But before going on he stopped, his hand in midair. Their eyes locked.
Suddenly Kat knew that what she wanted had nothing to do with a professional examination. And it had nothing to do with any remote worry that she might have contracted the virus.
She stood in front of Jack, vulnerable, exposed, and she didn’t know what to do next. She reached for him, ready to tell him that this whole idea was a mistake and that he didn’t have to continue with the examination. She stepped an inch closer to him, reaching for the hand that still hovered over her breast.
Before she knew what had happened she found herself enveloped in Jack’s arms. His mouth was covering hers, and she was kissing him back just as passionately. The scent of sun and salt water overtook her senses. His strong arms held her close to him, and then she was fumbling to reach under the soft gray T-shirt he slept in, which chafed enticingly against her bare breasts.
They broke for a moment as she lifted the shirt over his head, and then he kissed her again, and she lost herself in the feeling of her skin against his, his arms circling her.
He hoisted her onto the gurney and then climbed in himself. She lifted her hips so he could slide her pajama bottoms down and then off. A voice in her head cried out that this was what she had wanted—had, in fact, been looking for since he’d rescued her. There was no logic to it. There was only feeling: a solid, steady feeling that this was what she needed, this was the feeling she had been craving. This was living in the moment.
There had been no planning, no agonizing over the right decision, no making a pro versus con list and calculating her next step. She was completely caught up in the sensation of Jack—the roughness of his palms against her shoulders, her breasts; the strength of his chest and arms, the sweet-salt taste of his mouth crushed against her own.
Suddenly, they both froze. Someone was knocking on the door of the quarantine room.
“Kat?” Selena’s voice rang out. “Jack? Is it okay if I come in?”
They leapt away from one another.
“Just give us a second!” Kat called out.
Kat stuffed her legs into her pajama bottoms at a furious pace. She tried to fasten the buttons on her top, but kept matching the buttons with the wrong hole. Finally she gave up and settled for wrapping the top around herself and folding her arms tightly in front of her, hoping Selena wouldn’t see anything amiss.
Jack threw his shirt over his head and nodded at Kat. “C’mon in,” he called to Selena, once he and Kat had perched themselves casually on a gurney, looking for all the world as though they’d been enjoying a casual midnight game of cards.
Selena entered the room and took in the scene: rumpled sheets, and a breathless Kat and Jack sitting next to each other on the same gurney.
“Sorry to visit you two so late at night, but I thought you’d want to hear right away,” she said. “We’ve had a false alarm. The patient did not have the virus. It was just an ordinary case of shingles, which both of you will have been vaccinated against. So there’s no need for either of you to be in here any longer.”
“That’s great!” said Kat and Jack, both at once.
“I had a feeling you’d be glad to hear it,” Selena said. “I’m sure you’re both eager to get out of here.”
“Can’t wait,” said Kat.
“Neither can I,” said Jack. “I’m not sure either of us could have handled one more minute stuck in here.”
“Glad to be the bearer of good news,” said Selena, turning to leave. “Oh, by the way, Jack, your shirt is on inside out.”
CHAPTER FIVE
KAT FLOPPED HERSELF onto the sofa in Selena’s office and let out a groan of frustration. A week had passed since the night she and Jack had been quarantined together. They hadn’t seen much of each other since then, but when their paths had crossed they’d been friendly, polite, and professional with one another. There had been absolutely no discussion of their heated moment in the quarantine room.
As far as Kat could tell Jack seemed to want to pretend it had never happened. And if that was what he wanted, then she was happy to oblige.
Or so she told herself.
She might be able to stop herself from talking about that moment, but she couldn’t stop herself from thinking about it. The way his hands had felt on her back, her shoulders, her thighs. The way his scent had completely enveloped her...the way his arms had enfolded her so completely.
The way he’d slipped off her pajama bottoms seconds before Selena had knocked on the door.
She was mortified by her behavior. Jack had been completely cool and clinical while he examined her—until she’d thrown herself at him like some sort of sex-crazed maniac. Her cheeks burned at the memory. He’d been trying to maintain a professional atmosphere. She had been the one to completely misinterpret the situation.
It was true that as their kiss had continued he’d seemed just as caught up in the moment as she had been. He hadn’t objected when she’d removed his shirt, hadn’t hesitated to assist her in the removal of the rest of her own clothing. But that only meant that he’d been swept away by the moment—a moment she’d instigated. His actions didn’t mean that he’d shared the same feelings she’d had.
Kat agonized over what might have happened if Selena hadn’t made her appearance.
In that moment her whole body had been crying out for Jack.
How far would they have gone?
Would having sex with Jack have cleared away all that tension, or added to it?
Kat realized that all those questions simply left her head spinning. Once again she was overanalyzing everything—trying to solve her situation with Jack like a puzzle, rather than focusing on what was right in front of her.
And what was in front of her?
