by Alyssia Leon
He thought this was funny? That he could do anything he liked and to hell with the consequences? Stepping closer, she poked him in the chest. “You know what you can do with that wretched box of yours, don’t you? You have no decency, Nathan.”
“And I suppose decency is keeping some poor sod hanging in the hope he’s in with a chance with you.”
“I would never do that to Bill. But you’re just determined to make me look like a fool in front of my friends, aren’t you?”
“If it gets the message across that you’re now involved with me, so you’re off limits, then yeah, I don’t have trouble doing anything.”
She gaped at the possessive tone in his voice. If she didn’t know better, she’d think he was jealous of Bill. But this was Nathan. What he actually meant was, he didn’t want any other man snooping around while he was shagging her. But after he’d finished with her? Well, that would be a different story, and she wasn’t naive enough to think otherwise.
She looked into his eyes. What she wouldn’t give to hear him say he wanted her, body, mind, and soul, to be his forever. A heavy weight settled on her heart as she admitted something to herself that she’d held at bay for a long time. She loved him. Always had. Perhaps even from the first day she’d set eyes on him as a shy ten year old. She couldn’t hide from it anymore. There would never be any other man for her but Nathan. How she would cope when he left her and returned to his life, she had no idea, but she would… somehow.
But right now, she couldn’t bear to see the pity in his eyes if he discovered her real feelings. She had to protect her heart from him at all cost. She squared her jaw. “We’re not involved, Nathan. We had sex, nothing more.”
Denial roared through Nathan. Sex? That’s what she called it? When every moment with her had left him shaken like nothing he’d experienced before.
The sudden need to hear her say she’d felt the same consumed him, and he took a step towards her, his lips twisting on a snarl. “It was more than just sex, and you know it.”
But her green eyes stayed locked on his and didn’t flinch. “No. Sex. Where you never even cared to use the type of protection you made such a show of buying today.”
Nathan blanched, her words hitting him like bricks. He’d had extra condoms with him all this time, but he hadn’t wanted to use them after the first time with her. He hadn’t wanted anything coming between them.
“Why, Nathan? Why didn’t you use protection with me?”
“Because you’re—” Mine. You’re mine, he’d been about to say, but a fear deep down had him bite back the word.
Aura looked stricken. “I’m what? I’m not worth the effort? I’m not worthy of the consideration you give your blonde lovers?”
He grabbed her arms and pulled her to him. She gasped, her eyes widening as she stared up at him, but it wasn’t fear that glowed in the bright green depths, just a deep sadness that tore at his heart. It took everything in him not to kiss her, to tell her she’d come to mean more to him than any woman before. But then what? He wouldn’t make promises he couldn’t keep.
He hardened his heart. “It takes two to tango, sweetheart. I didn’t hear you complaining about it.”
“No, I didn’t complain,” she said quietly. “But thank you for teaching me. Next time I have sex with a man, I’ll remember.”
He saw red, the thought of another man touching her tearing him up inside. “Then I’d better make sure you know exactly what sex is,” he growled, and swooping down, he captured her mouth in a hard kiss that throbbed with all his need and frustration.
Aura parted her lips and wound her arms around his neck, giving herself fully.
Rage radiated from him. His tongue plundered her mouth as his fingers dug into her hips and he pulled her closer. This almost animalistic kiss should have turned her off, instead she craved him so desperately that to her shame she was ready to take him this way too.
She pressed into him, but he suddenly broke the kiss.
“This is sex,” he gritted, his silver eyes dark like storm clouds, and in one move he ripped open her red buttoned blouse, sending the buttons pinging everywhere before stripping it from her body.
She gasped, her hands flying up to stop him, but his lips crashed down on hers in another all-consuming kiss as he made light work of snapping off her bra and discarding it.
Crowding her back against the kitchen counter, he dipped his head to capture one pebbled nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking until she was near crazy with need. She closed her eyes and threw her head back on a moan, cradling his head with both hands as she buried her fingers into his thick dark hair.
He swapped his attention to her other breast and cold air hit her thighs.
She snapped her head up. He’d unbuttoned her jeans and pushed them off along with her panties.
Releasing her breast, he lifted her by the waist and sat her on the kitchen counter. The smooth, hard surface was like ice against her sensitized skin, spearing through her fog of need. He unbuttoned his jeans, his mouth a grim line, and she stared at him.
“Nathan…” Her voice quivered.
He freed his thick erection from his boxers and without bothering to unbutton his shirt, grasped her thighs and spread her legs apart. “After this, you won’t even think of another man.” And grabbing her feet, he placed her heels up on the counter so she was fully exposed to him.
A mewl of protest left her lips, which quickly turned into a moan of pleasure when he dipped down and ran his tongue over her moistened sex. He caught her clit between his lips and sucked hard.
Electric waves shot through her, and with a shudder she leaned back, taking her weight on her hands behind her and surrendering to the delicious build-up of her orgasm.
But he pulled away then, and she looked up to meet his burning gaze. “No, Aura, you’ll come on me.”
