The Baron at Bishops Avenue

by Jason Blacker

  Pearce, Loughty and Eric all took a scone too. After finishing his first half of the scone Paussage put the plate down next to his teacup and saucer on the side table on his right.

  "Can we get on with this?" he said. "Why have we all been brought here?"

  Frances took a sip of her tea and then put it on the side table next to her and the sofa where the Baron was murdered not quite a week before.

  "We are here in the room where Baron Marphallow was murdered to confront the murderer and to bring justice," said Frances.

  Everyone looked around at each other.

  "So one of us here is alleged to have done it then?" asked Loughty, playing along.

  Frances nodded.

  "Yes, and I'm about to ferret that person out."

  Paussage looked over at Agnes who looked back at him.

  "Murder, which you might or might not know is often a crime of passion. In my opinion I'm grateful for this, for once you have motive you often have the perpetrator," said Frances. "Wouldn't you agree, Inspector?"

  Husher who had his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes steady on the group across from him nodded.

  "I do. Almost always committed because of passion."

  "And yet," continued Frances, "passion can come dressed in many different clothes. And this is where things get a little difficult. For example, we have many reasons and opportunities for why the Baron was murdered."

  Frances looked around the room for a moment.

  "The Baron, as almost everyone here knows, was the Lord Chancellor, the Woolsack of His Majesty's Government. He was a very powerful man, and like any powerful man, he made many enemies."

  Frances looked over at her husband and smiled at him.

  "My husband, also part of the opposition, was not particularly fond of the Baron's politics. But did that give him motive to murder the Baron?"

  Frances looked around at everyone and picked up her teacup to take a sip. She raised her eyebrows.

  "Anyone?" she asked.

  "It could have given him motive if he disliked the man enough," said Loughty, enjoying playing devil's advocate.

  "Quite right, but we did not investigate my husband, Lord Marmalade, because he was with me at home the night of the murder, as can be attested to by our children and our staff. But these are the sorts of questions one must ask oneself when investigating crimes of this sort."

  Frances took another sip. The tea was delicious. She then put the teacup back down and looked at Loughty without irony.

  "And you, Lord Loughty, had perhaps even more motive than my husband to murder the Baron."

  "I beg your pardon," said Loughty feigning a slight, "I take umbrage at your accusations."

  Paussage looked on with a small, sly smile on his face. Agnes too, looked quite relieved.

  "Let me present the facts, Lord Loughty," continued Frances. "You were seen almost a fortnight ago in this very residence assaulting Lord Paussage."

  "Well, yes, but he called me derogatory terms," said Loughty in protest, playing along.

  "But you did assault him. More than that," said Frances, "you stormed out in anger, but not before threatening the Baron's life."

  "I must take issue with your admonition," said Loughty. "I did not threaten the Baron directly, I only suggested that because of his unwillingness to sit down with the IRM that it would be the end of him."

  "I was there, Larmer," said Paussage, feeling quite proud of himself, "and I heard what I heard." He turned to Frances. "I will swear an oath as to what I heard."

  Frances smiled at him and nodded.

  "That won't be necessary," she said. "We have more than enough evidence on the murderer."

  "Good," said Paussage, obviously happy with himself. He picked up his plate and started to eat the second half of his scone.

  "In fact," said Frances, "police picked up three ne'er do wells across from this very home who, the night of the Baron's murder, give eyewitness testimony to seeing you, Lord Loughty, attend at the Baron's home at between ten fifteen and ten twenty."

  "Untrue," exclaimed Loughty. "Who were these men?"

  "They are known members of the IRM," said Frances.

  "Ah ha," said Loughty, enjoying the act. "And these are the people you will call upon in court to swear that they saw me enter the Baron's home and murder him. Men who are known cheats and liars."

  "Works for me," said Paussage through a mouthful of scone.

  "Unfortunately," said Frances. "These eyewitnesses don't put you entering the home, but rather leaving just after having arrived."

  "Exactly," said Loughty, "because I did not attend the Baron's home to murder him, but rather to apologize."

