"Really?" Jamal said excitedly as he grabbed the remote.
Diamond tried to take the remote away from Jamal."You don't get to pick all the time."
When the tug-of-war over the remote started, Kenisha realized that she had made a big mistake by not designating who would get to choose the first program they watched on television. But she was too weak to referee this remote smackdown.
Thankfully, Johnson came into the room and grabbed the remote."If the two of you are going to fight over the remote, then nobody is going to get it."
"But Mama wanted to watch television with us. She said we get to choose," Diamond informed Johnson.
Kenisha gave Johnson a weak smile as he looked her way."It's my fault," she admitted, even as she hoped that he would take care of the situation and not ask her to do it. She didn't want her children to know that she needed help to get off the couch right now. Not on Thanksgiving. She wanted them to enjoy this day, because, before they went to bed tonight, she was going to break their hearts.
"Okay, then," Johnson said."You two sit down, and what we are going to do is alternate." He pulled a coin out of his pocket and told Jamal and Diamond to pick a side.
Jamal picked heads and Diamond was left with tails. The coin flipped in the air and fell to the ground so everyone could see the results. The coin landed on tails.
"Yes!" Diamond said as she jumped up and did a dance move around the floor.
"No need to gloat, Diamond," Kenisha said as she laughed.
"I'll take that." Diamond pointed at the remote in Johnson's hand.
"Okay, young lady, you get the first pick. But after your program goes off, then it's Jamal's turn. And I'm sure Kennedy will be awake by then, so after Jamal, you two have to give Kennedy a turn. Okay?"
"Okay," they said in unison.
Diamond then turned to Jamal and said, "I'm going to try to find something we both like."
Kenisha was so proud of her children. They hadn't been raised in the best of circumstances, but they were good kids. She was well aware of what people thought about project kids. But she had never raised her children to follow in her footsteps. She knew well that children raised in poverty grew up to live in poverty themselves. It had already happened to her. Martha had raised them in the projects with barely a dime to her name. And Kenisha and Aisha had both ended up in their own project homes with a houseful of kids and scattered daddies.
That's why it had been so important to Kenisha to find someone willing to adopt her children, rather than leave it up to the state to choose someone. She didn't want the state to piecemeal her children off to people who were only taking them in to collect a check. She wanted a better life for her children. And the moment she discovered that Deidre didn't have any children, Kenisha had hoped and prayed that this educated woman with the nice house would want to adopt her children. Kenisha realized that she had been pushy at times, but her children's lives were at stake. And Kenisha would look out for their best interests until she took her last breath.
By the time they had watched their second movie, Kennedy had awakened from her nap and dinner was ready. Johnson brought the wheelchair over and helped Kenisha into it."We've got a spot for you at the head of the table," he told her while wheeling her into the dining room.
"Thank you," Kenisha said.
"Everything looks wonderful, Deidre. Were you and Kenisha up late last night preparing the food?" Johnson asked.
"We cooked the turkey and the ham last night," Deidre said, "but everything else was fixed this morning. Kenisha was feeling pretty good this morning, so we worked together."
"Yeah, Mama fixed the yams and the green beans," Jamal chimed in.
Johnson blessed the food, and then he and Deidre started filling plates. Jamal and Diamond ate as if they had just discovered food existed. Kenisha was so embarrassed, but she didn't say anything. She just couldn't bring herself to chastise her children—not today.
Kenisha, on the other hand, took slow, deliberate bites of her food. She was sure that Deidre thought she was eating so slowly because her throat was hurting. But the truth of the matter was, she would sit at this table forever if she could. But when dinner was finished and everyone had left the dining room, Deidre walked over to Kenisha and asked, "Are you ready?"
"No," Kenisha answered honestly."Do we really have to tell them? Can't I just write them a note, and you or Johnson read it to them after everything is all over?"
"I don't think that's fair to the kids, Kenisha. They already know something is wrong. We need to talk to them. Okay?"