A pile of evidence indicating that, at best, she and Jack were friends and nothing more. Two people shut up with one another for any period of time with nothing to do were bound to get confused into thinking they were developing feelings for one another.
But Jack didn’t have any feelings for her that Kat could discern. She’d been practically naked in his hands and he’d been calm and collected, focusing on his examination of her skin. She was the one who had thrown herself at him. She hadn’t been able to help herself. The sensation of his hands on her skin, of her bare breasts against his chest, still left her feeling a little dizzy.
Fortunately she was already slumped on Selena’s couch, so dizziness wouldn’t be a problem.
She’d wanted to keep the details of her time in quarantine with Jack a secret, but it ached to come bursting out of her. She was desperate for someone to understand, and Selena was one of her oldest friends.
Still, unburdening herself would probably be a lot easier if Selena’s eyes weren’t glowing with so much excitement over the rim of her coffee cup.
“I knew I should have found you separate rooms.”
Despite her words, Kat caught Selena’s wry smile as she sipped her coffee.
“This is serious, Selena,” said Kat. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Why do you have to do anything?” asked Selena sensibly. “It sounds to me as though you like him. And, from what you describe, it sounds like he’s into you as well. Didn’t you say he asked you out on a date?”
“Not a date date. Not at all. Just a group thing...with friends.”
Selena made a face of disgust. “‘Group thing?’ What a cop-out. If he likes you, why doesn’t he just ask you out?”
“I’m not so sure he does like me,” said Kat. “That kiss could have meant anything. For all I know it was completely one-sided. He was a perfect gentleman when I asked him to examine me. He was completely professional about it. I was the one who made it awkward by practically throwing myself into his arms.”
Selena rolled her eyes. “Even if you were the one who started things, it sounds as th
ough he was pretty willing to go along with it. Maybe...and I know this is a crazy idea, but hear me out...just maybe, the two of you might try talking to each other about how you feel.”
“Oh, God,” said Kat. “That’s what I was afraid you were going to say. Selena, I can’t bring this up with him. I just can’t. What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”
“Now, there’s a good place to start. You say you’re worried he may not feel the same way...but, Kat, do you even know how you feel about Jack?”
Kat paused and thought for a moment. How did she feel about Jack?
“I guess...after Christopher... I thought I was ready to swear off relationships... Not forever, but for a long time. I don’t even know if I believe there’s such a thing as love anymore.”
Selena’s eyes bored into Kat’s skull. “Kat, I don’t believe that you don’t believe in love. I’ve known you for years, and that’s just not you. But I do believe that you’ve been hurt, and that you’re afraid of what could happen if you let yourself get involved with someone again.”
Kat sighed. “I wish there was some way to test the waters without the chance that either of us could get hurt.”
“Well, I guess you could just renounce love, cover your heart in armor, and never feel anything for anyone again. But that’s just not you.”
No, it wasn’t. Selena knew her well. She was lucky to have such a wise friend who could offer her sage, sensible advice in times of need.
“Then again,” Selena continued, with a gleam in her eye, “maybe there is a way you can find what you’re looking for without either of you getting hurt.”
Kat looked at Selena warily. “What are you suggesting?”
“I’m suggesting that if your feelings for Jack are purely on a physical level—if you truly don’t think either of you are ready for a relationship of any kind—then why don’t you just deal with those feelings?”
“Oh, come on, Selena!” said Kat. “Are you suggesting I just walk up to him and suggest that we...we just...?”
Selena raised her eyebrows. “Start doing the dirty deed? The hibbety-dibbety?”
Kat choked on her coffee. “Those are quite the colorful terms,” she sputtered. “And even if I were going to act on it, I wouldn’t know where to start. I don’t even know if he’s interested in me. Not in that way. If he was, wouldn’t he be seeking me out? We barely talk to one another.”
“You haven’t been seeking him out, either,” said Selena.
What if it was that simple?
What if Jack was just as eager as she was to finish what they’d started in quarantine, but didn’t know how to approach her?
He couldn’t possibly have any romantic feelings for her, but what if he was at least physically attracted to her?
They’d both said that neither of them believed in love...but what if there was a way to take emotion out of the equation?
She thought again of Jack’s suggestion that she needed a thrill. Well, there was more than one way to seek excitement...
An idea began to form in her mind. It was risky, of course. But the only potential negative consequence was that she might feel embarrassed. And since she’d already embarrassed herself as much as she possibly could in front of Jack, one more moment of humiliation wasn’t going to make much of a difference.
All she had to do was find him and pop the question.
* * *
Jack was having a hard time staying focused.
He was in one of the hospital supply closets, gathering up various medical supplies to restock the ambulance’s med kit, but he was finding it impossible to keep his mind on his work.
He kept taking the wrong items, or looking down and finding that he’d put too much of something in his box. Jack scowled at himself. He’d completely lost count of what he’d taken. Inventory was going to be pissed.
