She dozed off and when she opened her eyes, Jamal and Diamond were jumping up and down in front of her saying, "Get up, get up!"
"W-what's wrong?" Deidre said as she jumped off the couch. Lord, please don't tell me that Kenisha is gone. Not yet, Lord, please. "Did something happen?"
"Calm down, De," Johnson said as he came into the room."The kids are just wanting to get to church so they can see the Christmas play and then go to hospice for the sleepover with their cousins."
"Oh, okay. Let me go upstairs and get dressed. Give me twenty minutes."
"Twenty minutes?" Diamond said, as if Deidre had asked for six months.
"Yes, twenty minutes. Now, go in the kitchen and get a snack. I'll be back before you know it." Deidre headed up the stairs thanking God for yet another day of Kenisha living on earth.
Pastor Monroe was behind the pulpit welcoming the visitors when they arrived. Loretta had only attended their church once before. That was the first year that Deidre and Johnson had joined the ministry.
So Loretta stood up and proudly announced, "My name is Loretta Clark, and I am Deidre Morris's mother. I am so happy to be here celebrating Christmas with her, my son-in-law, and my new grandchildren." Loretta picked Kennedy up and hugged her as she retook her seat.
When the service ended and Deidre and Johnson prepared to leave, Deidre was feeling pretty good about her newfound freedom. So good in fact that when Mother Barrow came over to them, Deidre reached out and hugged the woman."Merry Christmas, Mother Barrow. We haven't seen you around here in a while. Have you been okay?"
"I was in Maryland, visiting my son and his wife for Thanksgiving. I stayed on until last week."
"Well, it's nice to have you back," Johnson told her.
Deidre then introduced her mother to Mother Barrow.
Mother Barrow told Loretta, "It's nice to meet you. But I came over here to get a good look at these children." She looked at Jamal, Diamond, and Kennedy as if studying them.
She then turned to Deidre and said, "Yep, these are the children that God showed me you would have, but I must say, I thought they would come one at a time." Mother Barrow laughed at herself."Isn't that just like God? He only lets us see what he wants us to see."
Johnson picked up Kennedy as he told Mother Barrow, "We're adopting them, but they're ours just the same."
Mother Barrow smiled as she asked, "Is the baby in the nursery?"
"What baby?" Deidre asked with a raised eyebrow.
"God showed me four kids. The smallest was a baby."
Deidre and Johnson glanced at each other questioningly. Okay, Deidre acknowledged that Mother Barrow had been right about the fact that they would become parents. But a fourth child? Would the courts let them adopt another child so soon after applying for the adoption of three at one time?
Mother Barrow put her hand on Deidre's stomach and closed her eyes. When she opened them, she said, "God didn't leave me wondering on this one. He's in there."
Johnson started ushering the kids out of the pew as he told Mother Barrow, "Good to have you back, but we need to get going. The kids have a sleepover to get to."
"Are you okay?" Johnson asked Deidre as they got in the car.
Deidre saw the look of concern in her husband's eyes. He was worried that she was going to flip out over Mother Barrow's prediction that she was pregnant. But Deidre had already passed through that storm, and she had learned to trust God. She wasn't running off to the drugstore to buy a pregnancy test or begin worrying that her period was going to show up any minute and dispute the prediction. If Mother Barrow was right, Deidre would be happy for the addition to their family; if she was wrong, it would not steal her joy. She told Johnson, "I am more than okay. I'm blessed to have all of you in my life." She then turned and looked toward the backseat and asked the kids, "So are you ready for your sleepover?"
"Yes!" they said in unison.
They drove the kids to hospice. Johnson took their sleeping bags out of the back of the truck and walked the kids in. Deidre latched onto her mother's arm as they slowly walked into the building."I'm proud of you, Deidre. You have grown through this experience. You seem so content and self-assured."
Deidre patted Loretta's arm."Thank you for saying that, Mom. None of this has been easy. And I really can't say how it happened, but I have truly learned to rest in Jesus."