  Paussage nodded his head sarcastically.

  "Right, you probably slipped round the back to murder him," he said.

  Loughty gave him a stern look, but he knew the man was a goner. So he bit his tongue and grimaced.

  "I'm afraid not," said Frances. "The witnesses saw Lord Loughty leave. We have no further evidence that Larmer was involved."

  Paussage shrugged and finished his scone, put the plate on the side table and then sipped on tea. Frances took a moment to take a drink too. Pearce stood just slightly behind her enjoying his tea and the show. On the other side, also slightly behind Frances, stood Husher with his arms folded in front of him. He stood solid and stolid as a granite statue.

  "That led me to look closer to home as to who might have a motive," said Frances. "And I recall speaking with the butler, Mr. Spilligan, the morning of the murder and you," said Frances, turning to face him, "were belligerent with me and unhappy with your employers."

  "But I didn't kill him," said Humphrey, unsure of whether Frances had genuine renewed interest in him or not. Frances winked at him so that only he could see.

  "Yes, that is what you told me at the time. And then when we came inside to look into your locker you went to check on Lady Marphallow, only you didn't. You ran like a guilty man."

  Humphrey hung his head in shame.

  "But I did not kill him," he said softly. He had seen the wink and was playing along.

  "You never can trust hired help," said Agnes, looking on at Humphrey. He looked up at her, wanting to say something, but bit his lip instead. Even under these circumstances, if he wanted to find further employment as a butler, he had to remain calm and unperturbed.

  "Yes, it did seem quite suspicious," said Frances, "especially since we then found the stolen money in his jacket pocket."

  Frances looked over at Agnes. She looked up in feigned surprise. Then she looked at Humphrey.

  "You are fired, Mr. Spilligan. Go on, get going. Take your things and leave, and I will make sure you never find work as a butler in this city again."

  Agnes looked around quite pleased with herself. Humphrey didn't move.

  "What are you waiting for?" she asked.

  "If you don't mind, dear," said Frances, looking at Agnes, "I'd rather everyone stay until the murderer has been taken into custody."

  Agnes nodded.

  "Well, what are you waiting for? He clearly did it. If he could take the money and run off then he must have done it."

  "It would seem so," said Frances, "except that he didn't."

  "How can you be so certain?" asked Agnes.

  "For several reasons," she said. "He was seen leaving this home at around ten by our witnesses, and when we caught up with him and interrogated him, he had an alibi as to where he was and why he ran on the morning of your husband's murder."

  "Well, I for one would love to know what that alibi is," said Agnes. "As his employer I am entitled to this information."

  "Except that you are not his employer as you just fired him," said Frances. "In any event, that's confidential information and will only be released if Mr. Spilligan's testimony is required in court, which I highly doubt. The police are content with the information provided and it takes him off the list of suspects."

  "The outrage," said Paussage. "The man s
tole the money and he's off the hook. Perhaps he didn't murder the Baron, but the theft of a hundred pounds is surely no small matter."

  Frances nodded.

  "You are quite correct, Sinjin, and how did you know how much money was stolen?"

  Paussage's face went flushed.

  "I... I don't... I am merely speculating... I imagine the Baron in his situation might keep around that much money in the home."

  Paussage looked away and took his teacup. He brought it to his lips with hands that trembled ever so slightly, but which Frances took note of.

  "No matter," said Frances, "Mr. Spilligan didn't steal the money. He left the Friday evening at around ten and nobody has him having stolen it then. He was late coming into work on the Saturday morning. So late in fact, that he hardly had the time to steal the money then."

  "He must have found a way," said Agnes.

  Frances shook her head.

  "No, I'm afraid not. There was a conspiracy to have it look like he stole the money."

  "Ha," said Agnes, tossing her head back, "that sounds ridiculous."

  "Well, we found out that Mrs. Edevane placed the money in Mr. Spilligan's pocket to make it look like he stole it."

  Agnes and Paussage fell silent. Loughty took his opportunity.

