Long Time Coming

by Vanessa Miller

  As the paramedics were preparing to roll Kenisha out of the house, Johnson and the kids came down the stairs. Deidre could kiss her husband for holding the kids back. From the time she let the paramedics into the house, she'd heard the kids questioning Johnson. Somehow he'd managed to hold them off until the last moment. Deidre put the soiled clothes in a trash bag and pulled the sheets off the bed as the children gathered around Kenisha.

  "Where are you going, Mama?" Diamond asked.

  "Hospital," was the only word Kenisha got out, as the paramedics wheeled her out of the house and into the ambulance.

  "I want to go," Jamal said as he tried to run after the paramedics.

  Johnson grabbed Jamal."We're all going. That's why I had you wash up and put on your clothes. Now go get your coats so we can get to the hospital."

  Deidre went into the bathroom to wash her hands. When she came out, she asked Johnson, "Do you think it's wise to take them?"

  "Yes, I do. This might be it for Kenisha. And if it is, I don't want them to think we kept them from seeing their mother one last time."

  Deidre nodded."You're right. Let's go."

  They spent the day at the hospital. The kids had eaten breakfast and then lunch in the hospital cafeteria before the emergency room doctor could tell them anything. But when he finally came out, the prognosis was so grim, Deidre wished she'd never met with the man."There's nothing we can do for Ms. Smalls. Her oxygen level is decreasing, and her body is shutting down. We recommend that you contact hospice of Dayton and have her moved over there."

  Deidre's hands started shaking. She had known that Kenisha was going to die. Kenisha had given her that awful news herself. However, everybody would die one day or another, anyway. But to be told that death was imminent and that they needed hospice was a different matter altogether.

  Johnson and the kids were in the cafeteria eating lunch so she didn't have anyone to lean on for comfort. Tears filled Deidre's eyes, and she told the doctor, "I-I can't do it. You shouldn't be telling me to do it, either. Shouldn't you be in there trying to fix her?" Her voice elevated as she said, "Isn't this a hospital?"

  The doctor guided Deidre over to a chair and helped her sit down."Try to calm down. I'll have my nurse contact hospice because they will need us to provide a referral, anyway. We will let you know when the assessment nurse from hospice arrives. Is that okay?" he asked as if he were a hostage negotiator trying to keep the peace.

  "Okay," Deidre said as she put her head in her hands and cried. She had spent a lot of time praying for God to heal Kenisha. Now that she supposedly had to face that the end was near, Deidre realized that she hadn't spent nearly enough time praying for Kenisha's salvation. Kenisha had been so resistant to the idea that Deidre had backed down the few times she had attempted to bring the subject up. Now Deidre worried that she had cost Kenisha an eternity in heaven.

  "What happened?" Johnson asked as he rushed over to Deidre.

  Deidre quickly tried to wipe the tears from her face as the kids walked over."Hey," she said to the group.

  "Is something wrong with my mom?" Jamal asked.

  Deidre stood up and tried to calm her own shaking as she said, "She's not feeling well right now. But the doctor feels that she would receive better care if she were transferred to another hospital. The good thing about it is, all of us can be in the room with her anytime we want at this other hospital." Deidre tried her best to say those words in an upbeat manner. Like going to another hospital was like going to Disneyland.

  Johnson mouthed the one word that answered everything, "Hospice?"

  Deidre nodded. Then she asked Johnson, "Can you take the kids in to see Kenisha before they aren't allowed back there anymore? I need to call Aisha."

  "Why wouldn't we be allowed back there?" Johnson asked.

  "I've never been through this before, so I don't know if we would be able to have the kids back there when the nurse gets here or not, so can you please just take them now?" Deidre knew she sounded impatient with Johnson. She didn't mean to take this out on him, but he was available. She took her cell phone out of her purse and walked away from them.

  Outside, Deidre took slow, deep breaths, trying to get a grip on the fact that she was losing a friend, and all the prayers in the world hadn't changed the situation. She looked to heaven and said, "I will trust You."

  She opened her phone and dialed Aisha. When Aisha picked up, Deidre said, "I've got some bad news for you."

  "No. No!" Aisha screamed."I was just over there. Please don't tell me my sister is gone."

  "No, she's not gone, Aisha. But we're at the hospital, and they are going to be moving her to hospice."

  "Oh, my God," Aisha screamed again.

  "Look, Aisha, I need to get back inside, but can you tell your mother and everyone else?"

  "Yeah, okay," Aisha said.

  Deidre hung up and then turned back toward the hospital. She'd give anything if she didn't have to go back in this place. She looked around, wanting to run—to act as if none of this was happening. Then as she silently prayed for strength, she went back into the hospital, went to the chapel, and prayed for Kenisha."Please don't let her leave this earth without learning to forgive and accepting You as her Lord and Savior."

  Kenisha was in and out of consciousness. She vaguely remembered seeing her children and Deidre and Johnson a few times during the day. She also remembered a bunch of people in white coats and light blue hospital uniforms coming in and out of her room. She couldn't say for sure, but she thought she had gone on a ride and then been placed in a different room than the one she had been in earlier. As she opened her eyes, it felt as if she were coming out of a fog. Her room was empty, which seemed strange to Kenisha because she could have sworn that a bunch of people had been surrounding her bed, talking to her. She hadn't been able to recognize the voices or even make out what they were saying, but she remembered the noise of people.

