She turned to Deidre as she walked into the room and said, "Are you okay?"
Deidre plopped down in the recliner."You heard me and Johnson last night?"
"Yeah, couldn't really avoid it the way you two were yelling. I guess you told him, huh?"
"Yep, I did exactly what you and my mother have been after me to do. And now my husband is going to pack his clothes."
Kenisha didn't say anything. The two of them sat silently in the family room until Jamal and Diamond came in to give Kenisha a hug before leaving for school."Hey," she said to Diamond and Jamal."Give Mrs. Deidre a hug too."
Diamond and Jamal did as Kenisha requested and then ran out of the room. After they left, Kenisha turned back to Deidre and asked, "So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know," Deidre said in a helpless manner."For a long time, I've dreaded that something like this would happen. I didn't want to be deceitful with him, but I was so afraid of losing him."
"If you want my two cents, I don't think he's leaving. Trust me, if that man didn't want anything to do with you, he would have gone to Wal-Mart and bought himself some more clothes. Plus, he's driving my kids around." Kenisha winked at Deidre."He'll be back."
"I asked him if he would be home for Thanksgiving, but he didn't give me an answer."
Kenisha shifted in bed."What made you tell him last night?"
"I watched how Johnson was with the kids last night, and then I thought about what you said about the two of us being able to help each other out, and I decided that you were right. But before I could ask Johnson about adopting the kids, I wanted to tell him what I had done."
"So, just like that, you told him?"
"I honestly don't know if I would have chickened out last night or not. But Johnson had already given up his dream of adopting a newborn, and he told me that he was willing to retire from the military if I would agree to adopt your kids. That's when I knew I couldn't hold the truth from him anymore. You see, I know how much Johnson wanted a newborn, and how much he loves being a soldier. I couldn't take that from him too."
"Wow, that's deep," Kenisha said as she sat up in bed."Your husband was willing to throw his military career away to become a father to my children, and Kennedy's father gave her away for forty dollars."
"Hey, I just remembered that you didn't eat anything last night." Deidre stood up."I'm going to make you some tomato soup. That ought to go down smooth enough."
"Aren't you going to work this morning?"
"No, I need to be here to meet your new nurse, and your wheelchair is being delivered today also."
"Why are you doing this for me? I have been so mean to you."
"You're all right, just a bit of a grouch sometimes," Deidre said as she walked into the kitchen.
Deidre opened a can of tomato soup, put it in a bowl, and microwaved it. She put Kenisha's soup on a tray with a bottle of water. When she returned to the family room, Kenisha had put the bed up and was sitting in the recliner."You're tired of being in bed?"
"Yeah," Kenisha said."As long as I've got the strength, I'd rather sit up. Never did like lying around all day long."
Deidre put the tray in front of Kenisha and then sat down and watched her eat. Deidre had thought Kenisha was thin when they first met, but she was positive that Kenisha had lost even more weight since then."Johnson picked up your pain prescription yesterday. So if you're in any pain, just let me know, and I'll give you a pill."
"I had a friend who had been prescribed some pain medicine. She sat around her house looking like she was tripping off something. I don't want my kids to see me like that. So if I can avoid it, I'd rather just take it at night, after they go to bed."
"Okay, but they will be gone for several hours, so if you need one now, I can get it for you."
"I don't want to chance it. I need to go over Diamond's schoolwork with her when she gets in. She likes to pretend that she doesn't have any and will only do it if you force her."
"I caught a glimpse of that last night," Deidre said with a chuckle.
"She's a smart kid. She just doesn't believe it. Her dad was a thug, but he was no dummy. I always got pretty good grades in school also. So I know Diamond can do the work."
"She'll do it. She's just struggling with being a kid right now."
"Yeah, I just hope my dying doesn't stop them from making something of themselves."
"Kenisha, why do you choose to believe that you're going to die, rather than trust that God can heal you?"
