Southern Love

by Synithia Williams

  Kenyatta looked down because she couldn’t meet his gaze. He always acted as if her love wasn’t as strong or sincere as his. And because she knew that to be true, she felt guilty.

  “I’m sorry, Brad,” she reached up to and took his hands in hers. “I didn’t mean to make you feel as if you aren’t important, or that I’d make big decisions without talking with you. I know marriage is a compromise, and you’ve already shown you are willing to try.” She looked him in the eye. “I promise to remember that.”

  Brad smiled before pulling her into his arms for a kiss. Kenyatta stiffened for a second then forced herself to relax. She tried to enjoy his lips on hers and feel some sort of pleasure, but she didn’t. Although it was obvious they wouldn’t share the passion she had with Malcolm, she reminded herself how that kind of passion didn’t last. The foundation she had with Brad would.

  When he pulled away, she forced a smile. “Are you ready?”

  “Yes, let’s go before I take you upstairs and say to hell with Michael and Joi,” he said then kissed her again.

  Kenyatta chose not to respond and hoped by the end of the night she could think of a reason why he shouldn’t stay over.

  On the way to the restaurant, Brad told her about a conversation he’d had with his parents about the wedding. To her surprise, they were ready to set a date and reserve the club. She listened, but said very little. She counted her blessings that he didn’t mention her lack of commentary.

  As they got closer to the restaurant, Brad called Michael to see if they were there. They weren’t, but since a line was already forming, Kenyatta got out of the car to put their names on the waiting list while Brad found a parking space.

  After checking in with the hostess, Kenyatta turned around and bumped directly into Malcolm. All the air left her lungs when he touched her. He was wearing a tan blazer over a white shirt, which clung to his broad shoulders. She thought her heart would pound out of her chest when she smelled his spicy cologne; instead, her nipples puckered with remembrance.

  He’d put his hands on her arms to steady her when she’d bumped into him, and the heat from his hands fueled the fire burning within her. She quickly stepped back, and his hands fell away. She could still feel his touch on her arms. She immediately wanted him to touch her again before she reminded herself that he only wanted one thing.

  “Excuse me, I didn’t see you there.” She tried to walk away, but he stopped her by putting his hand on her arm again.

  “No harm done. I’m actually glad to see you.” The sound of his voice flowed over her like molten caramel. Feeling the familiar heat between her legs, she clenched the muscles of her sex to stem the flow of her desire.

  “There’s nothing we need to say to each other.” She again tried to walk away, but he increased the pressure on her arms to stop her. He looked around before moving her to the side of the entrance, out of the way of other patrons.

  “I want to apologize for the way I treated you this week. What happened in Florida — what almost happened in Florida — and the next day was crazy, but it wasn’t bad enough for me to treat you so rudely. You especially didn’t deserve what happened yesterday.”

  “No, I didn’t.”

  He shifted from foot to foot before continuing. “I was jealous of you and Brad and lashed out.” He stopped shifting and looked into her eyes. “If I could go back, I wouldn’t have stopped that night in Florida.”

  Heat crept up her face as she stared into his eyes. He seemed sincere, but it could be yet another way for him to humiliate her. “Why would you be jealous?”

  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and shifted slightly. His apparent unease calmed her. Malcolm was never uneasy.

  “Because I’ve spent the past three years acting as if I didn’t care about you. You are the smartest, most determined and beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I’ve told myself I shouldn’t care, because you work for me. I’ve sat by and watched you but never let on that I wanted you.”

  Although excitement bubbled in her heart, she crossed her arms defensively. “Why? Why are you saying this now?”

  “Because … I’m tired of fighting myself. I’m tired of pretending as if it doesn’t bother me to see you with someone else. I could have continued to ignore it, but I think you feel the same.”

  She shook her head. “Malcolm, I can’t do this. I can’t risk being hurt.”

  He stepped closer and lowered his voice. “I don’t want to hurt you. I only want to be with you. I know I have no right to ask, but don’t marry him. Please. Give me a chance. Let’s see where this can go.”

  Kenyatta stared into his mahogany eyes and felt her resolve melting. His eyes were anxious, as if he were risking as much as she. A multitude of emotions went through her — anger at his timing, happiness that he wanted her, confusion over what the right choice should be. Could there truly be something between them? Was she willing to take a chance and see where it led? Or was this a ploy — another way to tease and torment her?

  Overwhelmed, she stepped back. She cleared her throat and said the first thing that came to mind. “Brad is parking the car. We’re meeting friends for dinner.”

  His jaw clenched, but he nodded before replying, “I’m here with my family.” Kenyatta smiled tightly. “That’s nice.” She scanned the crowd. “Where are they?”

  “In the restroom, but they should be out in a minute.” He looked toward the door, then back at her. “We’re actually leaving. I planned to apologize at work, but when I saw you, I had to talk to you.”

  “Why?” she asked softly.

  “I had to tell you how I feel before I lost my nerve.” He looked in her eyes. “I don’t want to pretend like I don’t want you, like I don’t think of you all the time … when every day I have to fight myself to keep from telling you. I want to find out what’s between us, and I think you do, too.”