  "But why would she steal it to make it look like he took it. That makes absolutely no sense. She'd be better off just taking it for herself," said Loughty, looking around and pretending to be quite confused.

  "You're quite right, Larmer, it would make greater sense for Mrs. Edevane to take the money rather than to put it on Mr. Spilligan. Unless..."

  Frances paused for good measure.

  "Unless she had a good reason to do so. But it would have to mean that the value was greater than the hundred pounds she'd be giving up by framing Mr. Spilligan."

  Loughty nodded and turned up his mouth in agreement.

  "Yes, that would make sense," he said, "but what could that reason be for her to take such a high risk position?"

  "I'm glad you asked," said Frances. She picked up her teacup and took a sip and then looked around the room. Paussage and Lady Marphallow didn't meet her gaze.

  "Her employer forced her to do it," said Frances, keeping an eye on Agnes.

  "This is outrageous," said Agnes. "I will not stand to hear these baseless allegations against me." Then she looked towards the kitchen. "And you're fired too, Mrs. Edevane," she shrieked.

  "Calm down," said Frances.

  "Calm down. Calm down. You want me to calm down when you hurl such vitriolic allegations at me? You take the word of a commoner over me?"

  "I take the word of one commoner over another," said Frances.

  "And what is that supposed to mean?" asked Agnes, her cheeks still hot with anger.

  "It means that you were a commoner once, if you wish to use that term as a slight, before you married the Baron for his money."

  Agnes looked over at Paussage.

  "Please do something, Sinjin, these insults are outrageous."

  "Why yes... I... this is outrageous. I think we should be off," said Lord Paussage, trying his best to get up out of his chair, but not managing it as quickly as he might have liked, with his heft getting in the way.

  "You'll stay right where you are," exclaimed Husher, in a deep and authoritarian voice that seemed to beat Paussage back into his chair and bring a deadly quiet over the room. Frances turned towards the Inspector and smiled at him.

  "Thank you, Inspector."

  "Well, you have no proof that I gave Edith the money," said Agnes.

  "You're quite correct, though with what we do have, I'm certain we won't need that proof."

  "I'd like to know who did it," said Loughty, starting to really have fun with the hot seats that Agnes and Sinjin were in. "The suspense is killing me. No pun intended."

  It was a poor joke that no one laughed at.

  "Yes, we should get right down to brass tacks, I should think," said Frances. "Lady Agnes Marphallow and Lord Sinjin Paussage conspired to murder Baron Christopher Marphallow."

  "Utter nonsense," said Paussage, "there were no prints on the letter opener."

  Frances smiled at him. Lord Paussage looked at her for a moment unknowingly, and then slowly he realized what he had just said. His face went pale, and he looked away. Agnes looked at him with a furrowed and very worried brow.

  "I rest my case," said Frances. "How would you know, a, the murder weapon, and b, that it was wiped clean of prints?"

  "Damn you, Sinjin," said Agnes.

  Paussage said nothing. He remained mute as if the cat had got ahold of his tongue.

  "That's good enough for me," said Husher. He turned to nod at his Constables. "Take them to the Yard."

  "Wait, wait, please," said Lord Loughty, "I want to know how you knew."

  "Yes, and I would like to know too, darling," said Eric.

  Husher nodded at the Constables and they stepped back to their previous positions. Frances nodded and smiled.

  "The first clue was when I visited with Agnes in the dining room. She looked terrible. But I thought that she was just quite upset. I have since learned that she did not sleep that night, and in fact, she was wearing the same clothes she had on the night before, according to the housekeeper Edith, who saw her early on Saturday morning and remarked to me how poorly Agnes looked as if she had been up all night."

  Eric and Larmer nodded in unison.

  "And then along with that, I noticed that the Baron had been drugged. Although Agnes had informed me that she and the Baron took sleeping aids each evening and that she gave the Baron his. However, I noticed two envelopes of Medinal just under the couch near the Baron and in Agnes' room there was no sign that she had slept in the bed nor was there any indication that the cup she had up there had once held said Medinal. For unlike the Baron's tumbler which clearly had powdered residue, hers did not."

