A Sad Soul Can Kill You

by Catherine Flowers

  iluvhotgurlz13: 4 wat?

  Serenity2cute_13: a modeling show

  iluvhotgurlz13: u like 2 take pics?

  Serenity2cute_13: yup

  iluvhotgurlz13: lol, i like to take pics 2. Can i send u a pic rite now?

  Serenity’s heart started racing.

  Serenity2cute_13: ok

  Saucer sent her a picture of an athletic-looking, chocolate brown, shirtless chest and torso. The head of the body was missing from the picture.

  Serenity2cute_13: ur cute, lol

  iluvhotgurlz13: I bet u r 2

  Serenity2cute_13: where’s ur head?

  iluvhotgurlz13: i have one

  Serenity smiled.

  iluvhotgurlz13: wanna see it?

  She was about to type yes, instead she jumped at the sudden sound of Lorenzo’s voice behind her.

  “What are you doing?” he asked as he walked into the den.

  She turned off the monitor. “Nothing,” she said.

  “Nothing?” He pressed the button on the computer screen and turned the monitor back on. He leaned over her and read the last few lines of the conversation she’d been having with Saucer:

  “i have one”

  “wanna see it?”

  It? He placed one hand on the desk to balance himself and scrolled up a few lines until he saw the picture of the naked torso and chest. Deep lines spread across his forehead, causing him to resemble a bull dog. “What the . . .”

  “Daddy, I didn’t ask him to send that,” Serenity said quickly.

  “But you didn’t tell him not to either, did you?” Lorenzo looked at her with a dull stare. “Get up.”

  She got up from the chair and crossed her arms while she watched her father exit out of the chat room, and then shut down the computer. “I don’t know what you think you’re doing,” he said with a slurred voice, “but don’t let me catch you doing it again.”

  She shifted her weight to one foot. “I wasn’t doing anything,” she said.

  He turned around. “What do you mean you weren’t doing anything?” He pointed to the computer. “Looking at naked bodies is not doing anything?”

  “I wasn’t looking at naked bodies,” she said staring up at the ceiling.

  Lorenzo sat on the edge of the desk and looked at her. “What do you call it?”

  “It was a naked chest, and I wasn’t looking at it.”

  He stared hard at her. “Are you trying to get smart with me?”

  Serenity looked at her father’s distorted face.

  “Answer me,” he said.

  She returned her gaze to the desk lamp. “No,” she answered.

  Lorenzo stood up. “Like I said, whatever you think you’re doing, don’t let me catch you doing it again.”

  “You won’t,” Serenity said. She left the den and ran upstairs. She meant what she said. He wouldn’t catch her again because she would be more careful next time.

  Serenity waited until her father had closed the front door behind him. She didn’t know where he was going, she was just glad he had left. She went into the living room and browsed through the television guide until she found the television series, America’s Top Model. Dang! She stomped her foot. She had just missed the first fifteen minutes of the show.

  She continued watching until each of the contestants was told to walk toward the judges. Serenity sat completely still as she watched the way each model moved. This was the part she had been waiting for. She studied their posture—shoulders back, hips forward—as they all walked with confidence.

  After the show ended, she grabbed her iPod, put in her earplugs, and turned up the volume to a fast-paced beat. She placed a book on top of her head, then pushed her shoulders back, and tried to thrust her hips forward. With one foot in front of the other, she took her first step.

  She practiced placing her heel down first instead of her entire foot the way she’d just seen the models on television doing. Then she walked with long strides up and down the length of the braided wool runner in the hallway. She looked straight-ahead with her chin up and tried to keep her head and shoulders still. The book on her head kept sliding to one side, and she constantly reached up to push it back in place.

  Her foot continued to trip on the edge of the runner each time she got to the end of her walk. She sighed. Stupid rug! At the end of each walk she paused for a moment, turned, and then finished walking in the opposite direction. She pretended that the front door she was looking at was the faces of the judges, and Serenity made sure her head was the last thing she turned as she walked away.

