Kennedy held up her bowl and said, "All gone."
Johnson smiled as he took the bowl from Kennedy."Yes, princess, it's all gone. You did a good job."
Kennedy stood up in her chair and held out her arms for Johnson."Pick up."
"All right." Johnson stood up and did what he was told."I'll take you to the family room to see your mom." He picked Kennedy up and put her on his shoulders, and they happily bounced out of the room.
As Deidre watched them go, she wondered if Johnson and Kennedy got along so well because they both were given the last names of presidents for their first names. Maybe they felt some connection that the rest of the world would never know.
"I'm finished too," Diamond said, pushing her plate back.
"Yeah, me too. I'm full," Jamal said.
"Do you to have any homework?"
"Ah, Mrs. Morris, we don't want to do no homework," Diamond said.
"I'm sure it will only take you a few minutes to do your homework, and then you can go into the family room and watch a movie or something with your mother."
"Okay," Diamond said reluctantly.
"Do you want me to help you clear off the table?" Jamal asked, being his normal helpful self.
"Thanks, Jamal, but I'll do this. You and Diamond just go and get your homework done so you can spend some time with your mom before going to bed."
The two of them got up from the table and went to get their book bags. Deidre started taking the plates off the table and scraping them out so she could wash them. In the middle of her work, she realized that she was humming. She stopped mid-scrape as she recognized the feeling of contentment and joy in her spirit. She hadn't felt this way in a long time. Was this the same type of joy that she saw on Johnson's face?
Deidre's heart was turning somersaults as she washed the dishes. She had wanted her own child for so long that she had never imagined she could find room in her heart for a child who didn't belong to her. But these children had somehow found a place in Deidre's heart, and she wasn't sure if she would be able to let them go.
Johnson came into the kitchen and pulled Deidre into his arms. He kissed her and then said, "I want to talk to you about something later tonight."
"Okay," Deidre said, then watched as Johnson left the kitchen walking as if he were floating. Deidre turned back to the sink to finish the dishes. As she worked, she told herself that she knew what Johnson wanted to talk about tonight, but before she would agree to adopt Kenisha's children, Deidre was going to tell Johnson about her secret. The guilt was eating her alive, and she didn't want to continue living a lie. She only hoped that God would give Johnson the ability to forgive her for what she had done to him.
20
Wringing his hands, Johnson wore out the rug in his bedroom as he walked back and forth working on his spiel. He had made such a big deal about adopting a newborn that he was worried that Deidre might also have her mind set to wait for a newborn. And if that were the case, she might not want them to be parents to Kenisha's wonderful children. Deidre had also worried that adopting an older child might bring problems that she couldn't handle while he was deployed. But Johnson was willing to give up his military career if he could have these children in his life forever.
Deidre walked into the bedroom smiling, but her smile disappeared as she looked at her husband."You look serious. What's up?"
"Sit down," he told her as he moved out of the way so she could sit on the lounge chair in their bedroom. When she was seated, Johnson turned to her and said."I know we talked about adopting a newborn, and I also know that you had expressed reservations about adopting an older kid. But I've made a decision that should ease your worries about that."
"I'm listening."
Rubbing his hands together, Johnson plowed right into it."Well, as you know, I will have twenty years of service in as of next year, and that makes me eligible for retirement. So," he nodded as if convincing himself, "that's what I plan to do."
Deidre's mouth fell open as she stared at her husband. When she finally found her voice again, she said, "You love being in the military, Johnson."
"I love you and the possibility of having children more. I think we should adopt Kenisha's children. What do you say, Deidre? I'm willing to retire so that I can help you with them. So can we do it?"
Standing up, she turned to Johnson with tears in her eyes."I can't let you do this."
He grabbed Deidre's hands, brought them to his mouth, and kissed them."I want to do this—for us."
"Oh, Johnson, what have I done to you?" She snatched her hands away from him as she backed up. Fear was etched across her face.
"What's wrong, Deidre? I thought this was what you wanted."
Shaking her head, Deidre sat down on their bed and turned away from her husband.
"Why won't you look at me, Deidre? What's wrong?"
"I don't know how to tell you this."
"Just tell me what's on your mind. It can't be as bad as you're making it out to be."
"It is, Johnson. I'm so sorry," she sobbed.
"You haven't done anything, babe. Why are you acting like this? I thought you wanted to adopt. Please be okay with this, Deidre. We could be such good parents to Kenisha's children. I know we talked about a newborn, but I'd like to have these children instead."
"Johnson Morris, you are the most unselfish person I know. You have given up so many of your dreams to be with me, I won't let you give up another."
"I haven't given up anything, Deidre. You are my dream. We've made a good life together, and it will only get better with those kids in our lives. What do you say, babe?"
"I'm not letting you quit the military."
"But you were worried about us getting a juvenile delinquent if we adopted an older child. Remember, you told me you didn't want to be left here while I was deployed. It's understandable; some children have attacked their foster parents or adoptive parents."
