, I had a difficult time focusing on their faces. Lady Glynnis, the most extravagantly attired of them all, smiled and inclined her head toward Lady Beatrice, the daughter of one of her closest friends, who sat demurely beside her. Lady Beatrice had been living at Tolleymuth for the past month. She’d attempted to engage my attention on numerous occasions, but I’d ignored her just as I had all the others.

  If I chose her as my partner for the evening’s festivities, would I only encourage her affection? But how could I graciously decline Lady Glynnis’s subtle directive? Should I pretend I hadn’t seen her nod?

  From my peripheral, I could tell Olivia was watching me with undisguised interest, waiting to see which of the women caught my attention.

  My thoughts strayed to the chapel where I’d encountered her earlier in the week. Unbeknownst to her, I’d watched her slip away from the sewing circle and had followed her to the chapel. I’d suspected she was searching for something, and her rummaging behind the altar had proven my suspicions true.

  I’d planned to only admonish her to cease her clandestine searches. If Pitt learned she was sneaking around the castle, he’d discipline her and show her no mercy. And strangely I’d found myself repelled by the prospect of further harm befalling Olivia or her sister. After all, I’d already caused them enough danger by bringing them to Tolleymuth.

  With her well-being utmost on my mind, I’d entered the chapel intending to warn her. And somehow, she’d unwittingly drawn me in. I’d fallen prey to her charm and beauty, even if only for a moment.

  Why do you not look at me or speak to me when we are in the great hall together? Her question had been low and intimate and had sparked like flint in my blood. She’d desired my flattery, saw my aloofness as a challenge, needed to add me to the long list of men who worshipped her.

  I hadn’t told her that I did look at her—often. Instead, I’d attempted to rebuff her questions. But somehow in the end, she’d wrested the words she’d wanted to hear from me anyway. As I’d walked away, I’d vowed to do better at keeping my distance from her.

  She was a temptation I didn’t need, making me wish all the more fervently the earl would submit to the king and Pitt’s demands so he could take his daughters home where they belonged.

  Was there nothing more we could do to entice the earl to hasten his arrival? The sooner he came the better, not only for my sanity, but for their safety. Once the month deadline passed, Pitt would increase the pressure upon the earl. And I dreaded to think of what Pitt might decide to do to one or both of the sisters.

  What if I picked Olivia to be my partner for the evening? Would word reach her father and alarm him? If he believed a lowly knight like myself was interested in his daughter, would he claim her more readily to avoid losing the match he planned with Lionel Lacy?

  “My lord,” I said, facing Pitt again. “May I have a word alone?”

  Pitt waved me over and at the same time, those who’d gathered around him backed away to give us a modicum of privacy.

  “What is it, Windsor?” he chortled. “You know you may have any woman you choose. They all adore you.”

  “And you know I have no desire for any,” I said quietly.

  His grin only widened, tightening the long white scar that ran the length of his profile. “You may continue to punish yourself for your past, but that doesn’t mean you are a cold-blooded man who has no desires.”

  I started to protest, but then decided against it. My interactions with Olivia had shown that my desires could still be awakened, even against my will. Perhaps my plan to choose her for the evening was unwise and would only stir feelings better left untouched.

  “Give the women a chance, Windsor, and in so doing give yourself another opportunity at happiness too.”

  “Very well,” I said resignedly, knowing he wouldn’t be satisfied until I agreed with him. “Since you have my goodwill at heart and wish only for my happiness, will you allow me the opportunity to spend equal time with all the maidens? Then I need not single out only one but will have the chance to interact with everyone.”

  Pitt’s smile fell away, and he regarded me with a hard, knowing glint. “Is this one more attempt to avoid forming an attachment, Windsor?”

  In some ways, he was right. Keeping the exchanges with each maiden brief wouldn’t allow for deeper connections. On the other hand, I could appease him by agreeing to make the most of the evening. “I vow I shall do my best to give the women a chance, as you’ve requested.”

  Pitt studied me a moment. “Good.”
Then with a nod, he stood and raised his hand to garner the attention of the gathering. “The captain of my guard and my champion knight has decided he will give all the maidens equal attention during the feast and dance tonight. And when the eve is over, he will narrow down his favorite ladies who will then be in the running to become his bride.”

  At once the air was filled with gasps and murmurs of excitement.

  “My lord,” I protested, a surge of panic rising swiftly and threatening to drown me. “You misunderstood my intentions.”

  The clamor around us only intensified, and when Pitt glanced at me, his smile was too innocent. “You’ve given the people something to look forward to, Windsor.”

  “I agreed to give the maidens a chance,” I growled, “not pick a bride.”

  Pitt clamped me on the shoulder affectionately. “If you fulfill your vow, I guarantee you’ll be married before summer’s end.”

  I shook my head. Pitt could scheme all he wanted, but he wouldn’t move me. I had no intention of getting married by summer’s end or ever.

  He’d discover that soon enough.

  I reclined in the steaming tub of water, letting the warm water wash away the grime of the tournament. The long streaks of pink in the fading sky outside my chamber window told me the dreaded eve would soon be upon me.

  Every time one of my squires opened my chamber door, the aromas of roasted quail, custards and jams, and herb-glazed vegetables breezed inside and reminded me of the coming feast as well.

  I’d tired of the excited thrum my men couldn’t hide and had dismissed them to attend to their own grooming. I hoped their absence would give me a few moments of peace. Yet as time slipped away, any semblance of peace I’d found slipped away as well.

  If only I could create a viable excuse to skip the festivities. If only I’d paid better attention to Pitt’s scheming and hadn’t trapped myself into picking a bride.

  Why would any of the ladies want me anyway? None knew my true status as Baron of Hampton. To them, I was merely a landless knight without a title. They’d likely heard of the wealth I’d accumulated over the year in working for Pitt. And of course, they fancied me a hero for winning the championship today.