  After she auditioned in March, people were going to look at her differently. No longer would they see her as a clumsy, long-legged girl. She smiled. People would recognize her as one of those pretty and elegant models walking on runways all over the world! And there’d be no tripping over things, no more sighs from her mother—only hugs and praises. Serenity moved the rug out of the way and continued practicing.

  Chapter Seventeen

  It was almost 5:45 p.m. when Shari left the coffeehouse. She got in her car and trailed behind Tia on her way home. She had sensed that something might be wrong with Tia and Lorenzo’s relationship a while back.

  One afternoon she and Tia had been outside talking when Lorenzo had pulled up and had gotten out of his car. He’d barely spoken to Tia and had ignored Shari altogether.

  “Can’t you say hi?” Tia had asked him while she tilted her head to her right where Shari sto od.

  “Oh, hi,” he’d said like a child who had been reprimanded. He continued walking to the house, and Shari remembered thinking how odd his behavior had been. Then there had been the time when Tia had invited Shari over for a cup of coffee. She and Tia had been sitting at the kitchen table when Lorenzo had come home and had proceeded to walk past both of them without speaking as he went upstairs. Once again, Tia had to remind him to speak.

  Now Tia had told her about some other man she was infatuated with, and Shari prayed to God that’s all it was—although that was bad enough. When Shari had asked her if she was sleeping with the man, she hadn’t been convinced by Tia’s answer. It hadn’t been her answer as much as it had been the way she’d answered. All Shari could do was pray that it had not gotten physical.

  The traffic light turned yellow, and Shari stopped as Tia picked up speed and drove through the intersection. She watched Tia’s SUV turn into the entrance of their cul-de-sac. Seconds later, the light turned green, and Shari crossed the intersection and made a left turn into the cul-de-sac just as a pizza delivery car was exiting. She saw the red taillights from Tia’s SUV as her garage door slowly lowered itself to the ground. Shari smiled as she drove past her neighbor’s house on the right side of the street. She’d caught a glimpse through the large picture window of a teenage boy dancing with a slice of pizza in his hand. She turned left into her driveway just as the porch light on the stucco house directly next to hers came on.

  Since she and Tony had moved into their house almost a year ago, she’d had little opportunity to get to know her next-door neighbors. She saw the woman of the house frequently in passing, but her neighbor seldom offered anything more than a stoic hello. Most of the time, she didn’t acknowledge Shari’s presence at all, and Shari thought she appeared to be quite unhappy.

  Before it had gotten ridiculously cold, Tony had occasionally stood at the metal fence that separated the two driveways and engaged in small talk with the husband. At one point, her neighbor had even helped Tony secure the hanging bumper on their car with two bungee cords until they could afford to get it repaired at the body shop.

  She turned off her car and got out. Just as she made it to the front door, it suddenly opened and Tony stood smiling at her as the aroma of beef, onions, and peppers drifted up her nostrils.

  “Hey,” she said, looking up at him.

  He closed the door behind her and lowered his head to receive her kiss. “Hey back,” he said.

  “It’s freezing out there,” she said. Then she
inhaled. “But it’s sure smelling good in here.”

  “You didn’t eat, did you?” he asked as he helped her take off her coat.

  Shari thought about the little piece of scone she’d had. “No,” she said, “unless you consider a coffee and a bite-size piece of scone eating.”

  “I don’t,” he said. “So how’s Tia doing?”

  “It’s not how she’s doing but what she’s doing. Either way, it’s not good.”

  Tony frowned, creating a furrow between his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” Shari said, taking off her boots, “I guess she and Lorenzo are having problems.”

  “What kind of problems?”

  “Tia said he’s been sleeping on the couch and he’s been taking a lot of pills.”

  “What kind of pills?” Tony asked with a serious look on his face.