As they walked into Kenisha's room, Deidre noted that Aisha, Kevin, and Angelina were all there, along with Aisha's children. But she didn't see Martha. While Loretta was meeting everyone, Deidre pulled Aisha to the side and said, "I thought you were going to bring Martha."
Aisha looked a bit embarrassed as she admitted, "I was, but when I got over there to pick her up, she was drunk. She claimed that she was drinking because she was so upset about Kenisha. But I told her I wouldn't bring her here in that condition."
"But Kenisha wants to see her," Deidre reminded Aisha. Matter of fact, Deidre believed that Kenisha needed to see her mother.
"Not like that, she doesn't. If I brought Martha here drunk, Kenisha would probably use all the strength she has left to tell both of us off." Aisha shook her head."I just couldn't spoil Kenisha's last Christmas like that."
"Do you mind if I go pick Martha up?" Deidre asked as an idea struck her. Before she retired, Loretta had worked for Alcoholics Anonymous. She had had one of the highest success rates in the program. Deidre believed that was largely due to the fact that she told her clients about Jesus. Maybe God had sent Loretta down here this Christmas for Martha.
"Be my guest. Just don't bring her here drunk." Aisha walked away.
On the drive over to Martha's house, it started snowing."Look at that," Johnson said."The kids are going to have a white Christmas."
"And if God is merciful, they'll have this one last Christmas with their mother," Deidre said hopefully.
Johnson pulled up in front of Martha's house."I'll go get her. Lock the doors and wait for me to come back out with her," he said as if he were planning a mission with his soldiers. He knocked on the front door, and to his surprise it opened. Martha had not closed her door all the way, so it had just eased open with Johnson's heavy-handed knock.
"W-who is it?" Martha slurred as she sat up on the couch.
"It's Johnson Morris, ma'am. I'm Deidre's husband."
"Oh, the people who are taking my grandkids away from me."
"We want to take you to see your grandkids and your daughter. Will you come with us?"
"Aisha said I was too much of a disgrace to go and see my own daughter," Martha said and then lay back down.
"No, now, don't go to sleep on me, Ms. Carson." Johnson entered the apartment and helped Martha sit back up."Do you want to see Kenisha?"
At the mention of Kenisha's name, Martha began to cry. She wrapped her arms around herself and said, "I want to see my baby. But my baby don't want to see me."
"That's not true, Ms. Carson. Kenisha has asked for you. She very much wants to see you."
Martha looked up, hope creasing the corners of her eyes."She does?"
"Yes, she does. Now I'm going to go get my wife so she can help you get a change of clothes together. We're going to take you to our house so you can get some coffee and some sleep. We'll take you to Kenisha in the morning, okay?"
Martha nodded and then said, "Thank you."
Deidre came in and helped Martha pick out an outfit and underclothes to change into. Then they drove home.
Deidre fixed a pot of coffee while Loretta and Martha sat at the kitchen counter talking. The two women talked as if they had known each other for years, but Loretta had always had that effect on people. She firmly believed that loving-kindness drew people in. It didn't matter who the person was, Loretta loved them and treated them with kindness and respect.
When the coffee was ready, Loretta cut into one of the sweet potato pies and gave Martha a slice."This pie is good. The coffee ain't bad, either," Martha said.
"There's plenty more where that came from,
so just let us know when you need a refill," Deidre told her, because in truth she thought it would take at least three cups to get Martha on the road to being somewhat sober.
"Thanks. You all are good people. I can see why Kenisha wanted you to take care of the kids. I just hope I get to see them from time to time."
"Johnson and I aren't trying to take the kids away from you. We want them to remain connected with all of you. I think Kenisha would want that also," Deidre told the woman.
Martha shook her head."She don't want me around my grandkids. She thinks I drink too much. But I wasn't always like this." She lowered her head and started crying.
Deidre started to say something, but Loretta shook her head. She pushed the coffee cup in front of Martha and remained silent.
Martha drank the coffee and then said, "If it wasn't for that lowdown Jimmy Davis, I would have a better relationship with all of my kids. He owes me, but he never even said he was sorry." She took another sip of her coffee."But like I told Kevin, God will get him."
"Ms. Carson, I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, but why didn't you have him arrested?" Deidre asked.