She watched in a daze as he turned and grabbed the box of condoms he’d bought. He ripped it open, took one out and quickly sheathed himself. He was back with her before she’d even thought of moving, capturing her mouth in a fierce kiss as he positioned himself between her spread thighs, his shaft pressing against her slick folds.
One thrust and he was in her, his girth stretching her wide, and she gasped into his mouth at the fullness.
Pulling out to the tip, he plunged back in, setting a pace that increased with every stroke. He released her mouth, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging to him as he gripped her hips and raised her off the counter to pound into her.
His warm, rasping breath stroked her ear. “Come for me, baby.”
“Oh god… Nathan” She pressed into him, her breasts squashing against the hard muscles of his chest through his cotton shirt.
He angled her so her clit was bumping against him on every thrust, and that was all it took to send her careening off the edge of her climax in a shuddering heap, sobbing out his name.
With a shout, he thrust in to the hilt, his shaft pulsing inside her as his own release claimed him.
She still clung to him as their breaths steadied. But he’d placed her back on the counter, one hand on her hip, the other on the surface beside her, supporting his weight as he leaned into her, eyes closed, his forehead resting on her shoulder.
She turned her face and pressed a small kiss on to his hot sweat-slicked cheek. His eyes snapped open and he pulled back as if stung, and unwrapping her arms from around his neck, stepped away from her.
Her stomach clenched at the sudden cold loss of him, but she didn’t dare reach out. She slipped off the counter and bent to pick up her clothes from the floor as he discarded the condom and pulled up his boxers and jeans.
She straightened and sneaked a glance at him. His expression was grim and he was looking anywhere but at her as he buttoned his jeans.
She clasped her jeans and the remains of her red blouse protectively in front of her, and he looked at her then, anger flickering in his eyes. “I’ve work to do.” And with that he grabbed his ja
cket and glasses from the table and left.
Loss weighed like a rock inside her as he strode away, and her gaze fell on the colourful box of condoms. The cardboard was ripped open and several fuchsia-pink packets lay strewn around it.
That was her, used and discarded.
Angry hot tears gathered in her eyes, but she blinked them away. She was a big girl, and big girls didn’t cry. At least, not over men who didn’t want them.
What just happened between Nathan and her cut deep. It was like an ending underlining everything they’d shared. She should have seen it coming. After all, he’d never promised her anything.
She should walk away too if she had any pride left. But she had no pride when it came to her love for him, and the thought of never holding him again had her crumbling inside.
11
Nathan slammed his bedroom door shut, spun around and punched his fist square into it. Dull pain radiated through his hand, but it wasn’t enough to drown out the agony in him.
“Fuck!”
He closed his eyes and braced himself with both hands flat against the door.
How? How did she do it? How had she burrowed so deep into him?
He had to leave, or he’d end up hurting her more than he already had.
He straightened and ran a hand through his hair. A few days with Aura and he’d gone against all his principles. Wanting someone so much that they consumed your every waking hour gave them a shit-load of power over you, and in business and in relationships he’d always made sure to be the one calling the shots. But now here he was, acting crazy around her.
How had he got to this?
And what if she was pregnant?
The image of Aura, her belly swollen with his child, came to mind, and a strange thrill shot through him, the complete opposite of the horror he’d expected. The memory of playing with Jason brought a warmth to his heart. What if he had that for himself? A little family of his own, the way Andy had.
When he’d realized she’d never been with another man, something had flipped in him, and the need to make her only his had ridden him, destroying all common sense. But in his selfishness, he hadn’t given her a choice.
He shook his head. He should have taken better care of her.
No matter what he’d said to her just moments ago, he was the real culprit in all this. She was the innocent. And now he had a duty to look after her.
He thrust his hands into his jeans pockets, and going to the window, stood staring out. The darkening street outside was empty, but the row of grey stone townhouses opposite had lit windows that glowed a cosy yellow as people snuggled up indoors on the cold evening. He hadn’t switched on his room light, not yet ready to face his troubled emotions in the stark brightness.
He’d thought he’d bought those condoms to warn Bill off, but had it been more of a warning to himself? He always used protection during sex, yet with Aura he’d willingly taken a risk more times than he cared to count. Did he want her pregnant?
She’d make a loving mother. He knew that instinctively. Far better than his own had turned out to be. But was he prepared to marry her for that?
His shoulders slumped.
He’d always blamed Cathy for his parents’ divorce, but she’d taken him in when she’d thought he was hurt, and looked after him like a son. And Aura, she wasn’t the easy slut he’d always been happy to think of her as. In fact, she deserved a much better man than he could ever be. Someone like Bill, maybe.
He grimaced at the thought. But he had no right to stand in the way of her happiness. The likes of him had women such as Oksana.
It wasn’t as if he loved Oksana. He loved no one. But he’d got bored with the usual games women played, and having Oksana around had made things more predictable. Over the year they’d been together, they’d fallen into a comfortable routine. If he wanted her company, she’d travel out to meet him, no matter where he was in the world. And in return, as his star had risen, so had hers by association, and now she was something of a celebrity in her own right.