Kenisha put her spoon down and laughed bitterly at that comment."I can't believe you would ask me something like that. Even you believe that I'm going to die. You wouldn't have been talking to Johnson about adopting my kids if you didn't believe it."
"I admit that the signs are there. But I still believe that God can heal you. I'll be praying that prayer until there's no reason to pray it anymore. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
"Yeah, some of that 'hope for the best, but plan for the worst' stuff."
"I guess that's about the easiest way to explain how I'm feeling about the situation."
Kenisha pushed the bowl of tomato soup to the side of the tray and drank her water. After taking a few gulps of the water, Kenisha said, "Thanks, I'm done with this."
"You only ate half of your soup. Try to eat a little more, Kenisha."
Kenisha lifted her hand."That's all I can get down right now, Deidre. I'll try to eat more later. Okay?"
Deidre got up to remove the tray, but Kenisha grabbed her arm and said, "Kennedy's crying. Can you go get her for me, please?"
Deidre hadn't heard anything, but she went upstairs anyway. And sure enough, Kennedy was sitting up in the bed crying her eyes out."Don't be scared, princess. I'm right here."Deidre picked Kennedy up and noticed that the child was wet."Did you have an accident?"
Kennedy shook her head.
"Okay, well, let me get you all cleaned up." Deidre grabbed some clean clothes and underwear out of the drawer, took Kennedy to the bathroom, and cleaned her up. For her effort, Deidre was rewarded with a hug."Thank you, Kennedy. Now let's go see your mom."
A big smile appeared on Kennedy's face the moment she walked into the family room and saw Kenisha."Ma-ma," the little girl said as she stretched out her arms for Kenisha.
Deidre took the tray out of Kenisha's lap and placed Kennedy there."Sorry it took us so long. Somebody had an accident."
"Sorry, Ma-ma."
Kenisha looked at Deidre and said, "I forgot to tell you that I put a diaper on her at night. She's pretty good with going to the bathroom during the day—just needs a little more time to get the nighttime potty going right." Kenisha's eyes filled with sadness after she said the words "little more time." She then told Deidre, "We need to visit James, so I can get him to sign the release form so you won't have a problem adopting Jamal."
"Hold on, wait a minute, Kenisha. In case you haven't noticed, my husband has left me. I can't raise three children on my own."
"Please. I did it. Why couldn't you?"
"First of all, I work full-time. I wouldn't be able to give your kids everything they need without Johnson's help."
"You know, you've got more excuses than Kraft has cheese. I really wish you would just make up your mind, because I don't have a lot of time for these guessing games."
The doorbell rang. Deidre got up to answer it. Kenisha yelled at her, "We're not through with this conversation."
"Whatever," Deidre said as she left the room and went to open the front door.
"Hello, I'm Cynthia Harding. I'm here for Kenisha Smalls."
"Are you the home healthcare nurse who's supposed to start today?"
The woman smiled."Yes, I am."
"Come in. She's getting a little feisty, so maybe you can help me with her."
"I'll try my best," Cynthia said as Deidre walked her to the family room.
Deidre made the introductions, and to her surprise, Kenisha was actually nice to the woman. Kenisha and Cynthia spent the day
getting acquainted. Cynthia informed them that she could be there Monday through Thursday, but Friday was already dedicated to another patient. Deidre called Aisha and asked if she could sit with Kenisha on Fridays. Aisha agreed. All appeared to be going well as Deidre went to pick up Jamal and Diamond. When they returned home, the wheelchair was being delivered.
Jamal jumped out of the car and ran into the house. He watched as Cynthia helped Kenisha into the chair and then asked, "Why are you in a wheelchair? And who is she?" he asked, pointing at Cynthia.
"Don't I get a hello, a hug or something?" Kenisha asked while sitting in the wheelchair.
"Sure, Mama." He walked over and hugged her. He then stepped back and looked around the room."Why are you sleeping in the family room? Why aren't you in a bedroom like the rest of us? And why are we still staying with Mrs. Deidre? You're out of the hospital. I want to go home."