"I thought about it," Martha said."But Angelina hadn't done nothing to nobody, and she needed child support. Jimmy wouldn't have been able to provide for Angelina if he was locked up."
Deidre opened her mouth to condemn the woman for being so selfish, but again Loretta admonished her to keep quiet.
Martha said, "I thought I did the right thing. But I haven't stopped drinking since that monster did those awful things to my baby. Kenisha thinks that I was drunk when it was happening to her, but that isn't true. I started having problems getting to sleep, so Jimmy gave me these sleeping pills. But I never imagined that he was pumping me with sleeping pills so that he could rape my children."
They talked for several hours. Once Deidre started yawning, Loretta suggested that her daughter go upstairs with her husband while the two grannies retired to the family room. Deidre brought pillows and comforters to them and then asked, "Are you sure you don't want to sleep upstairs in the kids' bedrooms?"
"We're fine down here. We'll probably watch some Christmas movies until we fall asleep," Loretta said.
"Okay, see you in the morning," Deidre said as she went back to her bedroom.
She woke Johnson up."I need to talk."
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he said, "What's up?"
"Before talking to Martha, I was condemning her as much as Kenisha does, but my heart goes out to Martha because I can see that she is in a lot of pain."
"From what you told me about their family situation, it sounds like Martha has a lot to be in pain about."
Deidre had only been looking at this from Kenisha's side. But Martha had to live with the knowledge that she was partly to blame for what happened to Kenisha and Kevin when they were children. Then she had to live through the murder of one of her children, and now she would have to stand by and watch Kenisha die. It's easy to judge, but much harder to walk in another person's shoes."I'm nervous about taking Martha to see Kenisha tomorrow. I don't want Kenisha to disrespect her mother. That's just going to take her ten steps back from where she needs to be. And I've been praying fervently that Kenisha would learn to forgive and accept Jesus into her heart."
"Kenisha wants to see her mother, right?"
"Yes. I am positive of that."
"Well, then, let's pray about that and ask God to mend this mother/daughter relationship. And maybe in the process, it will even help ease some of Martha's pain."
They held hands and bowed their heads in prayer, confident that God was faithful to do exceedingly and abundantly more than they could ever hope for.
33
Kenisha was visiting with Dynasty again. It was just the two of them, and they were having a good time, laughing and joking like old times. One of Dynasty's favorite songs came on the radio, and she got up and started dancing around the room. That girl loved to dance, and Kenisha wanted to sit there and watch her forever. But then Clyde burst into the room, barking orders and pulling Dynasty away from her.
Kenisha stood up and grabbed Dynasty's arm."Don't go with him, Dy. I'm afraid for you."
"I have to, sis. But stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault," Dynasty said as Clyde's grip tightened.
Kenisha wasn't ready to let go. So she tried to pull Dynasty back, but Clyde's grip was too strong. He pulled Dynasty away from her, and Kenisha stood watching as Dynasty waved good-bye to her. It was over, and she was not to blame for it, Kenisha finally realized as she watched Dynasty move farther and farther away from her. Clyde was to blame—him and him alone. From now on, Dynasty's death would be on his head. She wouldn't share the blame of it with him another day.
Kenisha heard her kids screaming at her to wake up. A simple thing for most people to do, but to reenter the world from her drug-induced state was getting harder and harder to do. However, today was Christmas, and Kenisha wouldn't miss sharing this day with her family for anything in the world. Slowly her eyes fluttered open, and she managed a weak smile.
"It's Christmas, Mommy! Here, open your present," Diamond said while shoving a box wrapped in shining green paper at Kenisha.
Aisha said, "Hold on, Diamond. Let me lift up your mother's bed so she can sit up and enjoy this day with the rest of us."
"Thank you," Kenisha said to Aisha as she raised her bed into a sitting position. To Kenisha, her voice sounded hollow.
Aisha smiled as a tear rolled down her face.
"Do I look that bad?" Kenisha asked, trying to lighten the mood.
"No, sis, I'm just glad to have you with us on Christmas."Aisha then added, "But I am getting ready to brush your hair. Good Lord, girl, it's all over your head."