Kenisha wanted to continue expressing her objections, but Deidre was right. Her children deserved the truth, and she had just been too chicken to give it to them. She lowered her head, trying to adjust to the reality that had been forced upon her. When she raised her head, she was in control of the situation once again."All right, let's go talk to them."
Deidre grabbed hold of Kenisha's wheelchair and pushed her into the family room. The kids were getting situated, while Johnson put in a DVD. He turned to the kids and said, "If you want to know what I'm thankful for, it is the birth of Jesus. I'm also thankful that I was able to share this day with all of you. Now, the next holiday that will be upon us in less than a month is Christmas, and I want you all to understand the true meaning of that day, before we get too busy making out lists for all the presents we want."
"But we are supposed to get presents for Christmas," Diamond, the gimme-gimme kid, chimed in.
"Yes, receiving presents is a fine way to celebrate Christmas, but this movie will show you the reason we give presents in the first place. It is a movie about the birth of Jesus and it's in cartoon form, so I think you all will enjoy. Okay?"
The kids nodded, and Johnson hit the play button.
Kenisha wanted to tell Johnson to turn that movie off. No sense filling her kids' heads with all that Jesus nonsense. But as long as the movie was on, she didn't have to talk. So she let the movie play and watched her children as they enjoyed themselves.
When the movie was over, which was way too soon as far as Kenisha was concerned, Johnson turned off the television and looked at Kenisha. Kenisha turned away from him. She looked at Deidre, hoping that she would call this whole "let's tell the children" thing off. But Deidre didn't look like she wanted to play the deception game anymore.
"All right, then," Kenisha said under her breath. She then turned to her children and said, "I need to talk to you guys about something."
"Is it about our Christmas presents?" Diamond asked with a gleam in her eyes.
How Kenisha wished she could talk to them about Christmas presents. Kenisha held back tears as she said, "No, baby, it's not."
The room was silent. Kenisha didn't want to break the silence, either. She was quite content with sitting here looking at her children without saying a mumbling word. But Johnson had to open his mouth and interrupt the peaceful atmosphere in the room.
"Your mother needs to talk to you all about something very important," Johnson said, giving Kenisha a gentle nudge.
Kennedy got off the couch, and went and sat down on Johnson's lap. To Kenisha that was a sign that her children belonged in this house and that they would be all right. She turned to Jamal and said, "Jamal, do you remember when you asked me why I needed this wheelchair, and why we were staying here with the Morrises?"
"Yeah. But you told me that you would tell me when you were ready."
Ready or not . . ."I think it's time for me to tell you what's going on." Kenisha took a deep breath and then said, "You know I had the surgery to get rid of my cancer, right?"
"And the doctor was going to make you all better," Diamond said matter-of-factly.
She had told them that, and naturally they had believed her."That's what I thought. But a couple of months ago, Dr. Lawson told me that the cancer hadn't left and that it had spread throughout my body." She stopped talking again. Kenisha hadn't wanted to talk to her children about this because she knew it was going to
be one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do in life. The pain of giving birth to the children was nothing compared to telling them that she wouldn't be there for their prom, graduation, first job interview, marriage. She wouldn't even get to see her first grandchild brought into the world, or know which one of her kids had the first grandchild, for that matter.
"Anyway, I've been getting sicker, and . . . and the doctors don't think I'm going to get any better."
"Are you dying?" Jamal asked with a horror-stricken look on his face.
The look on her son's face weakened Kenisha's resolve not to cry, and the tears began to fall. She would give anything to not have to say those words to Jamal. Living was so hard, why did dying have to be just as hard? She put her hand over her eyes and covered them while she tried to stop the tears from flowing.
Deidre put her hand on Kenisha's back and gently rubbed it. She leaned down and whispered in Kenisha's ear, "Do you need to stop?"
Kenisha shook her head. She wasn't going through this agony again; she was going to finish this tonight. Taking another deep breath and swallowing the lump in her throat, Kenisha looked at Jamal and said, "Yes, baby. I'm dying."