  Before she could reply, Brad walked in the restaurant with Michael and Joi. Kenyatta quickly masked her thoughts and smiled at the trio. As she waved them over, Malcolm’s words played in her head over and over. “Don’t marry him. Please. Give me a chance. Let’s see where this can go.”

  Brad put his arm around Kenyatta’s waist and pulled her close. “Well, Malcolm, it seems you’re always around.”

  “Just in the right place at the right time. I’m here with my family and came over to say hello before we left.” He turned as a woman came out of the restroom and joined a man by the door. Kenyatta recognized his mother from the pictures in his office and his brother from the few times he came to the office.

  “There they are now.” He turned back to Kenyatta. “It was good seeing you. I’ll talk with you on Monday. Brad,” he said curtly as he turned and left.

  “Copeland, table for four,” the hostess called out.

  Kenyatta took a few deep breaths before smiling weakly at the others. “That’s us.”

  “Great, because I’m starving,” Michael said.

  “Me, too,” Joi agreed.

  Brad winked at Kenyatta. “So am I, but not for the food on the menu.”

  Michael grinned. “Save that for later, man.”

  “My sentiments exactly,” Brad said and kissed Kenyatta’s neck.

  “Brad, please, not right now.” She pushed him away. Resentment flashed in his eyes before he hid it with an impassive look. She knew she was wrong, but Malcolm’s words had filled her head. She needed a few minutes to recover before she could put on her usual facade.

  “I was teasing, but I see you’re not in a teasing mood.” He turned to follow the hostess.

  She hesitated. “Go to the table. I need to use the restroom.” She hurried across the room and burst into the restroom. Inside she took a few breaths to calm her heart.

  If he could go back, he wouldn’t have stopped. He’d actually asked her not to
marry Brad. Had he meant that? If so, what did that mean? Should she even consider it? Yes! her heart cried out. No! her mind countered.

  She walked over to the sinks, wet a paper towel and pressed it against her face. After a few minutes, her heart finally slowed to its normal beat and she could breathe again. She’d have to figure this out later, otherwise she’d never get through dinner. But how in the hell was she supposed to concentrate on Brad now? Her heart beat sped up again, and she rushed out of the bathroom before she began analyzing everything again.

  When she exited she almost ran into someone. “Excuse me.”

  “Kenyatta?”

  She looked up and met the gaze of a young girl in her late teens or early twenties. She didn’t recognize her but from the startled look on her face it was obvious the girl knew her.

  “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

  The girl glanced around and pulled on the collar of her shirt. There were faint bruises around her neck. When a young boy walked up and touched her arm, she jumped. The eyes she turned back on Kenyatta were filled with fear. “No, I thought you were someone else.”

  She pulled on the boy’s hand. “Let’s go somewhere else. I don’t want to eat here.”

  Kenyatta frowned as she watched them leave. The girl kept her head down the entire way. She was still frowning when she joined Brad, Michael and Joi at the table.

  “What’s wrong?” Brad asked.

  She shook her head. “Nothing. I almost ran into this girl leaving the bathroom and she knew my name.”

  Joi raised an eyebrow. “Do you know her?”

  “I’ve never seen her before in my life. She left with some boy.”

  Brad straightened. “A boy.”

  She nodded. “Yeah, but it doesn’t matter.” She picked up her menu. “Let’s order.” So I can get the hell out of here, she thought.

  Brad frowned and pulled out his phone and started texting. She couldn’t even muster up the curiosity to care to whom. Her heart and mind continued to fight over how to handle Malcolm’s request.

  Chapter 22

  Monday brought a welcome end to Kenyatta’s agonizing weekend. The dinner with Michael and Joi had been a disaster. Unable to get Malcolm out of her mind, Kenyatta barely kept up with the conversation. And Brad spent most of the night checking his phone and scowling. For the first time, Michael and Joi didn’t ask them to come over after dinner, and Kenyatta was thankful.

  She’d been even more thankful when Brad didn’t pick up where he’d started before their date. Instead, he’d dropped her off with barely a kiss on the cheek before leaving. She’d only given his distraction a passing thought. Instead, she spent the night replaying Malcolm’s words. “If I could go back, I wouldn’t have stopped.” “I have no right to ask, but don’t marry him.” By the time Sunday rolled around, they were stuck in her subconscious like a bad radio jingle.

  She couldn’t stop wondering. Why wouldn’t he have stopped? Why did he ask her not to marry Brad? The questions were driving her crazy.

  Malcolm drew her ever since she’d walked through the doors of H20 Environmental. She’d tried to ignore her feelings, but never could. The only way she’d managed to restrain herself was by admitting the feelings were one-sided. But now that she knew it wasn’t, she was nearly overcome with anticipation, happiness and desire.

  She’d come to two conclusions. One, she was going to take the job with Jeremy. It was too great an opportunity to pass up, and even though Brad said he supported her decision, she knew he would only pressure her to quit sooner rather than later. Two, she had to find out what, if anything, was between her and Malcolm. Maybe it was stupid, but she had to know. She couldn’t marry Brad until she did.