It had been like this for the past few days. He was able to focus just fine during emergency jobs. Just like always, when he was in the middle of an emergency he was at his peak performance. There was something about getting caught up completely in the moment and focusing on a medical emergency that allowed him to re-center himself, no matter what kind of emotional turmoil he might be going through.
But during the quieter times...when his mind had time to wander...it wandered straight back to Kat.
And specifically to that kiss.
He was completely mortified by his lack of professionalism. He’d been struggling to maintain a detached, clinical demeanor, and he’d utterly failed. Kat had been vulnerable and afraid and he’d taken advantage of her vulnerability. He couldn’t have felt worse.
But he also couldn’t keep his mind from returning to the way his hand had fit perfectly around her hip. To the softness of her skin. The way her hair had tickled his face when he’d buried his nose in it and inhaled the faintly tropical scent that wafted from her.
To make matters even worse, not only had he failed to hold himself to his professional standards...he’d liked kissing Kat. He’d felt...desire.
The plain fact was, he wanted more of Kat. And, try as he might to deny it, he knew deep down that he wasn’t going to stop thinking about her. His body burned to finish what they’d started.
But would Kat even want to talk to him after he’d let himself get so carried away? They’d known each other for a little over a month, and this was already the second time he’d been unprofessional with her in a medical setting.
And yet during their kiss he’d felt her hands clutching at him, sensed her body pressing against his. In the heat of that moment she had wanted him, too.
But did she still want him? Or had her reaction to him simply been a response to a tense, pressured moment? In either case, he didn’t know what to do.
More than anything, he wished he could call Matt. Even if his brother couldn’t solve the problem, he would at least listen and understand.
But for the past four years that he and Matt hadn’t been speaking Jack had had to work through his emotional problems on his own. He had lost his wingman and his confidant—the person he’d relied on most when it had come to figuring out his feelings.
His solution had been simply to avoid deep relationships, even non-romantic ones, and all the troublesome emotions that went along with them. But now that Kat was in the picture he wasn’t sure how well that strategy would work.
He had tried to give Kat plenty of space since their time in quarantine had ended. He didn’t want her to feel that he expected any more of her than she wanted to give. If she was interested in him, then she could make the next move. But he wouldn’t blame Kat if she never wanted to see him again.
Which was why he was completely surprised when he turned around with his supply box and saw her standing in front of him.
“Sorry,” she said. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”
She walked up to Jack and took the box from him, setting it on the floor.
“Well, this takes me back,” she said. “It’s been a couple weeks since we were in such close quarters together.”
Was she angry at him?
Her face bore the same resolute look, the same determined set of her lips, that he’d noticed while they’d been in quarantine. Whatever she wanted to talk to him about, he realized there was no avoiding it. Not when she looked like that.
“I’ve been thinking,” she said. “We’re both adults. And we’ve gotten to know each other quickly, in a pretty short amount of time, due to circumstances beyond our control. But, no matter how unusual those circumstances may have been, they don’t change the fact that we’re in this situation now.”
“And...what exactly is our situation?”
She took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking a lot about that moment in quarantine.”
He waited without breathing. He thought his heart might have stopped.
She wen
t on. “You know the moment I mean. When we...kissed.”
Her eyes flickered straight to his and he knew his heart hadn’t stopped after all. It was pounding jackhammer-hard.
“I don’t know about you,” she said, “but I’ve had a hard time not thinking about it. The kiss, I mean. And I know you said that you don’t believe in relationships. Neither do I. But in a way that makes us kind of ideal for one another right now.”
He wondered where this was going. “How so?” he said.
“Well,” she continued, looking nervous, but clearly determined to carry her point through, “anything involving emotions would probably be a terrible idea—for both of us. But then I started thinking that not every relationship has to involve emotions. Some relationships have a more...physical basis.”
He was suddenly very aware that without the supply box in his arms there was nothing between the two of them. He would barely have to reach out to slip an arm around her waist. Her nose was inches from his. It was very hard to think clearly with her standing so close.
“Emotions are complicated,” he agreed, his voice growing husky. “Are you suggesting that we try letting things get more...physical between us?”
She nodded, gazing up into his eyes. He noticed that the top of her head would fit perfectly underneath his chin if she were just a few inches closer.
“I was thinking that, since we seem to have some physical feelings for each other, we could deal with those feelings on a physical level. But no deeper emotions. No romance.”
It was exactly what he wanted—so why did he feel a surge of disappointment? Hadn’t he been trying to avoid his physical attraction to Kat precisely because he didn’t want to toy with her emotions or awaken any of his own?
He needed to be clear with her about who he was, to make sure she didn’t get hurt. “I don’t do hearts and flowers,” he said.
“Who the hell said anything about hearts and flowers?” she replied.
“I just want to be clear about who I am. And what you’re looking for.”
From Hawaii to Forever Page 9