  “I’m not sure. I think Tia said they were for his back.”

  Tony sighed. “That doesn’t sound good.”

  “No, it doesn’t,” Shari agreed with her husband. “Not at all. And there’s more.”

  Tony waited silently for her to continue.

  “The girl has gotten herself involved with another man,” Shari finally said.

  “Oh no,” Tony replied shaking his head. “How involved is she?”

  “I don’t know,” Shari said.

  Tony walked back to the kitchen shaking his head as Cookie came skipping down the stairs.

  “Hey, Ma,” she said cheerfully.

  “Hey, sweetie,” Shari said. “How was your day?”

  “Fine,” she answered as she headed toward the kitchen.

  Shari followed behind her. “Do you have any homework?”

  “Yep,” she answered before breathing in deeply. “Mmm, Daddy, it smells good in here. What are you cooking?”

  “My special pot roast,” he said smiling.

  Shari opened the oven door. “This was so thoughtful of you, Tony,” she said, half turning to look at him.

  Tony hugged her from behind. “Well, it was the least I could do since I was home today.” He began rocking her back and forth. “Of course, I’d rather be working.”

  “I know, sweetheart. You’ll get something full-time soon.”

  “Ugh,” Cookie said, rolling her eyes, “get a room!”

  “Uh, excuse me,” Shari said. “How about you get a room?” Shari tapped her on the shoulder. “Your room,” she stressed, “and make sure you get that homework done right after you eat.”

  “How do you know I didn’t do it already?”

  “Did you?”

  Cookie smirked.

  “That’s what I thought.”

  “Okay, okay. Right after dinner.”

  Shari looked at Tony and rolled her eyes.

  Tony nodded. “Let’s eat, everybody.”

  Shari made a plate for Cookie while Tony fixed a plate for himself and Shari. They sat down at the kitchen table and held hands as Tony led the prayer, thanking God for yet another meal.

  He watched with pride as his family enjoyed a hearty serving of the pot roast complete with onions, carrots, and potatoes. He knew that if Shari knew how low their funds were getting, she would have admonished him for buying such an expensive cut of beef. She would have told him to buy a few pounds of ground beef instead. “That would make a nice meatloaf,” she would argue, “and you can still add gravy to it.”

  But Tony didn’t want to be restricted to buying ground beef only. Just because he’d hit a financial setback didn’t mean his family couldn’t enjoy a nice meal. He was in the valley right now, but he knew he’d be back on the mountain top in due time. In God’s time. He recalled a verse from Isaiah 43:2: “When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned . . .”

  Right now, he was walking through the fire, but all he had to do was walk steady. All he had to do was keep the faith. And he was determined to do so because he’d been through worse things than this.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Tia reflected on the conversation she’d had with Shari a few hours earlier in the coffee shop. As much as she liked Shari, there was no way she could tell her that the other man she had gotten herself involved with was her next-door neighbor.

  As she drove into the cul-de-sac, she could see that the downstairs portion of her house was lit up light a Christmas tree. She entered the house through the garage to find the downstairs completely empty.

  She marched to the bottom of the staircase. “Serenity!” she yelled. She didn’t get an answer and called her name again. When her second call was met with silence, Tia went upstairs to make sure Serenity was home. Her bedroom door was slightly open, and Tia walked in.

  “Didn’t you hear me calling you?” Tia asked angrily.

  Serenity removed an earplug from one of her ears. “Huh?”

  “I was calling you. Why are all the lights on downstairs and nobody’s down there?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What do you mean, you do know?”

  “They were on when I came home.”

  “Was your daddy here when you got home?”

  “Yep,” Serenity said as she put the earplugs back in her ears.

  “Take those things out,” Tia said. “I’m talking to you.”

  There was still a small amount of residual tension from the day before that loomed between them. Serenity removed the earplugs and turned down the volume on her purple iPod. She stared at the large Hello Kitty poster nailed on the wall across from her bed.