She put a finger to Johnson's lips."Kenisha's children aren't like that." She closed her eyes, trying to block out the pain of her deception."I haven't been honest with you, Johnson. And I can't agree to adopt the kids with you until I tell you everything."
"What's wrong?"
She took a deep breath and then let the words flow from her mouth."I can't have kids, Johnson."
"I know that, Deidre. That's why we're considering adoption."
"Yes, but I've known I couldn't have children for quite a while." She choked on her words as she said, "I put you through seven years of torture, and I knew."
Holding on to his confusion, Johnson asked, "How long have you known?"
"Since I was a teenager. My mom had some tests run on me when I started having a lot of pain and some other symptoms that we didn't understand. The doctor told us that I have polycystic ovary syndrome."
"What's that?"
She got up from the bed, went into the bathroom to get some tissues, and then wiped her face and blew her nose."It's a condition that makes it very hard for a woman to conceive. Some women have had children despite this illness, but I just don't appear to be one of them."
Something was wrong with his ears. He couldn't have just heard what he thought he'd heard. There had to be a mistake. So he turned to Deidre for clarification."Are you telling me that you knew this before we got married?"
Nodding, she lowered her head.
Johnson came off the bed as if being too close to it would defile him."Do you know how many times I talked to your mother about the children we would have when we first got married? I bet the two of you had a good laugh over that."
"No, Johnson, my mother begged me to tell you the truth. I wouldn't listen to her, but that hasn't stopped her from praying for us every single day."
"That's honorable of you to be willing to take the blame. But where was your honor when you were lying to me for all these years?"
"It wasn't like that, Johnson. I honestly believed that I would be able to have children, so I thought my diagnosis was a nonissue."
"Except you didn't trust me enough to tell me about this nonissue." Johnson threw up his hands."I've got to get out of here," he said as he flung the bedroom door open and stormed down the stairs.
"Johnson, wait, don't leave. We need to talk about this," Deidre yelled as Johnson descended the stairs.
He grabbed his keys off the entryway table and opened the front door. He then turned back to his wife and said, "You should have talked to me years ago. You chose not to. Well, guess what, Deidre. Now I don't want to talk." With that he walked out of the house and slammed the door.
Johnson got into his truck, gunned the engine, and sped off. Since the day he had met Deidre, his life had been connected to her. All he had ever wanted was to please her. He'd even been willing to give up his military career. But their life had been built on a lie, and Johnson didn't know if he could handle that.
He drove around aimlessly for a while, then turned his car toward Fairborn, Ohio, in the direction of Wright-Patterson Air Force Base as he headed to Marissa's house. Deidre wouldn't appreciate that he'd gone to see Marissa, but Johnson didn't care at this moment. Marissa had always been a good friend, and she always told him the truth. And that's what he needed right now, to be in the presence of someone he could trust.
Marissa lived in a small, one-story brick house just five minutes from the base. Johnson knocked on her door, hoping that she hadn't already gone to bed or that her boyfriend wouldn't throw him out if he was there. When Marissa opened the front door, the first thing Johnson noticed was how big and uncomfortable she looked with her stomach protruding from her slim body like a missile.
"Hey, were you asleep?"
Marissa tried to wrap her robe around her belly, but it wasn't working."I was watching CSI. Come on in. Let me go put on some clothes."
Johnson sat down in the living room and waited for Marissa to return.
When she walked back into the living room, she had on a pair of maternity jeans and a pink- and blue-striped maternity shirt that said "Baby on Board," and had an arrow that pointed downward. Johnson had thought he would one day watch Deidre walk around in funny-looking clothes like that, but she had dashed all his dreams with her revelation tonight. And in truth, he was beginning to think that the woman he loved and trusted was some kind of monster.
"So what's up?"
Johnson leaned his head against the back of the couch."I just needed to get my head on straight."
Concern etched on her face, Marissa sat down next to Johnson."What's going on? What happened?"
He put his hand over his forehead as if feeling for a fever. But the sad irony was that Johnson would have gladly weathered a fever rather than this aching feeling that was in his heart. He sat up, then hesitated for a moment as he tried to get his head around this nightmare that had become his life."Do you remember me telling you that Deidre and I were desperately trying to have children, but so far nothing had happened?"
"Yeah. I also remember how you told me that it wasn't fair that unmarried women could just pop kids out like it was nothing but couldn't figure out how to take care of the kids once the delivery was done."
"I apologized for that comment," Johnson reminded her.
Nodding, Marissa said, "And I accepted your apology, so I shouldn't have even brought it up. My bad. Go on with what you were saying?"
"Deidre can't have children," Johnson blurted out.
"I thought you had already figured that she probably couldn't have children. Why is it an issue now?"
"I thought Deidre might have been the problem, but she confirmed it tonight."
"And . . . What's the problem? For better or worse—do you remember those vows?"