  "Very good, very good indeed," said Loughty. "So, that certainly sounds suspicious but it doesn't appear that it would indicate murder."

  "No," said Frances, "you're quite right. Agnes might have given the Baron a double dose if he had asked for it, but then why lie to me? In any event, it brought suspicion upon her."

  "But there were a couple of other items I found in the Baron's room and then in Agnes' room. In the Baron's room were divorce documents."

  Agnes looked up at Frances with anger and hatred hot in her eyes.

  "You have no idea what it's like to claw your way to the top only to have the person you married, whom you put up with for years toss you aside like a used napkin."

  "I'll get to the reasons as to why you killed him in a bit," said Frances. "But I think thou doth protest too much."

  Larmer slapped his leg. This was too much fun.

  "What did you find in Lady Marphallow's room?"

  "Well," said Frances, "it was fairly common knowledge that Lady Marphallow was courting several men. One of whom was Lord Paussage."

  Lord Paussage looked over at Agnes.

  "What?" he said, half in disbelief.

  "Not true," she said to him, looking coy.

  "Quite true I'm afraid, Sinjin. You've been manipulated. It has come to our attention that Lady Marphallow was familiar with at least one other Lord, who's name right now is unimportant."

  Lord Paussage shook his head in disgust, finding the higher ground a bit slippery.

  "Who said such lies?" asked Agnes.

  "Your staff dear, are quite aware of your infidelities," said Frances, "but so is Lord Loughty. You really ought to be more discreet. But then I suppose someone from your station wouldn't know any better. All you are interested in is finding another man to marry after nearly exhausting the Baron's wealth."

  "That is patently false," said Agnes, "the Baron wasted his own money."

  "Quite true, with your help of course, and what little he did have left, he wanted to keep from you and that was why he was going to divorce you. And I believe you knew."

 
; "Of course I knew," said Agnes, "that lily-livered man was a coward. I mean you saw him, the only reason I married him was for his money, which it turned out he used to spend on horses and other gambling habits of his. I wasn't going to let him take everything away from me."

  Then she turned and looked over at Lord Paussage.

  "If you knew what you were doing, we could have been together with more money than we both could have dreamed of. But instead you're a bumbling buffoon."

  "I told you it was a bad idea from the beginning," said Paussage, "but it is so much easier to get someone else to do the dirty work for you, isn't it?"

  "I've heard enough," said Husher. "If you don't mind I'll take them in, now that they've as much as confessed."

  "Please, Inspector," said Loughty, "I really would love to hear how Frances put it all together."

  Frances looked at the Inspector and nodded. He nodded gruffly in return.

  "So I knew that knowing about the divorce, Agnes was wont to do something drastic. That gave me motive. But I needed something else. Something that gave evidence to the fact that she was a disloyal woman. I had plenty of hearsay, but I wanted something meatier."

  "And did you get it?" asked Eric.

  Frances nodded.

  "I did. In Agnes' room was a bottle of Fleur de la Nuit. The world's most expensive perfume. It could have been a gift from her husband, but it wasn't. And I know this because in one the drawers of the dressing table were a couple of Sherlock Holmes' stories. Inside the one was this inscription."

  Frances opened up her handbag and took our her notebook to read the passage.

  "'My Darling,

  Your beauty is a greater mystery than Sherlock could ever solve. I am entranced by your beauty and elegance. You are my Fleur de la Nuit.

  All love,

  S'

  Clearly from Lord Sinjin Paussage."

  "Brilliant," said Larmer. "That confirms the affair they were having but what about the murder?"

  Frances nodded.

  "There were also two telegrams also signed by 'S'. The earlier one," said Frances looking at her notes, "was from the 23rd of November. It read: I WILL INVESTIGATE LEGAL LIABILITIES STOP AND LOOK WHERE ANGRY YORKSHIREMEN SIT STOP S."