  “How was your day today?” Tia asked.

  “It was all right.”

  “Anything interesting happen?”

  “Nope.”

  Tia stood staring at her for a few seconds. “Okay,” she said and turned to leave the bedroom.

  “Oh, wait,” Serenity said, jumping off her bed. She grabbed the fashion magazine from her nightstand, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process.

  Tia looked up at the ceiling and sighed. Would Serenity ever stop being so clumsy?

  “There’s gonna be a fashion show at the Brookridge Mall, and they’re holding auditions for models in March. Can I go?”

  “To the show?”

  “No. To the audition.”

  Tia stared at her in disbelief. “The audition?”

  “Yeah,” Serenity said defiantly.

  Tia held out her hand. “Let me see that magazine.”

  “It’s on page 32,” Serenity said, handing the magazine to her mother.

  Tia remained standing as she looked at the page Serenity had dog-eared. She flipped through several pages before and after the article. “You think you can really walk up and down that stage as . . .” Tia caught herself.

  “I can do it,” Serenity said quickly.

  Tia handed the magazine back to her. “I don’t know,” she said. “After yesterday, I’m gonna have to think about it. You got any homework?”

  “I’m getting ready to start it now. What’s for dinner?”

  Tia rubbed her right temple. Since your trifling daddy didn’t cook nothing I guess I’ll have to. “Chicken and rice,” she said as she left the room and went downstairs to start dinner.

  While Tia was pouring the rice into the pot of boiling water, her cell phone began ringing. She let it ring several times before finally deciding to answer it.

  “Hello, Scamp,” she said quietly. The guilty pleasure she’d indulged in with him a few nights earlier had continued to eat away at her conscience. And she’d been rejecting his calls all day.

  “Hello,” the deep voice said on the other end.

  She moved the phone to her other ear. “How are you?”

  “A better question,” he said, “is how are you?” He clicked on a picture of a female on the dating Web site he was viewing.

  “I could be better,” she sighed.

  He clicked on the many different poses the woman had posted online. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he said.

  An uncomfortable silence settl
ed between them.

  “How about we meet somewhere?” he said as he viewed the online woman in a bikini. His voice was husky. “I’ll give you another one of my massages.”

  She didn’t answer. His offer of intimacy at a time when all she needed was emotional support irritated her. She could see where this thing—whatever is was—was headed, and the same insignificance she’d felt with Lorenzo who cared nothing about her physical needs, she began to feel with Scamp who was not interested in her emotional state of mind.

  “Still there?” Scamp asked.

  The sound of his voice was no longer mesmerizing to her. In an instant, it had become an unpleasant reminder of the mistake she’d made getting involved with him. She’d convinced herself that she had every right to harbor feelings for another man because of her husband’s neglect. She’d adopted the mantra—what one man won’t do, another one will. But deep down inside, she knew that was only her flesh speaking. It was not the way of the Savior.

  It had become clear that her lover did not care about her. He wasn’t interested in why she wished she could be better. He was only interested in one thing from her, and it was the one thing she would have freely given only to her husband. But for almost two years he’d wanted nothing to do with her, and even on those rare occasions when they did engage in intimacies, it had been obvious to her still that he was not very interested.

  Even so, she couldn’t justify her act of adultery by blaming her husband’s lack of interest in her, and the fact that she kept trying to was confirmation that it—she—was wrong.

  It was just like her grandmother used to say, “If you got to keep convincing yourself that whatever you’re doing is right, then you best believe it’s wrong. Don’t be blinded by your own sight, girl.” And what had Shari said to her in the coffee shop? “Even the devil can masquerade as an angel of light . . .” Tia knew what she had to do, and she had to do it quickly.

  “I have to go,” she said. She didn’t wait for him to say good-bye before she disconnected the call. She went through her phonebook until she found his number. She pressed the option button, then the edit button and typed “Do not answer” in the space where his name would have gone.