Jamal immediately stood up and screamed, "I don't believe you! That's not fair!" He then ran out of the room.
Deidre got up and followed Jamal.
Diamond's bottom lip began to quiver. She stood up and walked over to her mother and asked, "Why do you want to die?"
"Oh, baby, I don't want to die." Kenisha grabbed Diamond and hugged her close."If it were up to me, I'd stay with you for a million years."
Diamond pulled away from her mother and asked, "Who is it up to?"
Shaking her head, Kenisha answered, "I don't know, sweetie."
"Jamal and I had the kids in the children's church pray for you when you were in the hospital. I think I'm going to ask the adults to pray when we go back to church."
Kenisha wanted to tell her daughter not to ask nobody for nothing. God wasn't listening to their prayers. He didn't care nothing about them, so don't waste your time, but she just brought her daughter close to her again and hugged her. She wanted to hug all her children as many times as she could between now and death.
Kennedy climbed down from Johnson's lap and walked over to her mother with a curious look on her face. She looked at Kenisha and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Everything, baby, everything," Kenisha said as tears blocked her vision.
23
No!" Jamal yelled as Deidre walked toward him."I don't want to go back in there."
After receiving the news from Kenisha, Jamal had run outside and was now huddled in a corner on the porch."You don't have to, honey. Just wait right here for a second, I'll be right back." Deidre went directly to the entryway closet and grabbed Jamal's coat and hers and a blanket, and then ran back outside."Here, put your coat on, and we'll get under the blanket so I can sit out here with you for a while. Okay?"
"Okay, but I'm not going back in there," Jamal told her as he put his coat on.
Deidre took the seat cushions off of the two chairs that were on the porch and handed one to Jamal as she sat next to him on the other one. She then put the cover around them."I hate being cold. How about you?"
"It's not so bad. The worst for me is getting too hot," Jamal said.
"Well, is this cover making you hot?"
"No, it's fine."
After that, the conversation stalled. Deidre didn't want to push Jamal. Having your mother tell you that she was dying was a lot for an eight-year-old to take in. He needed to process the information, and she wasn't going to rush him.
They had been silent for about ten minutes when Jamal finally said, "You might want to go back inside. I don't want you to freeze out here."
She took that to mean that Jamal was starting to get cold. She shouldn't have given him the cushion for his bottom; maybe she would have been able to get him back inside faster if his backside froze off."I might, but I'm not going in until you do."
"But that's silly."
"No sillier than you sitting out here freezing."
Jamal was silent another few minutes, and then he asked, "If she knew she was dying a couple months ago, why didn't she tell us?"
"Some things are hard to say, Jamal." Deidre knew that from experience, so she didn't have any rocks to throw at Kenisha."Your mom has been trying to figure out a lot of things for herself and for you, Diamond, and Kennedy."
"Well, who is going to keep us if we're not going to have a mama no more?" Jamal asked, sounding angry.
"That's the other thing your mama wanted to talk to you about. I don't think I should tell you anything before your mother has a chance to finish talking to you all."
Putting his hand under his chin in a sulking fashion, Jamal said, "I don't want to hear it."
"You must want to know, Jamal, because you just asked me." Deidre stood up and held her hand out to Jamal."Come on, let's go talk to Kenisha and get some of your questions answered."
After a minute Jamal grabbed Deidre's hand and lifted himself up. He walked into the house and back into the family room. Kenisha held her hand out to him, and he ran into her arms.
"It's not fair. It's not fair," Jamal kept repeating.
"I know, baby, but I can't do anything about it." Kenisha ran her hand down Jamal's back, trying to caress him.
He stepped back from her as his eyes lit with an idea."What if I did extra chores at home? That way you could rest more and get better."
"I wish it was that simple, Jamal. But I don't want to lie to you anymore. I'm dying, and there's nothing we can do about it."
Jamal's hands clenched into fists as he angrily said, "Then what are me, Diamond, and Kennedy supposed to do? We're just kids; we can't take care of ourselves."