Kenisha took the present from Diamond, but she could barely lift her arms to open it. Aisha came back to the bed with a comb and brush."Can you open this for me?" Kenisha asked her sister.
Kevin got up."I'll open your presents and show them to you while Aisha does your hair." He took the present out of Kenisha's hand, unwrapped it, and then held it up for all to see.
"A butterfly bracelet. How sweet," Kenisha said as she smiled at Diamond.
"Put it on, Mommy."
"Can you put it on my wrist, Kevin?" Kenisha asked.
"Sure thing, sis."
Kevin put the bracelet on Kenisha. She saw him look away from her as his eyes became glassy. He was trying to be strong for her, but Kenisha understood. It's hard to say good-bye. He would miss her, and although Kenisha wasn't sure what happened in eternity, she hoped that she would always remember her family.
Jamal came over to her bed."I got you something too, Mama."
"Thank you, baby."
Kevin opened the package and pulled out an angel figurine. The angel wore a pure white gown, and she had golden wings. Kenisha touched the angel, and let her fingers trace the length of the robe.
"I know you don't like church, Mama. But I still want you to go to heaven. And I figured this angel could help you get there," Jamal said as Kevin lifted him up so he could hug his mother.
She kissed her son on the cheek and held onto him as long as she could. As he backed away, Kenisha tried to hold on, but there was no way she could. To never see her babies again was worse than death. She wanted to beg him not to forget her. Diamond and Kennedy were so young that Kenisha didn't think they would remember much about her. But Jamal was different. He had spent more time with her than any of them. He would remember . . . please, God, let him remember.
"Look at this," Kenisha said as she wiped the tears from her face."Y'all got me crying. This is supposed to be a happy day. Don't give me any more presents. I want to watch everyone else open theirs. So go get 'em."
No sooner had Kenisha said the words than her children and Aisha's children started grabbing the presents from under the tree and acting like normal, greedy kids on Christmas morning. When they had opened all the presents, Deidre and Johnson walked into the room carrying a tra
sh bag full of more presents.
"Ho, ho, ho," Johnson said in his jolliest voice.
Kenisha watched as Deidre and Johnson were mobbed by the kids. The door to Kenisha's room opened again, and Loretta walked in. Then right behind her Kenisha saw Martha. Her eyes lit up like they hadn't since she was a child. She had wanted to see Martha so bad that Kenisha had been about to ask Aisha to go get her. She stretched out her arms, saying, "Mama!"
Martha ran into Kenisha's arms and hugged her. When they parted, she said, "You haven't called me Mama in a long, long time. I like the way that sounded coming off your lips."
Kenisha didn't smell alcohol on her mother's breath, and for that she was thankful. But whether she had been drunk or not, Kenisha would have wanted to see her. This was her mother, the only one she would ever have."I'm glad you came."
"Me too, baby." Martha started crying as she hugged Kenisha again."I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you. I wish I had been a better mother to you."
Kenisha put her finger against Martha's lips."Enough of that," she told Martha."I learned something while I've been lying in this bed dozing in and out. Plain and simple, I need to forgive myself for Dynasty, and you need to forgive yourself for what happened to me."
Martha shook her head as if to say she couldn't do it.
"Life is too short, Mama. I forgive you. Now, if you want to do something for me, then stop drinking and be there for my kids."
"I will, baby. I promise you," Martha said.
The day was beautiful. The children played with their toys while the grown-ups played board games. They all ate the food Deidre and Loretta had fixed. Then Jamal came over to her and whispered, "We're going to make you some snow angels." He left the room with Diamond and two of his cousins.
Kevin and Johnson helped Kenisha into a chair by the window so she could watch the children make their angels. She watched them lie down in the snow and then flap their arms to make the wings. When the children got up and ran back inside, Kenisha stared at those beautiful snow images of angels. She didn't know if her eyes were playing tricks on her or not, but the images glistened. She was captivated, because it felt as if those snow angels were trying to tell her something. And that's when she remembered that she had one more thing to do.
Long Time Coming Page 24