As Deidre and Diamond walked into the family room, Deidre heard Kenisha say, "You've got an awful lot of questions for someone who don't run nothing. You let me handle this, and I'll tell you what's going on when I'm ready."
"But—"
"No buts, Jamal. Go do your homework, and I'll talk to you later. Okay?"
"Fine. Don't tell me what's going on. I don't care, anyway," Jamal said as he turned and stomped out of the room.
Deidre told Diamond to go do her homework also. When the two older children were out of the room, Deidre sat down next to Kenisha's wheelchair. She was trying to be patient with Kenisha, but this had gone on long enough."He's not stupid, Kenisha. He knows something is wrong."
"I'm not saying nothing until I have some parents for them."And then through clenched teeth, Kenisha asked, "Now, do you want the job or not?"
Sometimes Kenisha's attitude was so bad that Deidre wondered why she even bothered. But Deidre didn't know how it felt to be given a death sentence, and she didn't know if she would be able to treat people with loving-kindness if her life was being abruptly cut short, either, so she endured. Sighing deeply, Deidre stood up."Let me call Johnson, and then I'll let you know something for sure."
"Finally," Kenisha said as she rolled her eyes and shook her head at the situation.
Deidre didn't respond. She went upstairs to her bedroom and closed the door. She looked at the telephone but didn't pick it up. Instead, remembering that she hadn't prayed this morning, she got down on her knees in front of her bed and bowed her head. She didn't like neglecting to spend time with God, and then having to come to Him in a time of need. So she said, "Father, I really need to talk to you about something, but first I want to ask your forgiveness. I haven't spent as much time in prayer as I ought to. Lately, I've been coming to You only when I need something, and that's not right. If I am going to have a true relationship with You, then we need to commune together on a regular basis."
In her heart, Deidre knew that she wasn't just saying words that were expected of her. She truly missed spending time with God and had allowed the circumstances of life to dictate her relationship with God, but that ridiculous behavior would stop now. Even if Johnson never came back, if she never became a mother, she would love God for a lifetime and be content with that."Lord, I have been asking You to heal Kenisha, and I still believe that You can do it. Because I know that You can do the impossible. But Kenisha is asking that I adopt her children if she doesn't make it, and I need to give her an answer. I don't want to agree to do this if Johnson is not in agreement with me. He is still my husband, whether he wants to be or not. So, please, Lord, cause Johnson to have a change of heart where I am concerned. Allow him to see that Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy need him just as much as I do."
When she had finished praying, Deidre remained on her knees for a while, hoping to hear God say all was forgiven and that He would go before her and speak to Johnson on her behalf. However, she didn't hear anything. But as the Bible said, faith without works is dead. So she got off her knees, choosing to believe that God would work everything out according to her prayers, and she called Johnson.
By the third ring, Deidre worried that she would be talking to Johnson's voice mail, but then he picked up."What's up, Deidre?"
His voice sounded hurried, like he wanted to answer her question and get off the phone as fast as he could."Kenisha wants an answer from us. She refuses to tell the kids about her situation until she knows what we are going to do."
He was silent for a moment, but then said, "I don't know, Deidre. You and I have a lot to iron out before we'll even know where we're going from here. Do you really think we should involve kids in this right now?"
"Johnson, you've been talking about adoption for months. And now that we have an opportunity to make that happen, you don't know what you want to do?"
"You know why I don't know, Deidre. So don't put this all on me."
"No matter how upset you are with me, Johnson, these kids didn't do anything to you. And if we wait too long, we could lose them."
Again he was silent.
"I need to let Kenisha know something."
"And I need to pray about this, Deidre. So I can't give you an answer this very minute."
"Thursday, Johnson. You have until then. When you come over for Thanksgiving, Kenisha and I will expect an answer from you." She hung up the phone and sat on her bed for a moment. She hadn't meant to sound demanding, but she couldn't let Johnson hem and haw around this issue. Kenisha deserved some peace in these terrible days to come. She would just keep praying that God would soften Johnson's heart.