But not even once with Oksana had he felt this overwhelming urge to keep her by his side day and night. That was why when she’d begun to talk about marriage, he’d been able to walk away without a second thought.
No, he had no regrets about finishing with Oksana. He’d never looked to sleep around during their year together, but she’d never been short of male attention in the glitzy world she inhabited. It had never particularly bothered him who else she was seeing, as long as she kept it discrete. Maybe it had been his way of keeping that exit door open if he ever needed it.
But if he married Aura… he’d kill before he let another man come near her.
He closed his eyes on a groan.
There it was again. This possessiveness that grew with every passing day. Where the hell had it come from, and how the hell was he going to overcome it?
He opened his eyes and stared at the houses opposite. Maybe Oksana was the answer after all. She’d marry him in the blink of an eye. He only had to offer. And she certainly fit his lifestyle better than Aura did. She knew how this world of media, money, and pretence worked. But most of all, she had no hold on him. She could never hurt him.
Yes, that could be the way. If he was with Aura, his heart would forever be on the line and what if he eventually came to resent this hold she had on him? What if she left him?
She deserved someone who would love her unconditionally without fear of the future. Once he left, she’d eventually meet someone. Hell, with that Bill sniffing around, it may be sooner than later.
He gritted his teeth against the surge of possessiveness that nearly knocked him off his feet. Everything in him wanted to return to her right this minute. Hold her, and tell her…
Tell her what? That he couldn’t think straight around her but he was incapable of offering more. No doubt she hated him for everything he’d done so far. Wasn’t it best to remain the bad guy he was in her eyes and leave now?
* * *
Aura went through the motions of preparing lemon risotto for dinner, her thoughts miles from the stove and the saucepan on top of it.
For years, Nathan had been her reason to avoid other men, even if she’d never fully admitted that to herself. But now, having been with him, would she ever recover?
He hurt her, never physically, but deep in her soul, yet she couldn’t bring herself to stay away from him. It was as if life had no spark if he wasn’t around. Maybe if she hadn’t picked a fight about those wretched condoms… but she’d been angry. Why try and scare off Bill when Nathan had nothing to offer long-term? She’d taken his show of jealousy as something else, and she’d wanted him to admit feeling more for her. Well, that had backfired spectacularly.
And now all she had was an aching emptiness inside.
She had to try. For her own sake at least. She wanted the Nathan who smiled at her, the Nathan who made sweet dizzying love to her. She wanted that man back.
She had to try.
She spent the next half hour making their dinner. Lemon risotto topped with parmesan and roasted shrimp accompanied by a balsamic sweet potato and cherry tomato salad.
Nathan had chosen a white wine—a Prosecco he’d sworn was delicious when she’d mentioned she was planning to cook risotto. She took the bottle and carefully placed it with everything else on the kitchen table.
She’d changed into loose cotton trousers and a pink vest top, and nervously wiping her sweaty hands on the flowing cotton of her trousers, she headed up the stairs.
His bedroom door was slightly ajar, and she paused outside.
It sounded like he was talking to someone, but it was nearly seven o’clock in the evening, so it couldn’t be someone from his office.
“My mother or not, if she leaks details to the press, then she’d better get ready for the consequences.”
She frowned. He was talking about Vivienne. From what she’d heard Mum say, Vivienne had never been much of a mother to Nathan. Aura’s heart went out t
o him. Her own mother had always been her rock, but Nathan had never experienced that sort of love. What had Vivienne done to make him sound this furious?
Gathering her courage, she knocked once and without waiting for his answer, pushed the door open and stepped into the room.
He turned from where he’d been facing the dimly illuminated window, and even in the unlit room the deep frown on his brow was clear. He straightened, his phone still at his ear as he raised an inquisitive chin at her.
“I made dinner…”
He shook his head, his frown deepening, before running an agitated hand through his messy hair and turning away from her.
She stared at his broad back for a moment. Shut out. She wanted to go to him, smooth his tousled dark hair, and insist he rest and eat something. But he’d given her no right to do such a thing in his life.
He leaned against the side of the window then, one hand supporting his head. The painkillers! She’d forgotten about them. He must still be getting headaches.
She left the room, pulling the door ajar after her, leaving it exactly as she’d found it. She may not be able to touch him as she wanted, but she could still make sure he was okay.
Back in the kitchen, she placed the food she’d prepared in the oven to keep warm. She’d eat if and when he ate. And then picking up the box of tablets and a glass of cold water, she took them upstairs.
When she reached his bedroom, the door was now firmly closed. The message was loud and clear. He expected her to leave him alone. A heavy sadness crushed her, but she placed the tablets and glass of water on the cream carpet in front of his door.
She missed her mother right now. She needed someone to hold her. And in search of comfort, she wandered into her mother’s bedroom next door, where she flipped on the light switch, illuminating the clearly feminine room with its pink and cream decor and ruffle-edged furniture.
Going to the wide dressing table, she opened the bottom drawer and took out a large, leather-bound photo album. She carried it over to the double bed, and kicking off her slippers settled on the flower-print quilt with the album in her lap.