Kenisha looked toward Deidre and Johnson. Johnson stood up and put a hand on Jamal's shoulder."Sit down for a minute, Jamal. Deidre and I would like to talk to you about something."
Jamal sat down, but his eyes now suspiciously scanned the room, connecting with the three grown-ups.
Deidre asked Kenisha, "Do you want us to tell him?"
Kenisha nodded.
Deidre asked Diamond to sit down next to Jamal. Kennedy jumped back on Kenisha's lap, and Deidre saw no reason to move her. Kennedy had no clue what was going on, anyway. Deidre turned to Jamal and Diamond and said, "I want you both to know that Johnson and I have grown to love you so m-much." Her voice broke with the weight of the emotion she was feeling, and she couldn't go on.
Johnson stepped in."What Deidre is trying to tell you is that we want you all to live with us, as a family. Kenisha has asked us to adopt you, and that's what we plan to do."
Jamal shook his head. He turned to Kenisha and said, "I want to live with my daddy."
"Honey, your dad will be in prison for at least eight more years. You'll be sixteen by the time he gets out. If you don't live with the Morrises, you'll be placed in foster care, and I know you don't want that."
"He might come home sooner. You always said that he could get paroled at any time."
"That's not going to happen, Jamal. He'll be gone at least another eight years. I'm sorry, son, but that's the truth."
"What about Grandma Martha? She'll take us."
"You don't want to do that, Jamal," Kenisha said."Your Grandma Martha has a drinking problem. She wouldn't raise you the way you need to be raised."
Deidre was a little surprised that Kenisha came right out and told Jamal that his grandmother had a drinking problem, but if she were trying to protect her children from harm, she would probably tell them some things they didn't want to hear too. She admired Kenisha for looking out for the best interests of her children at any cost.
Jamal pointed at Deidre and Johnson and said, "They don't even know us. Why would they take us in?"
Deidre crouched down in front of Jamal and said, "I know you. The first day you came to my office, I knew there was something special about you. I had no idea that we would
one day become family, but Jamal, I have to tell you that each day I've spent with each of you I have fallen more and more in love. I tried to fight it for a long time, because I had no idea that Johnson and I would one day adopt the three of you. But that's what Kenisha wants, and I hope you'll want us too."
Diamond gave Deidre a hug and said, "Thank you for adopting us."
"Thank you for letting me," Deidre said with tears in her eyes. This was hard. It was so hard, but she would walk through the fire for these children. She only hoped that she would be able to help them through this.
"But I thought you were praying for my mother," Jamal said, that suspicious look in his eyes again.
"I was, Jamal. And I still am. You can pray for her too. And when we go to church—"
"No!" Kenisha's voice boomed throughout the room.
Deidre turned and looked at Kenisha.
"Stop taking my kids to church. I don't want you filling their heads with false hope."
Johnson said, "Wait a minute, Kenisha. You knew we were Christians when you asked us to adopt the children. I'm sorry, but we will be taking them to church. So you need to make sure that you want them to be with us, because we will share our faith with them."
"And that's a good thing," Deidre interjected. Now that she had agreed to take the kids, she couldn't bear to lose them. The only way she would willingly give them up would be if Kenisha received a miracle and survived this ordeal.
Incredulously, Kenisha asked, "How can you still trust God, with all the praying you've done for a child and for my healing, and nothing ever happens?"
Deidre sat down next to Kenisha and tried to explain her faith the best way she could."I don't know why some of my prayers haven't been answered. But I still believe that God is able to do the impossible, and that is why I trust Him."
Unmoved, Kenisha said, "If you want to waste your time with church and all that whoopla, go ahead, but I'm going to make sure that my kids know the truth." Kenisha turned to her children and said bitterly, "God don't care nothing about us. We're from the projects, and that's where you'll end up when you're grown if you don't do something to change things. You hear me? Don't wait on no God in the sky to change things for you."
Long Time Coming Page 17