22
Kenisha knew that Johnson had decided to be a father to her children the moment he walked through the door and set his suitcase down in the entryway. This had been a good day for her so far. She had been walking around and helping Deidre prepare the Thanksgiving dinner. She had been on her way to the bathroom when Johnson opened the front door. When she saw the suitcase, she wanted to run and give him a hug. But then sadness crept into her soul, because Kenisha knew that she would break her children's hearts today."Hey, Johnson, how are you doing?"
He smiled."I'm good, how about yourself?"
"Oh, you know how it is, I have good days and bad."She pointed at his suitcase."Does that mean what I think it means?"
Johnson nodded.
"Have you told Deidre yet?"
"No, I haven't talked to her in a couple of days, but I'll tell her after I unpack."
"All right. Well, I've got to go to the bathroom before I have an accident," Kenisha told him as she walked into the bathroom. She was glad that Deidre would have someone to share her life with and that the children would finally have a real father figure in their lives, but as she sat on the toilet and blood that she knew had not come from her menstrual cycle began to trickle out, depression set in, and she silently cried for herself.
When she was done crying for all the days she would never see, the first dates, the prom dates, and the weddings that she would never know anything about, she cried for her children. Kenisha was not one to sit around with a cell phone attached to her ear, ignoring her children. She'd done things with them . . . taught them things. Her kids would miss her, that was one thing she knew for certain. And that was the most painful thing of all to swallow. Not that she could swallow anything anyway, with her throat hurting so bad it felt as if it were closing up on her.
She looked heavenward and asked, "Why, God, why? Couldn't you have found someone else to pick on?"
There was a knock on the bathroom door, and Kenisha jumped."Mama, are you in there?"
It was Jamal. Kenisha smiled. He was her firstborn, the one she had spent the most time with. Would he remember her? "I'll be out in a minute," Kenisha said after she'd cleared her throat.
"What are you doing in there?"
"Just having a little private time, son. I'll be back in the kitchen in a minute. Okay?"
"All right, but hurry up. Mrs. Deidre went upstairs to talk to Johnson, and there's still a whole bunch of food that needs to be cooked before we can eat."
&n
bsp; Kenisha wiped the tears from her face as she laughed at Jamal. He was always hungry. It didn't matter how much he ate, he could always make room for more."Grab a banana and sit down somewhere, hungry boy." She flushed the toilet and then washed her hands. She threw a little water on her face to clear away any tear stains, dried her face, and then opened the bathroom door.
Jamal was still standing there. He whispered, "Did you do the number two?"
"No, boy, I just needed some time to myself."
"Good, because I need to go now," he said as he ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.
Kenisha went back into the kitchen and finished cutting up the peaches Deidre needed for the peach cobbler she was going to bake. She willed herself not to think about anything but the peaches in front of her and the wonderful meal her children would enjoy in a little while. But when Deidre walked back into the kitchen, Kenisha saw that she had been crying. But she didn't look sad. Kenisha knew that Deidre's joy came from the fact that she would soon become mother to her children.
All of a sudden, Kenisha was tired and needed to lie down."I'm going to the family room for a while," she told Deidre and then left before they could say anything else to each other. Kenisha buried herself under the covers as she lay on the couch and watched some stupid old Christmas movie. She wanted to curl up in a ball to shield herself from the pain in her heart. But a shooting pain soared through her that was so fierce she had to bite down on her lip to keep from screaming.
Diamond and Jamal walked into the family room. She half smiled at them, trying desperately not to show how much pain she was in.
"You all right?" Diamond asked.
Funny how perceptive kids could be at times. They always seemed to know when something's going on. What was that saying—If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy? Maybe kids went through as much turmoil as their parents when there was a bunch of drama going on in the house. She wished she had thought of that when she was going through all that unnecessary stuff with Chico and his crack demon."I'm okay. Why don't y'all sit down and watch television with me? You can watch whatever you want."
Long Time Coming Page 16