  As she settled behind her desk, the first person in her office was Jeremy who quickly entered and shut the door behind him.

  “Well, have you thought about my offer?”

  Kenyatta took a deep breath before answering. “I have. You have to realize this is a huge decision that requires time to consider. I would be leaving a promising future here to walk out on a limb with you.”

  He shrugged. “I know that, but like I’ve already told you, you’re like me, even if you don’t want to admit it. You want the challenge of something new. What we do here is great, but we’re not calling the shots or making the big decisions, and I know that secretly you’re waiting for someone to retire so that you can move up.”

  Kenyatta tried to suppress a smile. “I know, but that still doesn’t mean I’m ready to jump ship.”

  “Does that mean you’re staying here? This is my last week here, and I’d like to have you go with me,” he said.

  “I can’t go with you.” She held up her hand to stop him from interrupting. “At least not this week. I have to give Malcolm two weeks’ notice. I do owe him that much.”

  Jeremy slapped his hand on her desk and grinned. “I knew you couldn’t resist the opportunity. This is one of the best career decisions either of us could make. Once we make the Columbia branch a success, we’ll have the pick of any job out there.”

  “I know.” She sighed as her smile turned to a frown. “I just hope that everything works out.”

  “Are you really that worried the company won’t make it?”

  She shook her head. “No, it’s not that. They’re a trusted firm, and they need the southeast branch. It’s just that once I take this job, Brad and I are pretty much history.”

  His face became somber. “I had no idea, Kenyatta. I wouldn’t have pushed so hard if I knew it would break up your relationship.”

  “You’re not breaking us up. My success has always been a problem. He said he supports my decision to take the job, but I doubt he’ll follow through with that support once he knows my decision’s final. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea of it.”

  “Well, if he doesn’t recognize your talents, then to hell with him. I mean it. Life is too short to be with someone who kills your dreams.”

  Both surprised and comforted by his outburst she smiled. “Thanks, Jeremy.”

  He shrugged and waved a hand. “So, when are you turning in your resignation?”

  “After I sit down and talk with Malcolm. I don’t want to just lay it on his desk. He’s been a great boss, and I want to tell him in person.”

  “I understand. Just make it by Friday. I need you working with me by the end of the month.”

  She smiled. “Already cracking the whip. I see we’re going to have an interesting working relationship.”

  “As if we don’t already,” he said wryly as he walked out.

  Kenyatta was still smiling when Malcolm walked in. It was the first time he’d been in her office since Orlando, and as she drank in the sight of him in his navy blue suit. The familiar pull he had on her was there — only now that she knew he felt the same, she no longer wanted to hide her attraction. She smiled at him openly … happily.

  “Good morning,” was all he said.

  “Good morning,” she responded and held her breath. Her resignation was sitting in her portfolio on her desk, but from the look in Malcolm’s eyes, she knew he wasn’t there to discuss work. His eyes, usually calm and impassive, were anxious, unusual for someone as collected as he always was.

  “Is something wrong?” she asked.

  “No … I just wanted to ask about your weekend.”

  “It was okay. How about yours?”

  “Fine, same here.”

  They fell into an awkward silence as if they both knew their relationship would change dramatically with just a few words. She yearned for the change, but fear kept her from speaking. She could still end up getting hurt. She wasn’t sure about trusting her heart again.

  Malcolm finally broke the silence. “I’ve been thinking about you all weekend.” His words exhaled from him like a long, pent-up
sigh.

  Kenyatta’s heartbeat quickened, and a shiver went down her spine. The ball was in her court. She could act as if his words on Saturday were meaningless, or she could admit she’d spent her weekend thinking about him, too.

  She considered the risk of admitting her feelings. The pain of past betrayals still weighed her down, but she was tired of carrying the load. It was time to free herself of it; it was time to step out on faith and pray she didn’t get burned.

  She looked up into his anxious eyes, and just like she had on Saturday, she was calmed. If he was as afraid to reveal his feelings as she, it had to mean something.

  “I thought about you all weekend, too. I couldn’t get your words out of my head,” she said.

  He sighed and visibly relaxed. “I meant every word, Kenyatta.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything before?”

  “I’ve wanted you since the first day you walked into my office. I remember it like it just happened. You were wearing that silky green shirt and white skirt. Your hair pulled back in a ponytail, and you wore perfume that smelled like lavender. I was lost within seconds. But you were my employee — my young, sexy employee. How would it have looked for me to jump on the first young woman who worked for me? I know what it’s like for coworkers to brand me as a playboy, and you would have been called a slut. I couldn’t do that. I’d already come too close to ruining my career before — with Tangy. I couldn’t risk ruining your reputation, or your career, by pursuing you,” he explained.

  Kenyatta was speechless. He remembered their first meeting with such detail. She smiled sheepishly. She, too, remembered what he’d looked like that day — he’d been working on a difficult project and, when they were introduced, he wasn’t wearing his jacket or tie. The first few buttons of his shirt were undone, and she’d been distracted by the sprinkling of hair on his chest. In order to hide her reaction, she’d asked about the project, and they’d spent the rest of the day discussing it.