"I remember my vows," Johnson said irritably."But Deidre knew she couldn't have children before we got married, and she never said a word."
"Ouch," was all Marissa could say.
"Ouch is right. I just don't know how I'm going to deal with this."
Marissa put her hand on Johnson's shoulder to comfort him."I know this is hard, Johnson, but you need to find a way to get past it if you want your marriage to work."
"I don't know if I can make it work after this," Johnson confessed.
"Oh, come on, Johnson, you didn't marry Deidre because she would be able to have a hundred kids. Because if that were the case, you would have left already. The two of you have been married for seven years with no children, so there had to be another reason for marrying her."
"I loved her."
"And do you still love her?"
He closed his eyes, trying to get a hold on his emotions."I'm not sure how I feel right now."
"Well, then, you better figure it out real quick, buddy. Deidre is a wonderful woman, and I know that she loves you to pieces. You don't want to end up alone, not if you possibly can work this out."
This was why he had come to Marissa. She wasn't a miseryloves-company type of person. She'd made her share of mistakes, but she had never blamed anyone else for them. She was a good friend, and he trusted her advice."Could you trust someone who had lied to you for seven years?"
Marissa took a moment to answer, but when she did, she spoke the truth."It would be hard. I don't know, Johnson. Maybe you need to listen to Deidre's side of this before you make any snap judgments."
"What if I don't like her side of things?"
"This one is too heavy for me. It sounds like you and Deidre might need a marriage counselor." She stood up."And since I've never been married, I don't think I can help you with this one."
He stood up with her."I didn't want to talk to you because of your marriage expertise. I've known you a long time, Marissa, and you've never sugar-coated things. You tell people what they need to hear, and that's that. So I just needed you to help me figure this out."
"I'm sorry, Johnson, I wish I could help you out with this."She walked to the door and opened it."But if you really want my recommendation, then I'd say go home and talk this over with Deidre."
Shaking his head, Johnson admitted, "I don't know if I can do that." He walked out of Marissa's house and got back in his truck. He was more confused than ever now. Yes, Marissa was right, Johnson did love his wife. But could he trust her? Could he get past this deception she had visited on him for seven years? He didn't know, and until he could figure it out, he wasn't sure that he could go home. He pulled his car onto the road and drove until he found a hotel he could check into for the night.
Deidre desperately hoped that the slamming of the door hadn't awakened Kenisha. The children were upstairs in their bedrooms with the doors closed, but Deidre had let the bed out on the sectional in the family room for Kenisha. Deidre had thought it would be better if Kenisha didn't have to worry about climbing up and down the stairs. She just hadn't realized that Kenisha would have to deal with loud, yelling voices and slamming doors. What had she done?
Needing to talk with someone, but not wanting to burden Kenisha, Deidre tiptoed back into her bedroom, picked up the phone, and called her mother. She'd dialed her mother's number more in recent weeks than she had in the past few years. Her mother was truly a woman full of grace and mercy, because she hadn't said a word to Deidre about the way she had treated her family when all they had asked her to do was tell the truth.
Loretta's cheerful voice came over the line."Hey, sweetie, how are you doing?"
As soon as her mother called her "sweetie," tears began flowing. Deidre blurted out, "He left, Mom. I did what you said, and he left."
21
Without Johnson lying beside her, Deidre had a fitful sleep. Most of the night was spent crying rather than trying to sleep, anyway. By morning, even though she had bloodshot eyes, she had to get up and help the kids get dressed and get them off to school. But when Deidre opened the door to the children's bedrooms, she noticed that only Kennedy was still in bed asleep. She tiptoed out of the room, not wanting to wake Kennedy, then she went in search of Jamal and Diamond.
They weren't in the upstairs bathroom, so she went downst
airs. To her shock, Deidre found the kids seated at the kitchen table while Johnson scooped oatmeal into bowls. He then set the bowls on the table in front of the children. A smile crept across Deidre's face as she said, "I didn't know you were here."
He didn't look at her as he responded, "I came to take the kids to school and pick up a few items that I'm going to need."
"What items?" Deidre asked. The smile had left her face, and panic had replaced it.
"I need some underclothes and my uniform."
Was he leaving her? "Are you leaving me?"
"I need some time, Deidre."
"How much time, because I think we have a pretty big decision to make. And I don't think that can wait too long."
Johnson looked up, and his eyes bore into Deidre as he said, "Don't try to guilt me into anything."
She wanted to reason with him—tell him how much she loved and needed him—but she could tell that he wasn't ready to hear that right now. And she really didn't want to put the kids in the middle of this, so she simply asked, "Can I at least know where you're staying?"
"I checked into the Holiday Inn in Fairborn last night."
"Will you be home for Thanksgiving?"
"I don't know."
Deidre turned and walked out of the kitchen. She didn't want to break down in front of the kids. She went into the family room. Kenisha was awake and watching the Turner Network with the volume down.
Long Time Coming Page 15