  And now the room seemed so silent to her. Was this how death felt . . . empty and hollow? If this was how dying felt, she didn't like it at all.

  Someone knocked on her door. Kenisha looked around, trying to find the door, then as it opened, a man peeked his head in."You're finally awake," the man said.

  As he opened the door wider, Kenisha saw that he had one of those white collars around his neck, and he was gripping a Bible in his hand like it was gold or something."I just stopped by to see if you wanted prayer."

  "A little late for that, aren't you, Reverend?" Kenisha said scornfully.

  "It's never too late to pray. But I'm available if you just want to talk also."

  Kenisha wanted to curse the man. She was dying. If God had wanted to help her, he could have done something to remove this cancer. But if she put the man out of her room, she would be stuck with the empty hollowness of her room, so she said, "Have a seat."

  He sat down and said, "I'm Elder Lewis."

  "All right, Elder Lewis. Why don't you tell me all about this good God of yours."

  "I certainly can do that," he said with an enormous smile on his face."What do you want to know?"

  For a moment Kenisha couldn't think of anything she wanted to know about God. She thought she pretty much had Him pegged. But then she thought about the conversation she'd had with Kevin, Aisha, and Angelina the other day. She decided that this man was probably in a better position to answer than any of them. So she asked him, "Do you really think there's a heaven?"

  "Yes" was all he said.

  "That's not good enough, Elder Lewis. How do you know there is a heaven?"

  "The Bible mentions heaven more than fifty times."

  "Have you ever seen it?" Kenisha said skeptically.

  "Have you ever seen Disney World?"

  Rolling her eyes, Kenisha said, "No."

  "But you believe it's there, don't you?"

  "Well, of course. I know people who have gone."

  "I know people who have gone to heaven," Elder Lewis countered.

  "You can't sa
y that for sure. Nobody has ever come back from heaven and told about it," Kenisha said as if she had studied the matter extensively and knew what she was talking about.

  "All the people I know are smart. They don't want to come back from heaven once they get there. But there was a man who saw the ins and outs of heaven and wrote about it in the book of Revelation."

  "Yeah, right," Kenisha said. Her skepticism was obvious.

  Elder Lewis opened his Bible and flipped to Revelation."If you don't mind, I'll read some of it to you."

  Kenisha leaned back against her pillow."Go ahead. It's not like I have anywhere to be or nothing."

  He turned back to his Bible and began, "I John, who also am your brother, and companion in tribulation, and in the kingdom and patience of Jesus Christ . . ." He read from chapter 1 through chapter 7 of Revelation.

  The seventh chapter of Revelation fascinated Kenisha. She asked Elder Lewis, "Do you really think that angels are up there bowing and worshiping God like the saints do at church?"

  "I believe every word my Bible says, so I would have to say I do, indeed."

  "That's got to be a sight to see." When the room was silent again, she turned to Elder Lewis and said, "You can read some more of your Bible if you want."

  "I will, but first I'd like to know how you've been feeling about God since you got the news about your cancer?"

  "Getting cancer didn't change my opinion of God. I've known He was unfair ever since I was nine years old."

  "Do you mind my asking what happened when you were nine?"

  Kenisha smirked. She was only too willing to let this goodtidings bringer know what a non-caring God he served."My mother caught her boyfriend raping me and accused me of trying to steal him from her." Kenisha waited for the look of horror that was sure to appear on the man's face. Then she would let him in on a few other things. But the man's expression never changed.

  All he did was say, "I know firsthand that life is hard sometimes. I was molested as a child myself. It took me a long time to get over what happened."

  "Then you should agree with me. If God does exist, He is the most unfair person in the universe. Right?"

  "No, sorry, Kenisha, I don't agree with you on that. You see, I came to find that God is loving and He is kind. The God I serve wants to take away all the pain and suffering that this cruel world inflicts on us."

  Kenisha lay there for a moment, thinking about Elder Lewis's words. She could tell that he truly believed what he said. But the jury was still out for her. She turned to Elder Lewis and said, "I used to pray for God to take away my pain and suffering, but He's been a long time coming."

  30

  Frank Thomas called as Deidre was getting the kids ready to go visit their mother."Are you coming to work today?" he asked snidely.

  "No, the kids are out for winter break, so I gave my staff the day off."

  "I didn't okay any day off for you or your staff."

  "No, sir, you didn't. But I have family obligations that I have to take care of today, and there was no need for my staff to come in if I wasn't going to be there."

  "And when do you plan to get the reports together that I need?"

  Sighing deeply, Deidre said, "I'll come in on weekends if I have to, Dr. Thomas. You'll have your reports, but I can't come into the office today."

  "You know what I think?" Frank Thomas asked.

  "No, I don't." But I'm sure you'll tell me.

  "I think you don't want to write that report on Shameka Nickels. It's going to be hard to explain how you called Children's Services on a woman who filed a complaint against you."

  "Are you kidding me? I did my job. That woman broke her son's arm. She deserves whatever she gets."

  "Well, let me tell you this, Mrs. Morris. You have missed quite a bit of work here lately. You are not setting a good example for your teachers or your office staff. I'm getting complaints every time I turn around about your behavior. So if you don't get yourself in to work today, I'm going to write you up."

  Deidre had worked for numerous school systems and had held different positions, but she had always received glowing reviews and had never been written up for anything. Six months earlier, a threat like that would have caused Deidre to drop everything she had planned and hightail it back to work so she could continue to make a good impression. But life wasn't just about her and Johnson anymore. She had to think about Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy. So she said, "Do what you have to do, Dr. Thomas. I'm going to spend the day with my family like I planned."

  She hung up the phone and finished getting the kids ready to go to hospice. The doorbell rang and Deidre wanted to scream. She told the kids, "Grab your coats," as she opened the door. Dwayne Smalls, Kenisha's father, stood on her porch. Deidre was so relieved that this man had finally come to see his daughter. He was almost too late."Kenisha's not here. She's at hospice. But we're on our way to visit with her. You can follow me if you'd like."

  "I know she's not here. Martha came to my restaurant begging me for the money to bury her. But I'm not giving that woman another dime to go buy a beer with."

  "But I thought you told me that you would pay for the funeral," Deidre said, looking dumbfounded by the callousness of this man.

  He lifted the envelope that was in his hand."Here's the money I promised. You should be able to give her a decent burial with that. I don't want anybody saying people had to go door-to-door begging for money to bury my daughter."

  Deidre took the check, but she wasn't going to let this man off the hook that easily."It would mean a lot to Kenisha if you would go see her."

  "I told you before, I can't do that. Just call and let me know when and where the funeral will be. My number is in the envelope also." With that, he turned and walked away.

  Deidre was burning up. She had never had a violent streak, but she wanted to attack this heartless man. She wanted to jump on his back and beat some sense into his head. She was still seething when she walked into Kenisha's room, so she sat down and began reading forgiveness scriptures while the kids talked to Kenisha.

  When the kids sat down and started watching television, Kenisha turned to Deidre and said, "This man came to my room last night and read to me out of the book of Revelation."

  Deidre was excited, but she tried not to let it show. She just hoped and prayed that God was answering her prayer and that Kenisha would come to know Him before she died."Why'd he read out of Revelation?"

  "We were talking about heaven and whether it really existed or not. So he wanted to prove to me that this dude named John had seen heaven and wrote about it in the Bible."

  "So did he convince you of anything?" Deidre asked slowly.

  "The Bible reading was all right. I didn't have anything else to do. But I still have my doubts." Kenisha pointed at Deidre's Bible."What are you reading?"

  Deidre feared that if she admitted to being angry and needing to forgive, Kenisha might think badly of her and then she wouldn't be willing to listen to anything else Deidre had to say. But then again, Deidre didn't want to lie, so she said, "I've been looking up some scriptures on forgiving."

  Laughing, Kenisha said, "What happened? Did Johnson make you mad or something?"

  "Johnson always makes me mad," Deidre said jokingly.

  "Well, let me hear some of what you're reading. Maybe it will help me forgive a few people." Kenisha propped herself up in bed and prepared herself for another Bible study.

  "Well, I've read through several, but the one that really stuck out for me today was in Matthew when Jesus is talking about prayer. The scriptures that helped me see things the way God would see them, concerning forgiveness, were in Matthew, chapter 6, verses 9-15.

  "After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.

  "And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil: For thine is
the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

  Kenisha's eyes were closed as Deidre finished reading. Deidre thought she had fallen asleep, so she closed her Bible and stood up to go to the restroom.

  When Deidre sat back down, Kenisha said, "Do you think that's how it really works?"

  "What?" Deidre asked, not sure if Kenisha was talking in her sleep or not, since her eyes were still closed.

  "Do you really have to forgive others in order for God to forgive you?"

  "I think you do. That's why I was reading those scriptures, to remind myself that I don't have a right to hold unforgiveness against anyone. Not when God has forgiven me for everything I've ever done wrong."

  Deidre waited for Kenisha to respond, but when Kenisha started snoring, Deidre knew for sure that she was asleep this time. That's when the doubts came pouring in. Had she picked the right scripture to read? Had she answered her question right? Why hadn't she told Kenisha about salvation? Instead of dealing with her little forgiveness issue, she could just as easily have turned her Bible to John 3:16-17. But she had allowed Kenisha's father to get under her skin and make her lose focus. Deidre just hoped that God would give her a little more time. She lifted her head heavenward and silently prayed, "Please, Lord, don't let her die without confessing You as her savior."

  "Why is she sleeping so much?" Diamond asked as she came back over to Kenisha's bed.

  "She's tired, honey. But don't worry, we're going to stay here all day. So, when she's awake, you'll be able to talk to her. Okay?"

  "Okay, but she sure is tired an awful lot."

  Deidre lifted Diamond into her lap. She gave the little girl a hug. She planned to give her lots of hugs in the weeks, months, and years ahead."Do you remember when your mom told you about her illness?"